Chapter 18 – Light and Insight
Felix was in our bedchamber. The door opened before my hand reached the doorknob. He leaned down to kiss me, closing the door behind us. "Heidi said you did very well. She wants you to go with her more often." That was good to know. I was becoming an asset to the Guard. After getting out of Felix's hold, I went into the closet to put away my outfit. I made a mental note to ask Heidi for other ensembles for me to wear.
My mind drifted back to my conversation with Esme. There were times I wanted to be in her family. I did miss the Cullens. And I am happy that they're here. This is what I was telling Esme. In Volterra, there were no restrictions. Alice and I were staying out all night. And Alice was Alice when she forced me to go shopping in all the local boutiques. Esme and Rosalie went with us when Alice insisted on going to Paris. She whined as she always did until I gave in. She told Felix it would be a two day trip, but it became a five day trip. First stop was Monte Carlo, then other cities.
When it was the four of us, it brought back memories, except that this time Rosalie was kind to me. Rosalie being kind was a surprise. She admitted that she was envious of me. She wanted to be human again. Would I want that? Would I want to be human again? Thinking about it, I found myself more beautiful and agile in this life. I do miss my human eyes, Charlie's eyes. Even in my awkward years, I had to admit that my eyes were lovely.
I took out a pair of contact lenses that matched my human eyes. They were irritating, but it was nice to see myself with brown eyes again. It made me want to cry. My eyes were from Charlie and I missed him. My face was from my mom and I wanted to cry at the thought of her. What were my parents doing now? My body pushed more venom into my eyes to dissolve the contacts. I went back to the open room and sat in one of the armchairs, with my legs hanging over the arm. One of Felix's journals provided my distraction from thoughts of my parents. Also, the journal would shed light on the mysterious that was Felix's past. He wrote about the loss of his mother to an illness.
He didn't know the name of the ailment, but he wrote about what it did to her. In her last weeks, his poor mother had to be quarantined. Felix wrote about the regrets he felt after his mother's death. He was upset for all the trouble he caused her. Getting lost in the woods, fighting with his father and accidently breaking his sister's arm.
Laughter came from me as I read about Felix's fights with his sister. He looked up from the book in his hands, questioningly, "What?" "You broke your sister's arm?" He smiled, "Yes and I felt awful." He told me the story.
Binta was seven years older than Felix. At the age of seven, he was almost tall as she was. In that time of history, Felix was considered a giant, standing at 6'6". Binta and Felix were arguing and, with his temper, they began to fight. When he realized how badly hurt she was, Felix willingly did her chores and took care of her. "I never wanted to hurt her. Since then, we were much closer." When he spoke about his mother, he took the journal from me to help him remember. Human memories were long gone after 500 years.
"After she died, my father didn't know what to do with me or Binta. He married my sister off and he took on a new wife, Sonja. Sonja didn't like me, especially after she found her cat dead. She swore it was me. She was part of my father's decision to send me to the university. Sonja wanted me out of the house, so she could make it her own. Binta was married and out of the house. So, she had to get me out, being I was the last real reminder of my mother." That broke my heart. It was clear that the memory still caused him some pain. He was sent out of his home at a young age.
Felix was happy that his sister's husband was kind to her. "Mikael always welcomed me in his home." While we spoke, I asked him more about Helena. She loved to read, visit with her extended family and sewing. "She would always make me clothes. Clothes in my size were nonexistent. Helena was a nurturer, much like you."
My jaw tightened a bit. I knew Felix loved me, but it still bothered me that she and I looked so much alike. But there was nothing for it. There was no point in being upset about a fact I can't change. Helena took great care of her parents and younger sisters. After Felix's mother died, Helena visited his family often, even though she was 14 years old. Felix and Helena were close in age. His cousin, Edward, who was ten years older, visited often as well. He always admired Helena.
Soon after his 18th birthday, Felix asked for Helena's hand in marriage. Her father was hesitant. Felix had little of a formal education and he didn't have his inheritance but Helena didn't care. She was seventeen and ready to be married. The proposal soon meant nothing, because Felix's father sent him to Italy. While in Italy, Felix received the news that Helena married Edward. This sent his life into a downward spiral. He didn't care about his schooling. He just wanted to go home. While walking through a darken street, he was approached by a man asking him for directions. It was Demetri.
Demetri, in his mind, was kind; taking Felix from his pain. He wanted to end Felix's suffering. To help him overcome it. Demetri bit him and took him to Volterra. Aro welcomed Felix and he remained here for all these centuries.
