Chapter Nineteen: Recuperation
Pearl hadn't retreated into her room, no matter how much she had wanted to, no matter how much she had wanted to stand in a place that was hers, entirely hers, and hold onto the hilts of blades she had earned, and swing them around with perfect form and imagine burying them into the bodies of tyrants.
Instead she had remained in the cavern outside the Temple proper, keeping eyes and ears on the proceedings below, prepared to fight if she was needed.
But she hadn't been. The breakfast had ended, and the little Diamond's entourage had left, and Pearl had banished her spear, and found herself standing there, strange and shivery and uncertain.
The others had come up, and she had not been able to bear to look at them. Felt hot and embarrassed at Amethyst's curious glances, and unworthy of the hand that Garnet had briefly pressed onto her shoulder.
The worst was when Rose Quartz asked, "Pearl, would you come into my room, please?"
Numbly, Pearl nodded, and stepped into the pink light, trying very hard to press back on memories of her life on Homeworld, of her old Master calling out to her when she made a mistake, taking her somewhere private, where no one else could see, and—
The door to the room closed, and Pearl spoke.
"I overreacted." Her voice did not tremble. A Pearl's voice should always be steady and sure. "I stand by what I said, but that does not matter. Outbursts like that aren't going to help us achieve peace. I promise that from now on I'll restrain myself, or else ensure I am not in a position where I might jeopardize our—"
"Pearl," Rose Quartz said.
Pearl stopped.
"It's okay," she said, and Pearl finally looked up. Rose's face was not angry or disappointed. Her voice was not sharp or reprimanding. "I understand. What they said was out of line, and you have a right to be upset."
"I— yes, of course," said Pearl, "but that doesn't mean I should have—"
"Spoken your mind?" Rose's voice was gentle, but now there was perhaps the faintest hint of amusement. "Of course it does. That's what I love about you, Pearl. How you always say exactly what you're feeling."
Rose opened her arms in an invitation, and after a breath, Pearl fell into them, letting them wrap around her, strong and soft.
There were tears burning in her eyes, and she hated them, hated them. She always had. Hated the ways her emotions betrayed her, always plain on her face for everyone to see, impossible to hide. But she didn't have to hide from Rose. They'd seen each other at their best and at their worst. They could tell each other anything.
"I know— I know it's not the same," Pearl stammered into Rose's chest. "I know it's not. I— whatever it is— I saw it on the Blue Pearl's face, when Steven Universe hugged her. It's not— that wasn't the look of a Diamond and her property but-" She shook her head. "She says she's happy, but how can she be sure, if she's never known anything else? And that Lapis and that— that Steven, acting like it's ridiculous to think she could ever even try something else!" Pearl pulled away, just a little bit. "When I see her, I feel like I'm looking into a mirror."
"She's not you," Rose Quartz said. "Pearl, you're not her."
But she could have been, so easily. That was what made it so unbearable.
Rose stroked Pearl's hair. "That Pearl's not the one who's spent nearly six thousand years by my side. She's not the one who fought a war and won. She's not the one in my arms now."
Then Rose leaned in, and very carefully, kissed Pearl's gem.
The touch was soft, but Pearl swore she could feel every tiny detail of her lover's lips radiating through her. It sent shivers through her body, her mind. Not just the contact itself, but knowledge of it— the certainty that she could trust the most delicate part of herself, her very soul, and know that it was completely safe in Rose's hands.
Pearl rose up on her toes, a silent invitation for Rose to put more pressure on it, and she complied.
There was some more kissing then, some more cuddling, and a few minutes later Pearl found herself practically wrapped in Rose's hair, the two of them splayed out against the cloud floor. Except the floor was no longer clouds, but cool, lush grasses; and the sky above them was a beautiful sunset, an exact replica of the first one the two of them had shared together on this planet, magnificent red and purples and pinks, just a few shy stars peeking out of the blackness at the room's very top.
Rose reached out and gave Pearl's hand a gentle squeeze. "I think they can learn. They'll need someone to teach them."
"And you think that someone is me," said Pearl. It made sense, after all. She'd helped other Pearls during the rebellion, helped them find their way. It hadn't always been easy, but she'd done it.
"Not if it's going to hurt you like this," Rose said.
Pearl didn't mind if it hurt. She was no stranger to pain. Pain was what had made her what she was.
