This chapter should be called Cookies hahha A lot of this fic involves food, and I'm not sure why. I rather enjoy cooking and eating, so maybe that's reason enough? Food is love hahha Anyway, we're headed straight for Phichit's apartment!
From where I am, I can see snow drifting down in soft, crystal puffs beyond the window, silhouetted against the nearby tree branches. The curtains are drawn to one side, letting in the pale light of the January sun. A sleepy haze makes it hard for my eyes to focus on anything in particular, slowly following some flakes on their descent from the sky. I tug the fluffy blanket further up my shoulders and turn towards the back of the sofa, a throw pillow keeping the arm from hurting my neck. A yawn manages to escape in spite of my efforts to keep it in. I let my eyes shut, the familiar scent of baking shortbread mixing with freshly used soap in a fragrant lullaby. Within a few seconds, my eyes pop back open at my knees being jostled. I blink at the culprit, noticing his voice has stopped filling the room. The only part of the blanket he's using is from what's draped over my legs, settled in his lap. A hand rests on my knee, pulling me further from my drowsiness. "Hi, babe." I greet Seung Gil as he holds his place in the novel he was reading with a thumb. "Why'd you stop reading?" My eyes trail to little Maphrao, nestled in the front of Seung Gil's jumper.
"You're falling asleep." He leans forward to set the book on the table, cradling my hamster in place. "And I think the cookies are almost done anyway." After petting Maphrao, he picks up a nearby plastic ball and puts the hamster inside; the second it hits the floor, my pet takes off around the coffee table.
"I was just really comfortable." My legs are still in his lap, even. "You're the comfiest."
He smirks at this, leaning back into the sofa. "What an honor."
How does Seung Gil manage to make me laugh all the time? "Right? And it's all yours." I tease him, swiveling to rest my head on his legs and tossing mine across the length of the couch. "Honestly, your voice is really soothing. You should become an audiobook narrator, or whatever." He wraps one arm around me, drawing circles on my back with his thumb.
"I'll just stick to reading to you and the hamsters."
I shrug, placing my hand on his arm. "Yeah, you probably should keep your job. How much longer until the timer goes off?"
"Few minutes."
"Feels like it's been forever, doesn't it?"
"Not really."
Nothing brings out my impatience like waiting for cookies to bake. "We're not all made of stone. Some of us are weak to the smell of baked goods." I shut my eyes again, inhaling another, possibly more pleasant, scent. "You smell very inviting." I mumble against his shirt.
"Shampoo and soap are hardly an invitation."
His fingers in my hair make me melt on the spot, leaning further into the touch. "I disagree. I'm also more awake now if you want to keep reading. We can find out what happens after they leave the casino." The crime novel he's been reading aloud is much more exciting than I thought it would be. I only started nodding off a while ago because there was a lull in the plot, after the first heist scene. Seung Gil indulges me, picking the book back up and continuing where we left off. We're about to get to a really good part, I'm sure of it, when his phone's timer starts beeping incessantly. "Ahhh, we were getting somewhere good!" I mention while stepping off the couch. Seung Gil takes my wiggling fingers in his and follows me to the kitchen.
"We can continue later." He shrugs before hoisting himself up on the counter beside the stove. "I think cookies are more important right now, though."
I use my favorite strawberry shaped oven mitts to pull the tray out, drowning in warm, sesame shortbread fumes. While they rest on the stove, I turn to Seung Gil with what I hope is a stern expression. "Do not touch them yet. I'm not even kidding." For whatever reason, this makes him laugh louder than I think he means to. "What is funny about that?" I pull my phone from my pocket, finding a suitable angle to photograph the cookies. "I don't need to be driving you to the hospital burn ward."
Apparently that makes the situation funnier but I can't explain why. "I'm not dumb enough to touch a hot pan, P. Give me some credit."
"I'm not talking about the pan!" I throw a mitt at him without much force. "Wait a while before trying a cookie." Just to be sure, I scoot the pan further from him; I'm not taking any chances. He scoffs, but I smirk in return, continuing to take pictures. "I mean it: not yet."
