Chapter 13 – Return & Realizations
Edward and I were still on the carpet as the afternoon sun was high in the sky. Our skin glittered, lighting up the window. If someone were to look into the window, they wouldn't see us, only a bright rainbow in the glass. His breath was slow against my neck, while his face was buried in my hair and his arm was around me.
Moving slowly, I leaned up on one elbow and looked out the window. "What is it?" I couldn't look at him. I couldn't even look at myself. I was a cheater. I wanted to hit myself or something. I stood up and put on a robe. Edward was still sitting on the floor, watching me. He stood up quickly and held my waist, "Bella, what's wrong?" I looked up at him in gust and pushed past him, "How can you ask that? Look what we just did." He looked at the spot where we just were, "Bella, don't be mad at yourself."
I groaned and pushed my hands into his chest, "How can you say that? I just cheated on my husband. And to make matters worse; with my ex whom my husband hates." Edward's body stiffened, "Oh." He was silent while I left the room. I needed space from him to think about what I was going to do. I leapt over the banister, into the living room to sit on the couch. I was utterly disgusted with myself. Felix is going to hate me. He was going to leave. I was going to lose everything. My hands pulled at my hair as my forehead rested on my knees. Edward stood at the banister that, "Bella, I know what we did was wrong, but when we were together, it didn't feel wrong. Not to me anyway."
Being with Edward, in that close intimate way did feel right. My head shook, not lifting from my knees, "So, what do we do? We can't go back to the way we were. Trying to be friends." He dashed down the stairs and sat on the coffee table in front of me. "Bella, look at me." My body didn't move. Strong hands lifted my head. My face crumpled, looking at Edward and not Felix. He brushed my hair, "You're right, we can't." His hand held my face, "I will be whatever you want me to be." I blinked, "What do you mean? As a lover?"
He sighed, "Whatever you want." I stared at him in disbelief. He just said he respected marriages, but he was willing to do that, if I asked him to, "A husband and a lover? I don't think I can do that." Edward's face fell, "I shouldn't have done this." My shoulder slumped, "I could've pushed you off me at any time. But I didn't." He looked at me, "Why didn't you?"
Why didn't I? We were staring, leaning towards each other. I was fighting it since Felix told me to move on. My fight increased when I saw Edward, after marrying Felix. My heart tore. The only way to mend it was to tell the truth. "Maybe I didn't want to." My breath staggered, "I can't cheat on Felix, not again. And it's not fair to you. It's half of a relationship."
Edward moved to sit next to me, putting his arm over my shoulders, "Half of a relationship with you is better than no relationship at all." I forgot how determined he could be. I bit my lip, "Edward, it's not fair to you. It's not fair to Felix. Both of you having the same woman. One of you not knowing what's going on. It's not right." Edward leaned closer and pressed his lips to mine. I kissed back, reveling in the feel of it. This was wrong, but it did feel right. This kiss was different than our last. His lips moved with mine, no one yielding to the other. "I love you, Bella. And I want you in my life. As a friend, as a lover. One or the other, or both. Whatever you want." His arm pulled me into his body, leaning us back on the couch. My head lolled over the arm of the couch.
Edward moved against me, pulling my head back up to kiss me. A moan escaped my lips. I wanted this. I wanted to be with him. The walls I built crumbled with every touch, with every kiss and every look. Edward and I did belong together and now we were. He and I matched. The last pieces of the puzzle fitting together perfectly. His lips found mine again. "This will be whatever you want it to be." That thought lingered in my mind, as the pieces fell back together. Edward made us one again.
Venice was fun, but I didn't fully enjoy it, because of guilt. Guilt for what I did and what I was doing. I was still with Edward, being with him in an intimate and wrong way. We walked along the canals together in the night. The fireworks lit up the sky every night. That was when he carried me to my house and we were together again. He took care not to tear my festival gowns. Each time together, he would whisper 'I love you,' but I never said it in return. "You don't have to say it," he explained, "I know you do."
There was no word from Felix or anyone else from Volterra. Alice hadn't seen anything. All she did was encourage me to get out and see the city. Carnivale was almost over and she didn't want me to stay locked up in the house. She made a face, "Isabella Marie Swan," she grimaced, "I know what your new name is, but it's weird to say it. Isabella Volturi, then, you're not staying in here. Put on your dress and let's got."
