April 8, 2015

Today, for the first time, Yuki invited me to plant flowers with him in his garden.

I saw that he was holding packets of something in one hand, while he held a water pail in the other. Noticing where my gaze was, he shyly held out this hand, so that I could see what the mysterious packets in it were. I looked and saw pictures of violets on one and pictures of daffodils on the other. I thanked him, but I felt bad for making him feel like he had to show me. I really need to be more considerate of others' feelings.

Then again, it's not like it was meant to be a secret or anything. At least I don't think it was.

It was hard for me not to smile after he showed me, though. I couldn't help but wonder if he had planned this outing further in advance than he let on.

Yuki is so kindhearted. I wish I didn't still feel like there was some sort of awkward tension between us. Like when we cross paths in hallways and can't seem to make our way around each other. Or when we accidentally reach for the same glass on the table. Or when we do anything at all together, it seems...

He has such gorgeous eyes, though. They're large and expressive yet they droop a little at the corners, as though they carry a lot of burdens. I can see Yuki as having a lot on his shoulders. I feel that he takes on more than he can handle too often. Then again, people say the same thing about me.

Anyway, I was happy to get my hands dirty, but Yuki reached out and took my hand in his, stopping me from picking up a shovel. He smiled shyly and said that my hands are too pretty to get dirty.

I'll be honest. My breath caught when he held my hand and my heart went into turbo mode when he said something so flirtatious. I've never really had a boyfriend so this is all new to me. Not that I think I'll have a boyfriend anytime soon. I'm just not used to being in such close contact with boys.

Even though Yuki has a high pitched voice, the husky quality of it is oddly alluring. Even though he's overly polite to me, I feel that he desires something more from me. Even though I'm attracted to Kyo, I feel drawn to Yuki as well.

Oh, I feel so confused...

You know what? Let's just skip this drama for now and continue with where I left off.

It wasn't just Yuki that I saw today. Rin and Haru actually came over for a date. They wanted to have a picnic near the woods, which is a favorite hangout for many of the Sohmas (and myself as well).

After greeting us shortly, Haru laid out a long and thick red blanket on the grass while Rin, who was carrying a basket of food with a manicured hand, gazed warily in my direction.

I averted my eyes even though it was hard to. Rin is so captivating. She stood still even as her long, sleek black hair blew in the wind. Not a care in the world.

Yuki had gone back to his garden, seeming to realize the couple's desire for privacy, and I quickly turned around and did the same. I watched as Yuki tore the packet of daffodil seeds open and planted one in a small hold he'd dug. I helped him put the dirt back into the hole, although my hands trembled slightly as I did so. Once we were done filling up the hole, Yuki picked up the water pail that he'd brought and began to water the soil.

He began talking to me about why he liked flowers, a question I had yet to get a detailed answer to. I listened closely as he said that he felt a connection with nature, and that it might have to do with him being the rat in the zodiac. He felt a little embarrassed about it, he said, because Kyo had teased him about it in the past.

He said it was amazing when he first transformed. The grass was so tall around him, and the ants and bees were the proportionate size of dogs and cats in his human form.

His smile wavered as he seemed to get lost in thought and I noticed that the plant he had been watering was on the verge of drowning.

I said Yuki's name a little harsher than I would have liked, but he snapped out of his daze and moaned at the sight of the water-filled pot. Try as it did, the soil couldn't absorb all of the water.

I felt my face crumple at the look on Yuki's face, but before I could say anything I heard a different sort of moan coming from behind us. I turned around and saw Rin with something long and yellow going in and out of her mouth. She repeated the movement a few times before turning to me and winking.

I blushed fiercely, sweat pricking my upper lip as she took the banana out of her mouth and handed it to a chuckling Haru. I don't know why, but I knew deep down that what she did was something...dirty.

I turned to Yuki nervously, hoping that he hadn't seen what had happened.

He had his back to me this time and appeared to be toying with an empty packet of seeds, turning it over again and again in his hands. His hands shook a little as he did this.

I wanted to say something, but I felt like the awkwardness that I normally felt around Yuki had returned with a vengeance.