A/N : Thanks for the reviews, guys, I really appreciate every single one of them!

FFX2player : I just wonder for how long, hehe.

Q-A the Authoress : I totally agree! I'm pretty sick of crossover shippings in general, that's why I pretty much avoid the fandom, because it's EVERYWHERE! What I hate most right now is Jelsa, gheez, people, they look like freaking siblings! 8|

Shamangirl1 : Traumatized for life...until his curiousity switches off his rational thinking again.

Xion5 : Thanks! Omg, over an hour is a veeery long time for a hiccup. O_o

EmotionalDreamer101 : Hehe, glad you liked it.

Frozenjaqulinefrost : Yay! :)

bookmaniac : I like your ideas, especially number 2, will keep them in mind. ^^

Hanyouknowwhoiam : It's the most logical explanation, haha! Who believes in global warming and climate change anyway... XD

Hanyoualchemist1 : I'm glad you do! And I get excited whenever I get a new review. :3

Alright, this is gonna be very angsty. Basically because I was in a very angsty mood myself and decided to use it as inspiration, so it was at least good for something.


*set before the movie*

He hated days like this.

In the 274 years of his lonely life he had to go through phases like this more often than he wanted, each time turning out to be worse than the previous one. The pain it caused didn't just hurt him mentally, it also felt like he was suffering physically. Never would he forget the first time it happened, the convulsion in his chest, a pain too real to ignore, when he arrived at that little village in the midst of the forest so many centuries ago and people walked right through him. Back then he had been alive for less than an hour and already experienced how much suffering one's own feelings could unleash. He was afraid of it, loathed every second of being in that condition and was annoyed with himself for getting into that mood in the first place. It didn't help to improve his life, it just made it worse.

As the years went by he thought he had learned to suppress those negative feelings, to let go of the frustrations and ignore the nagging thoughts in the back of his mind. But sometimes they resurfaced all at once, triggered by nothing in particular or minor events which shouldn't have gotten him riled up in the first place. It felt like someone grabbed hold of his heart and then gave it a more than unpleasant squeeze, refusing to release it no matter how much he begged for it to end. The timeframes between those breakdowns continued to increase, first it happened every other month, then once in several years and eventually only after a few decades. Whenever it did happen he promised himself to never allow it again, to seal his emotions for his own well-being because he was truly sick of going through those phases. He was sick of being hurt, of being sad, devastated and letting his self-doubts tear him down more brutally than anyone else could ever do.

And now it happened again.

Several children had appeared at his lake in Burgess to go ice-skating. It was early January so the whole town and forest were covered under a thick blanket of snow and the temperatures were a few degrees below zero. And still Jack froze the ice all over again to make completely sure that it wouldn't break and the kids were safe. They laughed, they joked, they had fun. None of them knew that he was there and watching over them. That he controlled the wind to help them stay on their feet when they lost balance. That he created invisible tracks all over the ice so even the most unexperienced one of them could slide over the frozen lake as if they had never done something else.

He loved spending time around children. Seeing them happy and carefree pushed aside the pain of being on his own day in, day out. Acting like he was a part of their group made him forget how terribly lonely he was. Imagining what it would be like when one of them finally saw him gave him hope and strenght to carry on. Maybe today was the day. Maybe his first believer was among those kids and would look him right in the eye any moment. Maybe.

"Hey, did Toby tell you that he lost a tooth today?" one of the boys suddenly shouted.

"Really? I didn't notice any gap between your teeth." a brunette girl remarked and looked at the black-haired boy who apparently was Toby.

"It was one of my back teeth, so it's not that obvious I lost one. It was loose anyway and then I fell out of my bed when I woke up in the morning."

"Hahaha, that's typically you! Clumsy as usual." another girl laughed.

"You're just jealous because I'll get a quarter from the Tooth Fairy."

"I got so many already and still have enough baby teeth to keep her busy for a while, so boohoo for you."

