In all honesty I had discarded this piece a long time ago, but lately I've been receiving a lot of reviews and follows, so I decided to get back in to it and finish this story like it should, I won't tell you how because that would just be spoiling it!
I never planned on writing this much for a fleeting idea I had one morning, Shinji was never part of the original planning and I accidentally created a whole new character! I even had to reread my own writing to refresh my memory, which is a tad embarrassing. I can't promise to update every week, my life has changed quite a bit since I last ventured here, but I will finish this tale, that I can promise.
Thank you for all the encouragement and reviews, especially Roberta Lozano , who finally got me writing again.
Chapter 18 - Hidden and secret
He couldn't find sleep.
Okita sat up for the umpteenth time that night, his bedroll crumpled and creased from his fitful turning.
His mind was reeling with the day's happenings.
His untamed bloodlust.
Hijikata's discovery.
And her...
She had a face now.
The curve of her lips haunted him, her smile playing out before his mind's eye repeatedly. His mind asking continuously what it would sound like if his name fell from those lips. Her eyes were etched in his mind, mismatched and striking, soulful with a hint of mystery. He wanted to get lost in those eyes, learn to read them.
He toyed with the vial that had mysteriously appeared in his pocket, a smile playing over his face as he thought of her quiet aid, she had saved him once again, without a single word said or action noticed.
His mind in turmoil, he finally decided that he needed some fresh air.
He left the tent he now shared with Hijikata, making sure not to wake his worried comrade, his revelation earlier had drained Hijikata of all his energy and awarded him a deep, fitful sleep. Okita did not blame his friend, he himself had been struggling with the same problem for months, sleep only came from illness and exhaustion.
As he silently entered the night outside, the deepest reaches of his heart hoped that he would find his obsession outside in the makeshift camp.
Walking towards the central campfire, he did find a Yamazaki, be it not the one he was hoping for.
"Susumu-san" Okita uttered as he lowered himself to sit next to the spymaster. "Trouble sleeping?"
"Of sorts" Susumu replied, his head hanging low. "Much has happened in the last few days...we surely have a traitor in our midst." Susumu sighed before he continued. "And Mori those creatures...where did they come from, who created them?..and then...then there's my sibling..." he continued, a frustrated tone lacing his last point.
Okita found his interest instantly piqued.
"What of her Susumu-san, she seemed quite...eerrrmmm, proficient" Okita tried not to seem too interested, even though his heart begged to know more of her.
Susumu chuckled.
"That she surely is, too proficient actually..."
Okita gave him a puzzled look. "Surely that is a good thing?"
Susumu shook his head slightly, his smile falling away instantly. "The life of a spy is very different to what you know Okita-san." he paused for a few seconds, considering how to explain his statement.
"It's a lonely life, filled with peril...if you die, you will surely die alone and be forgotten like a wisp of smoke. It's not a life I wished for my sister." another pregnant pause before he continued.
"We are few, and those highly skilled are even fewer, it makes for a difficult situation...your proficiency out-weighs your well-being, physically and mentally, often those who are gifted are overused...I'd even wager on abused..."
Okita's felt a sharp pain jab at his chest, though not from his illness.
"...my baby sister is by far the best agent I have ever worked with, she was rarely talented from a young age, but I fear years of moving from one mission to the next without any rest has destroyed her in some ways. She's played so many roles, lived so many lives, I'm not sure if she knows who she is anymore." Susumu stared blankly into the dancing flames before him.
Okita felt anger lick at his edges of his mind.
"Why did you not stop her, you're her Commander and brother...surely"
Susumu cut Okita's question off with a humorless chuckle.
"Two reasons. One. She's so good that there are some things that only she can do. Two. She knows that she is that good and she's stubborn as a mule, she doesn't really listen to anyone." a small smile crept over Susumu's lips.
Both men let out a short laugh, Okita not surprised at Susumu's revelation.
It was as he had imagined her.
Susumu grew quiet for a while, the air around him growing thick with a tense silent thought, moments before Okita asked another question, his voice broke the silence.