She made up her mind there, tightening her grip on Rose's hand. She had a job to do, and she would not shy away from it.
"Just dial the number and press the call button."
Amethyst stuck out her tongue as she brought to mind what Connie's phone number was. The girl had told her before, but Amethyst hadn't really focused on remembering it, because she hadn't had a phone at the time, and honestly, hadn't been entirely clear on what one was. Still, the digits were kicking around somewhere in her mind. Amethyst punched them in and then pressed the green call button. "Like that?"
Greg nodded at her. "Yeah, just like that."
Amethyst put the phone up to her ear. It was ringing. "Cool," she said before adding, "Uh, thanks for letting me use your phone, dude."
"Yeah, no problem. I can't believe you you all have gotten this far along without one," Greg said. He was smiling, but Amethyst still wondered if he was upset about the whole 'going through his belongings and taking his phone' thing.
She shrugged internally. Oh well. Maybe he should have thought about that before he lied to all of them.
Amethyst took a few steps away from Greg and his oversized van. She wanted to be out of earshot. Luckily, shortly thereafter, Greg pushed off and headed inside the car wash.
Good. She wouldn't have to watch her language now.
The phone rung for a few more seconds before it was stopped mid-ring. There was a pause and then Connie's voice on the other end. "Hello? Maheswaran residence."
"Hey, Connie!" Amethyst greeted. "Wassup?"
"Oh, hey Amethyst!" Connie replied more enthusiastically. "I didn't recognize the number. Where are you calling from? That one cell phone?"
"Yeah. Though I'm gonna need to return it soon," Amethyst answered.
"Return it? You're borrowing it?"
"Er, sort of. Long story," Amethyst chuckled. "But yeah. Right now I'm borrowing it."
"Hmm… Well when I check our bids on ECove, maybe we can use some of the money we're getting from those coins to get you a phone of your own."
"Ooh, yeah, dude," Amethyst said. "Then I could call you anytime I wanted!"
"Yeah! You could!" Connie exclaimed in return. "I could even call you from- Oh, that's right! I didn't tell you that yet."
Amethyst blinked. "Tell me what, dude? What's up?"
"Well, it's something I'm doing for school," Connie began. There was a sound like crinkled paper through the receiver. "We're taking an extended field trip this weekend."
Amethyst scratched the corner of her mouth. "You're taking a trip to a field? Is that what you do in 'school'?" She shrugged. "Sounds kinda dull."
Connie laughed on the other end of the phone. "No, it's not a trip to a field," she said. "It's just a term used for when a class goes outside the school for something. Into the field."
"Ahh, okay okay," Amethyst slowly nodded. "I gotcha. So where are ya going?"
"We're going camping!" Connie answered excitedly. "We're going to Beveridge National Park and we're camping over the weekend!" There was a pause and Amethyst smirked to herself. Just by the tone of her voice, Amethyst knew that Connie had to be practically bouncing up and down with excitement. "I can't wait. There's a waterfall and a nature trail and we're going to go canoeing Amethyst! Can you believe it?"
"It certainly sounds like a time," Amethyst answered. Honestly, though, it didn't seem all that special. Amethyst could take Connie to a waterfall whenever she wanted. And they had the Gem sloop, which was better than some lame canoe anyway. It had sails and everything!
Amethyst frowned at herself. She was being kinda petty, and she knew it. It was already hard enough to get to see Connie, who apparently had to do human stuff five days out of every seven, and had been hoping that she'd be able to come over this weekend.
Still. Maybe she'd be able to spin this in her favor. She put on a lilting tone as she continues, "Maybe when ya get back, I might have a surpriiiiise for you."
"A surprise? What kind of surprise?"
"Well, I can't tell ya, can I, or it wouldn't be a surprise, would it?"
"Amethyst!"
She broke into laughter over Connie's protests, desperately trying to get it out of her.
"Okay, okay," Amethyst said, "try and guess."
"Oh come on," Connie moaned.
"Guuueesss."
"Fine. Um… does it have to do with… uh… a monster?"
"Nope."
"How about that space queen?"
Amethyst scowled into the phone. "Okay, yeah."
"Score!" Amethyst could practically see Connie pumping her hand in the air. "Okay, now you gotta spill."
"Okay. Um, well, I guess I technically shouldn't, cuz Pearl might be mad at me— but okay, so we had this incident…"
"Wait, an incident? Amethyst, are you okay?"
