Chapter 7


Carlos' POV:


"Jeez, that's some motherfucking assessment right there. Am I right or am I right, Izubro?" you asked your best friend while your changing back to your casual clothes. "U-um, Well it was a little easier than I thought it would be, y-you know?"

"Hey look guys, a peep hole." Frey suddenly says while pointing at the said hole. "I guess some seniors thought it would be a good idea to do us a favor. I'm not that type of guy though but if anyone wants to do so, do it at your own risk." He says while shrugging.

"I ain't peeping at the same room with my sister in it." Apollo crosses his arms. "So you would do it if your sister WASN'T in it?" Frey smiles while leaving Apollo flustered. "W-what am I?! Some perverted piece of shit midget?! Of course not, I respect women." Apollo exclaims while trying not to stutter.

"Perverted piece of shit midget? That sounds too specific…"

"More like fear women." answers Frey with his daily hourly dose of sass. You're never gonna get tired of this.

"Hey!"

You decided at this point to butt into the conversation "Well since no one here is signing a death sentence, I suggest we cover this thing up. Anyone got a quirk that can do that?"

"I can, bruh." says the guy with amber eyes, long black haired guy with hippie clothing. "My quirk lets me control the earth and some concrete. These seems to be the type I struggle with but since it's small, I can manage." you seem to remember this guy from the assessment. He sounded like he's high on weed or something though you chose not to let him fall into the stereotype. You remembered him introducing himself as Adam Piper.

Adam Piper

Quirk: Earth Control

His quirk lets him control the earth and some forms of concrete like the heroes, Pixiebob and Cementoss. He can freely control the earth but will have a hard time doing so in concrete which would in turn leave him really tired and suffer a migraine.

"Hurry up and stop wasting time, peasants. We still got one class to go." says Edward while tapping his foot impatiently beside the door.

"Whatever you say, Mary Sue."

"I know what that means, Frey!"

"Okay let's just dress the motherfuck up and go before these two guys start killing each other."


One intensely deadly tension between Royalty and Sarcasm later…..


"Okay, as I said, you all did well. Another thing, I lied about the free pass about those tests. I just exploited your laziness as a motivation." said our Homeroom teacher while giving a mix of a sly and shit-eating grin that rivals that of All Might's.

".…. WHAT?!" muttered most of the except for an obvious few.

"You seriously think we'll give you an easy perfect score even if it was just a quiz? Nope. Like I said, we're gonna fuck you piss-muffins upright until you're all worthy enough to be called heroes. NYAHAHAHAHAHA!"

This dude is seriously doing that pose where his back is turned over and arms spread out like someone screaming "WWRRRYYY" at the top of their lungs.

"That's oddly specific of you…."

"Wait w-what? Whom the motherfuck hast started talking in my mind? I swear I already took my meds earlier." you felt a tap behind you and looked behind. You saw the one who tapped you was the blonde freckled Izugirl looking at

"Don't worry it's my quirk: Mind Invader. I can basically hear and speak to the thoughts of the target I chose. I could also go in deep and find more about that person like their secrets or any important information. Name's Nellia Odira by the way."

"Motherfuck, had me panicking there for a sec. Name's Carlos Curdo. I guess we're gossip buddies if the class ain't worrying."

"Right on point, Carlos. Though I can only do this for 10 minutes before I get a headache."

"Motherfuckin' understandable, Nellie. It looks like crazy clock guy is giving us some important news so we'll have to continue on this later."

"Okay then."

"Now as you class know, this isn't just a a place where you learn to be heroes. That's easy enough to realize because there's more to this school than just heroics. We'll be teaching you how to make your own upgrades to your costume since we merged the Support and Heroics department here. You'll also be taught what a normal school would have taught you though only to a lesser extent than heroics. What are these subjects? Math, Science, Languages, Literature, History, and 1 of either the specialized subjects you are choosing right now. What are these specialized subjects? It's cookery, music, and arts. Why is it important? Ask the principal, not me. I'll be giving you 10 minutes to choose your specialized subjects before I send you back to the dorms. Now hurry up, I can see you all needed rest after today." he says before sitting down and looking expectantly at the class. You already had chosen your specialized subject.

