Chapter 3
Chaining up his brother wasn't something Sam ever wanted to do again. While he understood it was needed, that he didn't have a choice to make Dean take the cure and become himself again, it still killed Sam to watch his brother strug. Not only was he unable to help but he was the cause of Dean's distress. The demon Dean had become was nothing like the brother he knew, not the caring one who helped Sam, who always looked after him. Now Dean was using every bit of knowledge he could to cut into him, to watch as Sam had to hide a flinch or wince at what Dean was saying.
Though Dean may have been tied up, he could wound Sam just as well, if not better, with his words alone. He may be a demon, but he still had all of Dean's memories, he knew all of Sam's tells and it was getting to him. Forcing himself into the room with Dean again, Sam looked at the syringe of his blood he would have to shove into his brother's neck. How had they become this?
"Is it that time already? I guess time does fly when you're having fun. Let's see what I can drag up for you now shall we, Sammy?" Dean leered at Sam, smiling in satisfaction when Sam squirmed ever so slightly.
Sam tried to ignore the sneer on Dean's lips, the way he seemed to poison Sam's very name. Dean was the only one who could call him Sammy, not this soulless-demon version. "It's Sam," he couldn't stop from saying, no matter if it would give Dean leverage or not. Instead of taunting him, Dean smirked while Sam prepared the new vial of blood for the top of the hour.
"It is, isn't it… I wonder if you let your little girlfriend call you Sammy though? You know the one you gave up finding your brother for? Did you know the only thing that kept me going in Purgatory was knowing that you would be the one to save me, that you would do anything and everything to make sure I made it back?" The demon clicked his tongue and scoffed, "Guess that only goes one way, huh?"
Not able to hide the flinch this time, Sam kept his gaze away from Dean and firmly on the clock in front of him. "Every time something broke us apart we always found our way back to each other, what was it the trickster called it? Co-dependent? I guess it only works when it's you who's missing. My time with Lisa? If you only knew the things I considered, the danger I put them in on the off chance it would bring you back. I never gave up on you, not even when you left me to go to Stanford. Did you think I didn't stop by and make sure you were okay? You think I didn't fight Dad at every turn? Why do you think he went on a hunting trip alone, Sam?"
Grinding his teeth, Sam tried to ignore what Dean was saying, but while he knew demons lied, he also knew that sometimes they told the truth. And this was hitting pretty damn true. "Even when you were soulless I went with you, no questions asked. But you? You couldn't go a damn year looking for me. Instead, you shacked up with some whore. Good to know I'm a priority, and everyone says I'm the brother who thinks with his dick."
"She's not a whore." While he didn't want to give Dean the satisfaction that he was right on most counts, Sam couldn't help defending his ex.
Dean snorted, rolling his eyes even as Sam took the prepared needle and started to make his way over. "Hate to break it to you Sammy, but nice girls don't sleep with someone else while their husband is at home. She may have thought he was dead when you were together, but you can't tell me a nice girl would have fucked you in your hotel room with him waiting at their house."
Jabbing the needle into Dean's neck, Sam plunged the blood into Dean's system watching as his older brother started to thrash against him, moaning in pain. Pulling back once he was done, Sam tried to hurry, to leave the room, but he couldn't before Dean started talking again. "But you wanna know the real kicker? I was jealous. I was jealous that you were fucking her and not me."
Sam froze from where he had been putting the syringe back, eyes wide while they turned up to look at Dean who was panting, his body trying to reject the cure.
"What?" whispered Sam his voice unable to remain strong as Dean caught his eyes.
"I'm always jealous when you get laid. Fuck, I keep forgetting you don't remember. Didn't you ever wonder about the blank spots in your memory, Sammy? About some of your time when you were walking around without a soul? Oh yeah, me and that version of you? Once we figured out what was wrong with you, I made sure you didn't need to go anywhere else to get your rocks off."
"No," the denial was out of Sam's mouth before he realized he said it. "No, you're lying there's no way you would have… that we could have… no."