"Oh, yeah. I'm fine."
"Amethyst..."
"Seriously! I reformed, and everything's cool now—"
"...reformed?"
"Yeah. The thing I did the day we met. Y'know, body destroyed, poof, then I come back, good as new—"
"Waitwaitwaitwaitwait, back up." Now Connie sounded freaked. "The Diamond destroyed your body?"
"Well— not exactly—"
"Then what, exactly?"
Amethyst rubbed her neck. It was a long story, and honestly, there were a couple details she was vague on herself, from when she was in her gem. "Well, okay. So, Rose and Pearl were talking with the Diamond, trying to like negotiate—"
From the phone there came the sound of a voice raised in the distance. "Wait one sec," Connie said, and then, muffled, "Two more minutes, please?"
"No, we have to leave now—"
"Sorry, Amethyst. I gotta go. It's time for tennis practice." There was another short pause, and Amethyst could imagine Connie grimacing at the thought. "Then after, I'm going to tell Mom about the camping field trip. I can't wait."
"Good luck!" Amethyst said.
"Yeah. And you have good luck with your evil queen situation. I expect the full story later."
"Definitely."
Amethyst heard the distant sound of more voices.
"Okay, I gotta go, Amethyst. Talk to you later."
"Alright. See ya 'round, Crushed." Amethyst tapped the screen, ending the call.
She was glad to hear that Connie was excited about something. Even Amethyst could see that she was still adjusting to loss of her finger. And if what some of what Connie had told her was true, so were her parents. They seemed like major control freaks in Amethyst's book.
And Amethyst had begun to feel a little bad on her behalf. She didn't really know how to offer comfort and stuff, especially about something like this. It just seemed so weird, Amethyst thought, that you could lose a body part forever. Amethyst made her own finger wink in and out of existence; she'd done that for her whole body just hours ago.
But it was good that Connie was hyped about something, even if it was just something like camping with her school. Give her something good to look forward to. Life can go on even after tragedy, and all that junk.
"Pfft, pretty poetic," Amethyst shrugged to herself. "Aw, well. She got the camping thing and when she gets back, she can meet Steven. That should help inject a little something-something into her life."
Amethyst began walking to the car wash's office, idly wondering what Connie's reaction would be when she got the full story. Maybe it was best she hadn't finished now; it was the kind of story that was better to tell in person
Rapping her knuckles against the doorframe, Amethyst stole Greg's attention from the computer, and held the phone aloft. "Yo. I'm done. Here ya go."
"Oh, hey Amethyst. Look, actually, why don't you just keep that?"
"What?"
"Yeah. Go ahead. I can just get myself a new one. Consider that one… an olive branch."
Amethyst looked at the hunk of metal and plastic in her hand, then back at Greg. "It's a phone."
"A metaphorical one, I meant. Like… a gift," Greg said, with a slightly nervous chuckle. "I mean, we're all friends now, right? Friends give each other gifts."
"Huh. Well, all right. Thanks dude!"
Amethyst wandered off, feeling happier than she had… in well, a long time.
The Crystal Gems were friends with a Diamond. Rose and Garnet and Pearl wouldn't have to keep worrying all the time. None of them were going to get saddled with guard duty anymore. Amethyst could hang out with Steven like he was just another Gem. And she had a phone, so she could call Connie whenever she wanted.
And play Bedazzled. She was getting pretty close to beating the high score. She couldn't wait to hear Pearl screeching about how distasteful the whole thing was.
Waiting outside the car wash bathroom, Pearl listened as Greg called, "Are you almost ready in there, sport?"
Pearl sat off to the side, in one of the waiting area chairs. Even though she kept her expression in her usual neutral manner, she was very glad to be able to go through Steven's evening ritual. Even if they were having to do to it at the car wash, rather than the Palanquin or the apartment.
She was also glad the boy would finally be getting the chance to clean himself. She had not been able to ignore that he had come to smell rather… strongly.
"Yeah, Dad. I'm almost ready." Steven's voice came out muffled there the door. A moment later, the doorknob began to rattle and Pearl rose from her seat and joined Greg next to the door. The door opened and he exited from the bathroom, smiling at either of them and gave a quick twirl, showing of his new teal pajamas. "How do I look?"
"Very striking, my Steven," Pearl answered. "And did you brush your teeth?"
Steven rolled his eyes, though never misplaced his smile. "Yes, Pearl."
