Chapter 11 – Remembering
The Cullen's stayed for the whole evening and Renesmee stayed close to Alice so that she wouldn't see what was on the quiz. Renesmee had charmed the whole family. Esme and Carlisle came over and spent the evening with us. The next day, Alice was at our doorstep, "Can I get I ride with you?" I sighed, "Do you need to ask?" Renesmee was happy to see her, "Hi, Alice." They chattered in the backseat all the way to school. During my fourth hour class, everyone was nervous about my quiz. "Calm down, everyone, it won't be that bad." The Cullen's and Renesmee went to their seats, talking. "Quiet down, guys. And get ready. The quiz will be starting in two minutes." I walked along the aisles passing out the quizzes, "No one starts until I am finished handing them out." As I handed them out, I heard the groans of several students; I couldn't help smiling. When I passed their seats, Alice was smiling, "We're all going to pass," she whispered. I shook my head and headed for the front of the class, "Ok, get started and have fun," I smiled. I sat at my desk and read Wuthering Heights. I heard a faint chuckle from the back of the room, I looked up and Edward was staring at me.
"Get back to work," I whispered. He looked back to his paper and began writing. After another 15 minutes, Alice and Emmett came up to my desk. I glared at them and they smiled. I checked their work; both of them got perfect scores. I stood and wrote on the board:
Cherry Blossom Festival Trip
Alice Cullen
Emmett Cullen
As I turned to sit back down, Renesmee, Jasper and Rosalie came up to my desk. They placed their sheets on my desk and danced back to their seats. They got perfect scores as well. I wrote their names:
Renesmee Swan
Jasper Hale
Rosalie Hale
I was sitting for another minute, when Edward came up to my desk. When he turned, his hand grazed the back of mine, sending the current through my body. Another perfect score; this was annoying, but expected.
Edward Cullen
During the hour, I picked up their conversations. They spoke so low, that none of the other students heard them. At the end of the hour, my ten students were selected. The last four were:
Dwayne Kyle
Mary Stewart
Kat Stratford
John Richardson
After the end of the hour, no one lingered behind as I left the room. The week went on nicely and Saturday came by quickly. Jasper and Emmett were at my front door exactly at 10am. Renesmee giggled when she saw the black Mercedes parked outside. As we got in the back seat, Alice was there, practically bouncing. She and Renesmee chattering like two typical teenagers.
In Seattle, Renesmee and Alice pulling Emmett and Jasper through almost every store and each of them had armfuls of bags. "Don't worry, Bella. She's nothing compared to Alice," Jasper joked. After shopping until Renesmee literally dropped, we were heading back to Forks. When Renesmee aught sight of a dealership, she ordered Emmett to pull in there. I looked to her, "Honey? I don't know." She looked at me with her big brown eyes, "Please Momma. Jake taught me how and he told you were pretty good. We could have matching ones." She clamped her hands together, pleading, "Please, please." I smiled, "Mine's gonna be blue," I said getting out of the car.
We were in a Kawasaki dealership. Emmett groaned, "You're joking, right?" I looked to Renesmee who was already looking at bikes, "Nope. She wants one and you had an agreement." Alice looked at Renesmee, "Bella, you know how to ride a motorcycle?" I nodded, "Yes, Jacob taught me." "When?" she glared at me. I bit my lip, "Few months after you left." Her eyes popped open, "But you promised." I scoffed, "He broke his promise first, so why did I need to keep mine." I walked pass her and began looking at the bikes. Renesmee and I picked out matching Ninja ZX 14's; mine blue and hers purple. Jasper was intrigued by the bikes and said he may get on himself. Renesmee and I rode our new bikes home. She was too keyed up to stay home, so she went to La Push to show Jacob her new toy. Alice helped me put away Renesmee's new clothes. She hadn't let up about the motorcycles, "Bella, are you insane? You could have hurt yourself." I looked at her, "Actually, I did the first day I rode it. I didn't know how to turn and I bashed my head into a rock. Blood for days." She gasped, "Bella," she snarled. I sighed in exasperation, "Alice, it's ancient history. Let it go." I walked to my bedroom and she followed, "No, I will not. You have any idea how much Edward would have been pained if he found out you were doing that."
I shook my head, "Not really. I didn't want me, remember?" She sighed, "Bella, regardless, he wouldn't want to hear about you doing anything like that." I turned to her, she was sitting on my bed, "Maybe that's why he didn't hear about it back then. What difference does it make now? When I ride my bike, nothing would happen to me. I am as indestructible as you are." She snorted, "Clearly, I'm not getting through to you. I'll see you later." "Bye, honey." She sighed and looked back to me, "Bella, what happened to you? You were never this tactless. What happened?" I looked at her, then my eyes fell to the floor, "It's been a long life, but not easy. I had to learn to be tough for my daughter and myself." She exhaled deeply, "You really should have tried to find us. No matter what he said, we would have helped you." I bit my lip, "It doesn't matter anymore."
