Okie doke, so like I mentioned, this chapter occurs a couple weeks after the last chapter. It's safe to assume that Seung Gil and Phichit have been talking often and feel comfortable joking with and teasing each other. Also, do you have that one friend who has made some questionable relationship decisions, so now you worry about them? I do, and they were inspiration for parts of this chapter XD Enjoy!
At least once a weekend, I pull on my yoga pants, toss my mat over my shoulder and hitch a ride with Yuuri to the corner studio for afternoon yoga. In our college days, I practiced yoga to keep my sanity: meditation, breathing, mantras, poses and all. I still chant my 'neti, neti' during tough times and 'om, śāntih' to feel centered, but I'd be lying if I said I practiced regularly and for that, I'm slightly ashamed. It's not like I don't meditate or observe my behavior or anything, so I don't feel too guilty; spending time with my best friend is fun, though, and I'd like to get more Yuuri yoga time once in a while. As we toe our shoes off at the wall, I bring this up. "We should do this more often. I know we only get Saturday and Sunday off, but still."
Yuuri shrugs, tucking his glasses into our shared gym bag that houses our phones and wallets and stuff. "Yeah, that'd be nice. We used to have a strict schedule, remember?" He smirks.
"Up at dawn to salute the sun, Monday, Wednesday, Friday." I laugh, remembering grumpy bedhead Yuuri trying not to fall asleep before we got to śavāsana. "You were a good sport, though. Let's try for Thursdays this time, at three."
Before he can respond, our instructor walks in with authoritative grace and a simple smile. We begin our session seated, side by side at the back of the class. It didn't take but a few minutes for us to learn that this instructor likes us a whole lot more when we're not at the front, or really near anyone but each other. The reason? It's a nice place to catch up, even if we have to whisper. "Why Thursdays?" Yuuri asks, voice barely audible.
"Because we never made Thursday a yoga day before."
"Oh, okay. That could work."
"Speaking of work…" I move just a bit closer so he can hear me better. "I was thinking about my topics for next week, and I thought maybe I'd make it all about relationship stages. What do you think?"
Yuuri takes a moment to be a good student and properly move into our next posture, pausing our conversation. "Hm. That could be interesting. I'd listen to that, probably."
I stifle my laugh, not totally convinced but willing to let it go. "People love to talk about love."
"Especially you."
Yeah, he has a very valid point. I can't help that I'm a romantic at heart; I won't apologize for that. "Initial attraction, infatuation, mutual adoration, falling in love." Some people give these stages different titles, but I think they're simple enough to understand in this form. Well, until Yuuri scoffs. "What?"
"That's only four."
Oh, it is? Which am I forgetting… "Commitment."
"Everyone's favorite." Yuuri laughs softly, sarcasm evident even in the low volume.
I roll my eyes. "For real." Human beings weren't really created with commitment on the brain, rather procreation being hardwired as top priority. Not that it's impossible to have a long-term committed relationship; it's simply easier for the brain, and everything below it, to not be tied down. "How's your stage five going?" When I talk to my friends about their love lives, it's so damn hard not to analyze and counsel. With Yuuri it's easier, but I still have to remind myself to listen as a friend and not a professional at times.
"It's going well, thank you." He smiles, a faint red dusting his cheeks. It could be his twentieth anniversary and he'd still get that bashful look when his relationship is mentioned.
"Oh yeah?"
Yuuri nods before we shift into our next posture. I focus my breathing, making sure to ease through the exhale longer than I have been. Every breath allows me to reach a little further, fall into form a little easier. When I glance over at Yuuri again, the gold band around his finger catches the light. "We're going out tonight at the old club."
I assume he means the jazz club we used to frequent. "Is he playing?"
"No, we're going just to listen."
I nod, breathing deeply again. "That sounds like a good time. Is there an occasion?"
"I don't think so." Yuuri whispers, shaking his head slightly. "I think he just wants to spend time together. He was really busy last week, and I was busy the week before."
