Chapter 22 – Information
In our bedchamber, I couldn't sit down. All I did was walk back and forth in frustration. "What is she doing here? Why is she here? How dare she attack to me?" I muttered to myself. Felix came into the room and found me pacing. He watched for a while, feeling my frustration before he stopped me. My mind was a buzzing mess. He held me in his arms, keeping me from moving. I looked up, leaning my chin against his chest.
We stared at each other from the length of his chest. "Why are you upset?" I smiled as he asked me the question I previously asked him. Like he did before, I kissed his fingertips and shook my head, "I can't shake the image of her kissing you. I've never been so angry. I've never wanted to hurt someone so much." Felix's chest rumbled with his laughter, "Even when you're jealous, you're so beautiful."
Felix took my chin, "Bella, we don't know how long she's going to be here. So, you must endure it like I do." My brow furrowed and he took me up in his arms, "I'm not happy that Edward is staying here. I hate seeing him with you, because I see the way he looks at you. He still loves you."
We stared at each other and he sighed, "And you still love him." It was so funny. I was still an open book and Felix could see it, even when I tried to hide it from myself. "I love you more." He pulled me into his chest, leaning his forehead against mine, "I know, but that's how you feel. Helena may still care about me, but I love only you. She may look like you, but she isn't you." My arms wound around his neck, "So, we have to endure this, for now. But, let's make a promise?"
He pulled back to look at me, "We don't get jealous. If I see you with her, I keep my emotions calm and you do with the same when I'm with Edward." Felix rolled his eyes, "I was agreeing with you until you said the second part." I made a face. Felix was stubborn, just like me. "Do you think I want you around her? I don't want Helena anywhere near you, but that's not going to happen. She wants you, but she's too late." Felix smiled, "So is he. I won't lose you." His hand took mine, looking at my wedding ring, "I love you." Felix kissed my hair, my nose, then my lips.
At this moment, I knew for sure. I wasn't going to tell Felix what Edward and I did. It would destroy him; hurt him more than anyone ever did. I loved Felix more than I thought I evver could again. For a moment, I wondered what he would do if her ever found out. Kill Edward, most likely. Kill me, I could only hope. It's what I deserved. I decided that I will live with my guilt. To tell him would ease it and I shouldn't have that.
This was the toughest thing I have ever done. Harder than trying to put my life back together after Edward left. Worse than seeing my Volturi escort bring me to their leaders. And more complicated than facing Edward and telling him we had to end our relationship. I had to trust Felix that he wouldn't leave me for Helena. It was painful to leave him, but we had to part. He had his duties as one of the most important members of the Guard.
If the Guard had a ranking like the army, he would be a major, along with Alec, Jane and Demetri. I would be considered a sergeant. There were members of the Guard who had no gifts and those who did, immediately had a higher ranking. Without him, Volterra was empty. It was a tomb. The only refuge was the courtyard on the roof. However, as luck would have it, it was raining. Looking out the window, it reminded me of Forks. All that was needed would be the thick green trees outside of my window.
The chamber door opened and closed, "Hello Bella." Carlisle stood behind me, "Hi Carlisle." Carlisle was still unbelievably handsome. His blond wavy hair was brushed back, showing off his eternal face. Carlisle and I sat together and talked. When Carlisle and I spoke, it was like talking to a father. Charlie was never as verbal as Carlisle was, but in those few moments when he opened up, Charlie and I really got a lot across.
Carlisle wanted to know exactly why the Guard came to Forks. "They really never said. I think they were doing a check-up or something. From time to time, the same contingency goes out and looks up on Aro's friends. Aro wanting to convey his greetings. Being that your family is the largest and most unique, they were determined to find you. But when they saw my pictures at your house, they had to find that human."
Carlisle shook his head, "We should have considered all the risks when we left. But never in our wildest thinking did we think the Guard would come to our town." My hand patted Carlisle's, "Why do you and your family beat yourselves up about past decisions? I'm right here, alive and well. Please, don't worry yourself about unnecessary things."
Carlisle smiled, "Gracious, as always. Glad to see some things haven't changed." Carlisle told me about his time in Volterra before he went to America. He saw many members come and go, but Felix remained. He saw many times over as Felix and Demetri upheld the law. Carlisle and I walked through the tower while we spoke. Eventually, we ended up in the library.
The two of us sat, taking out books that caught our interest. He re-read the old medical books of the eighteenth century, comparing them to medicine today. Jane came into the library, barely acknowledging us as she passed. She sat and picked up her own book, becoming a statue as she read. Thunder crashed and the clouds thickened, making the room darker. The dim light didn't strain my eyes like it would have before. Lightening brightened the sky for a moment, followed by more thunder, the makings of a bad storm. Bad thunderstorms, the dark, gloomy skies and I'm quietly reading. This was really making me homesick.