"Not even the fucked up one?"
It's my turn to laugh, standing in front of him, setting my phone down. "It's not fucked up." My eyes drift to the cookie in question, misshapen and unevenly baked. "It's just a tad asymmetrical." The last bits of dough were crammed into the cookie cutter, pressed too much in one spot, and now it looks weird. I'll admit, I'm considering cropping it out of the pictures later.
"So why can't I have it?"
This man will be my demise. I lean up on my toes, smacking a kiss to his nose. "You'll burn yourself, genius. And I don't want that." Without warning, one of his legs wraps around me, pulling me in closer with a yelp.
His eyes are so dark, so captivating. I don't think I've ever seen any so deep before, the brown and grey swirling beneath the shadow of his lashes. "Fine. How long do I have to wait?"
I rest my hands on his thighs as he links his ankles at my back. "Well, I'd say around fifteen minutes at a minimum." Seung Gil surprises me again by dragging me even closer, making me brace against the counter. "Then again, we could always wait longer if we find something better to do." He doesn't even wait for me to finish my sentence before tugging my jumper up and over my head, leaving me in my thin t-shirt. I laugh at his enthusiasm, cut short by a firm kiss. "Oh, my: in front of the cookies, Mr. Lee?"
His thumbs tap at the nape of my neck, arms slung over my shoulders. "We could go to your room, if you prefer."
"Think I'm strong enough?"
"For what?" Seung Gil cocks his head to one side, one eyebrow raised in confusion. That expression is quickly exchanged for one of shock when I lift him off the counter, gripping his thighs and leaning his body against mine so I don't drop him flat on the kitchen floor. He lets out an adorable giggle, squeezing me with both his arms and legs for dear life. "Are you seriously about to carry me?"
"Gonna try." I laugh as I rush through the room, grateful to be stronger than I look. Not that Seung Gil is especially heavy, but I'm no body builder! Once I make it to the bed, I collapse with him in a pile of laughter and tangled limbs.
His hands creep up and down my back beneath my shirt, slowly inching against my skin. "Beautiful, tell me you didn't hurt yourself."
"I didn't." I shake my head, shivering under his cold touch.
Seung Gil hums, not quite smiling. "Now tell me you don't hate how cold my hands are."
He's never brought this up before, and his hands have been everywhere; is he self-conscious about it? Seems a trivial thing to be insecure about at this stage, but we all have our worries. I arch my back, embracing the iciness of his hands, leaving no room for doubt in my response: "I don't." Not breaking the contact, he pushes my shirt up, exposing my skin to the open air. I shudder with a shaky sigh, eyes falling half shut.
"Tell me you like when I kiss you."
Hell, that's an easy one. I lean towards him, waiting for his lips to close the space between us. One kiss isn't enough, so I take the liberty of kissing him a couple more times. "I do."
Perhaps that wasn't as convincing as intended: Seung Gil takes more. He isn't shy about it, either, pressing me to him so the only place my mouth can go is his. This kiss feels needy, almost desperate, and I'm not used to that. Now, I know he isn't the most self-assured man on the planet, but I didn't realize he could need this much physical reassurance out of the blue. If I can remember, I'll bring it up later but I currently have a responsibility to show this wonderful human that I indeed like all of him, known quirks included. I like the way he feels under me, safe and welcoming. I like the way his hands feel on the skin at my back and neck, firm with a sense of softness. I like the warmth of his mouth and the way he tastes addictive and satisfying at once. I like the noises he makes that get caught in our kisses, low and intoxicating on my lips. I like Seung Gil more than I ever imagined I would and I can't seem to stop falling further for him. I've forgotten how to breathe. He pulls away panting, one look at the soft vulnerability in his gaze stealing whatever air I have in my lungs away. "Tell me I can undress you." The words are so quiet, I almost miss them.
I sit up, knees on either side of Seung Gil's hips, and play with the hem of my shirt. "You wouldn't prefer if I did it for you?" The amused look on his face when I make a show of taking the tee off leaves me with an odd sense of pride. Like, I was somehow able to wipe the uncertainty from his eyes and confirm he's what I want: I did that. The shirt gets tossed to the side, movements optimized to show off what's hidden underneath.
