Chapter 17 – A New Way of Life
BPOV
Raven and I stepped around the herbs, as she explained what each of them did. She plucked a seed off one of the herbs and crushed it in her hand. Using her main finger, she brushed the particles across her palm, "This is the one we burn in our chambers. It helps with sleeping." She let the pieces fall into my palm. The small golden brown herbs rolled in my hand; the smell of it was familiar. Jacques burned it in his bedchamber every night since I came here. "I know this one," I said, recognizing another herb. My hand pulled at the plant, bending its stem, "Belladonna. In small doses, it could be used as a sedative. But, take a lot of it, it's a poison. It's also known as 'deadly nightshade.'" I recognized the picture of the plant from my school books. Raven titled her head, "Correct." I laughed, a bit miffed at her tone, "I told you I studied this in college." Raven and I continued to share what we knew.
A dense fog was starting to cover the ground. Raven and I looked around ourselves, seeing the mysterious rolling around our legs. The fog was consuming the plants, coming as high as our waists. The wind picked up, almost howling. My hair drifted across my face from the sharp wind. Tucking my hair behind my ear, Raven and I look around ourselves, still seeing nothing. My mind scanned out, searching for anyone who might be near.
A cloak draped over my shoulders, over my coat, "Why don't you listen to me?" I realized it was him before hearing his voice. Jacques pressed a kiss to my temple, Angel, you're cold. His hand cupped my face, feeling the chill to my skin. Out of the corner of my eye, there was Mikhail standing with Raven, looking over her, "Ladies, let's get you inside." From what I learned, it was difficult for a Carpathian to be away from his lifemate, even if she was just outside. Raven rolled her eyes, "No, I was showing Bella something." Jacques shook his head, "That's enough for tonight. It's freezing out here." Raven turned to look at me, "Bella, do you want to go inside?" The two of us smiled at each other, only speaking only with our minds.
Mikhail stepped away from Raven, while she stared Jacques down. They were having a debate, only with their minds. The light fog drifted around us, making the grounds seem more ominous. Jacques groaned loudly, "Very well, Raven, you win." Jacques released me, letting me step away from him, but he still kept my hand. Even in that smallest movement, my body wanted to return to his. Black eyes looked over my body, "Just be careful, my angel. Don't let Raven influence you." My hand smacked his chest, Don't be mean.
Raven and I walked into the tree, leaving behind the two protective brothers. Small animals scurried across our path. My hands drifted over the tree bark, feeling the intricate grains and indentations; this was becoming a habit. My senses were going so wild; it felt like I was going to fall over. My head was filled with the sights, smells and sounds of nature. "This is so much. I could hear the tree sap moving, the lines of ants moving on the ground and the birds high in the trees." Raven glanced up into the canopy, "Yes, I know. My first night, Mikhail and the others had to go out, so I was in the house by myself. He put up safeguards to keep me inside, but I got out. I'll show you how to do it later," her hand brushed my arm. The way she described her first night as a Carpathian woman, it was just like this; discovering the world for the first time again. Everything was enhanced and nothing was missed. I could even see the bits of my breath cling to the bits of cold in the air, forming their visible form to my eyes.
Raven breathed a long sigh, "I could see a deer peeking out from behind a tree almost 100 feet away. The night didn't hide anything from my eyes. Everything seemed brighter, almost like there was a full moon in the sky, instead of the clouds." Speaking of the sky, I looked up, through the open space of the canopy we were now standing under and almost tripped. There were even more stars in this sky than there were in Forks. The bits of light seemed so much closer, that I felt the need to reach out and take one out of the sky. I had to look away, because I could stay here for hours, just watching the stars in their dance.
My eyes fell on Raven, who swirling fog around the palm of her hand. The bits of opaque air drifted through her fingers, as if she was playing with it. She didn't look at me, but she knew I was watching her, "This was a trick Mikhail taught me a few years ago. We can make the fog with our minds. Would you like to try?" I didn't answer as I watched the fog follow her hand. It followed her hands and moved like it had a mind of its own. "I can do that?" my voice was in awe. Raven's smile grew, "Yes, we can change ourselves into mist and fog, as well as animals. I prefer being an owl."
