Chapter 5 – Waking Up
I pulled back my shield and looked at them. Renesmee held my hand and waited with me. Esme and Alice were gasping, Emmett was scowling, Jasper, Carlisle and Rosalie stared at us and Edward was a statue, but his face was livid. No one spoke for a long time. I looked to the floor and hugged Renesmee closer. When I looked up hearing short sobs. I looked up and Esme was coming towards me. "Oh my dear sweet Bella, we never should have left you," she said between sobs, "I am so sorry." I sighed, "Don't be. That was a long time ago, at least I have Renesmee." "Bella," I looked up. It was Edward, his teeth were clutched together, "Where is Stefan?" I shrugged, "Don't know, don't care. As far as I'm concerned, he doesn't exist. But, if I ever see him again," I blinked slowly, "That's another story." His arms were folded and he glared at the floor, "This is unbelievable. This is why we left," he muttered. "What are you talking about?" Renesmee stood and looked at him, "Why did you leave? Why weren't any of you there?"
I patted his shoulder, "Honey, plea..." She shrugged my hand off, "No Momma. I want to know. You promised. I want to know who was it that left you unprotected and broken. I want to know how this family knew you. I want to know the name of the one who hurt you. The one who said he loved you, but left. I want to know the name of the man who was supposed to there for you." I patted her shoulder, "Honey, please. Let them ask their questions first." Renesmee looked to the Cullen, shook her head and darted out of the room.
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I listened to her story in pure disbelief. I left her so that she could live a full life, but that didn't happen., She's here in front of me, a vampire. This was unbelievable. The love of my life, of my existence had suffered so much since I left her. Maybe they know who that monster was who broke my mother's heart. Renesmee was right, I was, am a monster. I could see in her mind she had a lot of love for Bella, but she still regretted living. She knew she was half of the man who attacked her. Renesmee's mind was amazing. She had clear memories of being in Bella's womb, the thought she had will she still grew inside Bella's body. Even then, she had so much live fore her mother, even when Bella didn't have love for her. Renesmee was on her bed in Bella's old bedroom. She was looking at herself in the mirror, At least I look like her and not him, but my hair, Renesmee grasped at her own hair, Why did it have to be this color? Renesmee contemplated changing her hair color, like she did thousands of times before, just so she could look more like Bella.
Emmett stood up, "So, you've been alive all this time, why didn't you look for us?" His question brought me out of my own thoughts, but I was so happy someone asked that, why didn't she? She was a vampire, so she had plenty of time to track us down. Bella's eyes feel on me for the shortest moment, then back to Emmett, "It doesn't matter. You're here now and you see what I've become." She shook her head, smiled and ran her fingers through her hair. It's been more than I century, but I could still read her.
She wanted to change the subject. Even after all this time, I wanted to stroke her cheek and comfort her, but I knew why I couldn't. I would change the subject, in my minuscule way of trying to comfort her, "After you had the baby, what did you do?" She sighed, "I went to the Amazon. I had to look for more legends regarding beings like Renesmee. Though I decided to keep her, I had to know what kind of future she would have." Carlisle looked at her, "Bella, how were you able to show us your story." She smiled, "That's my ability. I have a mental shield that keeps others out of my mind. I am able to push it away from myself to protect others and as you just saw, push my shield into the minds of others and show them my own memories." This was amazing. It's been more than a century, but I was finally getting what I wanted. A glimpse into Bella's mind. She was talented like myself, Jasper and Alice.
"How are you able to do that?" Rosalie asked. She shrugged, "How are any talented vampires able to do what they can? It's who we are." Alice smiled, "Ok, ok. I want to know what you did next." Bella smiled to Alice, "Alright." Renesmee came down the stairs and went to sit on the mantle with Bella, "I want to see too," she smiled weakly up at her mother. They smiled at each other, showing a strong relationship. Bella looked back to us, "Alright, this is what happened." I closed my eyes and waited for her story. To see into my beloved's mind.
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I pushed shield away, showing them all what I had done with my life. I started back after my first hunt. Renesmee was sleeping in my arms. Her scent was wonderful. I could make out the human scent of her, since blood pumped in her veins, but her vampire scent was stronger, making the desire for her blood weak. Renesmee breathed air, her hair grew, her heart beat and she grew. I kept a journal of her progress. One night, I tucked her in Alice's bed and I went to clean the mess of Renesmee's birth out of Carlisle's office. Thankfully, Renesmee drank all the blood I left, so I wouldn't have to worry about losing control. As I cleaned, I found a piece of Renesmee's placenta. In this office, I thought of one person who would be fascinated by this shard; Carlisle.
