Chapter 20 – Breaking
I spent the morning in the kitchen, cooking almost every recipe I knew. I needed a distraction. I hadn't slept well that night. My shower before going to bed was no help to relieve my tension. My doorbell rang and I jumped. Sighing, I went for the door. "Angela, Jessica." Angela was smiling but Jessica was watching me with skeptical eyes. "Jess and I were on our way to Port Angeles and wondered if you wanted to come with us?" I smiled and exhaled rigidly, "Umm, not today." Jessica and Angela looked at each other, then to me, "Bella, is something wrong?" I ran my fingers through my hair, "No, why?" Angela arched an eyebrow, "Ok, what is it? I've never seen you like this." Angela and Jessica let themselves in and walked passed me. From the kitchen, they smelled what my cooking. Jessica looked at me, "I thought you dad was away for the weekend." "Oh, he is." Jessica went into the kitchen, "Then why did you bake enough to feed an army?" Angela followed Jessica and she gasped, "Ok, now I know you're upset. You told me that you only bake when you're upset. Start talking."
Jessica sat down, taking up a cookie, "Mmm, these are delicious." Angela sat down, looking at me. "Look, I'm fine, really." Angela blinked, "So why are you baking more cookies than the Keebler elf?" I groaned, "I felt like it." The timer above the stove went off. I took out the tray of brownies and began cutting them into squares. I put the knife down and someone tugged my arm. It was Angela, making me sit at the table with her and Jessica. "Bella, what is going on? I know you're having a tough time, but what happened to make you act like this." Jessica stared at me, chewing on another cookie. My mouth opened but nothing came out. Angela looked at me, "Ok, how was the wedding yesterday?" I closed my eyes, "It was beautiful, until…." I bit my lip. "Until what?" Jessica finally asked. "Until I got home." They looked at each other, "What happened?" I sighed, "Ok, and this does not go beyond this room." They nodded. "Ok, Edward made sure I got home safely, because Esme asked him to. So, I thought he was gone and I went to my room to get ready for bed. I didn't hear him come in, he was there, in my room."
The cookie in Jessica's fingers fell onto the table, "Edward was in your room, while your dad is away. I didn't think you had it in you." Angela looked at her, "Go on, Bella." "Well…. he came back into the house because I forgot my clothes at his house and I told him I didn't know how to get out of my dress. It felt like Alice had sewn me into it. I turned away from him and he unzipped the dress for me." Angela and Jessica's eyes widened. "Then what?" Jessica egged me on. I grimaced, "Well, I turned to thank him and before I knew it, we were kissing." Jessica's eyes practically popped out of her head and Angela's mouth fell open. They stared at me for a long moment before I continued, "I felt his fingers on my back underneath my dress and it was…. it was…." I closed my eyes and sighed. Angela shook her head, "So, you kissed Edward?" The corners of Jessica's moved curled up, "You kissed Edward!" My face was a mask of guilt as I nodded. Jessica and Angela looked at each other, then to me. "So, are you two back together?" I shook my head, "No, I don't think so. After he kissed me, I left the room and I didn't hear him leave, but when I went back, he was gone."
Jessica exhaled in a gust, "Wow! So, why aren't you talking to him instead of us?" I closed my eyes, "I'm too vulnerable right now to see him. I mean, I've wanted to kiss him since he came back, but…" "You're worried about Jacob," Angela interjected. I sighed and looked away from them. "I think you should pick Edward," Jessica stated. Angela and I looked at her. "I think she should go with Jacob," Angela countered. My eyes whirled looking at each other their faces. "Jess, why do you think she should pick Edward? Because of the way he looks." Jessica looked at Angela, "No, because she's still in love with him and anybody would say the same." Angela nodded in agreement, "Well, I think she should stick with Jacob because he was here when Edward wasn't. Besides, she's practically his girlfriend already." My brow furrowed, "No, I'm not."
Angela looked at me, "Please Bella. I've seen you two together. You may not be dating him, but he is dating you. Think about it, before the Cullens came back, you spent all your time with Jacob," Angela pointed out, tapping her finger on the table. Jessica held up one finger, "Now that is true. But, the way is Bella with Edward; she was never that way with Jacob." Angela rolled her head, "Because they are two different people. And Bella is two different people when she is with them, but one thing is clear, she's happy when she's with either of them." Angela and Jessica debated as if I wasn't there and I sat silently listening to their points. I was glad they were here. I needed a human female point of view. A point of view that didn't see the whole truth about my relationships with Edward or Jacob. Neither of them saw the werewolf or the vampire; they just saw two guys I cared for. "No, Ang, she should be with Edward. Jacob is too young and immature." "Ok!" I had to finally speak up. They looked at me. Angela looked at me, placing her hands together on the table, "Bella, what do you want?" I shrugged, "I don't know. I mean, Jessica is right. I still do love Edward. That has never changed, but…." Jessica waited impatiently, "But what?" "I can't forget the pain I felt. I know, I know, what he told me wasn't true, but the pain it caused was very real."
Jessica groaned and slammed her hand on the table, "Bella, forget that! He apologized for it. Now, he's playing the role of the guy who wants you back, but is not going to push you. Besides, what about the time Jacob broke up with you? You're not dragging him around by that. Maybe because it wasn't as bad, but he still did that. Both of these guys left you at one point, it's just Jacob came back sooner. I will just say, you need to make up your mind soon, or neither of them is going to be there when you make up your mind." My eyes iced over at her words. Jessica was right. If I didn't act soon, I would lose them both. Maybe that's what I deserve.
"Edward, what were you thinking?" Alice scolded me for hours after the reception ended. The others made themselves busy, by cleaning up after the party and Esme and Carlisle had left for their honeymoon. We were in my room and I hadn't even changed out of my tuxedo. "Why did you kiss Bella? Do you know how much that impacted her future? In one scenario, her future disappeared altogether, which meant she went to see that wolf. In another, she was one of us." I pinched my eyes shut at the weight of her scolding. I saw both visions she was talking about. Another vision was that Bella had left Forks altogether to go to college, on her own. I stood in frustration to cut off her verbal attacks, "I know, Alice! Don't you think I'm dealing with this on my own already? I know what I did and I didn't help anything." You have no idea. She looked up at me from underneath her eyelashes, "Ok, tell me why you did it?"
I sat down and let my head fall into my hands, "I couldn't help myself. She looked so beautiful and part of me was tired of fighting. Fighting the urges I've had to…. I can't even say. Being alone in her room, it brought back so many memories. I knew I was tempting myself when I undid her dress. And when I saw the skin of her back and the way she felt when I held her in my arms as we danced…. And she didn't back away from me as I got closer to her." Wow, I've never known Edward to be at a loss for words. The Denali clan hadn't left yet. Kate was with Rosalie in the garage. Tanya was with her other sisters in at the back of the house, watching Eleazar and Jasper fighting. Why is he so conflicted? That girl is unsure of her feelings. He should move on. "Alice, I know I just made things worse for myself, but last night did confirm something for me." Alice looked at me, "What?" "Bella still loves me." Alice looked at me as if I went insane, "Edward, how could you possibly know that?" "Because I know her. You didn't see the way she responded to me. And the way her body went along with mine." I smiled, "She still loves me, Alice."
Oh boy, here we go again. Then again, maybe he's right and she does and she's just being stubborn. I sighed at Rosalie's comments, but she had a point. Bella was stubborn, but she couldn't fool me. I felt it, she and I were going to be together again.