The grin Sam received wasn't what he was expecting.
"I don't need to lie, Sam. Oh I resisted for about a minute at first, you were my brother, and it was wrong… but seeing you laying out on the bed, asking me to fuck you? How could I say no to that?" Dean closed his eyes savoring the memory before opening them and continuing. "Best decision I ever made, fuck you were wild, and any kink I could think of, you were game so long as you got off. I remember how you used to present for me, face down on the bed with your ass in the air, fuck Sammy you have no idea-"
"Stop!" the cry came from deep in Sam's gut. Looking at Dean who was practically salivating at the thought Sam couldn't take it anymore. There was no way that what Dean was saying was true, it was the demon in him and while there were parts of his memory missing Sam had long learned not to pry, not after the wall crumbled. "Just… stop. I know you're lying. There's no way you would have ever touched me like that, and even if you did, then I wouldn't have forgotten. So, stop."
While he was expecting Dean to continue, what Sam wasn't expecting was for Dean to look at him. For a moment, Sam knew he was looking at his brother and not the demon he had become. As he spoke, Dean's voice softened, no longer taunting him.
"But it wasn't you, not really. I probably would have said no if you were still you, but the soulless version? Yeah, I was willing to ruin everything for a chance, even if it all went to hell when you got your soul back. And you probably wouldn't have forgotten, but I asked Castiel to wipe it from your mind when he took on your memories of the cage."
Sam didn't want to believe Dean; he didn't. The tone he used though and those green eyes, there was no denying it. Sam had spent a lifetime reading Dean, being able to understand his tells for everything. Demon or not, Dean wasn't lying.
"I'm gonna be sick."
The words were barely out of his mouth when Sam grabbed a trash bucket and emptied his stomach while Dean laughed. The sound of Dean's laughter went through the room and down to Sam's gut. Closing his eyes, Sam set the bowl down once he was done, breathing heavily but no longer in any fear of throwing up again.
"You see? That's why I never said anything, just the thought of your big brother fucking you has you puking your guts up. You know, Charlie was able to pick it up the first time we met, told me to get my act together and tell you. Guess she was wrong." Dean laughed again, but Sam heard something else in the teasing, a bit of sadness he had only heard when Dean was truly low. It was the laugh Dean gave when he was trying not to let the pain in and looking at the time, Sam noticed there was only one hour left. One more vial and Dean would be cured.
Did he want Dean to go back to how things were though? Could they go back to how things were? If Dean was telling the truth, and Sam knew he was, then where did that leave them? Making his way over to where the last vial of blood was waiting for him, Sam kept his eyes locked on the clock. It would be a while before it was time but if he could hold off a little longer he would be able to see Dean again, his brother, and they could work this out. Even if they had to split up for a bit, Sam was confident they would be able to work through this. They had to; Dean was all he had.
Dean continued to try and get a rise out of him, to try and distract him, but Sam remained focused only on the clock in front of him and the feel of the syringe in his hand. Once it was time, Sam made his way over to his restrained brother, holding the needle in a practiced way that Dean couldn't squirm around it. When Dean noticed Sam wasn't faltering, he tried again; his voice had that same edge to it Sam had seen earlier.
"It doesn't matter if you cure me, Sammy. You know I'm telling the truth, and it's going to fester in you for the rest of your life, how you were a whore for me, how you wanted me and how I want you. You think it went away when you got your soul back? I lost track of how many nights I was sleeping only a few feet away from you jerking off and wondering if I could touch you."
Instead of plunging the needle into Dean, when Sam rushed forward, it was to slam his mouth against his brother's. For a second Dean stopped moving entirely before pressing back against Sam, fighting the ties around his arms and leaning as close to Sam's body as he could. The brunet used the hand not holding the needle to place at the back of Dean's head, holding his head in place while Sam opened his mouth. It was furious, teeth and tongue and trying to get as much as they could, but Sam felt more wanted in that kiss than he ever had.