Alice pulled out my party gown; a silver corseted dress. The dress hugged me to my waist, then the skirt flowed into a train. She tied on my mask and pulled me out of the house. Carlisle asked me to dance and refused to take 'no' as an answer. I dance with him and his sons. There were a few men that asked me to dance and I accepted, but only to make the time go by. After my last dance, I walked to the edge of the dance floor to sit at a lone table. The ribbon of my mask was undone as I placed it on the tabletop. Where was Felix? How would I face him? Is he safe? Edward came over to me and butterflies fluttered in my stomach in a sickening way. He stood by my chair and lightly held my shoulder, "Do you want me to take you home?" A voice came from behind that answered the question for me, "That won't be necessary."
My body turned in the chair to see Felix standing behind me. He was here; he was safe. Without thinking, I jumped from my seat and my arms wrapped themselves around his neck. I already forgot who was behind me or where we were. All I knew was that my husband was back and he was safe. Felix was here and he came back for me. His fingers curled around my neck as our lips were against each other. I didn't realize how much I was really worried about him or how much I missed him. Seeing him after days, the rush of emotions were overwhelming.
Footsteps faded as someone walked away, but that wasn't important. I smiled as our kiss ended, "What happened?" He took my hand in his and turned us to the dance floor. Felix had a small smile on his face, "I missed you so much." He kissed me again before I could respond. I was overjoyed to have Felix holding me again. The two of us danced through the crowds, staring into each other's eyes.
"The Romanians were near Volterra. Gianna's dead." I gasped, "No." He exhaled a long breath, "She knew the risks. But her death wasn't in vain. Santiago tore apart the traitor that killed her. She wanted so badly to be like us. Vladimir and Stefan gathered many followers. Mostly those that survived our fights in the past. They wanted revenge against us. Jane immobilized half of the fighters." Just what I thought she would do.
"Many of them came after me and Demetri." My eyes shot up to his face and he smiled, leaning his forehead to mine, "Is Demetri ok? Were you hurt?" The song change, but we still whirled at the same pace, "He's fine. Being that he and I are usually on the front of the line in fights, it was natural for them to want to take on the strongest fighters first." Relief washed over me as Felix's fingers intertwined with mine. We walked off the dance floor, away from the crowds. The two of us walked through the streets as the crowds started to dwindle.
Felix was guiding me back to the house. Before reaching our street, he turned our bodies into a dark alley. My back was against the wall with Felix's arms around me. His lips held mine, pulling me off my feet. One arm circled my waist. His lips were strong against mine. This felt wonderful, but so very wrong. Just this morning, I was with another man. But this man, the one holding me now wasn't just any man; he was my husband. I was Felix's wife and it was going to stay that way. Despite what I felt for Edward, I loved Felix very much. His other arm took up my legs and he ran us back to the house. We were in our bedroom in seconds. In moments, my dress was on the floor. Felix's hands held my hips as he moved against me. I moaned loudly, pulling my fingers through his hair. There was no one else in the world besides me and my husband.
The thin yellow sheet covered our bodies. My head rested on his arm while my fingers absentmindedly played with his. The expression on Felix's face was one of peace. Everything was quiet around us. We just stared at each other since sunrise. There was no fighting or preparing to defend others. He deserved this time of silence and tranquility. "Would you, could you leave it all behind?" His hand pressed into my back, "I don't know. It's all I've ever known in this life." My hand touched his chest lightly, "Have you ever tried?" Both his arms encircling me, "Never."
A strand of my hair fell across my face, making me smile. Felix tucked the strand behind my ear, "I've never wanted a different life other than upholding the law. When I was human, it was what I wanted to do. Be a guardian, but for my mother, I tried to study to be a scholar. It bored me. This was what I wanted." He held me tighter against his chest, "This life and you are all I need."
My eyes slowly blinked, pushing away the gnawing guilt in my heart. "I haven't given much thought to what I wanted to do with my life. I have plenty of time to try different things now." He chuckled and it vibrated through me, "Yes, you do." "With some thanks to you." His brow furrowed, "What do you mean?" He was playing innocent. I made a face, "You fed on me. Before the venom took over my senses, I saw you leaning over me. You bit me." He didn't look remorseful, "You smelled so sweet, I couldn't resist." I rolled my eyes, "Since I've changed, you haven't been able to resist me."
His hand clutched at my hair, to touch his mouth to my neck, "Why should I? Why should I not want the woman I love?" Felix's hand took my face and he rolled us, so that he had me pinned under his frame, "Bella, I love you so much. I'm never leaving you again." The words were breathed against my neck.
Kisses trailed to my lips. From his kiss, I knew he meant it. Felix was really in love with me. He didn't like being away from me and I realized I wasn't fond of it either. But I had to wonder, what would it do to him if he ever found out what Edward and I had done?