My body sank onto the ground, watching her play with the fog. The movements were so fluid and smooth; two skills I did not possess. The thought of doing all the things Jacques did effortlessly seemed too much of a task to me. Safeguards, changing his form and controlling natural entities; like turning on the bathtub water with his mind. I had to learn. "How do I do it?" Raven pushed the fog toward me. I caught it coming towards me, only to drift to the ground around me. The fog fell through my fingers, sinking back into the fog that hung under above the ground. "Relax your mind. Don't think about it. Let it be instinct." Raven tried again, letting a bit of fog come towards me.
Hold up your hands and catch it. Don't think, just do it, she instructed. Doing what she said, my hands went up, positioning to catch a ball. The ball of fog floated between my hands. My body reacted to the fog, almost becoming one with it. It was cool, but it didn't seem to touch my skin. My hands moved as Raven's did, swirling the cloud perfectly. It flowed perfectly as I twirled my hands around each other. I wanted to laugh out loud, but I would have felt foolish if I did. I was moving fog with my hands.
Within my mind, my skin wanted to touch the ground; to be out of my clothes and feel the soil on myself. The layers of clothes that was between my skin and soil was becoming offensive. I let the fog leave my hands, then pressed my palms to the soil. Raven continued to play with her bit of fog, sitting on a tree stump. My eyes closed feeling the charge of the earth move up my arms, into my heart. My eyes opened as I felt connected with the land in that moment. The feeling of fatigue was pushed away with the sudden burst of energy.
From the connection, I could feel animals running across the land and others drinking from the water. The properties of the soil were awakening my body. To Raven, I was sitting still for a brief moment, but for me, I was taking in the healing powers of the Carpathian land. Raven moved to sit as I did, pressing her hands to the land. Wow, her thoughts were with my own, you're discovering things for yourself. Both our hands were in the ground, strengthening our mental bond.
My thoughts laughed, Well, I have to learn. As Eleanor told me, this is my challenge.
How are you feeling? I thought she was being kinda hard on you.
I'm glad she was. I needed it.
My hands moved through the soil, taking Raven's hand. Within the soil and our joined hands, the connection between the two of us grew even stronger.It felt like the end of my nerves connected with hers. Raven sighed slowly, feeling the connection we shared. Is all this strange to you? she asked.
If I didn't think this was strange, then I would be strange. Our shared laughter wafted into the air. You know, I was wondering what else we can do?
The air suddenly got colder. A piece of ice fell on my cheek. My eyes opened to see swirling bits of white falling around us. "Raven?" her eyes opened and looked up. More snow fell on my eyelashes, "Are you doing this?" She shook her head slowly, watching the light snow, "I don't think we're alone anymore." Everything was silent around us, which meant little. The ground was feeling colder, making me shiver, "Ok, they win. Let's go inside." I took my hands out of the cold ground and my fingers pressed into my palm, in an attempt to warm them. Raven rose to her feet, then turned around in a small circle, smiling gleefully, "Are you curious on how fast you can go?"
That was one aspect I didn't consider. I was on my feet in an instant, "How fast?" Her smile grew, hearing the excitement in my voice, "Just try to keep up." A blur of black flew past me. Disappointment began to grow . The Cullens were faster. Imitating her, I moved at a quicker pace. My eyes made out each tree that went by. The cold air filled my lungs as I breathed at a relaxed pace. Raven was waiting for me on the front steps.
Her expression was similar to a mother's witnessing her child's mischief, "You'll get faster with time." My smile faltered at the thought of getting older. The thought of my skin wrinkling and my hair turning gray scared me. It was silly to worry about, but I was in my twenties. The way I looked, my beauty was something important to me. Since Edward, I have considered myself beautiful. Now, I have Jacques and I wanted to stay beautiful for him. my fingers lightly touched my face, "Will I age?" "Only if you let yourself. But, you can change back to the way you are now, but no younger." Raven smiled a bit, Vain and silly as it is, I love that about this life. Like you, I always want to be beautiful for Mikhail.
You have nothing to worry about. You're very beautiful. She had a shade of blue to her hair.