"In truth..." Susumu swallowed the lump of guilt in his throat. "...she's running, eager to escape her past. A past that I had a part in creating." Susumu's voice was thick and heavy as it fell from his lips, the emotion there, raw and wretched.
"If you are playing someone different every week, you don't have to face your own demons..."
"What?" Okita asked, a bit shaken from Susumu's words, his confusion now turning to worry.
"That my friend." Susumu rose from his seat, clearly he had enough of their conversation. "...is a story for another day. I'm going to see if I can find her before she leaves."
Okita watched as the spymaster walked away, his shoulders slumped, heavy with burden, strangely it had been the longest conversation they had ever had that did not involve the Shinsengumi. Okita felt that he understood the spymaster better, understood more of the troubles the man faced every day.
Still...What does that mean? What past?
Finding himself more confused and annoyed with Susumu's cryptic statement, Okita got up silently and followed the spymaster into the dark, hoping to to learn more, hoping to get another glimpse of the woman he yearned for.
Kasumi was angry, fuming to be exact.
Her brother was right, her injuries were serious, even with her miraculous healing, they would be a obstacle in the days to come. Her anger was irrational, her frustration seething.
Why?
She asked herself the question as her tired body rested against a broken tree stump, her breath pushing against broken and bruised ribs, her long hair hanging knotted in her eyes.
His face came to mind, his eyes gleaming emerald and passionately. Her heart pounded in her chest again, thundering in a way she had not felt before, her body yearned for that which it could not have, playing tricks on her as she felt ghostly arms wrap around her, holding her close to a broad, strong chest. She sighed longingly as her heart's cage cracked another crooked line along it's seam.
She let out a hopeless chuckle.
"You fool" she uttered as she thought of her predicament.
Never had she imagined that she would be so far gone, consumed with her worry for Okita in the last few weeks, she had not stopped to consider her own feelings and what had driven her to such desperation. She knew that her heart had surrendered to him months ago, but seeing him tonight, standing in front of him, his green eyes staring her down, admitting that he knew her...
Years of building a solid wall between her and the world had shattered in mere seconds.
Panic rose in her throat, memories of the gut-wrenching heartache that Shinji left in his wake, fueling her fear and angst.
"You should have the physician look at your injuries before you leave." her brother's voice broke her inner struggle.
He was the only one she couldn't hide from, he always found her hiding spots.
Susumu sat down heavily next to her, the ground resounding with a thump, he tenderly took her injured arm and peeled away the sleeve, inspecting the bandages closely.
"What happened Sumi-imouto?" he begged.
She looked at his pleading eyes and knew she could not lie to him.
"I fell." she simply answered. Susumu quirked an eyebrow, studying her face for a lie, Yamazaki Kasumi did not just fall.
"It was a very long fall onii-san."
"What? From the roof of Nijō Castle? From a cliff? Your ribs are broken Sumi-chan!"
"The bamboo rigging..." she admitted shamefully.
"How?" Protective anger rose in Susumu's chest. "Where was that coward Shinji?"
"It was my fault onii-san, I lost focus...Shinji-kun could not have helped me, he tried" her head stooped low in embarrassment.
Susumu's anger doubled.
"Nonsense! He was there to protect you!" Susumu paused for an angry moment. "Why do you still defend him?"
Kasumi shot out her uninjured hand and stilled her brother with a gentle touch.
"Did you heard something onii-san?" She looked at him questioningly, then shifted her gaze to the darkness surrounding them.
Meters away from the siblings a dark shadow lingered, hidden behind a large tree. His breath hitched as he listened to their conversation, possibly exposing his presence to two people whose lives were dedicated to find that which is hidden.
Realisation had come to him.
Okita once again relived the moment when the mesmerising Yuki Ona fell from the sky, ribbons following her like broken butterfly wings. Her bones snapping and cracking loudly as she hit the ground in a cloud of dust. Her blood curdling screams once again rang in his ears, the red of her veins blooming on her costume. Okita felt his stomach churn, his instincts telling him to go to her, wrap her in his embrace, protect her.
Had she been that close? He watched her nearly die... His mind reeled until another thought struck him.
That's why you didn't come..
