Chapter 14 – Shocked
"Rosalie, what are you doing here?" She made a feeble attempt of a smile, "Can I come in? I'd like to talk to you about something?" I gestured for her to enter, "Come on in." This was unusual. Rosalie has never even spoken to me directly and now, she wants to talk to me. Rosalie sat on my couch, but I sat away from her on the armchair, "What did you want to talk about?" She looked at me, "This isn't easy, but Bella, I want to be a Daywalker. Will you change me?" I closed my eyes and shook my head slightly, "I'm sorry. What?" She reached to placed her hand on mine, "I want to be a Daywalker. Bella, I want to be like you." I blinked, "Why?" She sighed and her face crumpled. "Don't get me wrong, I'll do it, but I am very curious to why you want to be a Daywalker." She stood up, in exasperation and gestured with her hands, "Because I want to walk in the sun. I want to live in different parts of the world and, for the places I've been, I want to see them in the sunlight. I want my skin to have the subtle glow, that people won't that know I'm not human. I want to have so much better control of my body and impulses." She ran her finger through her hair. "Rosalie, there's something else, isn't there?" I've never seen Rosalie nervous. She never strayed from the bravado she always displaced. She looked at me, "Yes." I waited in silence for her to explain. "I want to have a baby," she confessed.
"Rosalie." She sat down, "Bella, it's all I want. I want my own pretty baby. Honestly, that's part of the reason why I was so angry when Edward brought you home. Firstly, because he was letting a human know about our secret and then, finding out you wanted to be one of us. To give up everything you have, to be frozen and never moving forward. To be cold and hard. I thought you have a choice and you were choosing wrong. You have no idea how much I envied you, Bella." I blinked, "That's ridiculous." "No, it's not," she snapped. Her voice was heavy with emotion. "You had everything and you were going to give it up, without a second thought. Without weighing all on the consequences of the choice you were making." I was blinking wildly, "Rosalie, I was ready. It was what I wanted." Rosalie shook her head, "Bella, did you know I was your age when I was changed? I didn't have choice. Bella, this is what I wanted for so many years. Esme is made do with us as her children, but for me…." She fumbled to find her words, "Things got better once I found Emmett, but I would love to have Emmett's baby." I placed my other hand on hers, "Have you talked to him about this?" She grimaced. "You didn't? Rosalie, now that's unfair. This involves him too. Being changed, having a baby. These are life-changing things and you didn't talk to your husband?" I was starting to feel sick, "Ok, Rosalie, I can appreciate you being honest with me and explaining your feelings on mine and Edward's relationship. I really do, but," I put my hands up, as if in surrender, "but I will not change you, not until I know Emmett is fine with this." She got defensive, "Why not?" "Because you are his wife! He has every right to know what you really want and what you want to do. Now, being changed isn't something he can give you, but once you are, and he thinks that's okay, then will he be willing to have a child with you? These are things you should think about."
Rosalie sat there, like a statue. She leaned forward, placing her elbows on her legs and she covered her face with her hands. Her breath hitched and her teeth quietly chattered. Her eyes pinched shut and her shoulders trembled. Moving to sit on the couch and taking her shoulders, Rosalie tearlessly sobbed into my neck. Her sobs were broken as she tried to speak, "You're right. You're absolutely right. I'm so selfish. It's just, I've wanted this for so long." "And being so close to get, you forget everything else," I offered. She nodded her head against my shoulder. "It's so close I can almost taste it. But Bella," she looked up at me, "if Emmett is all right with all this?" "Then I will do it as soon as you would like. And, knowing Emmett, he wouldn't deny you this." She rubbed her eye, "I think so, too." Rosalie smiled another feeble smile, "Thank you, Bella. I've never done anything that could deserve your kindness, but…." I held up my hand, "I know, Rosalie. I'm happy to help you. Besides, it will help with you hating me a little less." She laughed. "But remember, I will not do it, unless Emmett is okay with it."
After Rosalie left, I continued to think about having my own pretty baby. A baby with Edward's human green eyes, but it had my curly hair. My mind was so focused on that, but I picked up someone's arrival. I couldn't fight my smile or rolling my eyes, as Edward opened my front door. "You know, you could knock." He sat with me on the couch, "I never needed to before." I chuckled, "True." He twirled one of my curls between his fingers, "What do you want to do tonight?" "I have to study." He lend closer to me, "And after that hour is over?" I giggled, "Whatever you want." His breath blew into my face, "I don't know what I was thinking. I never should have left you." The corner of my mouth twitched, "You thought you were doing the right thing. You thought you were keeping me safe." Edward's hand held the back of my neck, "I should have known better. If we were together, James wouldn't have hurt you. If I was there, Laurent wouldn't have been a threat and Victoria would have not been terrorizing you for so long." I arched my eyebrow momentarily, "Well, on the second two, I agree. But with James, I'm glad that happened." He looked at me, peculiarly, "Why?"