"As much as I enjoy watching you strip…"
He doesn't finish that thought. Probably because I moved his hands to grab at the drawstring of my pants without any kind of warning. I don't think I could ever tire of that pleased look on his face. With a grin, I lean next to Seung Gil's ear. "You can do whatever you like, babe." Magic words, I suppose: my clothes go flying along with his. For some reason, he always prefers being fully naked together during sex. I haven't asked him about it and I certainly won't argue with it. I mean, what better way to feel intimate than shared nudity, right? And I love feeling his skin on mine, so I'm all for it. "Are you cold?" I ask between gasps at the amazing skills of Seung Gil's hands. He marks my collarbone with a kiss, not bothering to look up from his task.
"Not even close."
Of course not. I glance around, trying to figure out where the puffy comforter went before my eyes land on the floor, blanket crumpled there. "Grab me that…" My breath hitches, thoughts a jumbled mess while the rest of me is at Seung Gil's mercy. "Can you grab that blanket?" I turn his head so he can see what I'm talking about.
Quickly, eyes scan my face as if calculating what's going on around him. Seung Gil frees his hands of me, draping the blanket around my shoulders like a cape. "Sorry, I didn't know you were cold."
I smile, grateful for the added warmth and for his consideration. The blanket stays over my back as I get comfortable on Seung Gil's lap. "No worries. I'm sure you can warm me up somehow." The light pink over his face makes my heart stop in its tracks; it's not fair that one man can be so adorable and sexy at the same time, but I can't complain when I'm the one who gets to see him like this. I gently push his chest so he can lie down. His dark hair spills against the pillows like running ink, making his dewy skin glow in contrast. Red lips part just slightly, bruised from messy kisses. I don't think the view can get better until it does, all thanks to those relentless hips of his. Soon, my body actually does heat up, flames in my veins and sparks at every point of contact. "You're too good at this." I don't mean to say that, but Seung Gil moans in response, so it must be what he wants to hear. With every word and sound of encouragement, the intensity rises in his eyes and movements in turn. For a moment, I struggle to keep up.
"My beautiful Phichit."
The words are breathless, but I know I hear him correctly. Words so tender and sweet, they should be a crime to utter that way. I can't form a coherent sentence, overwhelmed emotionally and physically, shouting mindlessly until my body can't handle so much at once any longer. Seung Gil catches me when my arms fail to support me on my way back down to the mattress. I could live in this embrace, I swear. He eases me to his side, kissing every inch of my face. My chest rises and falls against his, hearts beating side by side. "How did I get so lucky?" I sigh. There's no place for an answer; not when he's too busy kissing me.
"That's my line."
I laugh into our hug, tossing my arms around him. "You're fun, in and out of bed." He's so much more than that, though. "And you're sweet, and smart, and give the best kisses." Which he demonstrates, yet again.
"You forgot one thing."
I've left out many of his best traits, I'm sure, but give Seung Gil a curious look to see where this is going. "Did I?" He nods, brushing his nose against mine with a hum. "What'd I leave out?"
"Hungry."
The forgotten cookies are arranged on a plate after a wardrobe change and quick cleanup, both of us moving at a snail's pace. Okay, I'm moving at a snail's pace. It took Seung Gil physically dragging me out of bed to get me on my feet again. Then he took my towel and I chased him around the room to get it back. He let me wear his pullover sweatshirt for my troubles, so all is forgiven; when I lift the collar over my mouth, I can smell his cozy scent in the fabric. Seung Gil sets two mugs of tea on either side of the cookie plate, centerpiece on the coffee table. "Thank you." I gesture out the window at the increasing snow. "It's really coming down now."
He spares the window a glance, sitting close enough to me so he can lean on my shoulder. "It is."
