Chapter 24 – Mind Over Matter
BPOV
"Momma?" I looked down as Alice lying down. The sun was rising and the children were already in bed. They wanted to stay in my bed again. They weren't oblivious to what was going on. They were in need of comfort as well. They weren't taking this separation well either. Alice and Emmett loved their father and wanted to know if he was well. "Is Daddy gone?" There was more to what Alice meant. I shook my head, "No, Daddy is coming home soon. He needs more time to heal. Gregori and Aidan are with him." They were our greatest healers, but we still were worried. A tear slid down my daughter's cheek, "I want my daddy." I moved to lie down next to her, resting my head on the same pillow, "I want Daddy too, but we're still here. He wouldn't want us crying about him." Another tear, followed by another fell down Alice's cheek. Alice was just as affected with Jacques's absence as I was. She was always attached to her father and she loved spending time with him. She sniffed, "He would tease us for crying." I laughed, a real one, "Yes, he would. He wouldn't want his girl's crying over him." Alice nodded, "But I can't help it." She shuddered a slow breath and I pulled Alice close, "I know, sweetheart. I know exactly how you feel."
My arms curled around my daughter, "Sleep, sweetheart. Daddy will be home so soon, you won't even realize he was gone. Don't worry, ok, honey?" Alice snuggled closer to me and drifted to sleep. Emmett was comfortable, bundled up on Alice's other side, fast asleep. He was worried. Emmett was too young to have this on his shoulders, but I fear that he felt he would have to care for myself and his sister. My son was a child and those were few and precious years. Emmett shouldn't worry about such things but he was so much like his father. He would want to protect us. I smiled to myself, as I recalled having this debated with Jacques a few weeks ago.
"Bella, Emmett should want to protect you." I glared at him, "While Emmett Jacques Dubinsky is shorter than me; he does not and will not have to worry about that. When he and I are eye-level, then we can talk about that." Jacques threw his head back and laughed, hugging me closer while we sat on the chaise in the library.
My arm stretched over the two of them, watching while they slept peacefully. It should be me worrying about protecting my children. It should be them running around, making me crazy and having fun. But now, with this hanging over their heads, I don't know what I'm going to do. In his sleep, Emmett clutched my fingers and sighed. Holding my children, I let my eyes close and allowed myself sleep.
Burning red eyes and a gruesome smile stopped my heart. "We have him and you'll never find him. Come, Bella, seek your lifemate." An injured groan came from behind me, making me whirl around. My eyes widened as I saw Jacques lying on a cold, steel slab. Black talons were sticking out from his chest, blood stream down his skin, staining the white sheet around him. "Jacques?" I reached for him and watched in horror as the talons moved into his body. "Stay away!" Jacques snapped at me. His eyes glared at me, "Go, Bella, go. You don't belong here."
The breath was squeezed out of me as silver chains wrapped around my wrist. "Jacques, Jacques!" The chains lifted me off the ground and I dangled in the air, searching without knowing that I was being pulled away. My feet kick at empty air, searching for the ground. Pain shot through my arms from dangling. "Jacques, where are you?" A cold clammy hand caught my neck, but I didn't see anyone, "You always lose the one you love." The voice hissed in my ear and the hand on my throat squeezed until I couldn't speak above a whisper, "Please?" The voice laughed harshly at my pleas. The chains disappeared and I fell into a pool of frigid cold water.
I sat up, gasping heavily. I felt like I should be sputtering, but I wasn't in any water. My dreams took me back to those horrible days when I was nothing more than a science experiment to those sadistic humans. The absolute worse days of my life. Bleed out, cut, injected with serums, enduring hideous surgical procedures to see what my body could handle. Being burned alive with UV rays and direct sunlight, while being interrogated for any information on where the rest of my people were. I wanted death, only to escape the pain, but then I would never see Jacques again. Even then, my mind brought his voice to me; a small form of hope in my blackest time. When I woke to find Aidan Savage. Alice & Emmett Cullen finding me, I felt like how I did when Edward found me in the ballet studio after James attacked me. I remembered opening my eyes and seeing that I was back in Jacques's arms; for the briefest moment I thought I had died and found the way to my own personal heaven. But now, I was trapped in the hell that is my own mind. He wasn't here to tell me that everything would be alright.