"Hey Izubro, what's you choosin'?" you asked since you're legit curious on what he's choosing. You're pretty sure it's either Arts or Cookery for him. He might've chosen Arts since you've seen his notebook. You also thought of Cookery for him since his mother is the goddess of cooking so much so that she puts Gordon Ramsay to shame with just Katsudon alone.

"Um, I guess I'll go with cookery since it'll be helpful when we're finally heroes. You never know when you're gonna do some 3 day mountain rescue, right? Even then, I'm already decent at cooking because my mom taught me so I might as well find an excuse to improve myself." he says "What did you choose, Carlos?"

"Oh, it's music."

"Why?"

"My quirk's called Bards n' Clowns for a reason, Izubro. I might as well improve my guitar and singing skills if it could amplify my bard songs."

"How are bard songs gonna help?"

"Ugh motherfuck, you never played Dungeons and Dragons before haven't ya? Ya see, bard songs are very useful since it either debuffs the enemy or buffs the team. Hell, I've tried it on you multiple times while we're training our asses off just to get to this school. Well, training your ass off since I could do this if I wanted to. The Carnival teaches ya alot of shit. I've made you a bit stronger than usual."

"H-how'd you do that, Carlos?"

"Well, it seems that my whistling is that subtle, huh? Thanks for being my test subject, Izubro."

"Hey, pissmuffin, 10 minutes are up what are signing up for?"

"Put my name in the Music, sir."

"Music huh? Just remember to not sing Despacito over and over again. We had it bad last time when 10 different singers sung that." that seems like a story you would like to hear some time.

"Alright, it's time for you to head back to the dorms."

You and the entire class headed to your dorms though now you realize that all of you share the same dorm building. Apparently there's one per class and that all of them are complete with a living room, a kitchen, a garden, and a fucking swimming pool. You're items were delivered to the building while you were taking your assessment making everyone unpack to their rooms.


Izuku's POV


You just finished unpacking your stuff and organizing your room so you considered socializing with others in the living room. You honestly thought you'd still be a stuttering mess if it weren't for Carlos giving you a little confidence boost in your friendship.

You reached the living room just in time to hear Carlos pointing out character flaws, no, straight up roasting a character from a show he used to watch when he was a kid.

"Gee, Carlos, I never looked at sweater face that way. I guess the show was so good that I forgot how fucked up she was on plain sight. I mean, started an apocalypse just because her brother wanted to become someone's apprentice?"

"Hey man, not only that; if she pressed that button, maybe we would have never met her uncle's lost twin but I think I'd take my chances than possibly start the apocalypse, right? Oh look, Izubro's here. Took ya long enough with that room of yours."

"W-well, mom did pack in a lot of my stuff." you smiled sheepishly while looking at the floor.

"I saw what your mom was packing."

"Wow, I don't know how else you could phrase it but that totally did not sound like sexual innuendo."

"Shut it, Frey. She put in as much of Japanese Superman's merchandise as she can, didn't she?"

"U-um, I-I mean…..uh, w-well you s-see….. um."

"That's a perfect sentence. I give it a ten out of ten. Bravo!" says Frey while mockingly clapping at your failure to make an understandable sentence.

"Frey, your sarcasm rivals that of none but this isn't the time for that."

"It's the time for everything, bitch."

".….. You're trying too hard and that doesn't make motherfuckin' sense."

"Like how you could barely say a sentence with any cuss words."

"It's just words. It won't hurt you if you don't let it motherfuckin' define you." says Carlos with a suddenly blank face.

"W-wow, that's awfully deep Carlos." you say in awe of your friend's apparent wisdom.

"He's just high on catnip."

