You did it, BL&A+Joe. You made it. Congratulations.
Here's another random compilation of TMI group texts. You're welcome.
Disclaimer: I don't own the Mortal Instruments, I just have funny conversations and Brohomie happens…
Isabelle: Guys, Clary is telling me I'm going to die because I can't swim.
Clary: YOU ARE.
Isabelle: I DON'T LIVE NEAR WATER, CLARY. If there's a giant tsunami or some shit, I'd die anyways.
Clary: You do live near water!
Isabelle: It's miles away! I'm not going to fall into the ocean!
Clary: Yes you are.
Isabelle: I'm really not.
Clary: You are!
Simon: Laughing at this whole conversation about bodies of water and dying right now. It's hilarious.
Isabelle: I AM NOT. I live way up here on high ground. I will not fall into water and die.
Clary: YOU WILL DROWN.
Isabelle: You're going to feel like shit if that's how I die…
Clary: I'll probably just laugh and be like "Told you so."
Isabelle: You are a shitty friend.
Alec: This conversation is my life.
Isabelle: I hate you guys.
Jace: Magnus, where the hell are you?
Isabelle: The movie starts in ten minutes.
Magnus: Alec is taking his sweet ass time.
Alec: Magnus!
Magnus: Emphasis on the sweet ass.
Jace: Safe!
Jace: Jordan Kyle just offered to "spoon me like an armadillo."
Clary: Say yes, and let me watch.
Jace: I'm pretty sure he was serious.
Isabelle: You can't take Jordan seriously, just as a general life rule.
Magnus: I have done cocaine out of Jordan's belly button. I take him very seriously.
*Simon Lewis has added Jordan Kyle to the conversation*
Simon: Hi Jordan!
Jordan: Hey guys!
Jordan: Jace, have you considered my offer?
Clary: He accepts!
Jace: Clary!
Clary: I get to watch.
Jordan: That's reasonable.
Jace: Why would you do this to me, Clary…
Jordan: Clary, I'll pick you up in half an hour and we'll head to Jace's house together.
Clary: Carpool. Going green. I like it.
Jace: You're evil.
Jace: They really just showed up at my house. I locked the door.
Clary: I have a key.
Magnus: Clary, take pictures for us.
Simon: Spoon him extra hard on my behalf, Jordan.
Izzy: Simon…
Simon: That sounded gay.
Clary: I loved it.
Simon: No homo…
Magnus: Full homo.
Jordan: Yes homo. Also, Jace is hiding from me.
Clary: Come out, Jaaaaace…
Jace: Never.
Jordan: But I miss your body.
Jace: LEAVE.
Clary: We just want to cuddle…
Jordan: I have a boner.
Jace: Kill me. It's time.
Jordan: Killin' you with dis dick.
Alec: Oh my God.
Clary: *fans self*
Jace: NO.
Clary: He's hiding in the bathroom. Probably doing his hair.
Jace: He really spooned me. I'm ready to die.
Clary: I'm sending the pictures.
Jace: DELETE THEM.
Clary: NEVER.
Alec: You guys messaged all night. It was 4 in the morning!
Magnus: Hahahaha
Alec: 4!
Clary: Can't you silence your phone?
Alec: I did…
Magnus: I didn't. He's here. In my bed. Naked.
Alec: -.-
Magnus: Silence is for losers.
Alec: Do you see how he treats me?
Jace: Sorry we woke you up. I owe you.
Alec: I'll forgive you when I have had caffeine.
Simon: I would give you mine, but… I'm across town.
Alec: BRING IT TO ME.
Izzy: This conversation is making my morning. Hi Alec!
Simon: I'm going to send it in the mail, so he can forgive me.
Alec: Plz do.
Alec: It's the only way to earn my forgiveness.
Simon: I can't live peacefully until I do.
Jordan: Hah, Alec.
Simon: I woke him up.
Alec: At 4!
Jordan: 4 AM? Party foul.
Clary: Alec, don't say "plz." You sound like a 13 year old girl.
Jace: Hahahahaha. It's great.
Clary: Also, I'm sorry that you're the only one sleeping at 4 in the morning. Loser.
Jordan: We were bonding!
Alec: We live in darkness and night.
Jace: My phone keeps changing Alec to Phallic, when I try to use the voice thing that listens to you and types out what you said.
Izzy: Mine too!
Alec: What?
Alec: Alec.
Alec: Alec.
Alec: Alec.
Alec: Works fine.
Izzy: Our phones must know something we don't…
Alec: t(-.-)/
Jace: It's because he's a penis.
Izzy: I'm at the doctor's office, waiting to go in. And I'm so thankful that I am alone, because I can't stop laughing.
Izzy: Alec is phallic.
Alec: The nurse is like "Oh boy, another crazy one."
Magnus: Shhhhhh.
Alec: Magnus beats me.
Izzy: I'm just going to sit back and watch.
Alec: 119 llac
Alec: Read it backwards. It's in code.
Alec: He's hurting me.
Izzy: Hahahahaha.
Simon: No one will help you.
Jace: That's true.
Clary: We stick by Magnus's side.
Jordan: Closer than bothers.
Alec: HE HAS A KNIFE.
Magnus: I really do.
Izzy: Jesus. Haha
Jordan: This is life.
Magnus: I'm enjoying myself.
Izzy: I'm glad you are.
Simon: I'M enjoying myself. I should have popcorn. This is so entertaining.
Magnus: Alec is laughing at me because I said it's the middle of the night.
Alec: It's 8 AM!
Jace: Magnus has a knife? Yeah, I mean, he cut someone once.
Magnus: I did cut a bitch.
Magnus: He cried and bled.
Alec: Magnus is trying very hard to tell you guys embarrassing things about me, but I took his phone.
Izzy: Tell us, Magnus!
Alec: He went back to sleep.
Simon: You guys.
Clary: Yes?
Simon: You know when you're sleeping…
Simon: And you lay on your arm
Simon: And you wake up and it's completely numb.
Simon: And you're like
Simon: "Where is my arm?"
Clary: I know it all too well.
Izzy: Max just got so excited that Gnomeo and Juliet were alive that he did a happy dance, yelled "Yay!" and hugged me.
Alec: Oh my God, Max.
Izzy: He's great.
Jace: It's the little things in life that matter. –Max
Jace: A direct quote.
Izzy: I'm sure he said that.
Jace: He told me this as a comfort, because I was very sad that I haven't heard from my lover, Jordan, in a while…
Clary: And you talked to Max about it? XD
Jace: I did.
Jace: Because Alec kept blowing me off? Yes, that sounds right…
Izzy: The first time we talked Clary asked me for nudes, and that's when I knew: Best friends…
Clary: She sent the nudes though.
Izzy: Well, we are best friends… So yeah, it happened.
Izzy: Because you tricked me into it, just like you tricked Jace out of his virginity. Sex brain…
Clary: I can't help myself.
I have too much fun. Thanks to the Brown Lesbians and Doofus for the inspiration (And by inspiration, I mean that I just altered our real conversations a little to fit here, because it was DeathCabForMari's goal in life to be in Brohomie, and here she is, talking about nudes and abuse and Max's love for Gnomeo and Juliet.)
All the love to my Parabatai, DeathCabForMari.
My beta, rippingbutterflywings (who I didn't send this to, oops)
My homegirl, spikeyhairgood.
And my best friend, Doofus/Joe the Hoe/the Brown One… Who will never see this, because stay away from my fanfiction if I know you in real life...
-IWriteNaked