Chapter 4 – Waking Up

It has been more than six damning years since we left Forks. I just left Brazil, living most of the time away from my family. It took Emmett and Alice to finally convince me to return. Carlisle and the other were in Ithaca, New York and it was time for them to move on. Esme did not want to move on without me. "Edward, I hate to say it, but you've left me no choice. Esme said that she cannot move on again, not without another one of her children." That convinced me. It was clear that my family still loved and missed Bella very much. Esme and Carlisle were ecstatic to see me. Rosalie was happy as well, but she was still self-centered. About time you dragged yourself out of your depression. It's been more than five years. I don't care if it's been six years or six hundred years, I still thought about my beloved angel every minute of every day. Everyday, I thought about going to see her. But as each day changed into months to years, it got harder and harder to return to her.

Right now, she is almost 25 years old. I could almost imagine what she would look like. Her features more defined, from the curve of her cheekbones to the contours of her legs, my Bella must be even more beautiful. But, I couldn't call her that. She wasn't "my Bella." I winced; I hated thinking that, but it was true. I had to let her go, for her own good. Its only been six years, but I wonder if she had forgotten me. I know I would never forget her, but I hoped that she would think about me. I hoped that she found the box under her floorboard, where I left our pictures. If she found it, did it make her happy or sad? Did she keep them or burn them? Edward, if you want me to check on her, just say the word, Alice tried to comfort me. But I wasn't comforted. I would never be comforted again. My only comfort was thinking that Bella was leading a happy, human life, free of interference from me and my kind. I thought of her as a successful career woman, happily married to a man whose love for her was a dim light to the fire that still burned in my heart for her and a loving mother. Their child should have her eyes and face, not to mention her cleverness and strong will.

I had to stop. Thinking of her made my chest and body ache. I don't even recognize myself in the mirror. I know I have not changed it almost a century, but the man that looks back at me is truly a shell of the man I once was. I wasn't the man I was before I met her and I was most certainly not the man I was when I was with her. The man that stared back at me was somehow paler, weaker and less of a man and more of a thing. A being that walked around day-to-day, just feeding and existing. That is all I do. I don't laugh. I don't smile. I run, but I only run out of necessity. I run away from my pain and grief. But, it is useless. It follows me like a shadow, haunting me. Reminding me of what I had to let go. My chest was hollow and an echo of the heart that was once there. All at the same time, I knew where my heart was, but I did not where to find it. I tried to maintain my distance from my family. I didn't want them to suffer because of my proximity. They were all happy I was back, but concerned even more. "He is awful. You should have seen him when we found him. He barely feeds, his clothes were in tatters and from what it looked like, he hadn't moved in weeks," Alice explained to Carlisle. "It is difficult to lose the one you love. But for our kind, it's even worse. Look at Marcus of the Volturi. He lost his wife over a millennia ago and he still mourns her. He's despondent and uninterested in anything."

It was clear I had to try to at least put on a brave face for my family's sake. If we were going to be with my family again, I would have to learn to become sociable again. I still wouldn't participate in sports with my brothers, I would hunt on my own and I would shy away from physical contact. I was hollow and my family understood. But, when I was with them, I would try. I would try to smile at their jokes and interact with their conversations.

Carlisle spoke with all of us one evening, "Alright, it is time for us to move on. Tanya said we should come to Denali." Of course Tanya would. She thinks she could make me forget Bella. "She said they have a new sister and is excited for us to meet her." Alice smiled and tried to look for her. "And Tanya has requested that Alice doesn't look for her, because she wants everyone to meet her at the same time." Alice made a face, I don't want to wait. I half-smiled at my sister's stubbornness. She pouted and folded her arms, picking that habit up from Bella. I looked down and remembered how she looked when she did that. "Tanya is very happy with her new sister and we should get to Denali as soon as we can." So, everyone voted and it was decided that we spend sometime in Denali getting to know our new cousin. Alice was still grumbling that she could not look for the girl. "It's not fair. I want to know who she is." Rosalie groaned, "And you will, as soon as we all meet her." I walked out of my room to go hunt, "Get over it Alice. We'll meet her soon enough." She stuck her tongue at me, "Not soon enough for me."

