June 4, 2015
Today, I went for a walk and decided to buy some groceries along the way. Of course, like most days, it didn't turn out quite the way that I expected.
The walk to the grocery store from Shigure's house is pretty long, but I don't mind. I love going outside and getting some fresh air. I wasn't the only person who felt this way either. I exchanged many "Hi, how are you? I'm great"'s with other people who walked along the sidewalk.
I saw many chubby babies in strollers, toddlers being carried in their parent's arms, and small children holding their parent's hand as they waddled about.
I saw little girls wearing hot pink shirts with ruffles and sparkles all over them. Little boys looked snazzy with their plaid button down shirts, jean jackets, and khaki pants.
It made me want a child of my own, diary. They were all just so precious. I already did plan on having kids in the future, but seeing children as I walked around made me burn with desire.
Unfortunately, though, not everyone I saw today was happy.
As I was about to reach the store, I saw a woman ahead of me pushing a shopping cart that was filled with clothing and bags of what looked like empty soda cans and trash.
I felt awkward for a few seconds, not knowing whether I should say something to her or if she'd prefer if I didn't say anything at all. Maybe she didn't want to be bothered, I thought.
But something about the way that she walked, the way that she ignored the world around her made me stop and think twice.
I unzipped my purse, pulled my wallet out, and caught up to her. I smiled and said hi.
She looked uncomfortable and edged away from me instantly, face wrinkling like a prune. I didn't back away despite the fact that I knew she probably didn't like the close proximity of our faces. I've been trying to keep myself from backing down from what scares me, so this was a sort of practice session for me.
And so I stood my ground and said that I'm sorry if I scared her, but I wanted to give her something. I opened my wallet and pulled out a couple of bills. I frowned as I saw what they were.
A one and a twenty.
I hesitated for half a second before handing her the twenty. She reluctantly took it from my hand, and I saw that her hand was shaking. She looked at me fearfully, as though she couldn't believe what was happening at that moment. Or maybe she was just unaccustomed to looking people in the eye.
I'll never forget what she said to me as she looked at the money in her hand and then looked back at me again.
She said, "Is there a catch?"
I didn't expect this. It caught me off guard, made me tense up a little. I had hoped deep down that she'd thank me.
I simply told her that no, there wasn't a catch. I just wanted her to have the money. She still seemed doubtful and asked again if there was a catch.
I was unable to buy groceries, which was disappointing because I had been hoping to surprise Shigure, Kyo, and Yuki with a french silk pie, but overall I feel that I made the right decision. After all, I could always surprise them another day.
It was one of those experiences that made me feel sad and happy at the same time. I hope I made that lady's day. I did feel like my day was a little brighter after this. Although Kyo and Yuki always tell me that I shouldn't be so trusting of people who I don't know, I can't think of a single experience I've had with a stranger that I can't look back on in a positive way.
As much as I love them, I do wish they would be more positive. Even the bad things in life have upsides, after all. No matter how bad it can get.
Anyway, I wish that lady luck in her future. I will pray for her and all other homeless people.
I know they need it.
June 6, 2015
I was sitting in the grass behind Shigure's house just a couple of hours ago, feeling the cool bursts of wind on my face, when I began thinking about heaven and hell and what it means to be alive.
What is the meaning of life? It's a question that haunts the human race, but I don't believe the answer is as complex as people think.
I know what you're thinking, diary. That I must be so arrogant to think that I know what the meaning of life is. And you know what?
Maybe I am.
I had been lying down on the grass, feeling the spikes press gently against my back and bare legs. I inhaled deeply, let my back arch as my chest reached for the baby blue sky, and I felt bliss fill my lungs.
I think there are many meanings to life. There can't be just one because human beings are so complex. We have so many needs and desires. Life means so many things to us.
But here's my idea of life.
We need to be kind and compassionate to others, whether they're people, animals, plants, or the environment in general.
Simple, isn't it? That's all there is to it.
This is the most important lesson I have carried with me in life. It makes the world a better place. I'm trying not to think about whether others will be inspired by my kindness. That really doesn't matter, now that I think about it. All that matters is that I am kind.
Oh, and that I believe in myself, of course.
