RATED R SCENE!
Previously:
My throat is sore and I've fallen into a coughing fit. Ripping away the gag, I sprint off of the bed and to the bathroom. The cool water relieves my throat, but I nearly choke when I see a figure sitting on the bed. Instinct takes over and I start to scream. I feel a warm hand cover my mouth and then. . . .nothing.
Chapter Five: Night Tears
050614
LovelyUnderland
That stupid drunk! Who does that? You NEVER sneak up on a person that has been through the Hunger Games - especially in the middle of the night. Haymitch thought it would be a genius idea though and, in his drunkin' stupor, he acted upon it.
In the five minutes it took me to realize that it was only Haymitch and get my heart rate regulated, I've devised a plan to kill the stupid bastard. Yes, a slow and painful death for the bullshit he's caused me. I'm surprised that no one heard me screaming, or maybe it was just that no one cared. Assholes.
"What do you want," I hiss as I sit back down on my bed.
"I want to talk about you and Peeta," he grumbles.
"What about us?"
"You need to realize that you will have to be with him - "
"For the rest of my life, I know! I've already wrapped my mind around that, Haymitch, thank you for reminding me!" I snap.
I will never have a life of my own, but that doesn't mean I want to be have that thought on my mind at all times. But knowing Haymitch he will make sure it's the only thing filling my head when nothing else is occupying it.
"No, Katniss, you haven't wrapped your head around it! You're too busy moping about the fact that your life is set to realize that it could be a lot worse. That boy is head over heels for you and you have done nothing, but hurt him! I don't know what the hell is going on with you and the Hawthorne boy, but it needs to end - IMMEDIATELY!"
The stinging sensation in my eyes startles me, but the voice that I let out is worse. Instead of sounding with confidence and pride, my words are shaken and weak.
"Don't you dare tell me what to do! You don't understand a thing about Gale and I-"
"I understand that you kissed him back. I understand that you're allowing him to blind your own feelings, but you have no idea why. Here's a hint, you're afraid of the fact that someone had actually been able to bring your guard down - that maybe, just maybe, you might actually have be capable of an emotion other than anger and hate."
I don't have to listen to his words.
"Go ahead, sweetheart, walk away. Do what you do best, leave. Just know that you are not only risking your own life by fooling around with that other boy, but you are also risking Peeta's as well. And what will you do when he's been killed or taken by the enemy? Hm? How do you think you will feel, other than feeling like complete shit? I'll tell you. You will be broken and alone because you'll realize far too late that you care for the boy."
The anger in Haymitch's voice is crystal clear. His eyes are no longer glazed with intoxication. Instead, they are filled with fury, but there's something else. . . .remorse. And that's when the wires connect. Yes, of course. I remember father speaking about it once over the phone. Haymitch lost everyone he loved. . . .because he was too stubborn to listen.
"Who was she?" I ask.
His head snaps to me so quickly that I fear it may pop off. Fortunately, it doesn't. Haymitch only stares at me as if trying to decide my worth. Then, in a rush, he pushes himself off of the wall he'd been leaning against and leaves the room. The trail of fumes he leaves behind is nauseating. Opening the window doesn't seem to help at all, but the icy wind and sound of the friction on the tracks brings me an odd sort of comfort.
I imagine that I'm escaping; going to one of those outside lands that don't hold the Hunger Games. The lands that I've heard Eleania talk about so many times. They're places where everyone is free to do what they want. There is no reaping or divided Districts. They have what are called "cities". I would love to visit a "cities" one day. Though it may never happen, the thought alone is nice.
Before I know it, I'm taken into a deep slumber. One that seems almost too perfect. That is until I'm rudely awakened by a squawking Effie.
"Get up, get up, Katniss. It's a brand new day and we have a lot to do!" she cheers.
"What time is it?" I mumble into the pillow.
"Well, time for you to get up, dear. I would think that you'd know this!"
I resist the urge to tell her to fuck off, but only because the train makes a sudden jolt that sends a wave of nausea throughout my body.
"Oh my, it seems we've stopped."
"No shit," I snap as soon as I'm positive that I won't sick up.
"Language!" the perky pest chimes.
With all the will I have, I bite my tongue, flip the blanket away, roll out of my nest, and stagger to the bathroom. The shower momentarily makes me forget the world that hates me so much. . . .that is until I hear Effie's obnoxious chirping and Haymitch's fist against the door, alerting me that I've been under the fountain far too long. Underclothes. Pants. Blouse. Braid.
