Chapter 4 – Discoveries
It has been six months since Charlie's funeral. I graduated from high school, went to college and discovered more things about myself. Something that was very interested was I could go a whole month without hunting. With Edward, I knew at the most, he could go two weeks. When I wasn't constantly physically active, I could go a month without needing more blood. On the times I fed, my eyes turned the same pale blue. One night, I ran home and I saw they were blue again. I did the same thing as the first time. I closed my eyes and focused on my brown eyes. I opened them and my eyes were brown again. I had that much control over them. I could let them stay blue, but I wanted to remain inconspicuous. Also, I found that I had my own blood. My heart didn't beat, but I still had my own blood. That was perplexing, but interesting. Another thing was I could still eat food. Food was no longer a necessity, but my body could still use it for sustenance. So, I wasn't out of place when I sat in the cafeteria; I could eat, while I'm reading. I found, when I held their eyes; I could convince people to do what I want. I could tell them to forget something and they wouldn't remember. Researching the internet, I found out that was called "compelling." The first time I did it, I was talking to Lauren. While at school, I was walking with Tyler to our chemistry class, when I heard Lauren whispering, "I guess she's going to try to get him now, too." I closed my eyes and walked over to her, "Lauren, I would like to talk to you."
She stepped away from her friends and I followed. "What do you want, Bella?" I looked at her, "Ok, I am really sorry that you don't like me. But I would appreciate if you would stop talking about me." She rolled her eyes, "I am not talking about you." My anger was growing, "I heard you, Lauren. I hear you every time." She snorted, "Please. Maybe you're hearing things. If you'll excuse me." I stepped closer and looked into her eyes, "Look, Lauren, you need to stop talking about me." Her shoulder slumped as I spoke to her. "Could you attempt to be a nicer person from now on? Then you'll see more people will like you." It surprised me that she stayed quiet while I spoke. She wasn't blinking either. "Lauren?" She half-blinked, "Yes. I'm sorry, Bella, I have to get going to class. See you later." She smiled brightly and went off to class. For the rest of the school year, she was a different person. I never heard speak negatively about anyone, she wasn't sarcastic and much friendlier. I tested my theory on Mike. I asked to stop asking me out. It worked, Mike stopped asking me to go to movies or dinner with him. Another thing I discovered was my skin's reaction to sunlight. When I saw it was sunny, I knew I couldn't go anywhere. I watched the dust motes dance in the sunlight, as it streamed on my bedroom floor. The house was mine now, but I stayed in my room. I didn't have the heart to even enter Charlie's room.
Looking at the sunlight on the floor, I remembered how Edward's skin glowed in the meadow. How it made him so much more beautiful. I stood by the edge of the light, my toe just barely in it. Slowly, I moved my hand into the sunlight. On Edward, the diamonds were instantly apparent on his skin, but for me, there was a light luminous glow. I stepped completely into the light and my skin glowed. I took up the small mirror I had on my desk and my face was lit up in the sunlight. My eyes were brighter and my cheeks had more color. I knew I was a vampire and I knew the truths about them, but I had to check. I went outside to the backyard and stood in the direct sunlight. There was no pain. I wasn't burning, I was just glowing. I looked around myself, taking in the blades of grass as they moved in the wind. The blades looked greener. I could see the small beads of dew on them. I stared so long; that I saw the vapors billow into the air as the sunlight evaporated the dew.
Something else was confirmed. The werewolves could never tell I was a vampire. To them, I was just Bella. A human that knew about their world. They had no idea I had joined it, as their natural enemy. At first, I was timid to go to La Push, but as time went by and the more time I spent with them, I saw the wolves didn't know I was changed. Those few facts shocked me. I was a vampire and yet, my skin wasn't covered with diamond facets in the sunlight, I had my own blood, when I fed, my eyes turned blue and at will, I could change them back to brown and the werewolves were not aware of what I was. I fed on the blood of animals and my eyes stayed brown. I wanted them to be gold, but they did not change to the honey color I wanted.
