May 22, 2015

While Momiji was over the other day, he asked me an interesting question. He asked me, if I had the ability to transform into any animal, what animal would I choose?

Well, that definitely made me think hard. There are so many beautiful animals that it feels impossible to choose just one.

I first thought of the rabbit, Momiji's zodiac animal. I love the way that my hand glides along the silky smooth fur, the way that I can carry them in my arms or hold them against my shoulder as though I'm carrying a baby.

I then thought of the squirrel, a nimble and adorable rodent. I enjoy watching them leap from branch to branch and then freeze when I get too close to them, as though they've been caught stealing.

I also like dogs. Maybe it has to do with it being my zodiac animal. I especially love small ones, like dachshunds. I love the energy that dogs have, how they can run in circles at warp speed because they're just that happy.

I think I have an idea of what the first thing I would do would be if I could transform into a dog. I'd help Yuki by digging holes for him in his garden. I bet that would lift at least some stress from his shoulders.

This also made me think about something we talked about in my philosophy class recently. We were asked during a class discussion, if we had the choice, would we choose to have the ability to turn invisible or the ability to fly?

I had thought to myself that invisibility did sound like it could be useful, particularly if I were in a pinch. I could definitely help people in scary situations as well, like if they were being robbed at gunpoint.

I then thought about the ability to fly. Well, I do love birds and I sometimes see them gliding in circles in the sky, enjoying themselves and enjoying life.

I mean, who wouldn't want to be a bird? Can anything be more amazing than the ability to fly?

So, I think I really would love to be a bird. That is what I told Momiji.

He smiled in response and told me that he wished I could turn into a rabbit. He said it would be fun to chase each other in the backyard and we could jump over each other, too. He sounded excited as he said this, but I saw the sadness in his eyes as well. I'm ashamed to say that I was surprised to realize that Momiji looked lonely. It never occurred to me that he could also feel lonely because of the curse at times.

Needless to say, I spread my arms, and wrapped them around him, hugging him tightly. As he transformed in my arms, I rocked him from side to side without even realizing it.

May 27, 2015

Today, Yuki, Kyo, Shigure and I were sitting in the living room watching a reality show called Dancing Queen. It's a show where the contestants compete using their dancing skills. I turned to Kyo, who sat to my right, stuffing handfuls of popcorn into his mouth. My mouth hung slightly open for a second as I stared at the crumbs that fell from his mouth to his lap.

Maybe it's the janitor side of me talking, but I really wanted to pick up those morsels from his lap and throw them away.

I'd never touch Kyo's lap, though. Goodness, I can't believe I'm even having these thoughts…

Anyway, Kyo caught me staring at him and he turned towards me, frowning, tiny crumbs sticking to his lips.

"Uh, is something wrong?" he asked.

"No, nothing's wrong!" I squeaked out, feeling my nerves jangle. He looked handsome even as he stuffed his face the way that he did.

Kyo put the bag of popcorn he'd been holding onto the floor, when I heard a snicker from his right – Shigure.

"Maybe you should chew with your mouth closed, Kyo. Tohru is a lady and you're eating like dirty caveman right next to her!" Shigure's eyes twinkled as he said this.

Kyo turned towards Shigure, who suddenly wore a serious face as he raised his hands in apology.

Before Kyo could throttle him, Yuki piped up from my left. He leaned forward making me turn towards him.

"Tohru," he began, "you shouldn't look at Kyo for too long. It can cause serious side effects."

"Shut up, you damn rat," Kyo growled, head snapping in our direction. "Or I'll give you a serious side effect."

Shigure giggled behind his hands as he always did when they fought. Or when Kyo got angry at anything at all.

I could only sit in the crossfire, unsure of how to calm the situation before it escalated any further.

Then as my eyes darted back to the television, it dawned on me. I watched a couple dancing, hands on hips, hands on shoulders, gliding across the dance floor as though it were ice. The music was upbeat and the crowd cheered when they slid under each other, when the woman was thrown into the air and then caught as though she were weightless.

"Um, do any of you know how to dance?" I asked.

Shigure, Kyo, and Yuki stopped their bickering and looked at me, processing what I said. After a few seconds of tension, Shigure spoke up.

"I can dance amazingly well," he said. "But I never have anyone to dance with." He pouted. "The love of my life is on an eternal period so she's never in the mood."

"Tell her I said I'm sorry," Kyo said.

"Why, thank you, Kyo!" Shigure beamed as he nudged Kyo playfully. "That's so nice of you!"

Kyo scowled, leaning away from Shigure. "I'm sorry she has you for a boyfriend, idiot. That's what I meant."

Shigure pouted again while Yuki spoke up, making me turn towards him to hear him better. Yuki is a bit soft spoken so he can be hard to hear when there's any noise in the background.

"I don't know how to dance," he said, eyes downcast. "I guess I never thought it had much of a purpose. Since, you know, I'm scared I might accidentally transform."

The longing and sadness in his eyes were too much for me to bear.

I had to say something to cheer him up...cheer all of them up. And even though Shigure and Kyo didn't outwardly appear to be upset, I knew that, deep down, they felt that same longing.

I smiled and stood up, walked a few feet away from the couch, turned around and faced them.

"You know what?" I said, as I placed my hands on my hips, feeling energized. "You're all going to dance right now."

Okay, I honestly don't know where this confidence came from…It's so rare that I talk like this. I usually ask for permission for every little thing, much like Ritsu.

Maybe the show made me feel inspired. Maybe I've gotten that close to the Sohmas. Whatever the case, I saw Yuki, Kyo, and Shigure exchange looks before looking back at me.

I saw fear and anxiety on all of their faces.

Yes, even Shigure.

But when they stood up and I saw the hope that was shining in all of their eyes, it made up for that long pause filled with hesitation. I grinned at them, and they smiled back a little nervously.

I felt like I was getting onto something, diary.