I hold the plate up between us, allowing him to take three cookies. "You are hungry, aren't you?" I laugh and take one myself. The first time I made this recipe was with my grandmother, probably twenty years ago. Seung Gil maintains his spot against my shoulder while eating, letting out a lengthy sigh. He's being awfully cuddly right now. Perhaps now is a good time to bring up the cold hand situation from earlier. Before I do, though, I kiss the top of Seung Gil's head and reach for his hand: physical reassurance is something we both enjoy. "Can I ask you something personal?"
"You can."
"Do you dislike having cold hands, or something?" I lift our entwined fingers up, placing a kiss to is palm. Yeah, it's not really warm, but I don't care.
Instead of answering right away, he sighs again. "Uh, let me think." What's there to think about? I certainly hope this isn't a bigger issue than I think it is; the last thing I want to do is make him uncomfortable.
"If you'd rather not talk about it, that's okay. I was just curious."
Seung Gil shakes his head, sitting up to look at me. "No, it's not that." He licks his lips in thought. "I've been told that my hands are too cold, that they don't feel nice, I guess, and it makes me feel weird. I mean, I don't know. It's like I have a disease, or something, when people don't want me to touch them." A redness spreads over his cheeks and nose, eyes darting away from mine. "It's stupid, I know, but it is what it is."
I can't imagine touching Seung Gil's hand, or face, and having him recoil at the contact; I think that would crush me to a fine dust. "It's not stupid, Seung Gil." I grab both of his hands, squeezing them in mine. "If it bothers you, it matters."
"Well, I mean…" He brings his focus back to me. "It doesn't bother you, right?"
A little smile from me seems to chase some of his blush away. "Of course it doesn't. I like how they feel." His dark eyes are still stormy; I don't want that look to linger. "And I like you."
"Yeah?" Seung Gil asks in a timid voice. I nod because I mean every word. His shoulders drop on an exhale, somewhat pouting. "I know it might not be the most pleasant thing, but I can't change it; it's not my fault, and it doesn't make me less of a person, you know?" He shakes his head a bit. "Of all the things people have wanted me to change about myself, it had to be something out of my control." Honestly, I could shake the stupid people from Seung Gil's past until they get some sense in them. How the hell does one push a good soul away and make them feel abnormal?
I can't help but roll my eyes, annoyed at these strangers I'll probably never meet. "Those people clearly didn't see what they had in front of them." A small part of me aches at the thought of him being so willing to adapt for others; surely he would only change if he wanted to as well, right? "Do you want to change things about yourself?"
Maybe that's a dumb question, but he gives a small shrug. "Yeah, but it takes time. Like the advice you and Eros gave me about trusting people? That isn't an instant thing. I'm working on it."
Should I bring up the party? It'd be a great opportunity for him to be more social; he could meet new people and get to know some of my friends. They won't judge him on trivial things, or make him feel like an outsider. "I've been meaning to bring something up with you. It's about a party." His eyes go wide, like he's seen a ghost over my shoulder. Okay, maybe not the best idea to bring this up now? I haven't even given any details yet! Is he that opposed? "Is…is that not something you're interested in? I just thought it'll be fun and might help you open up more 'cause you mentioned it was a problem for you. But only of you want help with that! I don't want to force you to do anything and I'm not going to pressure you, but—"
"I'm sorry." Seung Gil hangs his head just slightly. "I'm not saying no, I just…I wasn't expecting that."
I take a steadying breath so I can gather my thoughts. "Well, here's the thing: it's an anniversary party for one of my good friends and coworkers. Some of my best friends will be there, and it's all about celebrating the happy couple, so nobody will be focused on new faces. It's very low pressure." I'm not sure I'm selling this idea very well; Seung Gil does not look enthused.
"Is this something important to you?"
Um, yes and no? Yes because I want him to know my friends, and be comfortable around them; no because it's not my party and it isn't something he absolutely needs to attend if he doesn't feel like it. "I do want you to meet my friends."
"Why?"
That's a new one: why I want my boyfriend to meet my friends. I sort of chuckle, confused. "These are people who matter to me. I love these people, and they've been there for me through a lot. Pending we stay together, you'll run into them here and there and it'd be cool if you knew them and got along with them." If he needs more reasons, I have them. "I'm not asking you to love them or be their best friend, but they're like family and they're important to me."