Back in my bedchamber, the scent of something wet lingered in the air. I searched the room for the source of the scent, but nothing came up. In the bedroom, a window was opened and a portion of the carpet was wet from the rain. Locking the window, I knew neither Felix nor me touched the window. My eyes scanned the room, searching for any change. The door moved on its own and closed. "Edward," my voice was a whisper. He came over to me, "I just need one thing."
I stepped away, "I can't. I will not keep feeding your … your addiction." He smiled at my use of term, "You can call it that. I am addicted to you. I can't let you go." His hands held my face, "I know what I said, but I miss you." Push him away, don't let him hold me in his arm or put his lips to mine. I shook my head, "I will not do this anymore." I pushed past him into the open room. Edward stood behind me, holding my waist.
"I met her a few months ago and I just knew." The sound of Felix's voice was coming down the hall. I pushed Edward away and he landed on the couch, "Behave, I warned. I took up the book that I brought from the library and flipped through the pages. Edward and I sat on the couch and I started laughing.
The door opened when I was laughing, "This is completely ridiculous." Helena walked into the room and looked right at me. "Helena," I said in a serious voice. She smiled back, as fake as ever, "Bella." Felix saw me and Edward sitting on the couch. "Edward." Edward smiled arrogantly, "Felix. Helena, always nice to see you again." Helena smiled, "Of course. How are you?" She sat in the armchair by him, "So, Bella, what were you saying that was ridiculous?"
The book in my hands was about the human's point of view on vampires, "According to this book, vampirism is a disease. It's a virus that destroys hemoglobin in blood and it is introduced into the blood stream from bites. Because of the deficiency, those bitten must consume blood from other sources, i.e. people to sustain their own body. The virus causes several side effects, including elongated canine teeth, severe allergy to silver and garlic."
Edward chuckled and I held up a hand, "Wait. Due to the insufficient blood, it affects the skin's cell, breaking down the natural defenses against sunlight. This is reason to believe why vampires burn in the sun. Their melanin count is severely low and cannot withstand direct sunlight." Felix looked away and Edward held out his hand for the book. He reread what I just read out, "That is absurd, but quite an interesting take on what we are." Helena leaned over Edward's shoulder, "If they have that theory on us, I wonder what they say about werewolves?"
I looked at her, "Werewolves?" Three pairs of eyes looked at me. She smirked, "Yes, but now they're practically extinct." In this moment, I realized how young I was in this life. Everyone in the room except me has been alive for more than a hundred years. Felix explained about the werewolves. Also, he discussed how he killed many of them in his time.
Helena began to explain about her own past, beginning where she left off with Aro. "I came home and Edward wasn't there. His family searched for him. Eventually, they found his body in the forest. They believed he was attacked by an animal." Felix squeezed my fingers. The both of us knew the truth. She sighed, "I left my children with my mother after his burial. I believed he was murdered. Edward was a terrible gambler, going through his family's fortune until they cut him off."
She breathed and looked away, "At his funeral, I felt no remorse. There was no need to mourn. I was actually happy that he was gone. I didn't have to fear for my life or my children. And I was happier. I thought Felix and I could finally be together when he returned from the university."
She looked at him, "But then we found out about his death. I mourned you more than my husband. I still did after all these years. For Felix, I couldn't stop crying. That when I was in Notre Dame. I wanted to cleanse myself in the church and pray for forgiveness. I didn't feel remorse for my husband, but I mourned my former betrothed." She held a silver oval locket.
"In my sorrow, that's when I met Louis. He changed me and showed me France in a brand new light. Louis showed me a different way of feeding. I didn't like hunting humans. I tried animal's blood and it wasn't for me, so I drink donated blood."
Felix raised an eyebrow, "I supposed that's another way. Today, we have so many more options on getting blood. Bella and I prefer it the old fashion way." His hand caressed my cheek. Helena's eyes narrowed and she gritted her teeth, "Yes, it's much easier than pretending to be a nurse taking blood." Edward looked between us, "If you'll excuse me. Jasper wants to see me." Edward left the room. Before the door closed, there was the sound of metal straining. The doorknob was damaged from his grip. Helena smiled, "Well, Bella, I'm very interested in learning about you." I smiled, keeping up the pretense. I knew her history; know your enemy. "What would you like to know?"
Her eyes were looking at me as if she were evaluating me. Trying to see why Felix was attracted to me, "How did you meet the Cullens?" I spoke about my life in Forks, backdating about my mom and I living together. Felix moved to sit with me on the couch, holding my waist. When I spoke about painful memories, he kissed my hair. His fingers crept up my back while I spoke, drawing small circles. His touch made my skin blaze. Helena sat still listening intently while I spoke and Felix busied himself drawing patterns on my back.