"Chill, Liz, you got that spiffy doll-house for christmas and bragged about it for days, so let him brag about his lost tooth now."

"As if you guys didn't swoon about the presents Santa got you." Liz protested.

"Okay, guilty as charged. But that was really cool stuff! I love my new miniature plane, it really can fly and has such a great design and doesn't need batteries, I have no idea how that even works!"

"Yeah, you told us that already. So often that I seriously dreamed about flying through the galaxy in a plane like that last night. Gotta admit that dream was pretty awesome!"

"Speaking of dreams, I dreamed that it was Easter and I was on a meadow full of flowers and there were painted eggs everywhere! And all just for me, I couldn't collect them all because there were so many of them."

"Sam, you really are obsessed with Easter since you found that basket next to your bed last year."

"Hey, I couldn't go out that day because I had a flu because of that stupid cold weather, I mean snow in April, who did that!? Mom had to pick Dad up because his car was broken so tell me how that basket with eggs landed in my room when no one but me was in the house!"

"Maybe the Easter Bunny put it there." Liz chuckled.

"Exactly! So laugh as much as you want, I can't wait for Easter to come!"

"Hahaha, we'll see how many eggs you'll actually manage to find."

"Hey guys, sorry to interrupt but can we leave now, my feet are already chunks of ice and I wanna go back to my cozy warm house."

"Yeah, it's really getting too cold here, you know what would be great now? Hot chocolate! You can come with me, my Mom makes the best hot chocolate ever!"

The other children squealed in joy and nodded ecstatĂ­cally as they slid to the edge of the lake where they removed their ice-skates and replaced them with their winter boots.

Jack had been so affected by the conversation that he just stood there as if he was frozen in place, so caught up in his thoughts that he noticed too late that one of the girls was walking towards him. Her passing right through him fiercely ripped him out of his trance-like state.

And then they were gone.

In just a few minutes they had managed to show their belief in all of the guardians and voice their dislike concerning winter and cold weather, despite the fact that they were having fun all afternoon with ice-skating in the middle of a winter forest. He should have laughed at the irony. But he didn't. There it was again, that heart-wrenching feeling he hated so much. He shook his head in a desperate attempt to clear his mind and get rid of the excruciating thoughts which were creeping up and taking hold of him. No, he wouldn't allow this to happen, he didn't want to experience it again! He had to stop it, push those thoughts aside. Seal them behind a door in his subconsciousness. A heavy metal door. But as hard as he tried to lock them and throw the key away, they managed to sneak out through countless tiny cracks and took control of him. He fought back but they were too strong.

"No, not again..." he whispered into the chilly air, his voice broken and desperate.

With a thud he lowered himself against the trunk of a tree and leaned against the rough bark, one hand holding his wooden staff tightly while the other one ran harshly through his white hair.

It was quiet. Just the snowy forest and him. No sound or living being anywhere. Alone, again.

And there they were, the nagging thoughts, the rational and irrational fears, the worry, the frustration, every negative feeling he could possibly feel striking his fragile soul all at once.

274 years and still no one believed in him. He had tried everything. Done his best to give children fun times. Spread winter around the world like he was supposed to. Or was that it? Wasn't he worthy of being seen after all those deaths he caused? Winter meant cold and humans could die from the cold. Jack never hurt anyone on purpose but people got lost in the wilderness, were homeless or got drunk and fell asleep outside, falling victims to the freezing temperatures. It were accidents, inevitable side effects of snow and blizzards. He couldn't prevent it from happening, no matter how much he wished he could. A long time ago he had tried keeping his powers and thus winter back, but it had severly failed. There had to be winter. So there would always be deaths caused by it. And it was his fault. Did that mean he didn't deserve the belief of humans? Was he doomed to stay invisible and alone for all eternity because of this? It wasn't as if he chose to be the Spirit of Winter, he was chosen, no, doomed to it.