I looked around and thought of his thirst for knowledge. If I was ever brave enough to face him, I would want to at least give him this gift of new information. I saved the shard in the steel vile that held Carlisle's venom. After cleaning everything in the office, I took my letter that I wrote to Carlisle, he wouldn't need it anymore. I was alive and I might see him again, I might. I heard Renesmee sigh deeply and I went back to bedroom. She rolled over and slept peacefully. I stroked her hair from her face and smiled. She looked exactly like me, her lips, her eyes, her face and curly hair. When I saw the color of it, I scowled. I didn't hate her, but I hated her father.
She will be upset when she realized how I conceived her, but I would teach her to love herself, no matter what. She was my baby, my daughter, my Renesmee. At this time, I didn't have a name for her. I didn't think about one for her when I was pregnant. I was too concerned about my own survival. I looked at her face and she smiled in her sleep. I thought about how I was able to survive and I thought about the one's who showed me great parental love. Renee, Esme, Carlisle and Charlie; my four parents. Two who had to leave and two I had to leave behind. I watched my baby sleep and realized she was completely unique, so she would require an equally unique name. Renee and Esme; Renesmee. Carlisle and Charlie; Carlie. I smiled, that was it; Renesmee Carlie Swan.
I lifted the small child to my chest and whispered her name, "Hello Renesmee Carlie Swan." She stirred and looked up at my face. She smiled at me and I smiled back. She placed her small hand on my cheek and I gasped. I saw my face, it was backwards, but it was mine. I saw myself covered in blood and sweat, and I still had my brown eyes. I jerked away and Renesmee's hand fell from my face. "How in the…." I stared at her and she looked back, with sad wide eyes. "You have a talent," I deduced. Renesmee laid her head on my chest and I listened to her breathing. I looked down at her and she was looking out the glass wall. I walked over wall and looked out. She lifted her head and leaned her hands against the wall. This shocked me; she was not the size of the child I gave birth to. She was bigger, approximately the size of three month old baby.
Renesmee reached back and placed her hand on my neck. She was showing me a deer she caught a glimpse of running in the forest. I caught a taste of the vision, she was thirsty. I smiled, "Do you want to deer?" She looked back to me, nodded and smiled. I clutched her closer into my chest and I ran with her into the forest. It was nearly dawn and the forest was so alive. I ran with Renesmee in my arms. I looked down and she was smiling brightly, as if she were enjoying the run. I came across the scent of deer. I placed her on the ground, "Stay here. I'll be right back." I kissed her forehead and she patted my cheek. She showed me her perspective of this kiss and I caught the tenor of love in her vision. I looked back at her, "I love you too."
As I hunted, I realize that that was the first time I said to anyone since he left. I was glad that I was able to saw that to someone and they felt that way about me. I took down a deer and took it back to Renesmee. She clapped her small hands and smiled. I was surprised that she was able to clap on her own, but I didn't dwell on it. As I prepared to cut the neck, Renesmee crawled over to me. I looked down to her and she patted my neck, she wanted to bite on her own. I held her up, she leaned into the animal and she bit into the animal's neck, drinking its blood. After a few minutes, Renesmee sighed and looked up to me. She patted my cheek; she was full.
I smiled at her, "Don't worry, I'll finish it." I drained the rest of the animal while its blood was still warm. As I ran back to the house, Renesmee watched the forest as it flew past us. As we entered the house, Renesmee patted my cheek; she wanted to be placed on the floor. I put her down and went to the couch. I watched as she crawled towards me. She looked to the platform and saw the white sheet hanging over the furniture. She went over to it and tugged at the sheet. I knew what was underneath it. I couldn't look at it. "No, honey. Don't. This isn't our house," I explained, while I picked her up. She looked back at me as if she understood my warning. She patted my neck, she wanted to know who the house belonged to. I smiled, "They were friends, but they had to leave. We'll be leaving soon too. We have to find our own home." She showed me her next question, where were we going?
I thought about that, "The Amazon. I think you will like it there. They have bigger and wilder animals for us to hunt. I'll show you." I took her back to Carlisle's office and showed her the animals we could hunt in the jungle. She smiled and patted my neck, she wanted to get a panther. I smiled, "So do I." Renesmee and I spent the rest of the day and the evening look up information on the Amazon. Soon she began to get sleepy and she dozed off in my arms. While she slept in my arms, things came to me. What about Charlie? How was I going to pay for our trip? How was I going to get a passport for Renesmee to travel? How was I going to care for my daughter?