"I will not confirm nor deny that statement." Carlos says with his continuously blank face.

"Look who's here at the living room. Hey bros, wanna play some videogames?" Apollo says as he enters the living room with his PS5 and some game cartridges.

"Oh shit, you got Injustice 3, GTA 6, and Far Cry 6? Let's fuckin' do it! Anyone else up for game night?"

"Absolutely not! As the Prince of Great Britain, I will assume complete control of the televi-"

"Dude I got Watch Dogs 3. Wanna play that instead?"

"Sure, one time Carlos and I played that in his brother's house he keeps messing up on the bridge."

"We promised to never talk about that! Dammit, Izubro!"

"Stop ignoring me, peasants!"

"Did you hear something?"

"SHUT UP, FREY!"

"Eh, Watch Dogs 3 then…."

Soon the rest of the class entered the room after they finished up their rooms.

"Hello, amigos and Frey~~" says Jolena while seductively looking at Frey though he ignored her. You seriously don't know if she's messing with him or is actually serious considering they just met today but you thank whatever's up there that she switched her target.

"Hey you guys wouldn't mind if we check everyone's room right?" asks Becky.

"Eh, sure why not? Just don't touch our stuff. I got valuable things in there." says Frey while keeping his face focused on hacking the cameras in the mission.

"Okay, thanks."

"You chicas ready to see which room is the most bizarre?"

".….Sure." says Artemis who's just following along. She seems almost as anti-social as you are.

"Izubro, stop staring at your crush and help me figure this mission out."

"W-what?!"


Artemis' POV


…...You decided to ignore what the clown have said. There are many things invalid in his statement such as: Izuku having a crush on you. It is not possible that he only saved you those months ago because he had a crush on you. That would be inadequate. Furthermore, you only met two times which means that it is impossible to develop a crush on him nor will he on you this early on. He is a good person but you don't know him enough to have an unnecessary crush on him. Hopefully.

As of now, you decided to go with the girls to check on everyone's room with the first three of so belonging to you, your brother, and Becky. You tried your best to block them off but it proved futile against the seven other girls. Damn their determination. It is the first time you felt embarrassed when they found out that you have planted a small tree in the middle of your room. Hanging at the tree is where you sleep, your hammock. The hammock consisted of a simple pillow, blanket, and your teddy bear; Mr. Cuddlebuns. Beside the tree is your bookshelf filled with different stories from the past. This is where you learned how to incorporate what looked like magic tricks into possible usage for your quirks. Even then, you preferred the simple usage of materializing arrows from darkness and using your bow.

"H-how did you fit a tree in here, chica?" asks Jolena who was unsurprisingly flabbergasted. "They said you could design your room anyway you want. I decided to plant a tree here with the help of my brother."

"That doesn't answer our question!" says Becky, the smart one.

"It doesn't need to be answered."

"A-alright, moving on, amigas. Time to look at her brother's room."

"I feel obligated to warn you about his room but… I'll leave the details to surprise you."

"I have very bad feeling about zis." says the Natalya, the Russian Dragon.

They moved on to Apollo's room. They found it filled with sheets of paper and some instrument though one of the most noticeable is his loot.

"My brother has a strange obsession with Slam Poetry and Music. Now that our Japanese foreigner is here, he's looking up haikus. Beware my brother's terrible haikus." you say bluntly while the others read Apollo's poetry and written music.

"These things seem pretty deep. Your brother seems to be talented at writing music and poetry." says Becky while reading Apollo's poem about the delightful taste of pizza mozarellas.

"Y-your b-brother seems nice." says Emma, the shy one, while reading Apollo's written music about nature. Ah yes, your brother loves nature just as much as you do. Except spiders. Both of you hate spiders. Actually, fuck those eight legged creatures.