I watched at they pulled off and wallowed in my own sadness. I hated being so hard with Alice, but I couldn't let myself be pulled back in further than I already have. It's been more than a century, but they still had that hold over me and can see that a hold was being developed over my daughter. In all our time in civilization, Renesmee has never made any friends that she can be truly uninhibited. With Alice, Jasper, Rosalie, Edward and Emmett, Renesmee could truly be herself. With her human friends, she had to watch herself, but with the Cullen's, she didn't have to hold back. I saw Renesmee truly enjoyed spending time with the Cullen's. I didn't want to distance her from them, because it would have been a matter of time before we ran into them, and they were hard to resist and so was she.
This was going to be very difficult. But maybe not so much for Renesmee, because no matter where we went, Jacob was coming with us. She would have someone to confide in and console her. She would be upset when we have to separate ourselves from the Cullen's. I didn't want to admit it, even to myself, I was jealous of my daughter. She had it a bit easier than me. She could bond with the family, without having a tangled history. She had someone who loved her unconditionally. Though I hoped she find someone, it seemed to happen so fast. I remember the day I found her and I saw the giant wolf.
"RENESMEE!!!" I screamed searching for her. I found her in a small clearing, in close proximity to the wolf. I leapt between them, ready to defend my child. I recognized the wolf, especially its dark eyes. The wolf turned and sprinted away. I spun back, "Honey, are you alright? Did it hurt you?" Renesmee just stared off in the direction of where the wolf left, "I'm fine. It didn't attack me. It just stared at me. I don't think even knew what I was." I heard the faint sounds of someone's approach, "We have to get going." I pulled at her hand, but she didn't move, "No Momma. It won't hurt me." Right then, he came through the bushes, my best friend, my ex-boyfriend, Jacob. He looked directly at Renesmee and she looked back. "Jake?" He tore his eyes from her and looked at me, "Bella?" I gasped, he looked exactly the same, "Jacob?" I whimpered. He didn't make any motions to embrace me. We were natural enemies now. Jacob look back to Renesmee, "Who is this?" I looked at her, "My daughter. I had the baby and I changed into a vampire." Jacob appraised her, from head to toe, "She looks exactly like you. She changed you?" "No. In the house, I found a vile of venom. I used that. Renesmee isn't venomous."
Jacob stepped closer, "Ohh. Do you live here again?" I nodded, "Yes, in Charlie's house. It's mine now." Renesmee hadn't spoken, she just stared at him. I looked between them. There was something there, in their eyes. Something familiar, when I had someone who stared at me. "Jacob? What's the matter?" While I spoke, Renesmee walked towards him. It was a shock when I saw him hold his hand out for her, "My name is Jacob Black." My head dropped when Renesmee smiled and stepped closer to him, wrapping her arms around him. I wanted to attack him when he kissed her. When they pulled apart, he held her face and he looked at her the way Sam looked at Emily. It was a hazy memory but I remembered. Part of my mind wanted to take Renesmee away from him, but another part reminded me that this is what I wanted for her. I wanted someone to love her and care for her in ways I couldn't.
From that day, you couldn't keep them apart. I was happy that they had each other. Jacob told me that he was the alpha of his pack now and there were only three of them, him, Leah Clearwater and Errol Uley, great-grandson of Sam Uley. Leah was the second in command and she would take over as leader if Jacob ever left the pack. He said he would have, if Renesmee wanted him to, but she didn't. It's still difficult for me to be in the same room as them. Love just radiated off them and it made the hole in my chest ache. The hole was still there, but it wasn't as resonant as it was before. Bella, my hallucination called to me. Yes? I answered mentally. Don't be upset, I'm here. I know, but it still hurts. I miss you so much. The velvet voice comforted me, You see me everyday, say something. You said you didn't want me, how can I? Because I'll never leave you again. I suppressed the voice. That wasn't true. He'll stay a little while longer, then leave again. I clutched myself in my arms. I'd begin to hope without consent. Edward had his family. He wants to talk about that dark day, but doing so would make the pain worse.
Maybe one day, I'll hear his side, but for now, I had to keep him at bay. He broke me once before, if he did it again, even as an immortal, I'd die. I'd die, but not worry. Renesmee has Jacob and he will comfort her. I would just die, letting the pain cocoon me in an unbreakable hold. My breaths staggered and I shuttered, clutching my fists to the sides of my head. This wasn't healthy. All my progress, all my work in trying to let him go, gone. Gone since that very day I saw him in my class. Why couldn't I let him go? My own mental voice came to me, Because you love him. I shook my head, I can't love him, he hurt me. He could do it again. You're silly, my velvet hallucination told me, I'll never hurt you again. No, you will. So, I can't. I won't. I had to maintain my hard mask. Maintain it so he will not see he still has his hold on me. I swore to myself, Edward will not damage me again.