When he pulled back, Sam noticed how Dean wasn't struggling anymore. Instead, his eyes closed, and he was tilting his head up slightly as if to chase the kiss. When Dean opened his eyes, his green orbs stared into Sam's hazel ones. There was no mistaking that this was Dean, the human soul and the one Sam was aching to speak to. "Coffee and your damn sweetness, just like I remember," smirked Dean a hesitant look in his familiar green eyes.
Throwing the needle across the room, Sam didn't bother with finishing to cure Dean. Leaning forward, Sam slotted their mouths together again, this time straddling Dean's lap to get even closer. "You should have told me," whispered Sam, pressing their foreheads together. "Dammit Dean, you should have told me." A sharp tug to the back of Dean's hair made him press his lips against Sam's again for a moment. "So much time Dean…" the younger man trailed off while seeming to frantically kiss every bit of Dean's skin he could reach.
Dean didn't say anything. He fought against the ties keeping him hostage though unlike before, he had no intentions of escaping. He wasn't about to let Sam stop. As the taller man bit down on his earlobe, Dean thrust his hips up as high as he could, and while they weren't in a position to rub off on each other, it gave Sam the message.
"What?" laughed Sam, "No snarky comeback about your slut of a brother this time?"
Shaking his head, Dean leaned forward; Sam was sitting up straight on his lap, showing his height advantage which made Dean press a kiss to the hollow of Sam's neck. "Not yet, you keep this up though, and I'm not going to hold back. This is for you, isn't it? For you to see what it was like when we were together? If you want this Sammy, then take it, but let me loose, let me touch you."
This time Sam was the one to shake his head, a small smile playing on his lips. "No, I don't think I will yet… I get the feeling you're not going to let me do this again for a while." Whatever Dean was about to say was cut off as Sam once again captured his lips in a kiss. This time there was a little less heat and a little more softness, though when Sam next rocked his pelvis, it was to press his soft ass against Dean's hardening shaft. Dean hissed at the friction, his hands clenched while he sat there, Sam rocking his ass over his crotch while they kissed.
"The first time I thought about kissing you I think I was twelve. I didn't even know it was wrong, not really. I saw you kissing some girl behind the school, and I wondered what it was like." Harsh teeth sunk into Dean's neck, forcing his hips to buck up against Sam who trailed a hand from the back of Dean's neck to press down on his shoulder where he was leaning back against the chair.
It was a nice twist to their game to have Sam calling the shots. Even while he had been soulless it had been Dean who was the one telling Sam what to do; now Sam wasn't holding back on him. "I left for college because every damn time I jerked off, I was thinking about you." The top of his pants being unbuttoned caused Dean to look up at Sam whose eyes locked on the zipper he was carefully pulling down. "By then I knew what I wanted, and it wasn't going to happen at least not while we were hunting with Dad. For a while, after I left I used to imagine you coming to get me, we would have this huge fight where I would say how I couldn't live with Dad anymore."
Fresh air on his cock caused Dean to shiver before it was wrapped in Sam's warm palm. "Most nights I thought about how we would leave then, just the two of us and how we would explore this. I always came so hard when I thought of you, harder than I did with any partner, anyways."
Moaning as Sam experimentally moved his hand, Dean let his head fall back while Sam worked, no longer caring what the younger Winchester wanted so long as he didn't stop.
"Now you're telling me that I had that chance? That we spent months fucking and you took those memories away from me?" For a moment, anger filtered through Sam's voice.
The hand around his dick grew a bit too tight causing Dean's eyes to snap open, and while he didn't know what color they were something caused Sam's expression to change, and his hand continued its slow pumps. "I wish you would have said something Dean; we could have been spending our time doing this instead of pretending we were normal, well as normal as we could be anyways." As Sam left his lap, Dean jerked in the chair again, wanting to pull the man back on him.
