A/N: Wow, sorry for the long break! I sort of forgot about this series for awhile, but I'm back! From now on, this will not be following the Ricky Gervais show, instead it will be the insane ramblings of Yours Truly through the trio lol.
I'd like to take a moment to clarify that this is set when the trio is in their early to mid teens, just because I don't think their mannerisms and discussions would suit them at their canon ages XD some swearing in this chapter, but hope you enjoy!
Chapter 4: Barrel's Cat
Lock: Shock, please come out of the war room and come do the show!
Shock: ...but I gotta go kill our old narrator! There can't be any survivors!
Lock: Well we won't be survivors either if you don't come and talk this week!
Barrel: I fear for my safety around you two.
Lock: Shut up.
Shock: Fine. But I'm making an attack tonight.
Lock: I don't care. I've got a complaint against Barrel.
Barrel: Me!? What did I do?
Lock: Not you, your bloody cat!
Barrel: What's wrong with my cat?
Shock: He hates the cat, Barrel. I forgot you don't understand subtlety..
Barrel: Why does he hate my cat? My cat's cool!
Lock: Ok yeah, the cat's kind of cool, but whenever I walk in the room it goes straight for my crotch with it's claws!
Shock: Why would anyone want to go near your crotch? Barrel, you have a weird cat.
Lock: It's like you in that aspect.
Barrel: What? My cat's not weird, he just hates you.
Lock: Exactly, he's weird! Who doesn't like me? The great and lovable Lock!
Shock: I can name a few to start...
Barrel: I got some fan mail regarding my cat.
Lock: We're wracked with anticipation.
Barrel: Ok, I'll tell you. "Barrel, your cat is amazing. I want to steal him, he's so cute!"
Lock: ...
Shock: ...
Barrel: You can't have my fucking cat.
Lock: I don't know how to continue after hearing that.
Shock: I don't want to continue.
Barrel: Well, there's some mail about him you'll like, Lock.
Lock: The suspense is killing me.
Barrel: "Barrel, I hate your cat. He's a little turd and he murdered my ferret."
Lock: I hate your cat too.
Barrel: Why does everyone hate my cat!?
Shock: What did you even name your cat, you've had it for over month and I still haven't heard it's name.
Barrel: He's called "Total and complete bastard".
Lock: Fitting.
Barrel: "ASLEF" for short.
Shock: How the hell did you get "ASLEF" from "Total and complete bastard"?
Lock: The mind of Barrel works in mysterious ways.
Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed!!