Looking around the room, there was nothing moving. The twins were sleeping next to me; undisturbed by my shocked gasped. 'You always lose the one you love,' those word haunted me. They lingered on my mind. First Edward, then Jacob and now Jacques. Edward left to protect me, Jacob didn't imprint on me and now, Jacques was gone because he was placed in danger because of me. Jacques? There was no answer.
My hands covered my face, brushing away the cold dews of sweat and slow tears. I was poison. I don't belong with anyone. I placed everyone I loved in danger. A danger magnet. My husband, my children, my brothers and sisters; all of them. I should go back to my zombie mode. I was safer there and so was everyone else around me. I didn't care and no one saw me when I was a zombie; that was best.
My love, that is not what is best for you. Do not let that dream make you feel bad. You will not lose me or our family.
Jacques, come home.
His voice was gone and I wanted to cry all over again. Another night like last night; where I had to smile and pretend. I couldn't do that again. My mind brought his voice to me, but there was no connection. It wasn't real. I knew this. After the hallucinations I had about Edward, I knew they weren't real. A trick of the mind so that I could maintain some sense of stability. I must be crazy; to hold onto the voices of the man I love so that I can function. What kind of person does that? I must be one of those pathetic women who fall to piece when someone they love is gone. All I need is a balcony overlooking a cliff, so that I could jump into the sea and be reunited with my lost love. Some role model I am for my daughter and niece. My throat closed as I tried to fight off the despair of my pathetic nature. Maybe I should just go over the cliff. What would Jacques want with this pathetic, sorry wisp of a woman? Some Carpathian I am. A hope for the future. Slipping out of bed, I walked across my bedchamber. The twins were asleep and I didn't want to disturb them. I walked into the closet, the space was mingled with mine and Jacques's scents, which helped. My fingers drifted over the shoulders of his hanging shirts. Jacques…..
Nothingness.
Was it so wrong that I missed my husband so much? He was my love and the father of my children. He brought into a new world and taught me so much. I helped him as well. He all but committed mass murder when I was in the hands of the fanaticals. He did something to find me, but what was I doing? Moping around like some heartbroken teenager. I wasn't a teenager anymore, but a mother. I knew what I had to do, but I couldn't deny that I was hurting, I knew I needed my moments to be alone and crumble, but I couldn't let anyone else see me this way. Yesterday, I failed miserably. I couldn't mask my pain. Mikhail and Gregori warned me that this separation is difficult for our people to endure.
Raven told me about hers and with me, already being an emotional woman to now have heightened feelings, this was torture. If and when the twins find their lifemates and are parted, would either of them go through this? Alice walking through their closet, just to enjoy the scent he left on his clothes? I took up a sleeve, trying to fight off my tears. The cuff of Jacques's shirt moved across my cheek as I tried to hold myself together. Would Emmett want to hunt, mangle and destroy any man who would stand in the way of him finding his woman? Maybe I was being harsh on myself; I wasn't pathetic, I was hurting. A soft caress moved down my cheek, brushing the hair from my face.
I love when you smell of peppermint, his voice came back to me. I felt his nose in my hair, inhaling deeply. Arms circled around my waist, pulling me into a strong chest.
You missed me that much?
I sighed, Does that surprise you?