Spending time around people, especially children, could be the most uplifting event of the day or turn him into a mental wreck. More often than not he felt anxious around others, afraid of someone mentioning something that could shatter his world again. It didn't have to be anything major, sometimes he was stuck in such a weird melancholic and angsty mood that even a superficial statement would haunt him for days. Even if it didn't involve him at all. His psyche was a mess.

When he couldn't handle people's presence he should have stayed away from them, retreated to uninhabitated areas of the world and just accepted that no one knew or cared about his existance. But nooo, he had to seek contact anyway, a rather one-sided attempt, because of boredom, loneliness and probably a good portion of masochism. He had to get his hopes up whenever someone glanced in his direction. Had to talk to them as if they could actually hear him, only to get walked through the next moment when he didn't pay enough attention to where someone was going. Had to stay and listen when children swooned about Santa Clause, the Easter Bunny, the Sandman and the Tooth Fairy. Of course they loved those spirits who brought gifts and dreams. What did he bring? The cold. No wonder they didn't believe in him. He had nothing special to offer. But it hurt when he overheard talks among children about how awesome the guardians were. It always felt like a stab to his crumbling self-esteem. It made him feel...inferior, unappreciated, unloved...and jealous.

They only did their job, just like him, so why did they get all the glory? Everyone worshipped them, acting like they could do no wrong. Like they were saints. He had met Bunny once and could confirm he wasn't the nice fluffy rabbit people imagined him as. Actually he was quite grumpy and full of himself. And children still loved him. It wasn't fair. The guardians got so much attention, couldn't they be a little less selfish and help spirits like him to get some believers as well?

Wait, what was he thinking, that wasn't him. He shouldn't be jealous. He shouldn't blame them for getting recognition. They did fantastic jobs and protected the children of the world. Instead of blaming them for his own issues he should be happy for them. No one deserved ignorance and loneliness. Who was he to expect others to solve his problems for him? He was strong, he could deal with it on his own. Or couldn't he? No, he had to. But...maybe it was better this way. How would people react if they could see him? He doubted he was what they imagined Jack Frost to look like. The guardians were all impressive in their own way. But what about him? A scrawny teenager of average height. Wouldn't a child be dissappointed if they believed in him and then realized that his appearance wasn't anything awe-inspiring? In fact he would have prefered to be more muscular and taller as well. Maybe spirits like Flann MacHarvest wouldn't keep bullying him if he looked stronger, like he could physically compete with them. But he was stuck in this body which would never change. One of the many things he had to accept and live with. One of the many things which kept annoying and frustrating him. And the most annoying part of it all was that he was annoyed about being annoyed and still couldn't make his mind shut up.

Jack slowly took a heavy breath in and out. He had to calm down, his pulse had already increased and his heart was beating faster as well, accompanied by that dreaded and familiar feeling of someone holding it in a death grip. Inwardly he was a panicked and devastated mess, even though he looked like he was frozen on the outside. He just sat there, leaned against the tree and let his own mind torture him.

Hidden below all those nagging thoughts, the complaints and the worries lay the pure fear of not being good enough. Not deserving belief. Being cursed to be alone for all eternity. He didn't want much, he didn't need thousands of people believing in him. Just one. One person who was there for him, someone he could talk to, someone who would hug him if he felt down. Was that too much to be asked for? A wish that was so outrageous it would never be granted?

