Chapter 16 – Past Secrets

"Bree?" The young girl came into the room, "Yeah, Bella?" I smiled at her. Bree was being taught to control her impulses by Alec and Retana. "How's your training going?" She sighed, "Ok, I guess. Alec's pretty tough." She wasn't fond of Alec. She preferred me to train her. I looked up, "Because he knows what you're capable of. Don't be mad with him. Felix was no walk in the park when he was training me." She smiled, "I know. Do you need any help?"

Clothes, shoes and other things were strewn across the floor. I looked down, "Yes. Felix's closet is a wreck. It really needs a woman's touch." Bree giggled, "How old is Felix again?" I looked up at her, "A vampire over 300 never reveals their age." Bree sank to her knees and started folding clothes. Since we found her outside of Seattle, Bree and I have gotten very close. She told me about her human life while we worked. It was sad, because she was a teenage runaway. The leader of the newborn army found her and changed her against her will. She didn't even know what was happening to her.

From time to time, she would ask if I would help train her. Watching one of her sessions, Bree was hurled off the side of the building. I dashed to catch her but Retana stopped me, "No, she must learn this on her own." Half way down the building, Bree caught herself on a windowsill. She cried for help, fear resonating in her voice, but none of us moved. Every instinct in my body told me to help her, but I knew I shouldn't. She had to learn to control her body and manage her instincts. It took her a few moments, but she scaled back up to the rooftop.

Her crimson eyes were enraged, "Why didn't any of you help me?" her voice was low, adding to her menace. Alec stepped forward, "This is part of your training. Controlling your body and its reactions. Acting at a moment's will to save yourself." Bree stepped off the edge of the wall, landing on the floor, "Fine," she snapped, "Lesson over." She stormed away, then stopped. Her face was blank. "Alec, let her go. For tonight. She did well." He shook his head, "She needs to learn and quickly. She is far too impulsive."

I looked at Bree as she remained in her stance. Her head turned as she tried to see around herself, "She's a newborn and a teenager; a potent combination. Give her time." Alec stepped away to walk around Bree, "Yes and we can utilize that to our advantage, but she must control her temper." I scoffed loudly, "She still thinks from a human's perspective. To be thrown off a building is terrifying." Alec shook his head slowly, "You women and your bleeding hearts."

Renata stepped closer to Alec, moving to stand next to me, "Better to have a bleeding heart than an ice cold one. It's enough for today. She's a newborn. She needs time to calm down." Knowing he was outnumbered in this, Alec lifted his power off Bree. She exhaled and looked back, "Don't do that again." I was so glad Alec didn't train me much.

After putting all the clothes away in the closet, Bree and I were on the floor going through old books, trying to organize them, or so Bree thought. I hated to admit it, but Edward got to me. I had to learn more about Felix's past. Some books were withered with age. One of them fell open, showing the writing inside. I picked up the book and started reading. "These must be Felix's old journals," I said in fake curiosity. I had to know more about my husband. I was mad that I had become a stereotypcial wife snooping through her husband's things. Bree opened one of the books and began reading.

"What are those?" Bree was looking behind herself. She moved and pulled at a large framed picture and smiled, "You look beautiful. You had brown eyes?" My eyes narrowed, "Huh?" Bree turned the large frame picture for me to see. The journal fell from my hands at the sight of the girl looking out of the frame, it was me.

A piece of folded paper fell from the pages of the journal I was just reading. The folded paper was a drawing of Felix and the girl who looked exactly like me. Bree leaned in, "Wait, I thought you were only a few months older than me." I couldn't speak. The same brown eyes stared back at me. Edward was right. In the corner of the drawing was a signature, "Felix & Helena, 1549." "Bella?" A feeling of betrayal welled up inside of me. Why didn't he ever tell me about this? "Bree, could you tell Felix I need to talk to him. It's very important." She nodded and left silently.

The framed picture was left leaning against the wall. The brown eyes of Helena stared back on me, with a small smile on her lips. My face crumpled and my heart shattered as I looked at the picture. It was like looking at a mirror. Her hair was like mine; dark and long with curls at the end. She had the same heart shaped face as I did. And her eyes, oh, her eyes. They were chocolate brown like mine were. Edward was right, Helena and I could be twins. Looking at the drawing in my hands, she stood against Felix. Her head met the middle of the chest, just like mine did. His light blue eyes were in contrast with hers.