With casualty, I open the door and push my way past the two scowls that greet me. In the dining cart I see Cinna and Peeta sitting at the table. They've already started their meals and, by the looks of it, Effie and Haymitch have finished. Peeta only looks up when I clear my throat. His eyes are red and puffy, and there are bags under them.
Look what you've done to him. How could you break someone with such a loving heart?
There's a pain in my stomach. No, seriously. It's awkward, almost pressure like. Cramps? I've never had to deal with them because of the injections given to stop a woman's cycle. That being said I can count the amount of times I've actually had mine on one hand, but they've never been painful. Not like this. I mean, it's not complaint worthy, but it is uncomfortable.
"Katniss!" a voice shouts.
"What?" I say, blinking dumbly.
"You've been out for a good while," says Cinna. "are you okay?"
"Fine," I murmur.
"We'll be arriving in District Eleven in five hours," Effie announces.
"District - what? We aren't supposed to arrive until tomorrow!" I screech.
"Katniss, you slept for a day straight. Haymitch said it was due to stress," Peeta says in a raspy voice.
"Oh."
In one corner, Rue's family. Her sisters and brothers crowded around their mother. They look so much like her. And across from them, in the other corner, Thresh's family. They consist of his sister and grandmother. Both look at me with anger in their eyes. Anger, because, I could've died and he, survive.
But Rue's family, they look at me with what I can only relate to respect. I don't deserve it. It's only when I hear Peeta offer up his portions that I snap out of my daze. The people stare at us with wide eyes. I've missed half of his speech and haven't said a word to the families.
"I didn't know Thresh," the words leave my mouth without permission, "And I only spoke to him once, but. . . .he saved my life. He didn't have to, but he did. That's a debt. . . .I will never be able to repay. . . .And Rue. . . .I knew her. She was my friend, a friend that reminded me so much of Prim. She, too, saved me. She was everything of innocence. . . .childhood. . . .compassion. She was too young to be thrown into the Games. And. . . .I'm sorry that I couldn't save her, or Thresh. I'm sor-I'm sorry."
The next thing my ears register is Rue's whistle. Then, hell breaks lose. The guards grab an elderly man by the neck. Someone is screaming. The gun is pointed at his skull. Bang.
I can hear my name, but it's nearly drowned out by the screams coming from someone. They sound so lost and scared. Broken and hurt. It's not until the other voices stop that I realize, the screams are mine. No matter how hard I try, I can't stop. But when someone pulls on me and I hear their rhythmic beating.
"Snap out of it, Katniss!"
It's Haymitch?
"They - They shot him! He didn't do an-nything!" I say through trembling lips.
"What happened! Why are you freaking out? I know it's traumatic, but sweetheart you were in the Hunger Games for Christ's sake!" he growls.
"My-my father came to the h-house! He - I wasn't enough. He wants me to make our love story believable. I need him to know that I didn't mean to do that! I didn't mean for someone to die! Or to stir anything up!" I stammer.
"HE WHAT! KATNISS WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME?!" Peeta yells.
"HE THREATENED ME AND THE EVERDEENS!"
"KATNISS I HAVE FAMILY TOO! WHAT ABOUT THEM?! DID YOU EVER THINK ABOUT MY FAMILY OR WERE YOU TOO SELFISH TO DO THAT?!"
"I'M FUCKING SORRY, PEETA! I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT TO FUCKING DO!"
Now the tears are blurring my vision.
"ENOUGH! Both of you listen closely, especially you Katniss because I've said this more times than I've wanted to. You will never escape this! This year you are both mentors, that means your love story will be run EVERY YEAR FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIVES!" Haymitch snaps.
Peeta's whole body goes to a stand still. He looks between Haymitch and I and you can practically see the wheels turning in his mind.
"You two talked about this?" he says in a slow and unnerving tone, "You hid all of this from me. I can't - no, I can believe it. It's just like you to be so secretive and sneaky about important things. . . .just like your father."
The moment the words left his mouth, Peeta knew he had gone too far. I can't help the tears that fall like hot beads of coal. I can see him apologizing, but everything is muffled. I'm screaming again, but whatever I'm saying is making an impact because Peeta looks horrified and Haymitch - Haymitch looks as if he is going to commit murder.
(PPOV)
I shouldn't have said it, but I did. I was just so mad at her for hiding things from me. I only made things worse by offering my portions. Now she's screaming again and crying. I've never seen her cry this much in a day. She's telling me to leave, to get out of her life. She's calling me worthless.
