Chapter 20 – Goodbye
I was putting it off, but I knew it had to be done. I had to tell Edward that I was staying with Felix and our affair had to end. I couldn't tell Felix about this. It would hurt him beyond all reason. This would be my punishment, to live with my guilt forever. I left the tower for the day after spending all night with Felix. He was reluctant to let me leave and tried to convince me to stay. His large hands held my waist as I stood by the bedside, "Can't you go another time?"
My resolve was weakening from every touch. The back of his fingers crept up the skin of my stomach, tempting me to stay. I told him I had an important errand to run for Esme. Felix liked Esme very much and was happy to help her. "The sooner I leave, the sooner I can come back and be all yours." He pulled me down, "You're already all mine." "You just don't like to share," I countered. I quickly kissed him, "I'll see you later."
Sitting in the living room of the villa that Aro owned, I waited for Edward. The human servants left the place and were sworn to secrecy. I paced the room until the front door opened. Someone sniffed at the air and found me. "Edward, we need to talk." He crossed the room, "What is it?" He was too close. I stepped away from him. I had to do what he did, but I had to mean it, "You have to leave."
He blinked, "What?" "We have to end this. Edward, we can't do this anymore." Edward moved to stand in front of me, "Bella, no! Why?" Our roles changed so drastically. I was leaving him this time and it was Edward who was asking me not to leave. I inhaled, "Because I'm married. I have a husband and what I'm doing will hurt him." He scoffed, "Bella, look how he's hurt you. Marrying you because of the one he lost." I was so frustrated by the ploy.
"Is that why you told me about Helena?" my eyes narrowed. Edward looked at me, not saying anything. "Were you expecting me to say 'Felix, I can't be with someone I can't trust. It's over.' I wasn't going to say that, Edward." He blinked once, "I thought you should know." My arms folded as I remembered Edward's anger at the reception. "That's what you were talking about at the wedding. You saw Helena in his mind and that's why you said he doesn't love me." My eyes closed and I turned away from him, "Edward, that was a new low. Even for you. It's over." Edward snarled, "He married you for the wrong reasons."
"Edward," I exhaled deeply to hold back the anger, "Felix married me because he loves me." The pain was dominate in Edward's eyes, "But you didn't even love him when you married him." "But I love him now," I said as I stepped away from his hold. His hands moved to my waist, "But I love you more." My lips trembled. I wasn't strong enough for this, "I love you too." Edward pulled me closer as he kissed me.
I should push him away and tell him to stop. I should stop his hands from taking off my dress. Stop him from taking me up in his arms and lowering me onto the bed and making us one again. Every moan that escaped my lips, every kiss and touch added to the fire that of my guilt. Each flame ate away at me, making me feel like the worse person alive. Why does Edward still have this hold over me?
His fingers clutched in my hair as he held me closer. From his hold, Edward wanted us to stay together, this way. His gold eyes looked into mine, "I love you so much. I can't lose you. This is the only advantage I have." I blinked once. "Your love for me is all I have left of you." My hands pushed into his chest, "Your only advantage?" I moved to sit up. I'm so stupid. My fingers pulled through my hair, "I need to go." Edward's fingers held my wrist as I moved to leave the room.
"Please, don't. This could be our last time like this, but I will not leave your life. I need you and you can fight it, but I know. You need me too." He was right, to an extent. Edward once said I was his personal brand of heroine. He kissed me again, his arm constricting me from separating from him. He stared into my eyes, "Once more, please." He kissed me again. "I love you." He smiled, "If you want this to be over, I'll accept it. But I want you to know, I'll be waiting in the wings."
I sighed, "That's not a life. You don't deserve that." He breathed into my hair, "It's my life. It's what I want. Like you said, it is such a sin to want to be with the one you love?" My head shook, "Not when the one you love is with someone else. Not when she is trying to tell you goodbye." I stepped away from him to stand by the window, "Edward, I never thought that I would love someone so much, that I could seem myself being with him for the rest of my life." He nodded slowly. "Then he left me." He turned his eyes back on me again. I exhaled slowly, "Then, to met someone else and want to be with him that much. I always believed that lightening never struck twice, but it did. I love him and every time I've been with you, I was someone I didn't like. Don't make me do this again. Stop taking advantage of me and my love for you."
