Chapter 18

"...and I was hoping that you might have an opening tonight or else someone who would be willing to trade," Tim finished.

"Actually, I do have an opening, Tim," Dr. Hicks said.

"You do? That's great."

"Anything in particular that you need to talk about?"

"Something that happened today... I'm... I was afraid to leave the building, didn't feel safe."

Dr. Hicks was surprised. Tim hadn't admitted to that kind of feeling in a long time. It must have been something big.

"Anything more you can tell me over the phone?"

"Did you know that Levi has been abducted?"

"No," Dr. Hicks said, in great concern. "What happened?"

"We're still figuring things out."

"We?"

He could hear Tim smiling.

"NCIS is investigating. No, we don't have jurisdiction. Yes, it's all because of me."

"Well, it sounds like that's a long story. Will you have time?"

"Yes. I need to make time. I can't let this happen to me again, and I know it could if I don't get it in hand."

Dr. Hicks always appreciated hearing that kind of thing from his patients. Tim's determination to maintain his progress was heartening.

"Then, I'll be here, and you can just plan on coming right in. Let me know if something comes up."

"I will. Thanks, Dr. Hicks."

"My pleasure, Tim. Bye."

"Bye."

Tim hung up and Dr. Hicks leaned back, with his feet elevated. Levi was missing. It was a shock to hear because he could see very quickly how it could have happened. He knew that Levi and Tamara had gone to their cabin and that they weren't planning on being back for a few weeks. Someone else had obviously known that, too. And something about it had unsettled Tim. What that was, Dr. Hicks didn't know. Tim had been very specific about what he was feeling and what it was like. It wasn't a vague fear. It was that specific fear of being unsafe outside NCIS.

Dr. Hicks was glad that Tim was getting it in hand, and he was hopeful that it would be relatively simple to do so.

Well, nothing to do but get ready.

...and maybe be prepared to ask a few extra questions.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x

Ducky looked up from his reading as his doors opened. He had anticipated Tim coming back down, but it was Gibbs.

"Jethro, what brings you down here?"

"Checking up on what you're doing," Gibbs said.

"With respect to Timothy's current case?"

"Yeah."

"I can see you're not convinced it's a good idea."

"I'm not." Gibbs paused. "You are."

Ducky smiled. "Yes, I am."

"Why?"

"Because I trust Timothy's judgment," he said, significantly. "I trust that he would not pursue something like this on a whim and so, even if I would not make the same decision, I will trust that there is a good reason for it."

Gibbs raised an eyebrow, and Ducky knew he'd heard the slight censure.

"Have you found anything about Logan?"

"Not anything solid, but I am seeing quite clearly the kind of person he must be. Skilled, determined, experienced, and completely amoral. Even beyond the horrific last act, looking through his file, as redacted as it is, I'm seeing someone who had no compunction about anything he did. There were no black marks in his record, but there are descriptions that indicate someone who was going over the line many times, using unnecessary force, no concerns about collateral damage. I don't believe that this last event was a mental break of any kind. If there was a break at some point, it happened long before this. I believe it was calculated. Planned."

"Bottom line?"

"Timothy said that the survivor told him that Logan was the most dangerous and I'm inclined to agree. No matter who is ultimately responsible for this action, it is Logan who is the danger. He will be the one willing to kill, even if it's unnecessary. The fact that he was able to conceal such a mental aberration from the CIA analysts is proof enough that he is one to watch for."

"What if we find Carew?"

"And Logan is there?"

"Yeah."

"I would try to make sure that he's not in reach of Carew. I think he would be willing to kill him, just because he doesn't want to lose."

"Anything else?"

"Would it be too much to ask for you to try to see things from Timothy's perspective?"

Gibbs smiled. "When it comes to Carew, yeah, probably."

Ducky smiled as well. "I know that your feelings come from having to see all that Timothy has gone through, but perhaps you could also open your eyes to the way Timothy has changed. He is strong, Jethro. He has not been manipulated. He is helping Carew because he wishes to do something for him. I dare say that he has not told any of us the whole story, but his decision is something that you should respect, even if you can't agree with it."

"That much I've done."

Ducky smiled once more.