I gestured to my body, "Then I wouldn't be this. If anything, I would have liked it better if you had changed me, but what's done is done. Stop fretting about the past and let's focus on the future." He pulled my face closer to kiss me. His body was hard against mine, as he lend me back on the couch, "You're right. I have you now and that's all that matters." I smiled, "That sounds about right." Edward's lips found mine again. My senses were never so alive before this moment. There was so much my body wanted, that it was confusing. I had to make my mind focus. Squeezing my eyes, I was able to gather my thoughts and urges. Exhaling, my mind was making better sense. Edward's lips were still stronger on mine and his arms held me to his body. I wondered if he experienced what I just did? The mind confusion, the drives that would have made him loss control. Did Edward have to endure that every day of our relationship when I was human?
His kisses slowed, until he pulled back to look at me, "Sorry. You should start studying." A coy smiled played at my lips, "Thank you. I don't know how much more of that I could take." "I know how much more I could," he chuckled. Sitting up, my mind was focused once again. I dwelled the overpowering feelings I was just faced with. One of the feelings was to bite him. I wanted to sink my teeth into Edward's neck and drink the blood from his body. Another wanted to have him. Taking up my book, I began reading. I felt his eyes on me, but it wasn't enough to distract me. Edward always stared at me. When I was human, I tried not to blush but it was hard. Feeling his eyes, something warm was coming over my face. I blinked slowly, as I felt the warmth under my skin. Edward's finders grazed my cheekbone down to my chin, "I've missed that so much." He continued to stare, while caressing my face. My eyes closed as I leaned into his touch. "How are you able to still do that?" "Remember, I have my own blood." He nodded, taking my face in both of his hands, "That's still incredible." I laughed once, taking my face from his hands, "I guess as a Daywalker, I retained my human blood, changing it into vampire blood." Edward pulled me into his chest, "I wonder how the change would be for us." I sighed contentedly, "You may find out soon enough."
He looked down at me, "What do you mean?" I looked up, "Rosalie. She asked me to change her." Edward stared me, "Why?" We stared at each other, "Why did you leave me?" I could see the sadness in his eyes. Neither of us wanted to think about that period of our lives. "I wanted you to have a normal human life." While he answered, Edward tightened his hold on me. "What did you want me to have?" Edward brushed my cheek with his chin, "A long, happy life. To find a husband. A thing I wasn't entirely happy about, but I wanted that for you." I couldn't fight my smile, "Ok, what else?" "I wanted you to have your own family."
He blinked, "Of course. Rosalie wants to have a child." "Yes. To be honest, I have no problem changing her, but I wanted her to speak to Emmett first." He stared down at me and scoffed, "She didn't speak to Emmett first? That is so typically…. Rosalie." I pushed away from him, "Leave her alone. I was just as surprised, but I don't entirely blame her." "Why?" he asked in a surprised voice. "Edward," I leaned my head on his shoulder, "She's wanted the chance to have a baby since she was human. Then she was changed and had to live with the fact of having a child was impossible. She accepted it, but she wasn't happy about it and you know that. Then she finds out that there is a way for her to have a baby. Of course, she would jump at the chance. It may seem selfish, okay, it was a bit selfish, but it's something she really wants."
Edward and I sat in silence for a while. Then, Edward broke into a beautiful smile and kissed me. He kissed my lips, my neck, my cheek and the tip of my nose, "You are such a kind and loving person. Only you could look pass Rosalie's nature, to see the heart of the matter." I smiled, "Well, when Emmett and Rosalie talk about this, which I don't expect Emmett to deny her, I'm going to change her." Edward sat silently, "Do you think you can handle that?" I shrugged, "All I have to do is bite her. I just can't lose control…. again." I whispered the last word, remembering the first time I lost control. "Bella?" Before I could answer him, the shrill ring of the phone interrupted us, "Be right back."
It was Renee. "Hi, Mom." Renee gushed over the phone about her five year anniversary trip to Miami with Phil. She asked how life in college was. She was happy to hear that I was doing so well. I told her that Carlisle was a teacher at the school and Edward and I had resumed our relationship. "Bella, are you sure about that?" "Mom," I tried soothe, "the reason he ended our relationship because they were moving to L.A. He didn't want me to endure a long distance relationship. Alice told me it was just as bad for him." "Bella, I just don't want to see you like that again." I looked at Edward, who was covering his eyes with his hand. I hated seeing him hating himself for leaving. I went over to him and kissed his hair. "Mom, you don't have to worry about that. He and I are adults now. We can handle things much better now."
Renee asked about my courses. "Bella, when are you going back to Forks?" I closed my eyes, "I don't think I am." "I don't blame you." Of course, Renee would understand why I wouldn't want to go back. Edward looked up at me. I was such a coward. I walked away, knowing he could still hear me. I had to end this conversation, or at least, change the subject. "Mom, I was thinking about coming to see you when school is over." She gushed about all the places she wanted me to see. Soon, Renee had to go. "Bye, Mom." "Bye, Bella. I love you." "I love you too." Hanging up the phone, I stood in the kitchen for a moment before going back into the living room.