"And you used some of that waterless shampoo I gave ya?" Greg asked.
Steven nodded. "Yep! Wanna smell?"
Greg leaned over and put his face close to the top of Steven's head and sniffed. "Yep," he said, standing back up. "Very fruity."
"Though… He still needs to take a proper shower sometime," Pearl said.
"Yeah, he does," Greg agreed. "I'll work on that tomorrow… Hm, maybe Vidalia or Barb would let us use their showers. Since now the whole town knows I have a son."
Steven quietly shifted where he stood and looked down at his bare feet.
Greg noticed this immediately. "Hey, it's not your fault, bud," he said, tussling Steven's hair. "I was probably gonna tell everyone about you sometime." He chuckled, "And I certainly can't fault ya for wanting to see your old man again first thing."
Steven smiled sheepishly as the three of them exited the car wash, Pearl holding onto Steven's hand as they did. They walked to Greg's van, moved from the beach and now back to its usual position next to the car wash.
Greg referred to it as a van, but Pearl's research into human vehicles suggested this was not accurate. It could be more correctly classified as a 'trailer'— longer than a van, possessing, among other things, a bed built into a wall, a table with couch, and a small kitchen-ette. Steven had once inquired about his father's insistent incorrect terminology, and he had said it was out of respect to a van he had once owned. "Bought it in college, with my own money… Did my first tour on that thing, back before I was famous," he'd said, eyes going distant with nostalgia. "Had to sell it when I moved to Korea, of course, but never forgot it. Even gave this one the same paint job in its memory."
Now Greg motioned Steven into the trailer, revealing the blankets and pillows that had, until very recently, been in the cage in the Crystal Gem's base. Now they were back on the bed where they belonged, and beckoned invitingly. Steven made a beeline to it, hopping happily onto the mattress.
But he didn't get under the covers, or even lie down.
"I'm not really that tired," Steven said, noticeably trying to suppress a yawn.
Pearl smiled lightly as she sat down next to him, Greg taking a place his other side. "I see. Well, then what do you want to do, my Steven?"
Steven shrugged lazily. "I dunno. Just sit here with you?" He grabbed Pearl's hand and laid his head against Greg. "I really missed you guys."
"Well, to be fair," Greg chuckled, "I was always there. Except when I had to get food."
"You know what I mean," Steven said. Greg nodded.
Pearl understood as well. The time they had been apart, Pearl constantly worried about his safety and well being… It had almost been too much to handle. But she wouldn't allow it to happen again. She couldn't allow another such failing of her duties.
Not when Steven's safety and well-being were at stake.
"Do not worry, my Steven," Pearl said softly. "You will never be taken away from us against your will again. I promise."
Steven blinked wearily at her. "You took your hair clip out," he said.
"Yes," Pearl answered. "But I have it with me, for when I need it again."
Steven nodded silently, his head still resting in the crook of Greg's arm. "I love you guys. You're the best dad and the best guardian ever."
Greg only smiled as Steven's breathing slowed and his mouth hung open just slightly. He was sound asleep. Greg nodded at Pearl, who took her cue and carefully lifted Steven off of his father. He slid off of the bed and retreated, and together they rearranged Steven so his head was on the pillow, a cover draped over him.
With one last look, to make sure he was settled, Pearl left the trailer, Greg carefully shutting the door behind him.
Several moments of silence passed between them as Greg and Pearl stood outside on the tarmac, neither saying anything.
It was finally Greg that broke the silence, "Well. I guess my spying days are behind me, huh?"
Pearl gave him a thin smile. "I believe your spying days have been over for a little while now."
"Heh, yeah okay. Fair point." Silence again, and then, "So, what did you think about the breakfast? Honestly."
Pearl considered a moment. "The Pearl's reaction did not surprise me. And neither did Lapis's."
Her gaze flicked upward and she saw Lapis, still slowly circling above them, guarding them. Lapis still did not trust the Crystal Gems, a sentiment that Pearl could understand. And with that in mind, she could also understand Lapis's desire to keep watch through the night.
"Do you think that's… necessary?" Greg asked, also looking at the circling Lapis.
"It helps puts Lapis at ease," Pearl said. "After feeling like she couldn't do anything to help Steven, I do not begrudge her desire to do whatever she can now."
Greg slowly nodded as he looked back at Pearl. "And… do you think the Crystal Gems are going to try anything?"