Lips pressed into my hair and neck. I breathed in deeply, smelling his scent along with fresh earth. My hallucinations were getting stronger, but I should at least enjoy them, even though they weren't real. Reaching up, my eyes snapped open as my fingers felt muscular arms. My body turned before I even thought to do it. Jacques was standing in front of me. I couldn't believe it. Have I gone completely mad from the separation? "Jacques?" He pulled me into his arms, whirling us and pressing my back against the wall. His hips pinned me to the wall, "My angel." Lips claimed mine and a wildly beating heart that wasn't mine pulsed against my chest. I gasped softly as my mind finally realized that this was really happening. Jacques was here, lifting my leg around his waist. He was taking me in our closet. My arms wrapped around his neck, holding him to me. Jacques was home!
I do not want to be away from you again, his mouth was so hot. A moan escaped me, feeling his hands all over my body. Fabric ripped off my body from Jacques's talons. I hate when you wear clothes. You are never to wear clothes in our bedchambers again.
Our bodies tumbled to the floor and I was pinned beneath him, feeling his weight holding me in place. My hips lifted to match Jacques's motions, pumping into my body. I groaned feeling him fill me, but I forgot the children were in our bed. I didn't want them to hear me; that would be another nightmare that they didn't need.
I have them under my control and placed them into a deeper sleep. They will not wake.
Jacques kissed me roughly, his hands groping at my body. He groaned as he curved his hand under my thigh, My sweet love, I need you so much. My fingers combed through his hair, holding him closer. After, what seems like an eternity, my mind merged with his, feeling our connections once again. My crazy emotions were, at last, not making me go crazy. It wasn't bad that I wanted Jacques with me. I wanted to know he was safe and unharmed. My mind sought his, needing to feel him. I now know what was wrong with me; I felt incomplete with Jacques. We were soul mates. Thousands of people go their whole lives without knowing their soul mate and I feared that I lost mine. Being back in his arms, it felt like I could breathe again; that my soul once again felt complete.
JPOV
She was in my arms; her body cradling mine. She accepted me, my seed within her core. Isabella, my woman, my reason for living was reunited with me. Her warm brown eyes looked at me. A delicate hand brushed my face. I kissed her palm, holding it to my mouth; her sweet scent singing to me. She was safe with me again. I held her closely, even after my body burst in hers. Bella rested her head on my shoulder, saying nothing; only our minds linking together. Our bond was severed while I was healing, but I yearned for her during my time of healing, but I knew she would be able to hold on. Bella was so much stronger then she realized. Not many of our women can endure the separation of lifemates. It is said by some, to endure that is a fate worse than death. Death would seem like a great comfort than to be parted from your lifemate.
Almost forgetting where we were, I realized the children were waiting for me as well. My son and daughter; Emmett and Alice were resting peacefully. My gift to them; a sleep without nightmares. Capturing soft lips, I kissed Bella, Now that you have thoroughly distracted me, I think our children should wake. My woman's sweet smile was my reward and she pulled me closer to her. I sighed slowly, I missed you too.
Clothes wrapped themselves as I pulled Bella to her feet, Come. Walking over to the bed, two figures were still deeply asleep. Alice and Emmett were quiet and breathing slowly; peacefully. My hand held Bella's as we watched our children sleep. The endeavor with the vampire was the most strenuous one ever in my existence. A vampiress wanted my son for her own. Not unlike Bryan, when he wanted Bella for his bride. These creatures were greatly disturbed, believing their can rip apart our family. They were mine to protect and I will not fail at that.
Slowly, I removed my hold from the twins' minds, letting them wake. Bella' memories of Alice and Emmett worrying for my sake weighed on me. I recalled Alice crying as her aunt took her from the room, while she fought to remain by my side. I so much wanted to comfort her, but that was not possible It would have caused more pain and Alice was far to young to witness that. It was best she did not see me injured, but Alice wanted to be there; so much like her mother. Bella's hand rested on my chest and smiled as Emmett turned over. "Mom? Mom!" Bella sprinted around the bed, touching Emmett's head, "I'm right here." Emmett gasped, breathing heavily; scared because he couldn't find his mother. She smile as she looked at him, "Breathe, honey, you're home and safe."
