27
The hopeless love life of a loser
I guess through all the false images of relationships I believed in, there was a saving grace, even if it's not true, believing in it isn't hopeless. It's hope itself. Unfortunately, I don't believe in a love that can solve all your problems. No perfect love story exist, but I think that's why we all look for one to have faith in. Honestly, we're all just fractured from a past love, unrequited love, or a love who never even noticed you...
Accepting that you and your partner both have a past apart from each other is a step forward to a healthy relationship... as long as you can face the past, not just your partner's but yours as well.
I just wish I could have taken my own advice. Oh well, maybe there is someone who will benefit from my mistakes.
"Thanks for listening to me, I'm sorry I can't do anything to help." Izuku had a slight frown.
Tsuna waved him off. "It's fine, I've made my peace with how things worked out for me. I'm actually quite glad nowadays, hahaha."
Izuku could see through the manufactured smile but didn't press it. 'Even if I'm a hero in training, I don't think heroes can help with someone's internal struggles.'
"You should get going right? Aren't you on a date?"
"Ah, you're right! Thanks again for the advice Tsuna, I'll be sure to use it!" Before Izuku opened the door he turned back to Tsuna. "And good luck with your problems too! I know you'll make it work... call it intuition!" He had a bright smile chiming encouragement to Sawada Tsunayoshi.
Tsuna's fake smile actually rose to a sincere agreement.
The door closed. Tsuna's hand was on the sink, it balled into a weak fist as his head dropped and his hair shadowed his eyes. "Yeah... Thanks." Even though he knew. "It was love..." To him at least. "But that's gone, I messed up my chance, so don't mess up yours, okay?"
"K-Kyouka? What's wrong?" Izuku saw her sitting on a bench next to the restrooms with a frozen face of cringed disbelief.
"Noodle's hair... She dyed it blonde." Defeat in her mumbling voice.
"Huh? Noodle? From Gorillaz?" Taking a seat beside his girlfriend. He stared at her phone screen, she was watching a music video. "She doesn't look bad. What's the big deal?"
Jirou shook her head. "It just surprised me." She pouted her lips, annoyed. "She doesn't look the same anymore."
It was hard for Izuku not to notice that she was playing with a lock of hair and not her earphone, like usual. "Wait, is it because your hair color was similar to hers?"
Jirou's eyes narrowed and her cheeks grew a pink tint. "No."
'She can't play it off...' His lips grew seeing her earphones twist the more embarrassed she was. It flicked his forehead to stop staring at her. "Ow." He rubbed his forehead. "Why'd you hit me?"
She lifted her chin. "Didn't you hear, staring is rude?"
"But you're my girlfriend?"
"Ah..." Then puffed up cheeks in defeat. "Still, it's uncomfortable."
"Oh, sorry, it's just, I've always liked the way your quirk does that." Thinking of the first time he saw them tie up in a knot.
"Yeah... you wrote that in your notebook." She smiled to herself. "That was probably the stupidest argument we ever had. I actually called you a perv with a quirk fetish." She chuckled.
This time it was Izuku's turn to blush. "But I did figure out that you could use quirks in 'that' way. More specifically your quirk."
"Oh, whatever dude, don't blame me if I predestined a fetish for you." She shoved his playful face away, as he tried to nibble on her earphone.
They eventually stopped their usual banter to go play some more games. Izuku spent some bills on a coin trader. Some coins spilled so Kyouka snickered but did help him pick up the stray ones. They went to play a driving game, Kyouka didn't do too bad, at least she was able to finish the lap, Izuku however... Kyouka facepalmed seeing him try to be gentle then accidentally accelerate too hard and hit the corner. He was constantly crashing. "...Dude..."
"It's my first time playing okay!" He defended. She laughed at his horrible driving skills.
"You didn't even get to finish the lap." She was covering her mouth, not wanting to be as rude as she already was.
"Rematch!" He insisted, sliding in a coin into the each of their slots.
"You're on loser!" Kyouka smirked.