"Bella?" My eyes turned to the door and my head slowly followed. Felix looked down at me, "What are you doing?" he asked, looking around the room. nger seized my breathing. My hand held up the drawing, "Why do I look like her?" my voice asked angrily. His face fell as he looked at the drawing. I moved to my feet swiftly, taking up the large framed portrait, "Why do I look like her?"

Without thinking, my arms threw the portrait at him and I stormed out to the open room. My body was tensed, ready to strike at anything. What was hurting me the most was that Felix hid this from me. He did tell me about Helena, but he never said how much she and I looked alike. Also, to find out from Edward. Edward, of all people. My heart was shattered once again. "Bella, please, let me explain." My hands were balled up into fists.

My arms folded, keeping my hands tucked away tightly and waited. Felix put the picture down, turning the painting away from me "This is Helena, the girl I was in love with when I was human." My teeth clinched together. Felix extended his hand, gesturing for me to sit on the couch. I didn't take one step. He continued, "The day we went to the Cullens' house, I found your picture on Carlisle's desk. I couldn't believe it. For a moment, I thought you were Helena, but that would be impossible. Then when I saw you at your house, you looked exactly like her, especially your eyes." My body was locked, keeping my emotions bottled up. "So, I remind you of her?"

My eyes looked up at him waiting for his answer, "Is that why all of a sudden you love me?" He blanched, "No!" He reached to touch me, but I stepped away from him, "Do you even love me at all?" Words babbled out of my mouth without thinking about them, "Was all this because I remind you of Helena? When you said you could only marry me? Am I replacing her?"

My words were cut off as Felix held my face and kissed me. My hands pushed against his chest, but his arms pulled me into his body, not letting me go. My fists pounded on his chest until his hands gripped both of mine, locking them together. Anger and betrayal was all I was feeling. In his eyes, I was a replacement. This was a pain I wouldn't forget. I could leave him and be with Edward, if all I was to Felix was to be a reminder of her.

He collected my hands into one of his own and the other held my cheek. "You don't love me," I said; the words choking out. He pressed his lips to mine again, "Bella, I do love you. Please, let me say this. Yes, when I first saw you, that may have started the attraction." I fought against his hold, but he wouldn't let me escape, "No, you're going to listen."

He held me down on the couch and he sat down next to me, "That started the attraction, but I fell in love with you. I knew I loved you when I was able to talk about her with you. When I said I can only marry you, I meant you, Bella. Not Helena, not a woman who looks like her. I love you, mia moglie (my wife), my Isabella."

I sucked my lip between my teeth. My hands were still locked in the grip of his. My face turned away from him, "Am I related to her?" Fingers touched the side of my face, making me look at him, "I don't know. It's possible, but I don't care." I exhaled, feeling the urge to cry, "I do. That's something I need to find out." He pulled me closer to him, our faces inches from each other, "If that's what you want, then we will."

I couldn't stop myself from crying, "I just need to know one more thing." He looked at me, "The first time we were together, were you with me or her?" Felix's eyes bored into mine, "There's only you. There will always be only you. Bella, before you, I never spoke about her. Aro saw it in my mind, but he never spoke about it. Then I met you. All I want to do is make you happy."

Felix told me everything about Helena. In some ways, she and I were complete opposites, and in others, we could be the same person. One thing was certain, in Felix's eyes; we were two completely different women. He learned to let her go a long time ago and has committed his heart to me. We spent the rest of the day and night alone. All I wanted was for him to hold me. To show that he loved me and he was happy to oblige me. Lying with Felix, there was a feeling of something was missing.

In the corner of my mind, I was waiting for something. Something Felix was supposed to do. I finally realized what it was, but Felix couldn't do it. He didn't know about it. I was waiting for him to start humming my lullaby. The only sound was his breaths come and go. I wasn't going to get that with him. When Edward and I were together, he still hummed it for me.

Another thought came, kicking myself. This was Felix, not Edward. If I wanted to hear my lullaby, Edward would have to return the CD he took from me after my birthday. Then again, maybe it's better he didn't. There were too many memories tied to that song. Right now, all I was focused on were the arms that held me. Right now, there was no one else but me and Felix.