It seems like the two always find a way to make time for each other. On one hand, I'm envious of that kind of devotion; on the other hand, I'm grateful my closest friend can have that in a relationship. My mouth turns up in a smirk. "You're so lucky, Yuuri. Victor always makes time to be with you." To this, Yuuri simply smiles. Well, he tries to hide it but I can see the redness in his face and that's enough. "You get flowers just because, homemade breakfast in bed, songs written for you…"
"Okay, okay." Yuuri rolls his eyes. "I get it. What's his name?"
What's whose name? What does he mean? "What're you talking about? I was just saying you're both lucky."
We settle into another posture, half a step behind the rest of the class. "It's more than luck; it's work, too. And you only talk about my marriage when you're starting to flirt with someone."
Before I can spit out a retort, my limbs give out and send me crashing to the floor. Every eye shifts my way as I scramble to catch up to the others, balance entirely half-assed but good enough to quell their curious stares. "I'm good!" I reassure them. Our instructor nods, ignoring me with intent. I glare at Yuuri: he's been laughing the whole time. "Shut up." I hiss at him, remembering to set him straight on that little comment he made. "And what're you talking about? I ask you about Victor all the time, even when I'm not flirting with someone." I'm slightly offended at this, actually; I know Yuuri knows it because he sighs, making eye contact.
"Okay, yeah: you ask about Victor often. I'm just saying, every time you start to get into a new relationship, you analyze other relationships more." His eyes soften when my frown dissolves. "It's not a bad thing, P. I just want to know who the guy is."
I roll my eyes at his assumptions. "There is no guy. You'd be the first to know if there was."
"Yeah, you're bad at keeping secrets." Yuuri's laugh is quiet this time and feels less at my expense. "And very picky with men."
"I see no benefits in settling." There are some standards I really won't budge on. "And nobody can handle my lifestyle. They can never fit in my schedule in a way that'll make us both happy." This is the sad truth about being a social person with nocturnal tendencies: people don't like adjusting around my job and resent how often I hang out and talk with friends. I've also gotten complaints about my social media habits, but jealousy and insecurity aren't enough for me to rearrange my life. "Oh well."
After I sigh, Yuuri blinks his warm eyes at me. "One day."
Even though I don't know how true that is, I believe he thinks it's true: Yuuri thinks I'll have a happily ever after like him. "Oh yeah?" I smile with more gratitude than I think he realizes. He nods anyway.
"You're too awesome to stay single forever."
If this isn't what best friends are for, I don't know what is! I ignore the fact that we're in a yoga session and reach over, embracing Yuuri tighter than he expects. "You're the absolute best!" My voice might be a bit too loud, considering our surroundings. Oh, and considering Yuuri's reaction: reddening face, darting eyes, resisting my hug. He tries to pry me off with little effort.
"Phichit, let go! You're being disruptive." Yuuri pouts.
It's my turn to laugh at him; I let go first, though. "But you needed to be hugged!"
For the rest of our session, Yuuri struggles to fight back a smile. I ignore the glare from our instructor, blissfully lost in my therapeutic stretching. Once we get to śavāsana, my mind drifts between consciousness and sleep. It's a nice place to be: I'm not quite asleep and I'm not exactly awake, but I feel rather relaxed. My thoughts go in several directions while my eyes remain shut. I think about getting lunch later, buying some new shoes, getting a haircut, maybe seeing if Yuri or Mila want to go out later for a drink; these thoughts come and go until I think about what Yuuri said: does my brain really switch to romance mode when I find a new person to flirt with? I mean, I think it's only normal for a person to think of other relationships when they're in one; it's very human to compare events in our lives, and I can admit that. However, I talk about and analyze relationships all the time. Oh, and also: there's no boyfriend to speak of. I'm not in any romantic relationship, and I didn't think I was thinking about getting into one. I mean, I've been a little flirty with Seung Gil, but it's not like we're dating. He's just easy to talk to and we have fun conversations. I wonder what he's doing right now, anyway. Last weekend, he accidentally helped his neighbor move out of their apartment and vowed to stay in this weekend. At first I didn't understand what he meant. How does one accidentally move boxes? When he explained that he heard a noise and went out to see what was going on and got roped into it, though, I understood. I laughed and made fun of him, and he said the joke was on me because he was the one rewarded with free pizza. A nudge to my ribs startles my eyes open. What the hell was that? Yuuri's standing nearby, rolling up his mat. "You're making a weird face."