Again, Pearl was silent as she considered the question. "I think," she said evenly, "if they are going to try and attack us, we will have the advantage, being so close to the ocean."
Greg sighed heavily. "That doesn't really do much to put my mind at rest."
Pearl bowed her head at him. "I am sorry, Greg."
"No, no. It's alright Pearl," Greg said. He sighed again. "This whole… thing has made me so tired."
"Then perhaps you need some rest, just as Steven does."
As if on cue, Greg yawned, putting his hand over his mouth to cover it. "Yeah. You're probably right. Hopefully the van couch is more comfortable than a rock floor."
Pearl realized that Greg had slept by Steven's side every night during his captivity, forgoing the comforts of his trailer. This did not surprise her. Greg was a human, but in some ways, he had a commitment to loyalty that matched any Homeworld Gem's.
"Hopefully," she said.
He laid a firm hand on Pearl's shoulder. "Good night, Pearl. If you need me, you know you can wake me up."
"I know. Good night, Greg. Sleep well."
Greg turned back to the van door, opened it as quietly as he could, and closed it silently behind him.
And Pearl was alone.
Before she could even begin considering what to do next, she heard the soft beat of wings above. She glanced up as Lapis landed behind her. "Hey," Lapis greeted.
"Hello, Lapis," Pearl returned.
Lapis did not immediately respond. Instead she floated up briefly to look through the window, from where Pearl knew the bed— and Steven— was visible. A satisfied look crossed her face. Only then did she look back at Pearl and ask, "So what are you doing?"
"Since we are away from the Palanquin and I have no other chores to attend to, I was going to continue work on the drill."
"I can't come with you," Lapis said.
"I know. But with our planning to rescue Steven, I lost many nights of work on it." Pearl shook her head. "It is not something that can be put off."
"Yeah, that's what I thought you were going to say," Lapis replied. "Sorry, but no."
Pearl tilted her head to the side. "No?"
"Yeah, no. You're going to stay here, get in that van and rest. At least for tonight."
"I do not require any rest," Pearl countered.
"You do," Lapis shot back. "You haven't had a resting period since before Steven was taken."
"A resting period is not required—"
"A Gem can start to get screwy if they're not given resting periods," Lapis cut Pearl off. Lapis looked like she was going to continue, but instead she opened her mouth, closed it, and then started again, "Look, Pearl. You don't want to be like the other Pearl, wound so tight you're never happy."
"I don't see how—"
"If you're not going to do it for yourself, then do it for Steven, or Greg, or… or me." Her cheeks flared with color as she looked away. "Just, you know. You deserve a break."
Pearl pursed her lips silently, before finally bowing her head at Lapis. "Very well, Lapis. I will take a rest tonight."
"Good," Lapis said.
Part of her wanted to say, 'You deserve a rest too'. Because it was true. Because Lapis Lazuli was tired as well. She had seen it in the days and days of restless planning. Even when Pearl had practiced her skills with the flute on her, never once had she been able to fully banish that fear and anxiety from Lapis's form.
But it was not a question of deserve. It was a question of duty.
Lapis stepped closer and after a second of hesitation brought her arms around Pearl and hugged her. The gesture took Pearl by surprise, but she reciprocated easily, squeezing Lapis in the same manner Steven always did to her.
They parted and after one more silent nod, Lapis summoned her wings and took to the sky above the car wash again, returning to her vigil. Pearl watched for a moment before finally, she too, returned to the trailer.
She waited for a moment in the darkness, filled only by the sound of Greg's snores and Steven's breathing. Quiet, peaceful sounds. Pearl could have just stood there at attention, as was expected of a Pearl— except it wasn't expected here. She could have sat down, in the driver's seat or at the table, which would have been quite a comfortable way to spend the next eight hours.
Instead, she padded over to the bed, and nestled in next to Steven. She listened for any change in his breathing, fearful of waking him. She watched him, and found that he was still sound asleep. She watched as his chest slowly and steadily rose; watched as his eyes darted behind closed lids. He must have been dreaming.
Pearl hoped it was a pleasant one.
She leaned closed to him and kissed him lightly on the forehead.
"Good-night, my Steven. Rest well."
Pearl leaned against the side of the bed alcove wall, her eyes never wavering off of Steven.
She blinked. And again. And again.
Her head tilted down and her eyes shut and she did not wake until morning.
