Chapter 13 – My Real Story
Running was a wonderful activity for me. My mind was so clear. I went back to the school to face my demons. Edward lied to me, then he kissed me. It was wrong for me to act as I did. It was what I wanted for so long, but it was just unexpected. Unexpected like that night. It just scared me, but there was something scary I had to face; Edward's truth. He left me for me. His words in the forest, the ones that broken me weren't true. I pondered this as I walked into my fourth hour class. The class was chattering away and I just walked to my desk. I sighed, "Good morning class." I faced my students, ignoring the golden-eyed ones in the back. "Ok, I was very happy with everyone. You all passed your quizzes, so, though some of you are going to the festival, I was thinking of something else to reward all of you." I smiled, "On Friday, I know its short notice, but I have permission slips for all of us to go for the day to play paintball." The class erupted into cheers, "OK! OK! I guess you guys want to do this." I handed the slips to the students in the front, "Have your parents sign them and get them back to me. I've already arranged for a bus to take us to. We're going to the Olympic National Park, where I've registered two fields for us to play in and, for once, it's not going to be raining. So, let's be at the school by 8am and we'll spend the whole day shooting each other."
The class was too happy about their trip and it helped me cheer up. "I am going to shoot her right between the eyes," I heard Emmett whisper. "Not before I do," Jasper challenged. I heard them say ouch. I turned and Renesmee winked at me, "Don't worry, I'll keep them off you." I started my lesson, finishing early as always. When I allowed the class their free time, I began reading. Renesmee came up to my desk, "Momma, what's the matter?" I looked up at her, "Nothing." "You're lying. I can tell." I sighed, "Not now. Please." Renesmee nodded, "After class?" I nodded, "Yes." I sighed, "Do you feel like staying the rest of the day?" She shrugged, "Not really." "Ok, we had a family emergency then." "Great," and she pranced back to her seat. This wasn't going to be an easy conversation. I would have to make Renesmee's favorite snack, which I hadn't done in a long time. After class was over, everyone left and Alice lingered at my desk, "Bella, if you want to talk later, you know you just have to…" "Make the decision and you'll be there." She smiled sheepishly, "Whatever you decide, we'll understand." She left for the cafeteria and Renesmee and I left for the parking lot.
At home, I began making her favorite snack, a recipe I came up with especially for her. She helped me prepare and bake her favorite blood brownies. Blood and chocolate were Renesmee's two favorite things to eat, so I found a way to combine the two. I hunted a lion and drained its blood, keeping it in the fridge. Renesmee was happy about her treat, but it only confirmed her suspensions. As we sat in the living room, she already ate two brownies, "Ok, Momma. What happened? You were fine this morning, until you broke up Edward's fight? Did he say something to you?" So perceptive, just like me. I nodded, "Not just that, but what he did." Her eyes securitized my face, "What did he do?" He kissed me. Renesmee tried to fight a smile, "Really? Then why do you look so upset? What did he say?" This was it. It was time to tell her the truth. To know what happened to me before she was born.
I squared my shoulders and inhaled through my nose, "Renesmee, you know that I knew the Cullen's when I was human, but what you don't know is how close I was to them. Alice was my best friend. Emmett was like the most annoying, but loving big brother. Jasper kept his distance from me, because my blood was a temptation. Rosalie ignored me, because she didn't like me. She thought I was a risk to her family. Esme and Carlisle were like second parents to me, and Edward…." I sighed and looked her in her eyes, "he was the love of my life." Renesmee's eyes widened, "Edward?!" I held up my hand, "Let me finish, please." She pushed the plate away and folded her arms in her lap. "You know I was born in Forks, moved away with my mom and came back when I was seventeen. When I started school is when I first met Edward. My blood's scent was the sweetest most tempting he's ever smelt in his life. Right there and then, he thought about killing me and consuming my blood. But he didn't want to disappoint Carlisle. So, he left for a week and when he came back, he began talking to me. Edward saved me from being killed in the school's parking lot, from being attacked in Port Angeles by four men and from being killed again by a deranged vampire tracker named James."
"Edward used to sneak into my room at night while I slept. He told me at first he was disgusted with himself for doing that. Alice had a vision of me joining their family as Edward's mate and vampire. But her visions are based on what people decide. He told me the first night he came here, I spoke in my sleep and said his name, begging him not to leave me. He said right then he realized he loved me. After saving me in Port Angeles and after Jacob told me the legends of his tribe, I realize I was in love with him too. After destroying James and tricking to go to the prom with him, Edward and I were inseparable. He was here almost everyday while I recovered from a broken leg. He took me and encouraged me in my physical therapy and he spent almost every night with me. I wanted so much to be a vampire, so I could spend eternity with him, but he didn't want to destroy my soul. When my eighteenth birthday came about, I was upset."