Raven took my hand, You're beautiful too. All you need to worry about is being there for Jacques. The halls were filled with heat, combating the cold on my skin. Raven shook out her hair, letting the melting snowflakes fall to the floor. I was a bit nervous, seeing water droplets fall all over the antiques. Raven felt my anxiety, "Trust me, they don't care about this stuff. I felt as you did in the beginning, but Mikhail explained that I was far more important than these trappings. So, it's more than likely, Jacques feels that way about you."
Through a window, the sun was beginning to rise in the distance, past the snow clouds. Beyond the thick clouds, the sky was changing to a hue of purple. The light began to break through the clouds, melting the thin layer of snow. Bella, get away from the window, Jacques gave me the command and I wanted to obey, but wouldn't. The sunrise was so beautiful, I couldn't look away. The sun was brighter; the feel of it was warmer on my face.
My eyes blinked slowly, fighting off the shattering pain that was starting to grow. Sharp pains hit my eyes, like needles jabbing me all at once. My skin began to slowly burn as the sun's rays touched my face. I could feel the pain, but I didn't care. This sunrise was so beautiful. Raven gasped loudly, "No!" Her hands pulled me away and closed the curtains. The pain was dulling, now that I was out of the sunlight. I felt like I was in a trance. Raven brushed her finger along my cheekbones, "Jacques's going to kill me. Look at your eyes."
Strong fingers curved around my arm. My body was turned, making me face Jacques's horrified expression, "Why didn't you listen to me?" I turned away from him, pulling my arm out of his hold, "Stop." Raven's lip was trembling, "I should have closed the curtains." I blinked, feeling the stinging, "How bad is it?" Jacques's arm curved around my waist.
Anger rolled through him as he blamed Raven. My elbow jabbed into his ribs, "Don't you dare blame her. She can't see everything." Jacques's voice came out hard and angry, "And if I didn't make it snow, you two would have been out there when the sun came up. I don't even want to think about the damage you would have suffered." The harsh words were directed at Raven. Mikhail appeared behind her, "Jacques, you will not speak to Raven like that again." The brothers stared each other down, filling the narrow hall with tension.
"Stop!" my voice rang through an octave. These two were making this bigger than what it was. My hand pulled Jacques's face down to look at me, "It was my fault, ok? As usual, I didn't listen. Raven didn't know. If you have to be mad, just be mad at me."
His stare was still icy. Jacques. Fingers tilted my chin up, as his darks eyes looked over my face, "One thing you should have been told is that, as my lifemate, I cannot allow you to put yourself in danger. Your safety is regarded above my own. I know your independence is important to you and I will respect that, but you must to keep yourself safe." His words sent warmth and security right through me. I wanted to argue his term of 'allow you' but I was on thin ice. His eyes drifted over my face, "We can argue my term of phrase later. You need to rest."
I refuse to move. Jacques looked at me, curious as to why I wouldn't go with him. I glanced at Raven and tapped my foot. My eyes moved to look at her and it stung. Jacques knew what I wanted. He nodded once, "Raven, I am sorry. My brother and Bella are right. I shouldn't have spoken to you in that manner. Please forgive me." Mikhail's hard expression didn't change, while holding Raven protectively against his side.
She nodded once, bouncing her dark hair in the motion, "I forgive you, Jacques, if Bella forgives me." I looked at her in surprise, "Raven, you've done nothing wrong. Despite what these two think, women do have a mind of their own. I love sunrises and the ones here are the most beautiful I've ever seen. I couldn't help myself. It really was my fault." She quickly tilted her head, "Just feel better." Mikhail still glared at his brother. He wasn't satisfied with the apology. "Mikhail?" His head moved silently, not taking his eyes off his brother. "I know Jacques is sorry for the way he spoke to Raven. He was upset and it got the best of him. Please don't be mad at your brother because of my stubbornness."
Jacques held me closer, pulling me into his chest, "It's not your stubbornness he is angry with, angel. Do not worry. My brother and I have gotten through worse." "Yes," Mikhail finally spoke, "but, never when our women were involved." Raven backed away from Mikhail and I did the same from Jacques. Their anger was stifling the small space, making it difficult to breath. Raven and I held hands, "Then, let's take ourselves out of the matter," Raven said. We left them as they stood. I'm so stupid. She and I walked down the hall towards Mikhail's and Jacques's wings.