Some nights, when the loneliness was driving him crazy, he imagined to have someone by his side. A best friend. Thought about all the fun they could have together, traveling around the globe, going on adventures, talking, joking, enjoying life. As pathetic as it might sound, this often helped keeping himself sane. A faint glimmer of hope, of the possibility that it could really happen one day. It gave him strenght to carry on for a while. But then, out of the blue, his insecurities managed to destroy the perfect world he had created in his head. Why would someone want to keep him company? He was a mental wreck, a troublemaker, cold as ice. There were so many other people and spirits around who would be a better match. He surely wouldn't be anyone's first choice. He wasn't worth it. And he could see a clear image of his imaginary friend turning his back on him to hang out with someone else. Damnit, could he not even be happy in his daydreams!? Why did his own mind have to upset his plans like this? Couldn't it simply allow him to dwell in the what-ifs, in the prospect of a brighter future? He knew that he had a lot of flaws and was far from perfect but did that justify all the pain he was forced to endure? A little bit of happiness, was that really such a big deal? Did life have to constantly mess even the slightest attempt of achieving it up? It was terrible enough that humans couldn't see him, that the moon ignored him, that the few spirits he had encountered despised his very being. At least his mind should cooperate and not encourage the breaking of his soul while additionally rubbing salt into the wound.

But no, apparently he didn't even deserve that. What the hell did the moon want from him!? Why did it drag him into this world if all he got was suffering and isolation? Because that's what he deserved.

"Gah, shut up, just shut up!"

Jack had dropped the staff at his side and grabbed his head with both hands, fiercely digging his pale fingers into strands of white hair and begging himself to stop. Stop those thoughts, stop those worries, stop the self-pity and above all, stop that fear. It was his mind, he should be in control of it, so why did it feel like he was fighting against an invisible enemy inside himself? And worst of all, he was losing against it.

What a pathetic sight he must have been right now. Cowering against the trunk of a tree while hugging his legs to his chest, wrapping his arms around himself to get at least some kind of comfort. He longed for someone by his side, ached for the warmth of an embrace and for comforting words.

If Bunny or Flann saw him like this he would never hear the end of it. It was a rare occasion that the met other spirits but he didn't complain since those encounters were usually nothing short of catastrophic. Though if he did he acted nonchalant, mischievous and overly confident. To them he must have made the impression of a careless troublemaker who didn't have any kind of concern and was simply having fun all day. And he planned to keep that image up. Because it would be fatal to show weakness towards those who despised him or would attack him without batting an eyelash. No way he could allow himself to reveal how broken and insecure he really was.

Something small touched his nose. Jack opened his eyes and looked up at the sky which was mostly concealed by countless branches. He hadn't even noticed that he had made it snow. Another snowflake landed on his sleeve and he gazed at it, taking in every detail of the unique ice creation. It was so fragile, doomed to melt the moment someone other than him touched it. And yet it had survived all the way from the sky down to the earth, carried by the wind and now resting safely on the winter spirit's arm. That little snowflake and him had pretty much in common. Fragile but still managing to go affront dangers and tribulations. Threatened to perish when they didn't find someone who would keep them safe. He wondered how long he could keep going until he faced the same fate as that snowflake, dissolving and leaving no trace of his existance. Maybe it would be better that way. Everything was better than this.

No, he shouldn't even think about it. This surely wasn't helping at all. He had to pull himself together, stop driving himself insane, stop dwelling on the injustice of the world and stop wallowing in self-pity.

A few days or a few weeks at most, those phases when he was constantly harassed by his subconsciousness usually didn't last longer. He had dealt with them for 274 years, it was just a matter of time until they vanished and he could breathe easily again. He was strong, stronger than his physcial appearance suggested, he would be fine. Even though he felt like his heart was shattering into a hundred tiny pieces. It would grow back together. It had to. It always did.

He pulled up his hood and buried his face in his knees, his arms still embracing his lean frame. Tiredness swamped over him like a wave. No wonder, his mind had been racing for hours, judging from the sun which was already setting. Mental and emotional exhaustion affected him worse than spreading blizzards for days in a row. Closing his eyes he tried again to keep the negativity away from him, all he wanted was to rest, without any fears or concerns. Slowly his body relaxed as he drifted off to sleep.

The last image he saw in his mind was the blurry shape of his familiar friend smiling and holding out their hand to him. And without being aware of it, a small smile appeared on Jack's face as well.


A/N : Because an imaginary friend must be better than no friend at all.