Author's Note: Hello, friends! Notice! This chapter has a reference to Gangs of New York, too, as well as a couple other loosely connected movies I hope you will pick up on. The name is Portuguese, for T- from Brazil. Love you, Big Bro! If you Google Translate it, it will technically come up as "New Allies," but I thought it sounded cooler and was close enough! Watch out for a little dialect, crafted lovingly from my good memories of my mates back in N. Ireland, as well as a helpful lingo site. Here's the link in case it helps! belfast/How-till-spake-Norn-Iron-A-guide-to-local-phrases_70619f
Disclaimer: I own none of this. Maybe one day. Even the ideas I can't fully claim, because the story is something collaborative created fresh each time between you and me each time you read these words. You're the one who is bringing this to life in your imagination.
III
Novos Aliados
(New Friends)
None of the Middle-Earthers spoke English, so they just stared at him. Then the Lion went up and gave each one a big sloppy lion's kiss, and suddenly they could understand them. The young lord started again. "Who are you and what business have you in our land?"
Elrond said, "We are elves from the East."
The youngest lord snickered. "Elves don't exist!" he said. The eldest young Lady, who seemed his older sister, smacked him over the head.
Unaffected, the oldest spoke again. "I am Peter the Magnificent, High King of Narnia," he said, "And I hereby welcome you to our goodly Land."
"I am Queen Susan the Gentle," curtsied the eldest Lady, who had done the smacking.
Frodo said, "So you are married." They all just stared at him.
Then the younger boy, whom she had hit a minute ago, said, "I am King Edmund the Just."
The youngest girl jumped in the air, saying with ebullience, "And I am Queen Lucy the Valiant!"
Then Gimli stepped forward. "Oh," he said, nodding wisely. "You two are married."
Again all the riders stared (though the Lion seemed mostly indifferent). Suddenly Lucy burst out: "Ew no!" she screamed. "He's my bruvva!"
Susan said disgusted, "We're siblings."
Then someone yelled from over the hill, "Wait up, mates! Where are you off to now?"
Edmund put his head in his hands. "And this," he said, as a short pudgy blonde haired boy tripped over the hill, "Is Sir Eustace the Useless."
Susan hit him again. "Hush, Edmund!"
"But 'e is, sis!" he said. "A wee buck eejit 'e is, an' i's no' li' i' isn' true!"
"Shut yer bake, Ed," growled Peter.
The ruddy dark one with the flowing black hair stepped forward and said, "I am Prince Caspian."
Then Legolas stepped up. "Oh, I perceive now!" he said, and motioning to Caspian and Susan. "It is you who are married."
Susan blushed and shared a pregnant glance with Caspian. Edmund shattered the silence.
"No, they're no'," he said. "But they did kiss once!"
"Boys a dear! Do stop, Ed!" exclaimed Peter the Magnificent. "Or I'll cut you." And he took out his sword and stabbed him.
"What was that for, bro?" cried Edmund.
"You were being a naff melter, tha's why."
A pause. Then: "You stabbed me!"
"Righ', an' I'll do i' again if ye don' stop faffin' aroun' an' actin' a wick jaunty in fron' of these friendly newcomers."
"Ach, tha's a fact, Ah was, you know," admitted Edmund, holding his bright wound. "Bu' you di'n' 'ave to go an' stab me for it naw, didje?" he exploded again. "I'm flippin' bleedin' naw, aren't Ah?"
"You—!"
"Flippin' bleedin' all o'er the pless, aren' Ah no'?"
"I'll do you!" cried Peter, making to hit him. "You're jammie I don' lamp yer neb, too, righ' no'!"
Just then Susan stepped in the middle. "Youse!" she said. "Gentle-men!"
Then she smacked Ed over the head again. "Be quiet, y'ol' oaf!" she said. "What're you ragein' abou' for?"
Edmund was volcanic. "Wha' am I ragein'… What am I?" he said. "He's the one ye should b' firein' a'! He flippin' stabbed me, 'e did, didn't you see?"
Lucy jumped in the air again. "But it's okay!" And then she gave Edmund a sip from a vile and he was healed.
"There," said Peter. "Now ev'rything's beezer 'gain, isn' it?"
"Sure…" said Ed sorely.
Peter looked over at the Lion and bent to wipe the blood off his sword in a clump of grass in the sand, mumbling, "Bu 'e did deserve it, though."
"Minger," muttered Edmund under his breath.
"I 'eard tha', you!" threatened Peter, barely retraining himself kneeling by the grass clump. "Steady on or I might just stab you again!"
But just then the instant before Peter cleaned his sword, Leonardo DiCaprio's body washed up on the beach.
"Jack!" cried Susan.
His body was cold, blue, and very lifeless. The Lion padded over to him, breathed his hot breath on him, and he came to life again. Immediately he stood—wavered—and ran up to Peter, still kneeling. He had a scar on his face and a crazed look in his eye. "Never clean the blade!" he drawled. Then Leonardo ran off, but not without eyeing their horses hungrily first.
Author's Note Part Two: In case you didn't catch it, the other Leo references in addition to Gangs of New York were Inception, Titanic, and the Revenant. Please comment with whatever! -Especially if there is any dialect that's a little too tough. God bless you guys! And if anyone knows any copyright lawyers... ;)