Alice groaned and she threw the quilt off herself, "Em, what is with you? You're flopping around like a fish." I chuckled, "Be nice to your brother." Alice's eyes jumped up and Emmett turned over, "Dad!" "Daddy!" The twins jumped out of bed and I caught them in my arms. To hold my children again was a great joy. They were safe and secure once again. Bella smiled as she watched our embrace, tears glistening in her eyes.
Room for one more.
Gracefully moving, Bella hugged the children and I held all three of them in my arms. They were all that mattered to me.
The children were amazing. It was as if the attack never happened. Bella and I sat on the grass, watching them play. Bella rested her head on my shoulder, listening to the children laughing. They were rolling in the grass, fighting each other and trying to get each other's tails. We were all in our wolf forms. Emmett's wolf was similar to mine; glossy black fur. Alice's wolf was different; a reddish-brown color, to which Bella found amusing.
I looked at her, Are you going to let me in on the joke?
Bella's eyes looked back at me. She pulled her muzzle back to show her teeth; a wolfish smile, Jacob's fur is reddish-brown when he is a wolf. I just find it ironic that Alice is the same shade. She's your daughter in human form and Jacob's in wolf form.
Snarling, I pushed Bella to the ground, Alice is only my daughter. No other male will ever have that honor.
The wolf pups knocked me on my side. The twins were getting stronger as they pushed me away from their mother. Emmett bared his teeth, Why did you tackle Mom?
I cannot fight with your mother as you fight with your sister?
My son stepped back, moving to stand in front of his mother, No, Dad, you can't.
Alice watched me, I saw you knock her down, Daddy and I got worried.
The twins were still weary from the attack. My mind brushed theirs, You know I would never harm your mother. I was fooling around. She made a joke and I was getting her back.
Bella shifted back to her human form, "Your father is right. We play-fight, much like you two do. Don't worry, Daddy is not going vampire on us." Emmett shifted back, "Sorry, Dad. We kinda panicked."
I could not believe this. My children turned on me because they were concerned I would harm her. I could not deny that I was proud of them. Alice shifted back to her human, then I followed suit. My daughter pleaded with her eyes, "Sorry, Daddy." I smiled and patted her head, "You did the right thing. You defended your mother. But if either of you attack me again…." Alice and Emmett jumped on me, knocking me down to the ground. Bella laughed, "Don't hurt the old men."
Bella sat on the grass watching us play, smiling the entire time. Emmett tried to trap me in a headlock, but failed. Alice held my arms, trying to help her brother. I soon came to realize our audience had grown. Mikhail was leaning against a tree watching us, Raven was sitting with Bella and Bella had a small wolf pup sitting in her lap. I did not recognize the creature until it turned its eyes on me, "Savannah?!" Alice forgot about me and ran to her cousin, "Oh my gosh, she can shift already?!" Savannah yapped and nipped at Alice's hand. Alice couldn't put her down, "She is the sweetest puppy I've ever seen."
Bella smiled, "You cannot keep her. She belongs to your aunt." Raven laughed, "Please, I was only the surrogate. Savannah belongs to Alice."
Mikhail helped me up, "Forgive me, I was teaching Emmett how to wrestle while you were healing." I glowered at my brother, "I know. You always go for the head lock. Typical." Mikhail and I turned to watch our wives and children sitting together. If only Noelle was still with us. She would have adored our children.
She is here, brother, in some way.
I smiled, thinking of our nephew Tristan. He was still with us and becoming a strong warrior. The children were all in their wolf forms. Savannah pounced on Emmett's back and chewed on his ear.
Ow, hey, that hurts!
Raven helped him. "We don't bite, sweetheart." Savannah lapped at her mother's cheek. Bella rubbed Alice's head, while she rested on her mother's lap. The five of them; Bella, Raven, Alice, Emmett and Savannah were our hope for the future. Not just for our people, but for our family. Things were going to become brighter and we will flourish once again.
