Chapter 14
Jan Di sat on the couch at her house, watching a drama on tv that she paid absolutely no attention to. Her mind wandered elsewhere. Or rather, it was focused on someone. Her heart felt heavy, and she had no appetite, which worried her mother who kept asking her if she was sick. She clutched the massive Pusheen doll Ji Hoo had won for her at the amusement park tightly, as though afraid that it, too, would be lost to her.
When afternoon came her mother decided she had had enough of Jan Di's moping. She asked Jan Di to go out for a walk, and when Jan Di refused, she practically dragged Jan Di out of the house. They walked quietly side by side, with no particular destination in mind. Her mother kept glancing at her, but Jan Di was looking at the ground, lower lip sticking out, eyes as sad as a sick puppy. When they arrived at the park she and Ji Hoo frequently visited, her mother decided it was time to talk.
They sat down on one of the benches by the river. Jan Di didn't even realize until much later that it was the same bench she had found Ji Hoo sitting on when he had wandered off after Min Seo Hyun's engagement.
"My daughter," her mother broke the silence between them. "Something is bothering you. Care to tell me?"
Jan Di was surprised at her mother's tone. Normally, when her mother spoke to her it was either through a scream or a smack on the head because she did something wrong (or was about to do something wrong). Very rarely did her mother show the tender side that was facing her right now. Jan Di curled up to her knees and gave an almost imperceptible nod.
"I'm confused, umma. I'm so confused."
Her mother nodded, as though she expected her to say as much. She gave a huge sigh, then looked up at the darkening sky. "Do you know why I married your father?"
Jan Di was taken aback by her mother's question. "Because you love him?"
Her mother chuckled. "Aside from that." She was still looking up. "I don't know if you know, but I was a very good-looking girl when I met your father." Jan Di smiled at that. How could she forget? Her mother often reminded them of this. "I had many suitors. I didn't even like your father at first."
Jan Di cocked her head to the side. "Oh?"
"He was persistent though. And he never gave up on me. He did little things that I never noticed at first. And he made me laugh. Happy." Her mother smiled as she recollected the past. "Sure, I could have married someone rich and handsome. And mind you, sometimes I think about it too!" She elbowed Jan Di jokingly. "But in end, I found out I couldn't live without him." She turned to face Jan Di, then started stroking her hair tenderly. "What I'm saying is, I know that you have a choice to make. It's a hard decision, for sure. Either one would be great for our family. They're both ridiculously handsome, both rich, both love you..."
"Umma!" Jan Di scolded. "You're not really helping, you know." When she realized what her mother just said, she gave her mother a bewildered look. "How did you know?" She didn't think her mother knew she was torn in two.
Her mother smirked. "I'm more perceptive than you think. We all know about Jun Pyo, of course. Considering you're wearing that massive ring on your finger." Jan Di couldn't help but stare at the ring on her finger. "But I could tell, even from afar, that Ji Hoo is crazy about you too."
Was, Jan Di thought, sadly. He was. Not anymore. I was too late.
Her mother continued. "No one does all those things if they didn't care. Though I guess your heart was too busy to notice."
Jan Di sighed bitterly. "I don't know where my heart is anymore, umma."
Her mother pulled her in for a hug. "If you want to know where your heart is, look to where your mind goes when it wanders."
Well, she knew the answer to that question. Not that it would help her now.
"I don't know what to do, umma." She sighed, regretfully.
Her mother squeezed her shoulders. "Jan Di," she smiled at her daughter. "Don't marry the person you can live with. Marry the one you cannot live without."
…
On her way home from school the next day, Jan Di was startled to find a black car waiting for her in front of her house. Her first thought was that Jun Pyo had come to whisk her away somewhere. She walked cautiously towards it.
The door opened and Woo Bin stepped out. He was dressed in a black suit with a white shirt and grey tie. He grinned as he saw her approach. He motioned for her to get into the car, and she hesitantly obliged.
What's this? She thought. Did Jun Pyo send him to fetch me now? But Jun Pyo was not inside the car.
"So how are things with Jan Di lately?" Woo Bin greeted.
Jan Di could only answer with a slight grimace. She was slightly on edge.
"Let's go somewhere to eat. My treat." He said, as though they did this all the time.
They drove to a fancy Japanese restaurant and sat in one of their private booths. Jan Di still hadn't said a word. Woo Bin decided to order the food for both of them.
"Woo Bin sunbae...is everything...ok?" She croaked, finally finding her voice. Woo Bin just flashed her a huge grin.
"Of course. I'm good. Busy. My father's been giving me lots of responsibilities lately, you know, because I'm apparently an adult now." He rolled his eyes. Then he noticed Jan Di's grimace. "I'm not here to scold you or beat you up. Relax, Geum Jan Di."