Before she could knock, I answered, "Come in." Bree peeked into the room, "Sorry to interrupt. Aro wanted to see the both of you. There's a bit of a crisis." Felix and I looked at each other, "We're on our way." Bree left and Felix pulled me up. He held up one finger and dashed into the bedroom. He was back in seconds, "Are you still mad?"
I shook my head, "No, I just find it funny that you gave into the vampire stereotype. Falling in love with a woman that looks like someone you've lost." He rolled his eyes, "Well, at least in this case, it worked out beautifully." He was holding my Volturi necklace and placed it around my neck. His fingers wove through mine as we left the room.
In the main antechamber, a rhythmic, frantic beating resonated. In the center of the room, Alec was holding a red-head girl by the arm. She was human and terrified. Standing between her and Aro was a young man, a vampire pleading with him. The young man moved closer to the girl, shielding her from my gaze. "Yes, I told her what I was." Edward and I weren't so unusual after all. Aro looked at me, "Bella, dear, I would like your opinion on this." Another door opened and the Cullens came in, guided by Jane. "Ah, Edward, please help us with this."
Aro was up to no good. He looked back at the pleading one, "It is not your intention to give her immortality." My eyes closed in remembering this. The pain of wanting to be changed and Edward's refusal of doing it. My eyes searched the room until they met with the pair of gold eyes looking between me and the human girl. "Edward, Bella, please offer some insight on this. What should we do?"
I looked at Alec, nodding to him. He pushed the girl towards me. She stared at me with her deep green eyes. "Your name?" Her breath shuttered, "Stacy." I looked at the young man that was pleading for her, "You love him?" She nodded. "Do you want to be changed?" "Yes, but Aaron wants me to stay human." Well, men truly are of one mind.
I looked up at him, "Why are you refusing?" The young man turned toward me. It was clear he wanted Stacy away from me. He didn't answer me. My shield expanded until it was in his mind and I saw his reservations on changing Stacy. He didn't want her to say goodbye to her family. Aaron didn't want Stacy to regret this decision, so he kept it from her. Stacy was the middle child in her family. She had an older and younger brother that she took care of. Her father died when she was ten. Stacy was greatly needed in her family.
I saw his memory of Stacy saying for once in her life, she wanted to be taken care of. She didn't want to have to worry about getting her brother ready for school. Stacy was 19 years old and she couldn't go to college. Her older brother wasn't helping the family and her mother relied on her too much.
This girl was so much like me. Caring fir her family. she took on a lot of responsibilities. I nodded, "You take care of your family, but you want to leave." She nodded, bouncing her red hair, "I'm just tired of all of it." Aaron looked at me perplexed as did Aro. Accidentally, I exposed the last secret of my shield. Edward went to stand by Aaron, "But you think she should stay human to take care of Matthew?" "She should stay for her family," Aaron explained. I couldn't stop from rolling my eyes, "But it's what she wants. I say change her."
Aaron looked at me and I smiled, "You'd better do it before I do." Edward looked at me, "Bella, she should at least say goodbye to her family." Stacy looked down, then to me. "Is it what you really want?" "Yes," she breathed. Looking at her reminded me of the things I would be leaving behind, "Your family?" She sighed, "They already think I've run away. Aaron and I came here when they found us."
I nodded, "Well, I hate to say it, but if you want this, they'll have to believe that you're gone." She looked at me, "I don't care. I just want to be with Aaron. He wants to keep me human, but it's not what I want." My eyes went past Edward to Aaron, "Do you love her?" He nodded, "Of course I do." Edward looked at me. His eyes bore into mine, hoping that the resolve he saw wasn't true.
His shoulders slumped as he saw my determination, "No, don't." I turned away from him, "I can do it right now." Before Stacy could turn back to face me, my teeth sank into her skin. Her blood was sweet, the taste was reminiscent of chocolate.
Aaron held her as she began to scream. Alec showed them to a room where they would wait out for her to change. Felix took my hand and he brushed away the blood on my lip. Had I been in her place, I would want the same thing. Someone stood behind us, "Why did you do that?" I sighed and turned to face Edward. His brow pulled together, shadowing over his eyes. Did he really not understand at all? "Because she wanted it." His mouth formed a hard line, "You condemn her to this life?"
I looked down for a moment and my voice was small, "Is it such a sin to want to be with the one you love?" Edward's expression softened. He knew all too well how I felt. He was going through it now, "No, it's not. He just didn't want to see her life end." My arm wound around Felix's waist, "Well, it did and now, she's starting a new one with him."
