Chapter 5 – Forgiveness

Edward stood in the treetop as his family spoke to Bella. He watched her sprint into the forest and heard her run away. Edward leaped down to his family, still looking in the direction Bella left. "Are you alright?" Rosalie asked, seeing the look on his face. "I can't believe what I just saw. Bella….... a vampire… fighting… here. We left so that she could live her life and look what happened to her. She became what I tried to avoid. What have I done?" Edward said as he fell to his knees. Esme came behind her son, putting her hands on his shoulders, kneeling next to him. "Edward, you cannot take it upon yourself for what happened to Bella. This happened to her, as it happened to all of us." "If I stayed away from her as I originally intended, this wouldn't have happened." Edward said as his face fell into his hands. "That is not necessarily true. Look at all of us, Carlisle and Jasper were attacked and changed, Alice was being hunted by James and was changed and I was left to die in the streets and then I was changed. All of us are here for a reason. Do not put it on yourself. It is the world we live in." Rosalie stated to Edward. "She's right. And though, we live this life, I think we are a lot better for it. We all have built a life none of us dreamed of. Thanks to Carlisle, we have a family, not a coven. And look how Bella is handling it. She was by herself and she still built a life for herself, thanks to our influence. We are a family and no matter what was said or done in the past and Bella is a part of our family." Esme said, still comforting our son. "I still love Bella like my sister and I am happy to see her," Alice added. "As I still love her like a daughter," said Esme. Edward looked at Esme, still pained in his eyes. He got to his feet, with his arm around his mother. "You're right. But what do we do now? Can she even forgive me for lying to her?" Edward asked. Edward stared off in to the direction Bella ran to, when he heard "Edward, that is up to you. You have to convince her that you still care. Think about it, if she thought you still cared, when she changed, she would have looked for you or us." Alice thought. When hearing this, he realized that she was right again. Bella has been this way for years, so why didn't she come and look for him. Edward realized that Bella must believe that he doesn't love her.

Returning home from her hunt, Bella changed and went to her schoolbooks to study. After staring at her books for fifteen minutes, she realized she couldn't study. She had too much on her mind. Seeing the family she once wanted to join again. To see her best friend, her big brothers, her secondary parents, the member that was distant to her, Bella was stunned. Even though she did not lay her eyes on him, she still smelled him; she still felt him. Her body was electrified by his close presence; her fire for him was rekindled and blazed beyond her comprehension by being so close to him. If she had looked at him, Bella knew she would not be able to contain herself from kissing him. Though she still felt her love for Jacob, that love was a pale shadow compared to the love she felt for the Cullen's publicly youngest, yet eldest son. While she thought, she doodled, until she realized she drew his eyes, staring at her. Bella went into her bedroom and took the black box she found in her room. She opened it, refusing to look at the pictures, she took out the CD. She held in her hand and went to her radio. She played the CD, listening to Esme's Favorite. A song she had not heard since she was human. The song filled the air of her apartment and she sank into her couch, with her eyes closed and her hands covering her face. "It was only a matter of time" Bella told herself. "He told me they had family in Alaska. Was that part of the reason I stayed here? Was there a part of my mind that knew they would come here one day?" Bella stared into her hands, as the song changed to her lullaby. Hearing her lullaby, Bella sighed heavily and turned off the radio. "I couldn't look at him, so there is no way I could listen to that," Bella said as she stood in front of the radio. Bella went back to her books, until it was time for her class.

Even in class, Bella could not focus. She did not worry about paying attention because she was prepared for her final. She thought about the times she had being Alice's human Barbie doll as she dressed for the prom and other occasions. How Emmett teased her, how Jasper beat her in chess constantly, when she and Esme worked in her garden and how Carlisle spoke to her about history. These human memories Bella refused to let go. As class was dismissed, Bella walked across campus, in the irritating human speed she had to keep, to the library. As she walked up the stairs, she saw him, leaning on the doors. She stopped on the top of the stairs. She stood at the top of the stairs, staring at him, realizing her weak human eyes could not really take in his true beauty. Edward looked up and saw her at the top of the stairs, staring at him. Bella closed her eyes, sighed and walked to the doors. She was heading past him, as held the door for her. As she walked past him into the library, she inhaled his scent, closing her eyes and not exhaling, refusing to let go of his scent. Bella went to the top floor of the library, to her regular corner. As she was setting out her books, she heard someone coming up behind her. Knowing who it was, she ignored him and went to her work. Hearing the chair in front of her being pulled out, Bella tried to focus even more on her work. "Bella?" When she heard him say her name, Bella broke the pencil in her hand, crushing it to dust. "You really have gotten stronger……… Will you please look at me?" Edward begged. Bella continued to look at her books and got another pencil out of her bag. "I don't blame you. I wouldn't want to look at me either. Can I please say something?" Bella sighed and said "As you can see, I am trying to study. So can we have this little conversation at a more convenient time?" "You're right. I will talk to you after the graduation ceremony. Just so you know; we are all going to attend." Hearing this, Bella's head dropped and picked it up to stare him in the eye. She maintained her hard eyes to look into his soft, apologetic eyes. "You don't have to do that. I doubt I'm going. Now, please I need to study." Bella looked back at her books. "Would you like some help?" "No, no thank you." Bella said. "I don't know why suddenly you give a damn about me. Where were you a few years ago, when I needed you?" Bella snapped, then gathered her books and left.

Edward sat at the table, scorned by Bella's words. She is never going to forgive me, he thought to himself. How am I going to show her that I still love her, that I never stopped? That my love for her has only grown since she has been away from me. I have so much to make up to her, but she is worth it. I am not going to give up. Bella and I belong together. Edward left the library, already thinking, planning on what he can do to begin gaining back Bella's forgiveness and more importantly, her love.