Okita felt a measure of relief flood over him, a doubt that he had never acknowledged.
She did not lie, she did not leave him waiting under the cherry tree in a twisted joke.
He felt his heart flutter in his chest, a small flower of hope bloomed, hope he did not even know he yearned for.
"No" Susumu answered staring into the dark. "Probably an animal." He shrugged off his sister's worry and turned to her again.
"Where is Shinji-san?" the question came out harsher than he meant, accusation laced between the words.
"I...I don't know." she faltered under his intense stare. "He left the troop before I did."
Kasumi had been so occupied with reaching the Shinsengumi before the attack, that she had not noticed Shinji's absence earlier.
"Onii-san..?"
Her implied question hung thick in the air, weighing heavily on their shoulders.
"Let's not assume." he answered pensively, lips drawn thin in thought. "I will have Furiko-san and Tanaka-san search for him."
Susumu's a hand went to her shoulder, gripping to make sure her had her full attention.
"Sumi-chan, don't hide things from me." he beseeched.
"Onii-san, I don't know where he is..." her voice sounded small, nearly childlike in it's response.
A long silence followed as they both stared at each other pleading, one for trust, the other for truth.
"Fine, I'll take your word." Susumu broke their impasse.
Susumu rose from his seat. "One more thing Sumi-chan..."
Kasumi's mismatched eyes followed him as he paced forward pensively, suddenly spinning around on his heel to face her once more.
"When I searched the bodies of some of these Mori monsters...I found the Yamakazi family crest seared into their chests."
Shock.
Horror.
Disbelief.
Kasumi could only gape at her brother as his words sunk in, her own voice taken by the invisible blow her brother's words had dealt.
"I don't know what it means." the spymaster uttered. "For the Shinsengumi, the Shogunate or the Yamazaki clan...but we should be weary, this could be extremely bad for us Sumi-chan."
Kasumi swallowed down the large lump that had formed in her throat, confusion riddling her fine features.
"Onii-san? What...How? I don't understand"
"I don't know imouto, once you are healed, you will be tasked to find the answers, and find them very quickly, we can't let anyone find out about this. Our family is at risk now... Not a word Sumi-chan"
Okita waited in the dark until the siblings had both left, his mind clouded by all he had learnt in such a short time. None of what he had heard was what he expected, but he gained much more than he was prepared for. In the swirl of knowledge, he decided to concentrate on Kasumi's fall from the heavens, he could kick himself. She had been so close, close enough to touch, and he watched as she fell, heard her bones shatter. A frustrated growl came from between his teeth.
I'll never let that happen again, I will always be close.
He made the impossible promise to himself and Kasumi, determination flowing through his veins like molten fire.
The morning greeted the Shinsengumi with a grey ceiling of clouds, breaking the sweltering heat of the last few days.
The clattering of pots and the soft murmur of soldiers pulled Okita from his hard-won sleep, he turned to see Hijikata's bedroll packed and ready for travel. With a start he realised that he had likely overslept after his spy work the previous night, panicked he launched himself towards the tent entrance dragging his haori with him as an afterthought.
Bleary eyed he stared at the camp as he made it outside, quickly flinging his fluttering haori over his broad shoulders. Clearly it was still early, the guards working the dawn shift stoking the fire and readying breakfast. The sun had just broke the horizon and a fiery ribbon was slowly chasing away the night, if not the clouds.
"You're up early Souji-san." Hijikata's voice came from his left.
Okita turned to greet his friend, a smile played at his lips as he saw Hijikata struggling with a too large bundle of firewood, wood pieces sticking out of their bindings, trying desperately to escape their fate.
"Morning Toshi-dono, let me help." he reached out to grab some of the more precariously perched logs.
"No." Hijikata's voice came without any hesitance.
"No?" Okita questioned Hijikata, with a puzzled frown and quirked eyebrow.
"Seeing as you are up so early, it's the ideal time to visit the physician...you were injured yesterday and..." Hijikata fell silent as a couple of soldiers walked past. "...you know what I'm implying Souji-san." He gave Okita a meaningful look before he accidentally dropped some of the firewood, grunting in annoyance, he bent down to pick up the stray wood.
