A/N: As per usual, I own nothing, all characters and the Ricky Gervais show belong to their rightful owners. I apologise for the long wait (even though barely anyone reads this) but I hope you enjoy it!
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Barrel: Uh, where's that annoying narrator that Shock hates?
Lock: Oh yeah, bad news. Because of a lack of pay, even though the contract says its free work, the narrator quit and he might sue us, whatever that means.
Shock: What?! I'm gonna beat the crap outta him! Why, I oughta- *unintelligible shouting and cursing*
Barrel: Shock, what are you doing? I don't this this call for a crossbow and a broom. And... dynamite.
Shock: I'm gonna go hunt down that Narrator. Now I'm off on a scouting mission. Don't die, and if you do, do it quietly and don't make a mess.
Barrel: Did she just quit?
Lock: Nah, she'll be back. We're raking in like $2 an episode, she ain't going to miss out on the riches I'm providing us with.
Barrel: That is until we get our funding pulled.
Lock: Huh? What?
Barrel: Nothing...
Lock: Okay... anyway, welcome to the Awesome Lock Show, with the truly greatest person of all time, Lock, and... Barrel.
Barrel: Yeah, Shock isn't here this time. I think she's gone crazy.
Lock: Shut up and entertain me as best you can. We might get $3 this week, so you better think up some quality stuff.
Barrel: Uh, ok... So, you know the other week when I came up with like a different idea of how the humans can sort of make the world run?
Lock: Could we just have a quick recap of that? I seem to remember it was a load of old arse. It was ridiculous.
Barrel: Was not.
Lock: It was. So, um... you were saying that the world is overpopulated. So the system would be... what, people were living too long and stuff?
Barrel: Right. So what happens is, humans live till 78-
Lock: I have no idea how you can enforce that.
Barrel: -But when they die, they've got a human spawn in their stomach, kinda like a seed in an apple That then carries on when they die. What do you think?
Lock: ...
Barrel: So?
Lock: That wasn't a theory. That wasn't an idea. That was the ramblings of a mental case.
Barrel: You're saying it's stupid, but someone's letter said, "oh, yeah, that's pretty good." Just saying.
Lock: No they didn't. Anyway, go on. It won't work and it's stupid like you, but go on.
Barrel: What about If we do it the other way, right?
Lock: No! Oh my- oh, Barrel... you can't go around changing up human organs!
Barrel: Caitlyn Jenner changed hers.
Lock: Not the same kind of organ changing. We're talking about completely different things. You're talking about reprogramming the life cycle of a entire species, then referencing Caitlyn Jenner's gender change. You're an idiot.
Barrel: Anyway, you're missing my point. Wanna hear it?
Lock: Sure, unfortunately I have nothing else to do.
Barrel: Ok, so if somehow-
Lock: Somehow, haven't even thought it through. Moron.
Barrel: -we can inject something in a body that's just died, right? Listen to this. So, we got this formul- formala- medicine thingy.
Lock: Right...
Barrel: So you inject it in the temple-
Lock: So you know what the temple is but not how to say "formula"?
Barrel: So you inject it in this human corpse.
Lock: Then what happens?
Barrel: She wakes up.
Lock: Riveting storytelling there.
Barrel: And she works the other way. So she might be 77 and then she'll have a birthday, she's 76. And she's working that way, if you know what I mean.
Lock: Okay.
Barrel: Are you with me? Because you look confused.
Lock: I'm scared. I'm really scared. This is the maddest thing you've ever said. This is madder than the time you made a theory that sharks could use their fins to fly. You scare me sometimes, I fear for your intelligence.
Barrel: The shark thing might've worked...
Lock: This is- this- No, it wouldn't work. It worked in your head, moron. It's like a dream that you wake up and go "I've got a great theory".
Barrel: Let me just tell you the ending, the ending works out a bit better-
Shock: I'm back! I got us some squirrels!
Lock: I never thought I'd be happy to see your ugly face!
*static*
Barrel: This is Barrel, speaking with the last surviving microphone. Shock has begun to attack Lock, please, if you're hearing this, send help... and a bag of candy. And... and some waffles.
Crappy as per usual, but this is my current contribution to society.
