Chapter 15 – Confessions

Edward was watching the doorway as I came back into sight. He was silent for a moment, "Why aren't you going back to Forks?" My lip was pulled back between my teeth. It felt like sharp knives on satin covered steel. "There's nothing for me there." I knew what he was about to ask me. "What about…" my eyes shut tightly before he could say his name, "Charlie?" I turned away from him, tying to hide my face. "Bella?" I heard him move quickly behind me. "Bella!" Edward tried to turn my body, but he wasn't strong enough. The tears spilled from my eyes. Edward stood in front of me and gasped. "You're crying?" My lips trembled. He pulled me into his chest, "Bella, what is it?" "Charlie," I murmured, "he's gone." My voice broke. His body stiffened, then he hugged me tighter to his chest, "What happened?" I broke into a sob that I couldn't control. He swept his arm under legs and sat us on the couch. My arms clung around his neck and I hid my face in the crease of my arm. For a long time, Edward held me while I cried. His arms never loosened from my body. It took me a while to gain my composure, so that I could face him.

"Charlie was killed," I informed him. Edward squeezed me tighter. "That's unbelievable. In Forks?" I sighed, still hiding my face, "He could have survived." Edward shushed me, "Tell me what happened." Another sob came through my clinched teeth, "It was all my fault." Edward brushed my cheek, "Don't say that, Bella." "Edward, it was," I looked at him with a tear stained face. He held my face, "Bella, how could it be your fault?" "Edward," my voice trembled, "I did it! I killed Charlie!" Edward froze. His eyes were glassy as he looked at me. My face crumbled, as he continued to stare. Getting out of his hold, I ran out the house. I ran through the night. More tears fell, but they were blown away by the whipping wind. I was back on campus, where the river ran through it. There was an old structure in a small ravine. I thought back to what Edward told me about Carlisle. That he tried to drown himself when he knew what he was. I wonder if I could drown myself. I deserved to die, for what I did to Charlie. He died, but my mugger lived. It wasn't fair. "Bella!" Edward was coming up fast. I leapt over the small ravine and ran. I couldn't face him. Someone else was coming, from the east, while I ran north. This pursuer's feet were lighter than Edward's. Alice, maybe?

Another was coming from the west and theirs were heavier. Definitely Emmett. Pushing myself further, I ran higher into the mountains. Another set of lighter feet were heading straight for me. I knew I could avoid them all easily. The purser from straight ahead was coming into sight. My running slowed as I ran into her arms. I cried into Esme's neck, like a child in need of their mother. "Shh, it's all right, honey. Tell me what happened." She brushed my hair back and cupped her hands around my face. My tears fell over her hands. Esme held her hand up, her palm faced in my direction, to stop someone behind me. "Edward, give us a minute." I shook my head, "No, it's all right." I brushed the tears away with my fingers, "It's just, I haven't spoken to anyone about this. No one knows what really happened." Esme took my hands in hers, "Then when you're ready, you can tell us." Biting on my lip and nodding my head, "It's time." Edward's hands held my waist and I looked back at him. He didn't speak. Looking for some comfort, I just leaned back on his chest. Emmett threw his arm over Alice's shoulders as they listened.

"I just knew he was in trouble. Something told me to find him, so I went with that instinct. When I found his truck, it was close to the mouth of your driveway. Since you left, I've never gone there, except one time. But I went in, looking for Charlie. I found him, being fed on by a vampire." Alice gasped in horror and her hands covered her mouth. Emmett stared at me in disbelief, Edward growled underneath his breath and Esme closed her eyes, "Then?" "He picked up my scent and dropped Charlie's body. He was going to bite me, but I was so angry. That's when it happened." A growl was growing in my chest. "My hand flew up to his throat and I tightened my grip. He balked and fell to his knees. Something took over me and I bit down on his neck. I drank the blood from his body, and then ripped him apart, piece by piece. Then," I looked down, hiding my face in shame. Esme brushed my cheek, "If you don't want to yet, we'll…" "No," I cut her off, "its fine." Taking a deep breath, I confessed to what I did. "I smelled the blood and I couldn't resist. It smelled like leather and strangely sweet." My teeth chattered, "I could have sucked the venom from his body and taken him to the hospital. But I didn't." Another sob was building and my lip trembled, "I stood up and saw what I had done." My teeth clinched and my fingers clutched at my temple, pulling up my hair, "After I drank the blood, my senses were heightened. But, I panicked. I thought this was impossible. I couldn't face what I had done. I ran to the back of the house and in the glass wall, I saw my face. My eyes were a pale blue."

