Chapter 8

Tim sighed. He little relished this call, but he needed to make it now before anyone who might have been watching Tamara's movements thought to listen in on Gibbs' phone.

He knew they wouldn't be listening on his phone.

Quickly, he threw caution to the winds and dialed Gibbs' number. It rang a number of times before Gibbs finally picked up.

"Gibbs." He didn't sound happy about it.

"Hey, Boss. I know it's early in the morning, but I need your help."

"What's wrong, McGee?"

"I'm fine. Don't worry about that, but I don't want to talk about it over the phone. Can you come over here?"

"Your place?"

"Yes."

"Now?"

"Yes. I don't think it's a good idea to wait."

"I'll be over."

"Thanks."

Tim hung up and sat where he was on the couch. While he waited, he thought about what could be the reason for the attack. As he had said, there were a lot of options for people who might want to attack Levi Carew, but while there were quite a few who might want him dead, how many would want to abduct him? And of those, how many would be willing to kill Tamara just to keep it a secret?

The door to the spare room opened and Zahara came out. She walked over to Tim and sat down beside him.

"What happened to her?" Zahara asked. "She was limping."

"Someone tried to kill her and, whoever they were, they took Levi with them."

"Then, he is alive?"

"I think there's a good chance, but if he is...there's something they want and we already know that they're willing to kill. Who knows what they'll be doing to him."

And suddenly, his own memories of torture washed over him and he shuddered and closed his eyes. After a moment, he felt Zahara's hand on his cheek, gently stroking the scars on his face.

"That is why you are helping him."

"Yeah, partly. But also because I told him I'd help if he ever needed me."

Tim opened his eyes and looked at Zahara.

"I am glad that you are helping," she said. "Tamara was very afraid. I think she is glad to be here."

"I think so, too. Will you mind having her here while we work on this?"

"Of course not. She may stay as long as she wants to."

"Good. Gibbs is coming over. I don't know if you want to stay up or go to bed, but I won't be sleeping for a while."

"I will stay up with you," Zahara said. "I may not be able to help, but I will... won't be sleeping."

Tim smiled. She was getting pretty good at the contractions involving negation. The others were still more difficult, just not natural for her yet.

After a few more minutes, there was a knock on the door.

Tim walked over, gun in hand again, and checked through the peephole. He sighed with relief when he saw it was Gibbs. He opened the door quickly.

"Boss. Thanks for coming."

Gibbs walked in, looking around for danger.

"We're safe, Boss," Tim said.

"Then, what is it?"

"A little while ago, Tamara Carew called me and begged me to help her."

"Help with what?"

"With finding who took Levi Carew and tried to kill her and blew up the cabin they were in."

For a long moment, Gibbs said nothing. He just stared at Tim, and Tim knew what Gibbs was thinking.

Why are you bothering with Carew?

He could hear the words as if Gibbs had actually spoken them.

And so he responded to the unspoken words.

"Gibbs, they tried to kill an innocent woman. Tamara thinks that they wanted to kill her to keep anyone from realizing Levi was gone. Isn't that enough for you to put aside how you feel about him?"

"Is that why you want to help?"

Tim smiled and shook his head. "No, it's not. I want to help because I told Levi I would. If he needed help and I could do it, I said I would. ...and he said the same thing to me."

"He is a human being," Zahara said, suddenly. "Is that not enough?"

Gibbs looked at her in surprise, and typically, said nothing.

"What if the man, Suhayl, had decided that Tim was not important enough to save from those who tortured him? What if he had needed a reason to save him? Would there be one, beyond that Tim was a human being who suffered? What would have happened to Tim if Suhayl had decided that there wasn't a good enough reason? Tim would have died."

Gibbs raised an eyebrow at Tim.

"I had to tell her some things, Gibbs. She's my wife."

Gibbs still didn't speak, and Tim knew why. Gibbs knew what the answer had to be, but he didn't want that to be the answer. Levi had done too much for anyone at NCIS to want to help him just on the basis of common humanity.

"I had thought more of you, Agent Gibbs," Zahara said, sternly. "Whoever these men are who took Levi, they are not good men. They tried to kill someone who is innocent. She is in the bedroom, hopefully sleeping now. No matter what else, they are evil, and what they may do or what they have done to Levi Carew is wrong."

After another moment of silence, Gibbs looked at Tim.

"Well?" he asked.

"Well what?" Tim asked in return.

"What do you want to do?"

Tim was surprised.

"Me?"

"Your case, your lead."

Tim smiled a little. It had been a long time since that rule had been trotted out, and it had never been applied to Tim himself. He had expected Gibbs to agree to help and take control as he usually did.

"You think Director Shepard will be okay with it being a case?"

"Should have thought of that before you called me."

"Maybe, but I didn't."

"Doesn't matter. What do you want to do?"

"Tamara said she'd give me directions on how to get to the place where the cabin...was. I figured that there may not be much there, but that we have to start somewhere. Maybe they'll have left some evidence, something that we can use to narrow it down. Because there's no telling who might have done this or what the reason might be."

"You'll have to do something else, too."

"What's that?"

"Convince the team that you're right."