I roll my eyes, sitting up on my elbows. "Did you have to kick me?"
"Namaste." Yuuri smirks, balancing his mat on one shoulder. "Let's go get lunch."
"Sounds good." I yawn and pack up to leave. Yuuri hands me my phone so I can switch it back on. There are several notifications, but only one catches my eye: a new text from Seung Gil. I don't get a chance to check it because Yuuri's clearing his throat to get my attention. "What?"
He frowns, settling his glasses in place. "You told me there's no guy!"
"That's because there isn't." My eyes go back to the screen: 'Your author photo on the back cover is hilarious.' I'm not sure what he means, but it makes me laugh. Yuuri is shooting me a look like I'm full of shit and we both know it. "I'm serious! Don't look at me like that."
"Why're you so smiley and giddy over a text, then?"
I send a reply to Seung Gil before answering Yuuri, nearly tripping on the studio's threshold. 'OMG did you read it?' I follow Yuuri into his car, buckling into the passenger seat. "I think he read my book."
He glances at me for a moment longer than he should, being the one behind the wheel and all. "Yeah?"
A new message arrives: 'Cover to cover. Why did you pose like that for the photo?' Why is he so fixated on my picture? I nod to Yuuri, feeling an odd apprehension in the inches that separate us. "Yeah, he's that friend I told you about."
"You mean the one you started helping with emotional stuff? That one caller?"
Since Seung Gil and I have been talking for a month or so, I mentioned it to Yuuri; I made sure to mention we were just friends, but he's apparently not convinced, or something. "That's the one." I send a selfie, making a face, followed by a text: 'I look professional! Shut up lol' Just so Yuuri won't have more to say, I add that I'll text back in a bit and put my phone down. "But seriously, we're just friends. We've never even met."
"Why?"
"Why what?"
Yuuri sighs. "Why haven't you met? This isn't a long-distance thing, is it?"
"He lives downtown." I highly doubt I'd ever try a long-distance situation ever again; that person would have to be supremely special to change my mind. "I've learned my lesson, thank you very much."
"So you are into him!" Yuuri laughs. "I knew it. You like him."
Even though I want to argue, I find myself smiling. Why the hell am I smiling? "I never said that."
"But you do, right?" He can't hide the smug tone in his voice.
I shrug; I don't know him all that well, but I can't deny that he's attractive and interesting. "He's a really nice guy, and he's fun to talk with. It's…it's kind of hard not to like him."
"Have you been flirting?"
"Maybe." I know what his next question is, so I answer it preemptively. "And I don't know how he feels because we haven't discussed that. I don't even know if he's interested in men." Our conversations have gone many places, but exes and crushes aren't included. "He's not one for too many words anyway. I don't want to scare him off with talk of relationships and shit."
Yuuri taps his fingers on the wheel, gears turning in his head. "I think you should meet him in person before deciding if you really like him or not."
I nod in agreement; Yuuri's caution has proved useful in the past. I might as well take in his advice and thoughts on this. "I guess. I'm not trying to get involved right away, though. We both know how that went last time." I sigh, a wave of sadness washing over me. I'm over my ex, but thinking about the circumstances of why we broke up is still sad; nobody likes being neglected and emotionally cheated on.
"Not every guy is Chris, you know." Yuuri reminds me in a small, sweet voice. He's right and I know it. I nod again but remain quiet. "And, anyway, we don't know how this will go. You might decide you want to stay friends instead."
Again, I guess he has a point. "Maybe. We haven't talked about meeting in person yet."
"Why not?"
"I don't know." Never really thought about it before…it hasn't come up. "Neither of us has brought it up, but maybe we should hang out." Ugh, I can feel myself slipping into psychology Phichit; it's hard not to analyze all the little things when Yuuri brings them up! "Now you've got me dissecting everything."