Hands claimed my waist, pulling me to a stop, "Do not speak about yourself like that." Jacques's voice whispered in my ear. I looked back at him, seeing Mikhail with Raven. "Just tell me you're not mad at each other and I'll take it back." Mikhail bowed his head, "We're not, Bella. Please understand, when it comes to you and Raven's protection, in any form, we would turn on each other." I exhaled slowly, "Then don't do that. You two have been brothers long before we came along."
My eyes stung from the burning of the sunlight and worse, from the tears that came. I was pulled into the wall of Jacques's chest, "We can talk about this later. Good day to you both." Mikhail and Jacques pulled me and Raven apart and down the stairs to the bedchambers. Raven? She glanced at me, then shook her head slightly, I know what you want to say, but we can talk about it later.
In the bedchambers, herbs were already burning; their fragrance stinging my eyes more. My hand went over them, blocking out the pain. I blinked wildly, but it only made it feel worse. Seeing me in pain, Jacques moved across the room. There was a clinking noise that came from where he was. He was back at my side, "Drink this." Not letting my eyes open, I drank knowing what he was giving me. The glass touched my lips, bringing warm liquid to my mouth. The liquid touched my tongue, triggering my instincts to consume more.
The contents were done and Jacques took away the glass, "I'll get you more." He left the room, leaving me alone. I went into the bathroom to see the damage that everyone was concerned about. My own reflection scared me; my eyes were bleeding. The whites were now blood red, which caused the stinging. The brown were surrounded by red, as through veins burst and bled out. There was a long gash along my cheekbone. Well, I was young in this life, so the sunlight would affect me worse. I remembered how the sun felt on my eyes the day I went out on my own. If I faced the full sun now, what would it have done to me?
Jacques entered the room, holding another glass. In the mirror, I saw the red contents coated along the glass walls. "*Sívamet – my love?" My mind shied away from the thought of drinking it again. Lips pressed into my neck, "All you have to do is ask." My head dipped once, "Please?" Jacques's will covered my own, making it seem like I was asleep. Once his will was gone, I saw Jacques leaving the bathroom with the empty glass.
The blood in my eyes was fading, leaving them white and brown again. The gash on my cheek was gone and the taste of the blood lingered in my throat. I turned away from the mirror to turn on the shower; I needed to get my mind off this. My clothes fell on the floor and I stood under the falling water. The showed washed everything away. The thought of drinking blood; the feel of it running down my throat should repulse me but it doesn't. The water turned off and I wrapped a towel around myself. I found it a bit surprising that I took the shower alone.
My peppermint lotion was in the small closet with the rest of my toiletries. I rubbed it into my skin, knowing what it would do to Jacques. It was time to teach him a lesson on controlling himself. He was so mad at Raven, when she did nothing wrong. Tucking my towel back around myself, I went back into the bedroom. Jacques was already lying in bed; his dark eyes followed me as I walked across the fireplace. He leaned to one side, propped up on his elbow, his fingers interlocked as he watched me. There was a dark chuckle, "I was waiting for you. Are you feeling better?" "Yes, but I'm sure you knew that." I turned for the closet, but the doors shut before I reached them. I tried the handle, but the door wouldn't move. My hand fell to my side, "I just wanted to get my pajamas." Jacques didn't move or say anything.
There was only the sound of the fire crackling and our steady breaths. I moved closer to the fire, trying to warm myself. The heat was comforting. "If you're cold, then come here." I looked back at Jacques, my eyes narrowing, "Clothes would help keep me warm too." I went to sit on the couch, keeping myself away from him. Jacques inhaled deeply, then snarled, "You little minx." He could smell the peppermint on my skin. "What did I do?" I asked, in fake innocence. Jacques crossed the room in the blink of an eye, holding me against the cushions. His well chiseled form held me down, "You know what you're doing." I smiled coyly, "I was just sitting down, then you jumped on me. Is this an overreaction?"
My body was moved, sitting in Jacques's lap with my legs parted. He inhaled at the skin of my neck, "This scent on you is becoming my favorite." Hands splayed on my back holding me against his body. I wanted to push away from him, but my body melted into his. The energy from the land coursed through me. My head fell backwards from Jacques tugging at my hair and teeth pierced my skin. The pain shot through me, but I didn't move away from it. It was changing to pleasurable pain. My fingers clutched in Jacques's hair. He drank from me and I enjoyed it. My head leaned forward to look into Jacques's eyes. His thumb brushed my face, Next time, please listen to me. I hate seeing you hurt. His arms held me close and rose from the couch. Jacques moved us over to the bed and he lowered my body with his, not letting me out of his grasp. His breath blew against my neck again, So sweet, but I'll let you rest. I know you're tired.