"I'm glad of it. Timothy is fortunate to have so many caring for his welfare. Just don't forget that Timothy is not someone who is unable to take care of himself."

"I hear you, Duck."

"Good. For now, I have nothing else to add, but I will continue to look into it as much as I can. I'm happy to have something to contribute."

"Thanks."

"You're welcome."

Gibbs left the lab and Ducky picked up the file again. While the others could choose to focus on the identity of the person they were searching for, Ducky was choosing to focus on the fact that this situation was one in which the case was relatively normal. Yes, there were some complications, but it was normal. A person was missing and they needed to find him.

If they could just set aside the fact that it was Levi Carew, Ducky felt they'd all be much happier.

...and hopefully, more successful.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x

Zahara smiled as Tamara finished another story. All day, they'd been talking. Mostly Tamara sharing stories of her happier past, but Zahara had also been sharing some stories of her childhood.

Suddenly, Tamara laughed.

"I'm sorry. I've been talking your ear off, haven't I."

"That is fine. I am glad to hear it."

And it was true. Zahara felt she knew Levi much better than she had simply by knowing who he had been. Did Tim know this much detail? Probably not, but at the same time, he still knew Levi in a way very few people probably did. Now, he was trying to find the man Levi had been and give him a way to come out into the present. There was no other reason that would explain why Tim was so willing to do something for him. If only the others at NCIS could also see it.

Her phone rang and she smiled at Tamara as she answered.

"Hi, Zahara."

"Hello, Tim. What's up?" she asked.

Tim laughed. "Have you been practicing?"

"Yes. Was it right?"

"Yes, it was."

"Then, what is it?"

"I just wanted to let you know that I'll be late coming home. I'm going to meet with Dr. Hicks tonight after work."

"Tonight? That is not your usual time."

"I know. I'll explain when I get home. I decided that I needed to tonight and he had space for me."

"Are you all right?"

"Yeah. I'm all right. Not great at the moment, but all right. I promise that I'll tell you when I get home. Don't hold dinner for me."

"I will save something for you."

"Thanks. I love you."

"I love you. I will wait up for you."

"You don't have to."

"Yes, I do. You said you would tell me when you got home."

"Point taken. I'll see you later."

"Allah yemsek 'alā khīr."

"Good-bye."

Zahara hung up and smiled at Tamara.

"What is it?"

"Tim is going to be late coming home tonight, so we will eat together and I will save something for him to eat when he comes."

"Is it because of Levi? I'm sorry if I'm keeping your husband away from home," Tamara said. "I know how it feels to wait."

Zahara shook her head. "No. Tim meets with his psychiatrist regularly and he decided that he needed to go tonight instead of later in the week. I do not know why that is, but he will tell me when he comes home."

"He does? I wouldn't have guessed that," Tamara said.

"Most of the time, he does not seem to need it, but when he needs it, he needs it, and he told me that it is good for him to have this time to work on the hard things from his life. And he has had many hard things."

"Some because of Levi, I'm sure."

"Yes, but Tim does not speak of those times to me." Then, she smiled a little shamefacedly. "He would not speak of them at all if I did not push him to. I ask him to share these pieces of his life and he will often do so, but he does not always like to."

"Because he loves you," Tamara said.

"Yes," Zahara said, reddening a little bit. "He does. Now, what would you like to eat tonight? Would you like something American or something Moroccan?"

"I don't know really anything about Moroccan cooking. I've found it interesting to try it."

"Then, I will let you try something else. Are you familiar with couscous?"

"Only the stuff you can buy in a box at the store."

"That is what Tim said, except for a meal he had in Morocco. I will make you real couscous."

"Sounds wonderful," Tamara said.

"Good. You may help me and learn."

They went to the kitchen to start working.

x.x.x.x.x.x.x

"So, where are we at now?" Tim asked.

"We know that Logan is definitely involved, that he's a creepy CIA guy," Tony said.

"Former CIA guy," Tim corrected.

"And we don't want to be in his sights."

"And we know that he is still working skillfully," Ziva added. "He used an innocent man to get information and if we had not found his fingerprints at the cabin, we may not have been able to figure it out. It is questionable whether or not Abby will be able to get any information from the bill that he gave us."