Tim smiled. "Honestly, Boss. I don't care if they agree. I'm doing this, with or without their help. And with or without your help, too. I want it and I'll probably be more likely to succeed if I have your help, but if I can't get it, I'm not going to waste time regretting it. I'm going to get to work."

"And if Jenny says no?"

"Then, I'm still going to do it. I may have to bribe Abby to run the samples, but I'll do it. I promised Levi that I'd help him."

"Since when is he Levi to you?" Gibbs asked, eyebrow up.

"Since that was who he was trying to be," Tim said, seriously. "He wants to be Levi again. And that's a good thing. So I'm going to help as much as I can."

Another silence.

"What about you, Boss? If you don't want to help him, will you help me? So that I can help him?"

"Come to NCIS before you head out there," Gibbs said. "And go to bed."

Tim grinned.

"Will do."

Then, Gibbs got up and left. Zahara walked over to join Tim.

"He does not seem happy about this."

"He's not. He doesn't want to help, but he will."

"Why?" Zahara asked. "I know you have said that there are things he has done that are wrong, but..."

"It's because Levi has made it hard to separate him from the things he's done. And that makes it hard to want to help him, but you're right and Gibbs knows it. No matter what else, Levi is a human being who is likely being hurt."

"But Levi did those things to you, not to your team. And you are willing to help him."

Tim sighed. "No. He did those things to my team, too. They didn't have the physical or even the mental problems I did, but they had the pain of seeing me go through it."

"But it was worse for you."

Tim laughed a little. "Oh, I agree. It was."

"And you are willing to help him."

"But that's because I wanted to get over it. My friends don't. They don't think he deserves it, and maybe he doesn't. I just don't care that he doesn't."

"I don't like that they may not help because of it."

"They'll help. If I ask them, they'll grumble, but they'll help."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm positive."

Zahara sighed. "I just want them to want to help someone who needs it."

Tim took Zahara by the shoulders and looked her in the eye.

"They are. It's just that it's me they're helping, not Levi. I'm going to ask them for help and they'll help me...and that will help him. It's not how you want it, but it'll still get what we want. Okay?"

Zahara nodded and then she smiled slightly.

"Are you tired?" she asked.

"No, but I should be. I'm going to try to sleep."

"That sounds good."

They walked together to the bedroom and lay down.

Sleep came very slowly.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x

He continued along the path. He could hear the water in the canal as he walked. Suddenly, he stepped in a hole and fell to the ground.

For a moment, he wasn't on the farm. He was back in reality where all the pain was, but he didn't want to be in reality. With effort, he forced the trappings of the real world to fall away again, leaving him walking along the canal. He got to his feet and began walking again, albeit at a much slower pace.

Voices intruded on his walk. He debated allowing enough reality to seep in that he could hear what was being said. Finally, he gave in.

"How long are you going to keep this up? He doesn't even seem to feel it, except that his body reacts to what we're doing. But he doesn't."

"As long as it takes."

"For what? Until we start actually breaking bones or drawing blood, we're doing the same things over and over and it really isn't affecting him. You heard what he said."

"I heard. I don't believe it."

"He doesn't lie."

"I don't believe that, either."

"He doesn't lie. If there's anything about him that people actually know, it's that he doesn't lie."

"I'll get what I want."

"But what is that?"

"Not your concern. You'll get what you want when I get what I want. Keep on it."

"You're the boss."

The voices were familiar. One of them was extremely familiar. He considered paying more attention, so that he could make an identification, but in the end, he decided it didn't matter. He refocused on the path and kept walking. It lasted a little longer until...

A startling swat across his face jolted him abruptly away from the farm and back into the pain. He looked around, almost surprised to see the walls and the same man as before staring at him. He could feel his lungs struggling to function and his heart was beating arrhythmically, out of time with the throbbing pain. Even with all that, however, it didn't even touch the pain of Tamara's death.

He wondered what would happen if he laughed.

What's the worst they could do? Kill me?

He laughed.

And then gasped for breath.

"This is funny to you?"

"Yes," he managed to whisper. "I'm...not even here."

The man rolled his eyes and then looked away.

"Take him back to his cell. Won't do us any good if he dies too soon."

He laughed again.

"I'm already dead," he said, getting a bit more strength. "My body...just hasn't realized it yet."

There was no verbal response. Strong, unfriendly hands picked him up and dragged him back to the same room he'd been in before. They dropped him on the floor and left him there. He heard the lock turn.

He lay there for a few seconds and then got the energy to push himself onto his back. Just in case someone was still watching him, he laughed once more.

It really was ridiculous, but that was the way things went.

He could say with a fair degree of certainty that he probably deserved this, anyway. Maybe not from these people, but certainly, there were people for whom justice would be this kind of suffering.

But maybe he could find a way to end it sooner than they wanted. While he didn't care about much of anything, how fitting would it be if his last voluntary act was to get rid of any kind of vengeance by dying on his own terms?

Could he do it? Not right now, of course. He could barely move, and they were keeping him pretty weak. But maybe the opportunity would present itself. That meant staying in reality more.

It was a tradeoff. Which was more important? He didn't know just yet.

For the time being, he abandoned himself to his body's pains and tried to master it enough that he could sleep.