"I…I don't know, P." Seung Gil looks down at our hands, frowning. I hate that frown; it makes me ache.
"It's not like it's tomorrow, so at least think it over. I think it could help you." If he says no, I can go solo and that'll be fine; I'm more concerned about this in the long term, though. Will he never get to know my friends? If not Yuri's party, when will he meet them? I tell him the event's in about two weeks, adding: "You don't have to make a decision now." Without another word, Seung Gil leans over and places his head on my chest. My hands immediately go to his back, rubbing circles there. I never meant to stress him out or upset him; that isn't what I wanted at all. "I'm sorry if I've upset you. I don't want you to feel like you have to do this. I swear, I won't be mad if you say no. I just thought it'd be fun to take you to something semiformal to meet my friends, especially since you said you wanted to work on your social skills."
His arms snake around my torso, tight and secure. "It's not like that."
"Well, I thought that's what you wanted! You can say no."
"But it's not like that." Seung Gil repeats. "Give me a second so I can explain the right way, okay?" I hum in agreement, letting him sort through his own thoughts. I have patience to spare, so I never mind when Seung Gil has to take a moment to form words to his liking. At last, he sits up to look me in the eye. "I don't feel pressured, or like I can't say no. I don't feel like I always have to agree with you, or do what you want. I'm not upset with you, either." He pulls his legs up on the sofa, sitting cross-legged so he can fully turn to face me. "I know your friends really matter to you, and I know that it's important for me to meet them at some point. It's just…" Seung Gil slightly shakes his head to find the right words. "I haven't had the best luck with stuff like this? Something about me and meeting friends of others…don't mix well, I guess."
Okay, maybe it's better if he didn't go with me. "If this is too much, that's fine. I promise, you don't have to say yes and we can find another time to get you out with friends."
"What if I want to?" Wait, what? His expression softens, turning my insides to sentimental mush. "I…I want to go. I want to go out with you. I want to meet your friends and I want to get along with them. I want to have more friends. This isn't easy for me, though." I almost intervene again, but something about that determination in his eyes keeps me silent. "Large groups of people…I suck at that."
"How so? Is it a fear, or anxiety? Do you just hate people that much?"
Seung Gil shrugs. "I guess an aversion?"
"Keep in mind, I'll be with you." I skim his cheek with my thumb. "If you do decide to go with me, you won't be alone. I'll be right by your side and won't leave you by yourself if you don't want me to. I want to support you." I remind him. He leans into my hand, fingers sliding over mine.
"I can't give you an answer right now, but I will think about it, alright?" That's all I can ask for, I think. "I want to go with you, but I don't know how I'll feel when the time comes." Seung Gil sort of smiles. Seeing his face in more of a happy expression puts me at ease, shoulders relaxing and heart settling. "Is that okay for now? I don't want to make any promises I can't keep." I nod, excited at the prospect of showing Seung Gil off, and appreciative that he's taking the time to think about the invitation at all. There's still the chance that he'll say no, but I'm okay with that.
I pull him in for a hug, holding too tight, I'm sure. "I know, and that's alright."
We don't say anything for a moment, holding each other while our tea gets cold. After a while, Seung Gil pulls back for a brief kiss. "You're too good for words. You know that, right, beautiful?" He smirks. I roll my eyes, trying not to grin as much as my body wants to so I don't terrify him.
"No, but I'm not opposed to being told again."
He doesn't say another word: his smile tells me that I've said the right things, settled his fears enough for his eyes to shine again. I've grown quite fond of this man, far beyond friendship; seeing my feelings reflected back at me is nothing short of incredible. A strong urge to thank Seung Gil for being…well, himself, rushes to the front of my mind. Oddly enough, my voice gets caught in my throat and the words don't seem like they'll suffice. I grab a cookie instead, offering it up to his lips. He accepts the offering with the cutest little smile; clearly he trusts me to help him grow, and maybe that's enough for him to say yes in two weeks.
(narrator voice) Will Seung Gil say yes, or will he say no? Find out next week in the next chapter of Under Falling Snow~