"And Fornell has heard that Jorgenson is trying to find a way back inside the Beltway."

"Wait, what?" Tim asked. "You didn't mention that before."

"Well, when we got back, you sent me out again with Ziva," Tony said. "Not my fault you didn't ask Gibbs."

Tim looked at Gibbs who smiled a little.

"Got distracted."

Tim just barely managed to not roll his eyes, although he was also a little chagrined that he'd let his own worries take precedence over getting updates on the case.

"What did he know?" Tim asked.

"Not much," Tony said. "It was a rumor that Jorgenson didn't accept being forced to leave and that he was just waiting for a chance to get back in."

"Waiting or looking?" Tim asked.

"Looking," Gibbs said.

Tim nodded.

"Okay. Then, what we need to do is see if we can track his movements," Tim said. Then, he stopped and thought about what he'd just said.

"I know that look, Probie," Tony said. "You've thought of something. What is it?"

"I don't know," Tim said, but he was lying. He didn't know if he wanted to share what he was thinking, but he knew what he was thinking. "Let me see if it coalesces into something coherent, okay?"

"You sure about that?"

"Yeah." Tim took a breath. "So tomorrow, that's where we'll start going. We can still see what else we might get about Logan, but if we're avoiding a BOLO, then, Jorgenson might be our best chance to track him down and we should be able to do something with someone who's been trying to get back into politics."

They all nodded and Tim walked back to his desk to get his stuff. He didn't want to make Dr. Hicks wait for him.

"Tim?"

Tim smiled. He had known this was coming. He turned around. Gibbs had vanished, but Tony and Ziva were there, looking concerned.

"Yeah?"

"What was going on this afternoon?" Ziva asked. "And do not say it was nothing. It was not nothing."

"No, it wasn't," Tim said. "After all that stuff I learned about Logan...I had a moment where I was scared to leave the building again. You know...like I was before. I didn't want to advertise that, but I have an appointment with Dr. Hicks tonight and I'm going to talk to him about it before it becomes a real problem."

There was a pause and it looked like Tony and Ziva weren't sure if he was being honest.

"Really, guys. I called him while you were gone and changed my appointment so that I could do this tonight and not wait."

Tony smiled a bit. "Meaning that you want us to let you go so that you're not late?"

"Partly, yeah. But if you still want to ask more questions, you could follow me out of the building."

"I think we can do that, Tim," Ziva said.

"Good."

Tim grabbed his bag and his jacket and was secretly glad that he'd have someone with him as he stepped out of the building.

In fact, Ziva put her arm around his waist as they walked out the doors and Tim was surprised at how nice that felt. He smiled.

"Thanks, Ziva."

"You are welcome. Will you be all right?"

Tim stopped out on the sidewalk, with a brief glance at his CIA watchers.

"Yeah. I will. It's just temporary, but if I'm still feeling it tomorrow, I'll tell you."

"You'd better," Tony said. "There's no reason to keep that stuff from us. We know all about it."

"I know. I guess it was just one of those moments when I wished everything was normal," Tim said.

"Tim, this is normal," Ziva said, almost gently, as if she was breaking some very bad news to him. "This is what life is like for all of us. So it is normal."

"You're right. It is," Tim said. "Most of the time, that's okay. Tonight...I just wish I could go back...and change things. ...but then, I wouldn't have met Zahara, and I think that's a good trade. That's what life is, I guess. Balancing out the good and the bad." He smiled a little. "I just never thought that the bad would be so bad."

To his surprise, Ziva hugged him.

"I wish it was not that way for you, Tim, but I am glad that you are here and happy."

"Most of the time," Tim said.

"Hey, who's ever happy all of the time?" Tony asked. "I mean, even Abby gets in bad moods sometimes."

Tim laughed. "True. I'd better get going. I don't want to make Dr. Hicks have to wait for me and Zahara said she wouldn't be going to bed until I was home. So..."

"So we will see you tomorrow," Ziva said. "Good night."

"Thanks. See you tomorrow," Tim said.

Tony and Ziva walked away and Tim walked to his car, already feeling a bit better and headed for Dr. Hicks' office.