After Charlie was found by the police, my mom and Phil came to Forks and arranged the funeral. I didn't have the heart to do. After all, I took his life. The house was filled with well-wishers, none of which I could face. While the house was full, I stayed in my room. I listened to everything from my room. People were asking where I was and others answered that I was in my room. They believed it was too much for me to stay among people. Actually, I stayed away in my room was because I didn't trust myself. What I knew about new vampires is that they were volatile and just craved blood. A house full of humans would have been bad for me. Jacob knocked on my door and I didn't answer. I didn't want to be around anyone. I was a murderer. Charlie's blood was on my hands and I can't forget that. I knew I had to learn to live with myself and cope with that. It is difficult knowing I was going to live forever, remembering that as my first vampire act.
Before going back to Florida, Renee begged me to move to with her. "Bella, you're all alone here. Please move back home." I grimaced. I already killed one parent; I was not going to kill the other. "No, Mom. I'm going to school here. Besides, I still need to finish high school." "Bella," she held my face, "You need to be with your family." I blinked and inhaled. That was a bad idea. The smell of the blood in her veins was strong. Renee had a floral scent. It smelled like roses and lilies. I knew my scent was floral too, but it was sweet. Very sweet. I knew my own scent from when I first entered my room. The air was thick with the floral perfume. I took Renee's hand from my face and held it. "Mom, I can take care of myself." She smiled, "I know, but I miss you." "I miss you too, but I have to move on. I want to go to college and I'm already enrolled at Peninsula." Renee's face crumpled, "You're right, honey. You're always right. I just miss you so much. And Charlie's g…" I turned away from her and covered my mouth. My teeth chattered as the sob build in my chest.
"Bella, sweetie," Renee held my shoulders, "don't cry." Inhaling deeply, I caught the flavor of Phil's blood. He was standing by the front door. His blood smelled like peppermint. My eyes opened and were focused on him. I was ready to strike. Bella was slipping away and the monster was emerging. "Bella, Charlie wouldn't want you to be upset." That cut into the monster's focus and I was Bella again. I looked back at my mom and she hugged me. "You know you could come home anytime." I smiled, "I know, Mom." I pulled back because her scent was bombarding me and I was losing control, "You just take care of yourself and Phil." They left and I was alone. Being alone didn't bother me as much as it did before. It was better that I was alone. No one can hurt me and I cannot hurt anyone.
After Renee left and my graduation, I came to see I had much more control than I thought. When I wanted the monster to stop, it did. When we were hiding from James, Alice told me about what it was like when a vampire tasted human blood, they became like sharks. They wouldn't, couldn't stop until they had all the blood. Edward told me when he encountered scents, depending on how strong it was, he became driven. The monster inside him took over and Edward disappeared. He was a monster, a hunter giving into his instincts. He wasn't able to stop. But, I was able to stop. At his best, Edward told me he would hold his breath and run. I didn't find that necessary.
Now, here I am. Nineteen years old, in college and living on my own. From everything Charlie left behind, I was able to buy myself a new car. I stayed true to Charlie. I bought myself a new Chevy Trailblazer. It was one of the fastest trucks. I still wanted some speed to my car. I still lived at the house, but it was painful to think Charlie wasn't there anymore. I gave Jacob his new truck and Billy all his fishing equipment. For a few months, I put away all the pictures of Charlie. Jacob came over frequently. Thanks to him, my cooking skills did not go to waste. When I ate, the food tasted better. My senses were much stronger and I could tell the minute differences in each bite. I could taste every seasoning I added to the dish. "Do you know what you want to do after college?" I smiled, "Jacob, I just started college. Let me finish, then I can answer that question." I had to keep Jacob at arm's length. I realize that I would have to leave Forks soon. I couldn't get closer to Jacob. I don't know if he would ever find out what I was and if he did, would he attack me? Would I be willing enough to defend myself and fight him off?