Alice gasped again, but Esme maintained her serious face, but her eyes betrayed her true emotions. She looked at me with so much sadness. "I closed my eyes and kept telling myself that my eyes were brown. When I opened them, they were brown again." I shook my head in shame. I turned and hid my face in Edward's chest. A soft hand touched my shoulder. I looked back to Esme. I turned to face her and she hugged me. Emmett exhaled, "Bella, I can't believe that happened." Esme released me, then Alice claimed me, "Why didn't I see any of that?" I shrugged, "It doesn't matter anymore. I have to live with the fact that I killed my own father." Edward held me from behind and kissed my hair, "I am so sorry, Bella. I shouldn't have left you." I looked up at him, "Don't. I just wish I could have controlled myself." "Bella, you were a newborn," Emmett stated. My eyes pinched together, "Em, if I never drank his blood, he'd be like you right now. More importantly, he'd be alive. I should have died and he should have lived." Edward's arms tightened, "Please, don't ever say that." Esme nodded, "Please don't. It's terrible that you endured what you did, but please, don't wish that on yourself, Bella."

Esme was right, but I still felt the same way. Alice and I walked back to my house together, while others went hunting. Alice practically had to tear Edward away from me. "Edward, you had the evening and the rest of the night with her. Let me have my time." Emmett's arm was over my shoulders. "Would you two please stop fighting?" "Yeah," Emmett interjected, "maybe I want some time with Bella." My head fell backwards, "Okay! Edward, go hunting. Alice and I will be at my house. Then tomorrow, I'm spending some time with Emmett. And I cannot believe I have to make up a schedule." I laughed once and walked away further into the dark. Alice caught up with me and held my arm. Edward stood in front of me, took my face and kissed me. This kiss was strong. His lips crushed mine, our lips molding to each other. "Bella, you need to stop running away from me. It's painful watching you leave me. I'll be back soon." Alice groaned and he looked down at her, "Knock it off, Alice." Alice stuck her tongue at him.

Alice was bouncing as we walked. "What do you want to know?" She bit her lip, "You said you sensed Charlie was in danger?" I nodded once, "Yes." "How?" I looked down at her, "What do you mean?" "How did you sense it?" That question had me baffled. I never thought about these sensations I had when someone I knew was close. "I don't know. I just knew." There was something else I had to confess. I was just happy it was only Alice with me. "Actually, there's something else I want to tell you?" We were on campus now, running to my house. The campus had few people walking about, so Alice and I weren't noticed. Alice was waiting impatiently. "Besides hearing Jasper and Carlisle talking about the party, I sensed I wasn't the only immortal around here." Alice blinked, "What?" Sitting on the couch, Alice and I sat together as I continued to explain, "One night, I went hunting and I came across an old structure in the woods. There was a distinct scent there and I could tell it wasn't human. Then, right before I saw them, I sensed Carlisle and Jasper. I cannot explain it; I just felt someone of my kind was near." Alice blinked and her eyes were glassy. She was motionless for a long time. I got up and went into the kitchen. I knew I didn't need to but I wanted something normal since my change. I wanted to cook. I started taking things out of the fridge, when Alice finally sighed, "Not even one hour, Edward." I picked up the faint sounds of his approach.

Edward came through the front door, "You didn't distinguish how long I should be away, Alice." I couldn't help laughing. The way they fought was quite funny. I was Edward's girlfriend again and he didn't want to share. I was Alice's best friend and she didn't want to share. Edward came into the kitchen and wrapped his arms around me. Brushing my hair back, he pressed his lips into my neck. I dropped the plate in my hand, reaching my hand up and tangled my fingers in his hair. He spun me around very quickly, which was surprising. I guess Edward held back with his real speed from me, when I was human. His lips were hard on mine and his arms held me tightly. Soon, like always, he broke the kiss. My lips were released, but my body wasn't. Edward tucked my head into his neck, with his chin, "I never should have left you. I was such a fool." His thumb stroked my cheek, as he confessed. "Edward, there's nothing we can do about the past. If there was…." He pulled back and looked at me, "Bella, what happened with Charlie was misfortunate but you cannot keep holding on to that. Like you said, you cannot change the past." A tear fell down my cheek and he kissed it away.

"Bella, please, don't. It wasn't your fault. You didn't know what you were doing." I looked up, through my tear stained lashes, "I didn't know what I was doing?" I stepped away, "Edward, I knew exactly what I was doing. I just couldn't stop myself." He tried to hold me, but I wouldn't let him. "Edward, please don't try to make me feel better for what I did. Nothing is going to make me feel better." He blinked, "Bella, you were a newborn." My eyebrows furrowed, "That's no excuse, Edward! I killed him!" Edward looked at me with such sadness in his eyes. "Bella." I turned away from Edward's gaze. "Bella, please don't upset yourself with this." "Too late," I answered frostily. He sighed, "Why did I leave you?" I sighed, "Maybe if you stayed, Charlie would be alive."