She sounds so much like my mother. With the names she's calling me. It doesn't bother me though because I'm used to it. I am everything that she says I am. But only because it's coming from her. It wouldn't matter if it were anyone else.
"YOU WILL NEVER DESERVE ME, PEETA! NEVER!"
"KATNISS, SHUT THE FUCK U-" Haymitch begins.
"No, she's right," I say and walk out.
Outside of the room is Cinna. The solemn look on his face tells me that he heard everything. I think all of Panem heard, actually. With the cock of his head, Cinna leads me out to the back seating space. The windows give us a view of what we are leaving behind.
He doesn't speak, just sits and looks out the window. And that's when I see it. The writing on the walls. The mockingjay symbol. A sign of the revolution that is beginning.
"She started this?" I ask.
"No, she was only the spark that ignited a fire," he sighs.
"With all due respect, Cinna, why did you bring me back here?" I say as politely as I can.
"She loves you, she does. It's just that she's terrified of the feeling because she was trained to believe that love isn't real. I know that you know the truth. You and Haymitch. So, you can't really be mad at her when you are hiding something too."
His words catch me off guard. How had I not thought about that? And why does it make me even more furious?
"Because you believe she'll never admit her love."
(KPOV)
The wooden floor is as cold as ice. With a long silk robe wrapped securely over my clothes, I tiptoe to Peeta's room. The door creaks open. On the large bed, I can see Peeta's form slowly rising and falling. Unsure of what to do now, since he's never been asleep before I came in, I cautiously walk a little closer.
There is a pang in my chest when I see his moonlit face. Peeta isn't sleeping. Tears are falling down is pink cheeks and his lip is quivering. What have I done to him? I've broken him. I've broken him so many times that I feel as though I can never reverse my wrongs.
"How can you love someone that has hurt you so deeply?" I whisper.
"I wish I knew," he replies in a frail voice.
I climb onto the other side of the bed, facing his back. Gently, I grab his shoulder and turn him. He doesn't fight against me. I don't think he has enough strength to. His blue eyes that once held such happiness were now hollow, save for the pain. When I brush away his tears and pull my hand away, he stops me. He holds mine to his cheek and lets out a choked sob, squeezing his eyes shut.
"Oh, Peeta," I whisper, pulling him to me.
Like a child, he latches onto me for comfort, putting his head into the crook of my neck. I run my fingers through his soft hair as his body shakes.
"I'm so sorry, Peeta," I murmur gently.
Peeta pulls away and looks at me with watery eyes. Those feelings that I had when we were in the cave and during the reaping suddenly return. They fill my body from head to toe… and, for the first time, I don't try to push them down.
When my lips meet the pain that has made tracks down his face I can hear him take in a sharp breath. But I continue to kiss away the tears that I've cause. They are sweetly salty. My mouth reaches his. The soft tenderness of his lips make my heart ache for more. At the moment, this is all want.
Slowly, Peeta's arms embrace me as he runs his tongue along my bottom lip. I can feel his heart pounding against mine. Beating in perfect synchronization. His hands slide the dark, silk robe off of my shoulders and he nips at my neck. Against my thigh, I can feel him swelling. Running his hands up my sides, Peeta stops at my ribs.
Sitting up, I shiver as Peeta runs two thumbs over my nipples, cupping my breasts. His warm fingers hook under the hem of my thin, yellow shirt and he pulls it away, revealing my pale skin. Insecurely, I colour and try to cover myself, but he stops me.
"You're so beautiful," he whispers and lays me on my back.
Hovering over me, he leans down and places his lips over my breast with his fingers massaging the other. He swirls his tongue, nips, and sucks, alternating from one breast to another. Peeta lets out a low moan as I grind my hips up against the bulge that is now visible through his satin pants. With ease Peeta grabs the waist of my silk night shorts and takes them away.
The only remaining piece of fabric on me is the black lace lingerie, but that doesn't last long. Because Peeta's teeth grip the edge and rip them off. He takes in every part of my body with hungry eyes. Pressing his lips on mine he says, "Beautiful."
He kisses a long line down my body, each with a husky, "So beautiful."
When he reaches my legs, Peeta spreads them apart. The warmth of his breath as he lowers his head makes me anxious with anticipation. A moan escapes me as Peeta begins rotating his tongue. His hold on my legs becomes tighter as my moans increase and, when he stops, I want to beg for more.
As he crawls back to me, I can see just how hard he has become. The wetness between my legs increases at the sight and I can't help myself. I want to ravish his body. Pushing Peeta back onto the large bed, straddling him, I tear off his shirt and crush my lips onto his. Moans muffled between our lips, I rub against him.