With a slight laugh, Sam pulled off his shirts leaving his chest bare before tugging off his pants with ease. It shouldn't have surprised him, seeing Sammy before him, but Dean had spent so long suppressing those memories it was like seeing him for the first time all over again. There were some new scars from wounds Dean had helped stitch together, but overall it was still the same body he had once called his. It was a miracle he could call Sammy his again. This time as Sam moved back onto his lap, instead of wrapping a hand around Dean again, Sam pressed their cocks together, rocking his hips.
"Sammy, let me out of these chains, let me touch you." Sam shook his head, leaning forward to kiss Dean. Wrapping his arm around the blond's neck, Sam pressed them together while he moved. Reaching between them, Sam wrapped his large hand around their dicks causing them to rub together while rocking. It wasn't what Sam wanted, which was for Dean to take him, to ride the older man and hopefully fuck the memories back into his system. Instead, Sam panted against Dean's mouth; his eyes shut firmly as he brought them closer.
Dean kissed Sam as often as he could, breaking periodically to let out a soft moan or curse while his orgasm was slowly building inside him.
"Dean… Dean, I'm gonna…"
Hearing Sam moan his name, Dean thrust his hips up, jerking Sam slightly who had been rocking against him. "S'ok Sammy… want you to come, think you can make us go together?" Seeing Sam open his eyes, Dean practically lunged forward to press his teeth right below Sam's ear where he knew the other man was sensitive. "Now," Dean growled sinking his teeth into the delicate flesh.
The bite was enough for Sam. With a loud groan Sam rubbed them together while he came, the feeling of Sam's hot cum on his dick was enough to push Dean over the edge as well while Sam moved his hand slowly. For a second neither moved, Sam stopped working his hand, and Dean leaned his forehead against Sam's shoulder, both panting while trying to regroup. Sam was the first one to speak, his unsoiled hand still wrapped around Dean though now he was playing with the short hair at the back of his brother's neck.
"We could have been doing that for years, Dean. And what? Do you have to be a demon for me to have you like this? Fuck Dean, how am I supposed to choose between saving you and loving you?" There was real pain in Sam's voice; pain Dean had put there.
Nuzzling against Sam's shoulder, Dean tried to think of something that could make this better when his eyes opened with a snap. For the first time since he was turned into a demon, Dean realized he didn't want to cause pain or destruction. If anything, he wanted to take care of Sam, to love him just like he always had.
There was a new feeling alongside it, a rush of possessiveness Dean hadn't previously had even when they had last been together. Still, what amount of emotion he could label as negative was overwhelmed by the rush of love he had for the man on his lap. "I feel more human now than I have in years." The whisper broke through the room, which caused Sam to jerk back and look down at Dean. Making eye contact, so Sam knew he was telling the truth, Dean wished he could hold his brother closer while they spoke.
"I do Sammy; I haven't felt this close to human since before we were hunting for a way to stop seals from breaking. It's still there, the mark, but it's quiet."
Sam didn't speak for a minute although he did bring Dean into another kiss. "Do you think… Cain fought for years by loving Colette, do you think maybe…"
Dean didn't need Sam to finish his sentence. Instead, Dean nodded his head ever so slightly. "Yeah Sammy… I do." Dean found himself wrapped in Sam's strong arms, and while he couldn't wait to be able to touch Sam again, to hold him, he wouldn't trade this for the world. For the first time in a long while he had hope that Sam would stay with him, that they could be together again for the long-haul, and for once it could be just as he pictured it. Sam was whole, not the soulless shell he had been before, this time it would be real.
Nuzzling his face against Sam's neck Dean took in the scent of the man holding him. Yeah, he could fight off whatever darkness was inside him, he thought to himself. They would find a way so they could stay together, they had to. They kept each other human.
P.S. If you want to keep up to date on my writing add me to Facebook, Tumbler, Twitter or Instagram as CrowNoYami ;-) Also, if you want to see what I'm reading (I always review so you know what you're getting into) I'm on Goodreads as well, the same name as always.