Edward pulled on his clothes and paced in front of me in silence. His bronze hair went in every directions as he pulled at it. Edward finally stopped, "I will." His arms held me tightly against him and I wasn't afraid to let him. He kissed me again, then his arms released me. His face crumpled as he walked away from me, leaving the room, "I love you, Bella."
Seeing Edward leaving defeated was heartbreaking, but it had to be done. The top was down off the car as I drove back. I put on a long sleeve jacket and hat with sunglasses and gloves. The sun was still high but I didn't care. I felt bad that I hurt Edward, but I didn't want to think what it would do to Felix if he ever found out what I had done. Part of me hoped that one of the Guard members would see me, believe that I was disregarding the law and rip me apart. Approaching a toll, the guard spoke to me in Italian and I didn't understand a word.
Taking it out of my purse, I had him an obscene amount of money, "Grazie." The car barreled down the street to Volterra. Inside the tower, I took off my sunglasses and kept my head down. The elevator dinged as it reached the top floor, "Tara." "Bella," she greeted. The sound of Tara's heart echoed behind me. Once inside of the bedchamber, my jacket slid down my arms onto the floor. I stood in front of the dresser, taking off my earrings. I couldn't even look at me own reflection.
My hands slammed down onto the dresser in frustration. The frame shook and the legs buckled, but the furniture still stood. At least he was gone. My arms folded as my body leaned against the dresser. I did the honorable thing and Edward the truth, but now, I felt worse, knowing I hurt someone else. It's official, I'm poison. Everything I touch, everywhere I go, someone I cared about was hurt. There was a knock on the door, "Bella?" I sighed, "Hey Bree. What's up?" Bree walked in with Stacy. Her eyes were a bright red, "Hello Bella." Bree smiled, "She just woke up and wanted to see you." Stacy's skin was a pale, paper white. Her crimson eyes were a shade off from her vibrant red hair that now draped down to the middle of her back.
She smiled and her teeth were snow white and sharp, "After I've fed, Aaron and I are leaving. I just wanted to say thank you." I smiled in return, "You don't have to thank me. I would have wanted the same thing." Her hand cupped her throat, "It's just…." "Yea, I know. The humans are coming in now. Let's go." Aaron was in the hall, waiting, "Ready?" Stacy took his hand. He didn't even look at me. All of us went downstairs, "By the way, Stacy. Go for the middle age people. Their blood has the best flavor." Emmett shook his head as he passed us, "That's terrible, Bell." I scoffed, "Hey, unlike you, when the rest of us go to a zoo, we don't see it as a buffet." He turned on the stair, "Ouch, keep 'em coming."
Stacy took down three people, almost losing complete control. Aaron was able to stop her. Bree watched as they settle Stacy down, "Was I like that?" I shrugged, "I don't know. Each person is different." Bree and I walked back upstairs. She pulled at my arm, into her room, "Sorry, I'm just so bored."
I nodded, sinking onto her couch, "I know. Felix says that'll pass, but I don't think so. That's why he and I travel so much. I think he gets bored too." She sighed, throwing herself onto the couch and resting her head in my lap, "I hope it does pass."
Bree was still young. It was hard for her to stay inside at all times. She and I were going to go out tonight, with Chelsea, Rosalie and Alice. Felix came into the room and saw me standing in front of a mirror. "Going out?" He appraised the short ruffled copper dress I was wearing. The fabric hugged my body and curves. "Yes. I need to get out for a while."
He kissed my hair, "I'll be waiting." My eyes rolled, "Don't. You should do something. Don't just sit in here." His hand held the back of my head, "Bella, what I really want to do, I'm going to have to wait." My eyes narrowed, "Do I want to know?" He chuckled, "Not that. I just want you." Felix hugged me close as he kissed goodbye.
At our hunting grounds, Bree seemed so comfortable. She didn't turn down anyone who asked her to dance. I just stood by and watched. Felix's kiss made me miss him and I wanted to get back home. Home; Volterra was my home. But it wasn't the place; it was who I was with. Felix made Volterra my home. This proved it. I do love Felix very much.