The countdown to the race was starting. They were both gripping their steering wheels with competitive love and revving their engines with an affectionate rivalry. At the last second, Kyouka reached out and yanked his steering wheel harsh. Izuku's car instantly crashed to the side as the race started. "Bye sucker!" She laughed. Izuku tried to avoid the collision but couldn't. He even replicated a car accident on the driver seat he was using. Kyouka giggled wholeheartedly and Izuku had a small smile on his face as he dug himself out of last to get back in the race.
"I did it!" Izuku threw his hands up in the air.
"Oh, bullshit! I used all my nitro on that last corner." Kyouka defended, coming in second.
"What? You cheated in the beginning?"
"Oh yeah? What kind of man doesn't let his lady win?" She shot back.
"Huh? Kyouka?" Confused, continuous words and a blank stare... "Why would I give up so easily against you? You have a great quality of going plus ultra. At the USJ attack, how you went against present Mic in the exam, and nobody can beat you at darts. I had to do my best in this game after all the times you saved me in zombies. But it was fun though right? Being competitive with you is something I don't think I can ever be objective in you know? Because I-"
Kyouka barged in on his infamous rambling. "No you don't need to say it all the time babe, I get it! You get so sentimental on me sometimes... but... I mean, it's not like I don't feel the same way, you know that right Izuku? It's just embarrassing when you speak so openly you get that, right?"
Izuku let out a chuckle, "Yeah Kyouka, I know. But I like embarrassing you, sometimes."
She crossed her arms. "When did you get so bold? I remember when you had trouble making eye contact with me."
"I did, didn't I? You just bring out a more confident side of me." He smiled. "So thanks for making me a better person."
Kyouka's eyes lowered and she rubbed her sleeve. "Yeah, I get that... Being with you helped me be more, um, open with my own feelings. I usually just stuff them down and act aloof, but I don't know, being with you, I feel like I can take them on, no matter how conflicting and scary it was at first." She had strummed a quiet blush on her cheekbones, barely grazing her pale skin. Her lips held an honest emotion of joy in the form of a smile. "So thanks for staying..."
Izuku's fist clenched on the steering wheel before he let go of it and turned to her. He was smiling. "Yeah, Kyouka... I'll always be here."
'I know I should listen to Tsuna's advice, and I will but, I just want to enjoy this moment with Kyouka before I lose it.'
The moon was a hazy illumination. The thinning clouds were a grey sheet of nothing, a blanket of the night, unable to shield the cold.
Izuku: Can we talk?
It took a while for a response. She stared at the text message as her heart rate grew. She typed a sentence, debated, deleted it, and repeated the process. Until...
Momo: about?
"That's all I can reply with? Gosh, I'm so boring!" Momo dropped her head on her pillow, kicking her bed. "First Jirou, now Izuku..." She had a feeling she already knew what he wanted to talk about.
Izuku: Us?
Momo squirmed in place. "I should have pretended I was asleep! No avoiding it now." She slowly typed on her screen.
Momo: Sure :)
Izuku was typing. Stopped. Continued.
Izuku: okay, I'm coming thru the veranda. Be ther in a few.
"Nani?! He's coming here? I thought he was going to call or hopefully talk in the morning, but he's already on his way? Oh my gosh!" Momo scurried around. She wanted to make sure she was proper, but also had to act like she wasn't trying too hard. She made sure her pajamas were properly buttoned, she debated about the button over her cleavage, she sighed but left it closed. "Izuku doesn't pay attention to that." She smoothed over her blankets and took a seat on the bed,
Waiting for him.
Izuku stared up at the clouds as he stepped out on the balcony. "I know I shouldn't be using one for all this way. I'm abusing the gift All-Might gave me, but as long as my personal problems are weighing me down, I don't think I can be that much help to others. Sorry All-Might, I just need to use this power for myself, just a bit longer." He resolved himself going full cowling and leaping up the building. He ran across the roof, vaulting over to the girls' side. He began to climb down the balconies with electric agility. Before anyone could notice, he was already at Momo's. He released full cowling and took a deep breath. He tapped on her window.