I laughed, "I was upset because I was physically older than him. Back then, I was terrified that I would age and fade away, while he remained. So, on my birthday, the Cullen's threw me a party, against my wishes. I was opening a present and got a paper cut. Jasper, being the newest member to the vegetarian lifestyle charged at me and Edward, in an act of protecting me, knocked me across the room and a scarred my entire right arm. I landed on a pile of glass plates and there was a lot of glass in my wound. That night was the last night I saw Carlisle, Esme, Rosalie, Emmett, Jasper and Alice. Carlisle patched me up and Edward took me home. For two days, Edward hardly spoke to me and on the third day," I wrapped my arms around my torso. The hole was paining me. "On the third day Edward told me that he didn't want me anymore. He said he was tired of pretending to be something that he wasn't; a human. When he told me that his family was leaving, I said I would go with him, but he said he didn't want that."
"He asked me to not do anything reckless, but I broke that promise, when I bought two used motorcycles and had Jacob teach me to ride them. When Edward left me in the forest, just behind this house, I crumpled to the ground and," I exhaled, trying to breath out the pain, "I laid on the forest floor for hours, saying 'He's gone, he's gone.' That's when the Cullen's left. I've never loved anyone the way I love Edward and I never will. Though they're back now, I don't want to get too close to them again. And today, in my office after I sent Dante back to his class, Edward kissed me, but I had a flash back to the night I was attacked and pushed him away. He told me that he lied to me that day. That he didn't mean it when he said he didn't want me. He even said he loved me, still. He told me that he's wanted to kiss me since the day they left. So, now you know. Edward was the one who left me broken, but Jacob did try to heal me."
Renesmee stared at me and I saw tears welling in her eyes. "Renesmee?" She shook her head, "Him? He did this? He hurt you?" I heard the sob about to break out of her. I wrapped my arms around her and she cried into my shoulder, "Momma, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." I shushed her, "You have nothing to be sorry about." She pushed me away, "Yes I do. First, Edward leaves you, then you're attacked when he was gone. Edward should have been there to protect you. Then I rip myself out of you, causing you to change into this," she gestured to my body. A torrent of tears fell from her eyes. "Renesmee, stop. I don't regret any of this. How can I regret it when I got you?" She shook her head, "No, I ruined your life." I balked and my eyes opened widely, "How could you say that? Renesmee, you gave me life. You were gave me a family and made me something I never once thought I'd be; a mother. Renesmee, look at the life we had together. What mother and daughter on this planet do you know have had a life like we have?" She smiled, "That's true. I mean, we've travelled this world together and have a lot of fun together. But Momma, I still think…." I cupped my hand over her mouth, "Don't honey."
She sighed, "Fine, but as for Edward, he should have been there." I sniffed, "It doesn't matter anymore." She stared at me, "How can you say that?!" She stood up, "Momma, it does matter. He should have been there to protect you." I sighed, "If he was there, then I wouldn't have you." She threw her arms up in exasperation, "Regardless. They should have been there when you were all alone." I sighed, "Ness, it doesn't matter anymore. I handled it by myself, making me stronger for it." She glared at me, "Why are you taking up for them? They abandon you when that Victoria was hunting you. Where the hell were they when you were almost killed by Laurent? I am more than sure in the years we were travelling, they came back to Forks. Did they bother to look you up, to at least see what you're doing? I know what happened to you and your abrupt leaving was the talk of the town, so they must have gotten wind of that? Now, they're back, being all friendly with us. What, are they doing it out of guilt? And you actually named me after Carlisle and Esme." I jumped up from the couch, "Stop right there. Carlisle, Esme and the others have nothing to do with this. What is going on is between me and Edward, do you understand me?" She nodded. "Is still say they all have a hand in this," she muttered. I glared at her and she sighed. "Fine. Momma, I'm going to go see Jacob. I'll take my bike." I nodded, "Ok. See ya later." Renesmee dashed upstairs and was back, putting on her leather jacket. "Bye Momma," she called heading outside. "Bye honey."
It was about 4pm, when someone knocked on my front door. "Coming," I called. I opened the door to my best friend, Jacob. "Hey Bells." "Hey Jake, what are you doing here?" I kissed my cheek, "I need a reason to visit." I giggled and looked behind him, he was alone. "Where's Renesmee?" I asked, closing the door. He looked back at me, "I was about to ask you the same question." My eyebrows furrowed, "She left here, saying she's was going to see you." We stared at each other, "Where could she be?" I thought about that, "Oh no!!" "What? Is she in trouble?" Jacob asked, his voice thick with concern. I looked up at Jacob, "No, but she will be."