Yuuri finds a way to laugh at this, managing to lighten my mood a fraction. "Don't blame me! I just want to make sure you're going to be well and happy."
"I know, and I appreciate it." I give his shoulder a firm squeeze, both of our smiles growing. "You know what would make you and me really happy right now, though?"
"Hm?"
"Big sandwiches."
We share a laugh as Yuuri grins at me. "Agreed."
Now that my belly is full and aching from laughter, I make it back to my place with a box of leftovers in one hand and my yoga mat in the other. It's a struggle to get through the door, but I manage. I toss my food to the table and my mat in the closet and tend to my hamsters. "Are you hungry, or do you have enough in there?" I peek at their food dish, noticing a particular seed is collecting. "Why don't you like that weird round seed? You used to eat it all the time." I mutter. I can't exchange the seed with much: I'm almost out of hamster food altogether. I pick out the strange bits, though, and stand with a smile. "There: only the good stuff. Tomorrow is Sunday. Know what that means?" Two sets of hamster eyes ignore me; the other remains shut in slumber. I take this as active listening. "Fresh vegetables! Exciting, right?" I shrug off their lack of enthusiasm as humility and turn to leave. "You can thank me later."
Back in regular clothes, I settle at the coffee table with hot tea and my phone, finally ready to text Seung Gil back. 'Sorry, was w a friend at lunch' I also ask if he's been to that particular sandwich shop before. It's been around for ages, and it somehow always stays awesome.
'Yeah, it's good. A little overpriced but I think the pickles make up for it.' In typical Seung Gil fashion, he's refreshingly open with his opinions. I smile at the pickle comment, knowing I have one in my takeaway box.
'Lol ikr XD I have one in my leftovers! Too good to leave behind lmao'
There's an extended period of silence after my text; I busy myself with a cooking show on TV, cringing at the celebrities' inability to use a damn stove. Seriously, how have they made it to adulthood without learning how to boil water? The message tone on my phone saves me from the cooking disasters: 'Would you mind video chat? I'm folding laundry. "Ah, the soul-destroying boredom of long days of mild content."'
I don't know who or what he's quoting, but I'm cool with his request. I tell him as much and accept his call, immediately taken aback by the piles of clothes all around him and the rest of his visible living room. "What the hell?" I laugh. He rolls his eyes, dark and sparkling.
"Don't even think about judging me. I know it's a mess."
Even though mountains of fabric surround him, he's managed to find a sweater that fits him quite nicely in a flattering shade of blue. "I had no idea you owned so much stuff."
"It's not that much, is it?" Seung Gil sets his phone down and resumes his folding.
"Um, when you can claim statehood on a stack of sweatshirts, I think it is." My teasing gets a smirk out of him, but no verbal response. "Did you really read my book?" I know he said he did, but for whatever reason, I can't seem to believe it. Well, until he pauses his folding and pulls a book out from under the table: he's serious! I cover part of my face to hide my embarrassment. "You bought the damn thing?"
"You asked me to." When he shrugs, he flashes a smirk that I wish I could see in person.
"I didn't think you would!"
Seung Gil sets the book back wherever he pulled it from, tending to his laundry yet again. "Well, I did, and I enjoyed it." He…he what? "I didn't feel like I was reading a textbook, and it wasn't boring. So, there's that." The sounds from the TV fade away, leaving me in stunned silence. I want to ask him to repeat himself, but I know I understood him perfectly well the first time. I didn't think anyone could enjoy a book like mine, especially someone who isn't in the psychology community. "Phichit?" Seung Gil's voice snaps me out of my stillness. I blink at his frowning face. "You okay?"
"Yeah." I try to laugh off my behavior and know I fail; I shake my head. "I'm sorry, I'm just…nobody's ever said they liked my book before." Before he can get it twisted, I elaborate. "My profs and peers said it was informative and a good teaching tool, but that's not the same."
"Oh." Seung Gil pops his knuckles and proceeds to stretch his fingers out, bending and straightening them. When we lock eyes again, his soft expression melts my sappy heart. "Well, it is all those things, but I don't know. I thought it was enjoyable. Did you really write all of it on your own? No help or coauthors?" The question almost flies over my head. I have to get a hold of myself and keep my head out of the clouds.