"Well I guess next up is my room, then. It's not really as lively as the twin's but it's comfy." Becky says while opening the door. Inside was very….. scientific to say the least. Well, half scientific and half historical considering there are shields and swords just as much as there is a chemistry set. It's completed with a bookshelf filled with books about blacksmiths, alchemy, and chemistry. Her bed was a mess since it was filled with what you assumed as smithing tools and such. "Hehe, not really interesting. Just a little too science-y, right?" Becky says while smiling sheepishly and sweat trickling down her forehead. "It's rather impressive. Not really my taste but overall great." you tell her not only to make her feel better but because it actually does look great. Perhaps you can have her do a little bit of upgrading with your bow. You took a mental note on that as you moved on.

You and the girls went up the next floor on the built in elevator. The next 4 rooms belonged to Edward, Frey, Jolena, and Johnny.

"I say we look at Frey's first." Jolena says while walking her way to his room. She seems to like it when she's messing with Frey and she might've been looking for blackmail material to tease him on.

"I understand your interest tovards Frey, but you vill not use anything you vill find in here to blackmail him. You understand?" says Natalya, who surprisingly, already cares about some people she just met. Perhaps she's motherly? You will find out later.

"Oh alright. You're no fun, chica." Jolena was pouting at this point since Natalya spoiled her potential fun. All of you proceeded to look inside Frey's room. It's…. not what you all expected. In the middle of the room was a circle of grass with a tent large enough to fit two people inside. You couldn't see his bed so you assumed that he sleeps in the tent. You noticed something shining near the wall only to find what looked like a golden sword with… symbols in it? It's just leaning against a wall but it looks like it's been taken care of properly. He also had posters of Nirvana on his walls. You weren't surprised since he looks a lot like Kurt Cobain. It also seemed like he's a fan of Marvel considering the figurines of different characters like Spiderman and Starlord on his desk.

"Wow, this sword….. It seems unique. I've never seen a sword with runes embedded on it before." says Becky while holding the sword. "It also feels well made and taken cared of very well."

"I didn't expect this from Frey. I thought he'd be having some mainstream stuff here but no. It's… comforting somehow." Jolena says while having an uncommon blank look on her face. It began to light up as she began to sneer and whisper something to Becky. Becky seemed hesitant at first but you could guess she agreed when she left the room while carrying Frey's sword.

"Vhat did you tell her?" Natalya is now glaring at Jolena. "Nothing to worry, chica. Just a little harmless prank that could probably also improve Frey's attitude. I think."

"I do not trust you."

You all moved on to Jolena's room. It was very horrifying to say the least. She had 20 different guns on her wall. You also found out when she opened her PC that she had 300GB worth of… "homework". "W-why do y-you have so m-many g-g-guns?" asks Emma who was unintentionally speaking for everyone in the room right now. "It makes my quirk more useful. 『 Free Bird 』 does have a hidden ability but I won't tell for now." This leaves you very suspicious. You all continued to stare at her.

"It's either you tell them or I tell them" says Nellia, the one with the mind quirk. It seems like she can look into people's mind and find secrets. It is indeed very useful when interrogating a villain.

"Okay okay, jeez, fine my quirks hidden ability is-"

"JOLENA YOU BITCH!" It just occurred to you that Frey saved Jolena from revealing her quirk's secret.

To Be Continued

WALULULULULU WHY DID FREY CALL JOLENA A BITCH?! FIND OUT ON PROBABLY THE NEXT CHAPTER OF FUNNY MATTER Z

Okay no seriously, no fighting in this chapter since I forgot about their dorms and that I might have wanted them to actually act like what would be defined as a teenager.I think. Most of the dorms would be featured soon enough though. What happened to Frey that made him pissed off at Jolena? Well if you could put two and two together, you can probably figure it out at the next chapter.

Now I've read enough stories with multiple asspulls, I think I'll be able to easily make battle scenarios. That includes the incoming Medieval Fair. Also the Final Exams Crossover Arc and the Crossover Camp Arc. Also gonna need to figure out when the villains are gonna pop up. Well might as well make a flashback out of nowhere.