Disappointment shot through me, But I want to be with you. I pressed myself into his frame, moving my leg between his. Arms held me tight as I moved against his body. Jacques's thoughts were of absolute desire. To him, Jacques had a right to be with me when he wanted. My body was his. Our minds were one and my soul was tied to his. I moaned, feeling him press into my skin. Let me be with you.
His lips brushed mine, You are with me, beloved.
No, not this way. Be a part of me. I need you. I kissed the corner of his mouth, letting him feel my tongue.
Bella, he protested, which was surprising, you need your rest.
Jacques, please. You say I belong to you, well make it so. Make me yield to you. My words were breaths of lust, Jacques, I need only you, right now.
Giving in to our desires, Jacques and I were one. His hands held my hips, holding me in place. I couldn't get enough of him. Moments like this made forever seem like an inadequate amount of time to be with Jacques. His mouth was on mine; taking possession of what was his. In my mind, it seemed that that this was somehow wrong. In a matter of days, Jacques took over my life, where I had to leave behind the world and time. I was prepared to do it before. At least now, I had a semblance of a life before meeting him. With a strong thrust, my fingers clutched at the bed and swirls of colors danced in front of my eyes. Jacques? His forehead was against mine, sleek with perspiration, Yes, love.
Say it to me again. Bind me to you. I wanted to hear the words he said, making me his.
Bella, I have already claimed you. You are mine.
Please, I begged, I want it again. You don't know what it was like for me in that moment. He moved against me, holding my chin with his strong hand, Isabella, Te avio päläfertiilam, Éntölam kuulua, avio päläfertiilam, Ted kuuluak, kacad, kojed, Élidamet andam, Pesämet andam, Uskolfertiilamet andam, Sívamet andam, Sielamet andam, Ainamet andam, Sívamet kuuluak kaik että a ted, Ainaak olenszal sívambin, Te élidet ainaak pide minan, Te avio päläfertiilam, Ainaak sívamet jutta oleny, Ainaak terád vigyázak. (You are my lifemate. I claim you as my lifemate. I belong to you. I offer my life for you. I give you my protection. I give you my allegiance. I give you my heart. I give you my soul. I give you my body. I take into my keeping the same that is yours. Your life will be cherished by me for all my time. Your life will be placed above my own for all time. You are my lifemate. You are bound to me for all eternity. You are always in my care.)
Jacques spoke in a language I've never heard, but I felt what he said to me. My eyes widened, feeling the words etching themselves into my soul. It was there again; a connection beyond anything I've ever felt in my life. With the union of our minds and bodies, my soul met his, becoming into one. One could not survive without the other. Cut one life and the other goes with it. My mind wasn't my own as Jacques took possession. My teeth grew and bit into his shoulder. The taste of his blood was strong. Jacques raked his fingers through my hair, Isabella, you are mine, now and forever. You can never escape me, for you'll always want to be with me. I will love you for all eternity, as you will love me. Say 'yes' and be mine. Instincts took over my mind as I licked the bite marks closed. Jacques and I looked into each other's eyes and it was all there. His love, lust, want, yearning and desire for only me. To want me to be safe and only be his forever. You don't know what those centuries were like for me. Only a gray, emotionless existence, then you appeared when I was ready to let go of everything. You are my angel of love, mercy and kindness.
His kissed along my jawline, I love you so much. Nothing but loyalty to my brother held me here. You are the light to my darkness, a laugh in the endless night and my salvation. My only duty is to see to your happiness. His arm curved under my body, holding me against him, My life, my love, my wife, I will always take care and protect you.
Yes! My mind screamed out to his words. This was Jacques's vow to me. The kiss between us was hard and consuming. His tongue glided along my lips, I love you. "I love you, more than you'll ever know." My body trembled as he filled me with himself.