The drapes covering the view into her room were moved aside and there was a faint click. "Come in." Just as quiet as the click. Izuku's lips grew crooked. Could he really do this? Momo sounded so pure. He shook his head. 'I don't know how it's going to go but I'm not going to let us stay in this confusing limbo of emotion anymore.' Sliding open the door with those thoughts of hope.
"Hey, Momo..." Stepping in, and closing the window door. "Sorry for bothering you so late."
"Oh, it's fine Izuku." She patted the spot next to her on the bed. He sat down beside her. "So what is it about us, that you wanted to talk about?" Doing her best to act normal and elegant, hiding her innocent anxiety.
Izuku rubbed the back of his neck, staring at the carpet. "Back then, when you came to my apartment, what you said, about how it never had to have happened? I think it's best if we acknowledge that it did happen... but just that it can't happen again. What we did, I mean..." Izuku gulped down his dry words. He dreaded to turn his head to her but did. Her expression clogged his throat with guilt.
Her fists were balled over her pajamas, her bottom lip quivered, her eyes were misty and her knuckles were white. "Izuku... is that really all you wanted to say?"
He flinched internally. "Um, yeah..."
"Why? Why do we have to admit it?" It was quiet, but a harsh whisper. "If we-, I admit it then what? Lose Jirou as a friend too! It's not fair. What you're asking me... It's not fair." Momo's grip released and she rose her hands to cover her face.
Izuku's mouth hung open before he regrouped. "No, I'm not asking you to lose Kyouka, I just want us to lay out the truth... if we keep pretending that it never happened, then I'll have to keep pretending like you're not important to me! But you are Momo, you're such a great person and it kills me that we're not friends like we used to be, or that your not friends with Kyouka like you should be..." Izuku was only able to speak from the heart.
"You don't get. You still don't get it!" Momo shook her head. Sniffling tears, she removed her hands and faced him.
"Momo?"
"When it comes to relationships, I never once felt like I had something of my own except for that... what we shared... it's like a dream to me... I can fantasize about it all I want, I don't have to feel guilty for it, I don't have to hurt anyone because of it, and best of all, I was always able to dream that it could really happen... but you're telling me to treat it like a mistake we can never make again? How could you ask me that? That little dream was my only victory and you're asking me to throw it away?"
"..." Izuku didn't know how to reply. He had never seen Momo upset. "I didn't know how much it meant to you..."
"Of course you didn't! It was always about Jirou for you... I know it was wrong for me to act like a substitute when you were vulnerable but I was just as fragile and with neither of us realizing it we were there for each other..."
"And I still want to be Momo, but I can only do so as a friend..."
Without warning she tackled Midoriya, straddling him on the bed. "Take responsibility!" A few tears spilled and landed on his shirt. She was resting her forehead on his damp chest. His body froze with a gasp, finally acknowledging the weight of their unspoken intimacy. "I know you're not to blame... but someone has to, and you're the only one I'll let, because Izuku... because..." She couldn't finish. Her fingers were clutching his shirt, pulling on it, hoping for him to console her. She knew she had to let go, but just not yet...
"I know Momo..." He let out as he embraced her, letting her have this one night to be weak and cry herself to sleep. "I know because it's the same for me... you were my first too..." He whispered after he thought she fell asleep.
"Thank you... Izuku." A final lyric before sleep came.
Izuku sighed. It was a messy unclear argument between them but maybe that was for the best. Momo needed to vent and Izuku needed to clear the air for himself. 'I'll take responsibility because you're my friend and also Kyouka's... We will have a proper talk later but for now this is the best possible way to end it.' It finally felt like the clouds were clearing in the night sky, twinkling the beautiful moonlight into her room. Izuku smiled to himself content that he was beginning to move forward.
After I pick up the pieces, it's like I'm only able to wait and see where they fall this time.