Jan Di felt her shoulders relax a little. The waitress brought a smorgasbord of food – mostly in wooden boats. She picked at some, then realized she was starving so she gobbled a few of them at a time.
Woo Bin watched her with fascination. "So Jan Di, how goes things? You excited for the wedding?"
Jan Di stopped chewing the piece of sushi in her mouth. The wedding, she thought. They haven't even set a date yet (though Madam Kang kept insisting they do it soon). She sighed, closed her eyes and then spoke. "I don't know."
Woo Bin nodded. "You can tell me, you know. I won't say anything to Gu Jun Pyo."
Jan Di thought of all the times she had spent with Woo Bin. She decided that yes, he could be trusted.
"I'm not sure I want to get married."
"Ah." Was all Woo Bin said, as though he understood everything from what she just said.
Jan Di arched an eyebrow. "Ah? You mean you understand? You know?"
Woo Bin laughed. "I think the only people that don't know or notice are you, Jun Pyo and Ji Hoo."
Jan Di flushed with embarrassment. "Really?"
"Yeah. You three are so focused on each other, you've become blind to one another." He sighed. "Jan Di, do you remember the time you disappeared and lived in that remote fishing village?"
How could she forget that? "Uh huh."
"Well, Jun Pyo was a wreck. He became quite destructive with himself. You know, drinking lots, partying, sleeping all day - that sort of stuff. It's how he deals with things." Woo Bin saw a flash of guilt appear on Jan Di's face. "It's not your fault - that's just how he is." His eyes became sad as he continued. "But Ji Hoo's behavior that time scared me...I've never seen him like that before. He threw himself completely into his work - he would be up early, go to the Art Center, school, then Art Center. I don't think he ever napped. Or slept, to be honest. It wasn't like him at all." He shook his head, in disbelief. "And the moment he found out where you were, you know what that guy did?"
Jan Di couldn't utter a word. She hadn't known about this before.
"He rushed right to Jun Pyo and told him where to find you. He had made up his mind to go to you already, though. But he thought he should let Jun Pyo know so he could also go to you." A sad smile appeared on his face again. "But Jun Pyo was stubborn, so Ji Hoo left, alone. And you know what happened after."
He inclined his head and looked at her. "May I give you a word of advice, as a friend?"
Jan Di slowly nodded.
"I've known those two most of my life. They're both great guys. They're my bros, you know?" He smirked. "They're also very different, personality-wise. Jun Pyo's an extrovert, Ji Hoo's an introvert. Jun Pyo is aggressive, Ji Hoo is not. Both of them will love you with all their heart, though. Both of them will make you happy. You can't go wrong with either choice."
Jan Di was puzzled. This was the same advice she heard from her mother. Woo Bin noticed the look of confusion on her face.
"You need to make a choice, though." Woo Bin's face turned serious. "And you need to be honest with yourself. Because if you choose the wrong person, you'll just end up hurting all three of you in the process."
Jan Di didn't think she'd ever hear relationship advice from Woo Bin, who had a reputation of being a player. But his words were wise, and she pondered on them for a bit.
"If you choose Jun Pyo, Ji Hoo will still be there for you. He always will. That's just how he is. He won't hold a grudge." Woo Bin held a small teacup in his hands. "His love is unconditional." He stared at the little tea leaves that floated on his tea. "But if you choose Ji Hoo...I don't know if Jun Pyo will ever be able to get over it. You might lose him forever." He looked at her, his eyes deep and filled with sadness. "He's not used to losing, you know. I'm not saying choose him, because that decision is yours. I just want you to know what might happen when you choose one over the other."
She was silent as she reflected on what Woo Bin had just said.
Finally, she looked at him and gave a quick nod. "Thank you, Woo Bin sunbae. I will think about what you said."
Woo Bin dropped her off around 10 o'clock that evening. Jan Di paced back and forth in her tiny room, unable to sleep. Her mind was troubled, her heart was restless. Tomorrow she was going to make a choice that would alter her life forever. Her eyes caught the small box tucked under her desk. She pulled it out and carefully removed the contents. It was her "Box of Joy", as she called it, as it contained all the items that had made her happy these past few years. She took out the music sheets that she received from Ji Hoo one Christmas, the tag on the case of beef they had won during the Wedding Photography contest, the Lotus flower he had bought at the temple, a page filled with anatomy drawings that Ji Hoo had made for her to help her study for an exam. There were other small items in there too. At the bottom was the pair of shoes he had bought for her in Macau – the one that he bought with the first money he's ever made.
Everything he's given me, he's given it with all his heart, she thought, dolefully.
But Jun Pyo loves me too. She touched the pendant on her neck.