Does an editor count as help? I don't think so. "Just an editor." Lost in his laundry, Seung Gil nods in response. "If I hadn't told you about it, would you have read it?"
"Maybe."
"Yeah right, Seung Gil." I make a face at him, not buying his words. "You'd read that kind of book?"
"I'm not making that up." He scoffs. "Novels are my favorite, but I read a lot of different things just for the fun of it. I like to learn, even about stuff that's unfamiliar." I knew he was a bookworm, but I didn't get to what extent until this moment, I think. Imagining him curled up on his couch with my book is both adorable and flattering.
I find myself smiling with pride at having written something Seung Gil found impressive. "That's cool. I'm glad you read it, and really glad you liked it."
"Oh?"
"…yes?" I sort of laugh, suddenly nervous. There's no reason to be nervous; he's my friend. His challenge is somehow taking me off my game. "I happen to be very self conscious about that book, and it's nice to know that my friend liked reading it." Simple as that, right? It has nothing to do with how I'm starting to feel about him. Will meeting him in person change those feelings? "So, can I ask you something?"
Maybe this is what I'm nervous about. Seung Gil looks unfazed, piling up a stack of shirts on top of another pile. "What?"
"Can I ask you something?"
"No, I meant what is it?" Seung Gil chuckles, finding a place to recline.
It's not a big deal if we're hanging out as friends, right? And we won't even need to hang out for very long. It'd be nice to see this man in person, though, and see where things go. "Are you doing anything after work on Monday?" I sincerely hope he says no, and then I can invite him to hang out. He blinks at me as if he doesn't know what day it even is.
"What's happening Monday?"
Yeah, okay; not the response I was looking for, but I can work with that. "I'm almost out of hamster food, but the pet store is closed tomorrow, so I was thinking I'd go Monday." I'm met with fucking crickets as Seung Gil just sits there like I'm speaking gibberish with a Martian accent. "It's kinda boring to shop solo, so I was just wondering if you'd be interested in joining me." Ugh, why's he looking at me like that? Is it really so weird that I want to see him and spend time with him? I roll my eyes, getting impatient. "You don't have to, you know. You can say no."
"No!" Whoa, he raised his voice. I didn't know he could even do that! Seung Gil's face turns slightly red as he fiddles with the hair at the back of his head. "I didn't mean that. I had to…I was thinking about it, that's all." Right. I nod, still waiting for an answer. "Um, so yeah, I can meet you there when I get off if you want. I'm not doing anything else."
So it's a yes! I'll get to meet Seung Gil and run an errand; it's a win-win situation for me. I grin, trying not to come off too excited. "Yeah? You'll go with me?"
"Yes." He nods once. "I'll go."
"Thanks." I mean, he didn't have to agree to go; I'm grateful he said yes. "It won't be boring, I swear." This comment loosens Seung Gil up enough that he laughs. "If we have fun talking, I'm sure we'll have fun in person." I don't exactly mean to voice that thought, but I can't take it back.
"I'll hold you to that." Seung Gil smirks. "I won't argue if you want to get food after, either."
My smile grows; maybe he's better at this game than I thought. Who knew?
That quote Seung Gil said at the end of his text is from 'No Exit and Three Other Plays' by Jean-Paul Sartre, a French philosopher/writer; just a little FYI :3 I've taught a few yoga classes before, and honestly don't mind when people talk; like, it doesn't ruin my experience so whatever hahha Generally, though, it's highly discouraged. Oh, here's a Sanskrit lesson: neti = translating to 'not this,' a chant when you want to change something in your life; om, śāntih = a peace chant, recited by repeating śāntih three times; śavāsana = corpse pose in yoga, done by lying on your back with palms up and heels apart to wind down from a yoga session; namaste = a greeting of mutual respect to one person, but is used as a salutation of gratitude and closing of a yoga session in Western culture. This chapter originally had a sassier Yuuri, but I felt like giving Phichit a break hahha