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JPOV
Bella was adjusting better with each passing night. Raven and Mikhail helped with her education in Carpathian traditions and laws. She listened intently, taking in all of the new information. She lived in our home for weeks now, learning along with Raven. They learned our chants, language and traditions together. Gregori participated in their education, teaching them more about our herbs. He was very impressed in how quickly they were learning.
It would seem Bella is a good influence on Raven, Gregori observed as they worked together in practicing to speak our language. Bella still had qualms with feeding. For now, she drank from from me and I was happy to provide for her. With great reluctance, I allowed the others to feed her. I fought with every instinct seeing her teeth since into Gregori's skin. Bella would need to be connected to all of us, as Raven is. It's necessary for her safety. Mikhail spoke the truth. Their blood also provided her with greater sustenance.
There were things my brother and I didn't let our women know. Butchers were in the forest. We kept a close eye on Bella and Raven when they weren't near us. I made it snow that night so they would come inside. Gregori alerted us that the fanaticals were a few miles from our home. Byron had been gone for several nights, hoping to find their base of operation. From the last hunt, we got the names of their leaders and where they were.
Raven and Bella cannot be made known that they're near. They would only worry needlessly. Gregori continued in explaining shape-shifting to Bella. Raven rolled her eyes, "Ok, that's my favorite thing and you're making it sound boring." Gregori's eyes narrowed at Raven, "Fine. Since it's your favorite, you explain it to her." Gregori, you fool, I cursed him. Gregori allowed them an open invitation to leave the safety of our home. Raven and Bella walked out to the front door. We're supposed to be keeping them inside. "*Csitri – little one," Mikhail called after them. The ladies stopped, "Tonight isn't the best night for a flying lesson. A thunderstorm is coming." Raven's shoulders slumped, "Can't you delay it?" He shook his head, "Not this night." Bella smiled as I walked toward her. She let me wrap my arms around her, "Mikhail is right. It's best you stay inside." Her head brushed against me, breathing deeply, You're saying this on purpose, aren't you?
I might be. I don't like it when you're away from me.
Her brown eyes looked up at me from underneath a thick fringe of lashes, making me laugh, "Do not worry. We can fly another night."
Outside, a piercing howl was carried on the wind. The wolves sang, alerting us to danger.
Carpathian Language
* sívamet: my love or my heart
Shee-vaw-meht
* Csitri: little one
chee-tree
*Lifemate Chant
Te avio päläfertiilam : You are my lifemate (Teh aw-vee-oh paa-laa-fehr-tee-ee-lawm)
Éntölam kuulua, avio päläfertiilam: I claim you as my lifemate (Ayn-tö-lawm koo-oo-loo-aw, aw-vee-oh paa-laa-fehr-tee-ee-lawm)
Ted kuuluak, kacad, kojed: I belong to you (Tehd koo-oo-loo-awk, kaw-tsawd, koh-yehd)
Élidamet andam: I offer my life for you (Ayl-ih-da-met awn-dawm)
Pesämet andam: I give you my protection (Peh-saa-meht awn-dawm)
Uskolfertiilamet andam: I give you my allegiance (Oo-shkohl-fehr-tee-ee-law-meht awn-dawm)
Sívamet andam: I give you my heart (Shee-vaw-meht awn-dawm)
Sielamet andam: I give you my soul (Shee-ehl-aw-meht awn-dawm)
Ainamet andam: I give you my body (Eye-naw-meht awn-dawm)
Sívamet kuuluak kaik että a ted: I take into my keeping the same that is yours (Shee-vaw-meht koo-oo-loo-awk keye-eek eht-taa aw tehd)
Ainaak olenszal sívambin: Your life will be cherished by me for all my time (Eye-naw-awk oh-lehn-sawl shee-vawm-been)
Te élidet ainaak pide minan : Your life will be placed above my own for all time (Teh ay-lee-deht eye-naw-awk pee-deh mee-nawn)
Te avio päläfertiilam: You are my lifemate (Teh aw-vee-oh paa-laa-fehr-tee-ee-lawm)
Ainaak sívamet jutta oleny: You are bound to me for all eternity (Eye-naw-awk shee-vaw-meht yoot-taw oh-leh-nyuh)
Ainaak terád vigyázak: You are always in my care (Eye-naw-awk teh-raad vee-jyaa-awk)