I found myself chuckling at my sister's stubbornness. After I hunted, I found Alice in my room, packing my clothes. "Edward, I was just doing you a favor." "Thanks, Alice." I sat on the floor and looked out the window. Edward, I miss her too. I closed my eyes and leaned my head against my knees. Can I admit something to you without you getting mad? I shrugged. At first, I didn't completely stop looking for her future. "I figured you wouldn't. She was your best friend." I heard her laugh once, I know I shouldn't have and I've stopped for a long time now. But still… I saw Alice reminiscing about her time with Bella. With them watching movies in Alice's bedroom, to brushing her hair while Bella sat on the floor and them laughing together in the school cafeteria. I sighed, "I wish it could have been different, Alice. But it had to be done." She sighed, "I know." She sat with me on the floor and leaned her head on my neck, "I wish for the same thing." "So do I," Emmett entered the room. Both of us looked up. "I kinda feel cheated. I had the least amount of time with her." I'm sorry, Edward, but she was a great little sister. I miss her a lot too. She made me laugh. Emmett sat on my couch, "But like you said, we had to keep her safe." Alice took my hand, "Yes, that was the first priority."

Soon, we were landing at Clearwater Airport in Cantwell, Alaska. We drove to the house, where we found Tanya and Eleazar alone. "Carlisle, I've missed you." When Tanya saw me, "Is he doing any better?" Carlisle shook his head, "He still misses her. We all do." All of us sat in the living room. I stood in the corner, while everyone spoke. "Where is everyone else?" Alice asked, dying to meet their new sister. "Oh, out dancing as usual. They're enjoying their favorite game; who can get the most phone numbers?" Rosalie laughed. "Ok, Tanya, can I at least see when they're coming home?" Tanya scowled at Alice, "No, because I know you. You're going to try and see who she is." Alice folded her arms and Jasper kissed her cheek. While they spoke, Emmett's eyes looked over the mantle. His eyes fell on one picture in particular. "Tanya? Is that her?" He got up and took the picture. "Yes, that's our new sister, Isabella." Emmett took in her face and I flashed to his side. She looks just like Bella. Emmett wasn't exaggerating. Alice took the picture, "Bella?" Tanya looked at us, "No, Isabella." Alice looked at her, "Yeah, that's her full name; Isabella Marie Swan." Tanya stood, "You know her?"

Esme looked at the picture, "That's the girl we had to leave behind." Tanya's eyes widened, "What? Irina found her six years ago in Quebec. She has complete amnesia. She doesn't remember a thing from her human life."

Tanya explained how Irina found Isabella, how they tried to find out who she was, but failed, so they went to the Volturi. Aro's power didn't work on her, but they stayed for a few years before returning to Denali. "She's been here for months. Carlisle, I swear, had I known I would have called you much sooner." Carlisle patted Tanya's shoulder, "I know. You say she doesn't remember anything?" Tanya shook her head, "She doesn't even remember being turned." I looked at Carlisle, "How could this have happened? We left to protect her." Oh my gosh, I feel awful. Edward, believe me, I truly did not know. I never knew what the girl looked like. I nodded, "I know, Tanya. I believe you. Where are they?" Just then, we heard the car arriving. The door open and I heard their laughter and bantering. Alice beamed, I can't believe this. She's here. The front door opened, "Irina, I'm not being biased. This dress does look better on me because of my dark hair. Copper is a great color on me." Irina groaned, "Isabella, you have no idea what you're talking about." I heard her laugh and already I felt uplifted.

Carmen and Kate rounded the corner, "Carlisle!" Irina was next, "Fine, let's ask Alice and see what she thinks." Finally, there she was, Bella. Her hair was longer, down to her waist, her eyes were gold and she was thinner. She wore a ruffled cooper dress, which stopped mid-thigh with strapped shoes. She smiled brightly at our family. I couldn't stop myself. Before she spoke, I dashed across the room, held her face and kissed her. I pulled her into my body and kissed her. I parted her lips with my own. I felt her hands on my back and I devoured her even more. Soon, her fingers dug into my back and suddenly I was being thrown to the ground. She stood over me, with her hand grasping at my neck. Her face was livid and Irina took her hand. "Edward, why did you do that?" Irina scolded me. Carmen hugged Bella's shoulders and Eleazar helped me up. Her thrust was powerful; my body left an indentation on the floor. I looked at her. "I'm sorry, but I do not know you," she spat at me. She looked at Irina, "Does he usually greet people like that?" Irina shook her head, If he did, Tanya would be very happy. Irina and Bella went off to the kitchen. Emmett broke the silence with his laughter, She's still got it. Only Bella could make me laugh this hard. Alice couldn't help smiling, as did Rosalie and Jasper. Way to go, Edward, Rosalie tried not to laugh.