"Oh, God, Katniss," he groans between kisses.
Bringing myself down to his waist, I remove everything that is blocking my way. Peeta's breathing increases as I place his long thickness into my mouth. I take as much as I can, sucking the tip, bobbing my head up and down, placing it between my breasts, licking the length.
"Feels so good," Peeta breathes, his fingers running through my hair. "Feels so – oh – oh, God – That's it – I'm – I – "
Just as he is about to finish, I feel arms pull me up. Peeta's eyes are glazed with excitement, but he pulls me close to his chest, taking deep breaths. Once we've regulated our hearts, he props himself against headboard with me in his lap. The heat to him against my wet slit is almost unbearable.
Peeta says, "Are you sure you want this?"
"You don't?" I ask, wincing at the whine in my voice.
"Katniss, you have no idea how much I want this. How much I want to feel you on top of me, be inside of you. But I won't do it unless you want it too." his voice is so husky that I can hear how much he is straining to hold himself back.
"Be gentle," I say and that's all it takes.
Peeta lifts me up and rests me against the pillows. Parting my legs with his knees, he places his tip, warm, against me. With one last look at me, he goes in. I'm hit with a painful, stinging sensation. He is so long, so thick, that it hurts more than it normally would, but I know that Peeta is doing all that he can to make me as comfortable as possible.
"Sorry," he whispers each time he goes deeper, taking breaks to help me relax. I can see worry and guilt cross his face with every whimper that I let out. Finally, every bit of Peeta is inside. The pain doesn't leave.
He holds himself still as I, carefully, begin to move and get used to the pain. Now it;s my turn to apologize. With every movement Peeta grunts, sucks in a breath, gasps, groans, and tenses, resisting his temptation. His body begins to shake as the stinging fades away.
"It's okay now, I think." I say. "Just – just go slow."
When I say this, Peeta's arms give out. Staring into my eyes, Peeta slowly pulls his swollen member away, leaving the tip inside. The tenderness he uses makes me want to cry. I never understood how people could cry doing this, but now I get it. Though every part of Peeta is probably screaming at him to go as fast and hard as he can, he doesn't. He fights that urge. . . .for me.
A rebellious tear slips out of my watery eye as Peeta pushes himself back into me. I know he's seen this when his body tenses.
"K-katniss? Are you okay? Do you want me to stop? Am I hurting you that much?" Peeta asks in a voice so pained and worried that I let out a soft laugh only confusing him more.
"You're not hurting me. I'm okay." I reassure him.
"Then, why are you crying?" he says with big eyes.
"Because. . . .because you're being so gentle," when his brows furrow I continue, "It made me realize. . . .I – what I mean to say is. . . .I want this with you. . . .only with you. I want you to be the only one that ever does this to me and. . . .and. . . .I love you."
Peeta's eyes are glistening with fresh tears as I say this. Brushing a thumb over the tears that have fallen, he crashes his lips down. The passion between us seems to whirl around the room. Warm wet drops fall from his face to my cheeks. He drives into bringing a gasp from me.
"Oh, Katniss," he moans, "I love you so much."
It's as though I can't get close enough too him. My hips move wanting more, but it's not enough.
"Faster," I urge. "Harder, Peeta."
Grabbing my waist, Peeta grunts as he pounds himself into me. His mouth latches onto my breast. Shock waves course through me. The way Peeta cries out my name brings me closer each time. My heart is hammering against my chest and I grip the soft linen.
"I'm – Katniss, I," he voice is thick as he speaks. "Can't – Can't hold much – so close."
Peeta's weight rests on me as he tries to slow himself down.
"Keep going," I manage to say. "I want you to – "
"Anything," he whispers.
"Show me that – that I'm really yours – only yours. All of the – love you hold – for me – show me – fill me – with it." I say, scattered.
Peeta does just that. Snaking his arms around my waist, as I wrap mine around his neck, Peeta picks me up and pushes me against the wall. He nuzzles his face into the crook of my neck and plunges into me over and over with muffled moans. It feels so good, him inside me, his hands cupping my thighs, our erratic breathing and flushed faces.
Then, it happens. A rippling wave of ecstasy shoots through me. I cry out Peeta's name against his shoulder as he calls out mine into my neck. Peeta is now holding a fist full of my hair and chanting my name. He pumps heat into me, filling me with his love.
"Peeta," I breathe as he pushes into me one last time. "I love you."
"As I love you, Katniss," he says.