Okita chuckled at his superior. "Sure you don't need help? We don't want those dangerous sticks getting loose and causing chaos Hijikata-dono."
Hijikata let out a low growl. "Go Souji, NOW before you regret it."
"Hai, hai." Okita waved him off as he set out towards the physician's tent, a sly smirk gracing his lips.
Hijikata watched his friend leave. Okita walked with strength in his steps, his back straight and proud, his shoulders broad.
He did not resemble the man who pleaded with him yesterday, broken and bleeding on the ground.
I've not seen you act yourself in months Souji, even your humour has returned.
"What has changed?" he asked softly, recalling his friend's demeanor just the previous day.
He sighed, exhausted.
Hijikata had spent hours during the night berating himself for not noticing his friend's decline in health and manner. Now, Okita was seemingly free of his troubles from yesterday, even his health had improved dramatically in a few hours. Something was amiss.
Okita was greeted with a string of swear words coming from the physician's tent, very descriptive swear words uttered by a husky female voice he knew.
His heart thumped in response to her mutterings, simultaneously nervous and excited at the thought of seeing her.
He couldn't help but smirk as he listened to her complain, even profanities sounded alluring with her sultry voice.
"Fuck! that hurts!" her cry came as he lifted the tent flap and entered.
"Yamazaki Kasumi! You will hold your tongue right NOW, no lady should know the venom that spews from your mouth."
Okita was greeted with sight to behold.
The physician, who clearly knew Kasumi, stood nose to nose with the seated young woman, their eyes locked in an intense staring match. He held her injured arm high in the air, a loose bandage slowly unfurling from her limb. Her lips were pouted, sulking like a small child.
Okita couldn't help but think that she looked adorable.
"Since when am I a lady, Ojīchan?" she hissed through clenched teeth.
"Ojīchan? How dare you, you little brat, you are the only reason I age!"
Kasumi's eyes narrowed to thin, sly lines on her face, the next insult burning her tongue, so desperate it was to leave her mouth.
"Errrhhmmmm...pardon me, am I interrupting?" Okita Souji stood in the entrance, an amused grin wrinkling the corners of his eyes, strands of his red hair falling across his face as he tilted his head.
His deep voice echoed in her ears, her stomach instantly doing a back flip at the sound.
"Not at all Okita-dono." The old physician bowed respectfully, dropping Kasumi's arm in the process. "Some people around here are not worth my time...or my skills, it's not like they are going to follow any of my instructions anyway." The old man glared at Kasumi from his lowered position, as his eyes met the young Yamakazi woman he was surprised, she looked almost flustered, staring intently at the Shinsengumi captain. Is she blushing?
"Okita-dono." she nodded, incapable of giving him a respectful bow. Her voice was soft, wavering slightly as her eyes met his. Okita stared back, his first clear sight of her stealing his breath away.
She becomes more beautiful every time.
In the light he noticed six dark freckles on her right cheek that could form a star if connected. He smiled inwardly at his newly gained knowledge, his heart swelling with some unknown emotion. A multitude of fine cuts and scrapes decorated her face from her frantic journey through the woods, the small wounds had been cleaned recently and gave her skin a rosy tone, closely resembling a blush. Her lush lips seemed pale.
"..ita-dono...Okita-dono." the old man's voice brought him back to the present, hesitantly his green eyes moved away from adoring Kasumi to meet the old man.
"Sorry Ishi-sama, I'm still half asleep." he grinned sheepishly at the man, rubbing the back of his head in embarrassment.
"I noticed." the old man said with a knowing smirk. "How can I help you Okita-dono"
"I have a few cuts from yesterday that need to be cleaned, nothing serious Ishi-sama."
Then old man nodded.
"Just take a seat on the bedroll next to my hellion patient." he grinned, then looked pointedly at Kasumi. "See Sumi-chan, some people still know what respect is, I like this boy." he turned and left to fetch more bandages, leaving Souji and Kasumi alone in the large tent.
"Did he just call me a boy?" Okita grinned.
"I believe so Okita-dono." Kasumi smiled as her mismatched eyes met his emerald depths.
