Chapter 20 – Better
After Alice's vision of my mother's request, I went to La Push to see Jacob. When I met up with him, he was cliff diving with his pack. Leah looked at me, "Renesmee." I smiled, "Hi, Leah." She leapt into the air and off the cliff. Next, Errol leapt off the cliff, cart wheeling. Jacob chuckled as he came over to me, standing behind me and circling his arms around me. His bare chest pressed into my back and he kissed my hair. "Do you want to jump?" I shook my head, "I don't have my swimsuit." He chuckled against my hair, "That's fine with me." My mouth fell open and I elbowed him the ribs, "Jake." He laughed and spun me around. He was still shaking with laughter as he kissed me. I bite his lip, "You're bad." He rolled his eyes, "That's why you love me." I snorted, "Nope, I love you because you're a two for one deal. I get a boyfriend and a pet wolf." He snorted too, then he tightened his hold on me and walk backwards until we were leaning on a tree. He held my chin and kissed me again. I giggled, "They're probably waiting for you at the bottom." He looked past me to the cliff, "No, they're not. They know I'd stay here with you."
I shook my head. I hated making Jake choose between his pack and me. If it came down to it, he'd always choose me. This was a major concern of mine. I didn't want to leave my mom alone and I knew Jacob would come with me no matter where I went. She and I only had but so much time in Forks; soon we'd have to move on. I don't want to be away from Jacob, but I cannot leave my mother to travel the world alone. Jacob was stroking my hair, with my head tucked under his chin. "Nessie, what's wrong?" I grimaced; he was so attuned to me. "Nothing. Just thinking." "About Bella?" I sighed, "Yea. I've never seen her so broken up like that last night. I was terrified when we couldn't find her. You found her so fast, where'd you know to go?" He sighed, "That's the same place Sam found her when Edward left her. The way she was laying on the ground, it was just like that night." I looked up at him, "Really?" My eyes widened with sorrow. "I can't Jake. I can't leave her alone. I'm all she has." His large hands brushed either sides of my face and he kissed me, "I would never ask you to do that. I will go with you." I groaned, "Jake, I can't ask you to leave your pack. This is where you belong." He shook his head, "First thing, you're not asking me, I'm deciding. And second, I belong with you. If you feel you belong with Bella, then that's where I belong."
I hated myself. I must choose between the two people I love the most; my mother or the man I love. Jacob took me for a ride on my bike and we had dinner near Port Angeles. We hunted after seeing a movie. He drove me home and I saw a faint light in the house. I hated leaving my mother alone. "Renesmee?" I turned and I saw my neighbor, Mrs. Crowley coming towards me. "Hello, Mrs. Crowley," I smiled. "Hello dear. I just came over because I was concerned. I turned an awful ruckus from inside your house." My eyes widened, "Really?" I looked back at the house and it looked peaceful. I tried to listen for any movement and there was nothing. "Thank you, Mrs. Crowley." I patted Jacob's shoulder; he was just as tense, "Let's go check it out." We sprinted into the house, "Momma?!" I called; the house was dark.
I stepped in, immediately feeling glass under my feet. Jacob turned on the light and I saw shards of the vase from the hall all over the floor. The furnishings in the hall were almost completely destroyed. I exhaled, "Mom?!?!" I looked in the living room and the love seat was broken in half and the curtains were in shreds hanging on their rods. What had happened here? Jacob was sniffing the air, "Vampire, definitely." I shuddered and flew up the stairs, Jacob close behind. We ran to my mother's room. I checked the door and it was locked, "Momma!!!!" I pounded on the door. I heard someone inside moving. The door creaked open, "Yes honey." I sighed, my mother was fine. Her hair was disheveled and she was wearing a satin robe, "Momma, what happened to the house?" She shrugged. "Momma, the neighbors said they heard fighting in the house. Are you sure you're alright?" She smiled, biting her lip and the door opened further. Edward stood there, next to her, wearing only shredded pants, "Yea, everything's fine here," she answered and smiled up at him. Jacob and my mouths fell open and our eyes widened. I stuttered, "Oh, um, nice. Umm, damn," I laughed. She smiled brighter, "Good night you guys." Edward hugged her closer, "Good night" and he closed the door.
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Edward tightened his hold on me as we laughed. He took off my robe and we laid on my bed, getting under the covers, "You have to tell me what they were thinking?" He pulled me onto his chest, "Renesmee's mind was a little too incoherent. She's never seen you like this before. And Jacob was thinking "finally." He thinks now you'll lighten up." I huffed, "I'm gonna hurt him." He chuckled, tightening his hold even more, "Don't worry about them. They're glad to see you so happy." I sighed, "Maybe I should go clean up downstairs." I sat up, only to be pulled back down, "Not now." He held me from behind, twining our legs together and kissed my cheek, "We can do that later. Besides, they left." I smiled, "So we have the house to ourselves." He nodded, "Yes." I turned over and kissed him, sharing our physical love.
We rolled over, breathing hard. I saw the sunlight peeking through the window and dancing on the floor. Edward and I were wrapped in each other's arms, playing with each other's fingers. He held my hand still and kissed it. I smiled, I was in complete bliss. He caressed my cheek with the back of his hand, "What are you thinking?" I smiled, "Last night, and this morning. And when we were downstairs." He chuckled, "Yea. Sorry about the love seat. I promise I'll replace it and the vase and all the other things we broke." I giggled, "That's not necessary." He held my face, "Yes. I demolished your house." "We demolished my house." He leaned his forehead to mine and pressed his lips to mine. "Bella, I want to ask you something?" I sighed, "You're going to be get bored with me," I said playfully. He smiled, "Not likely, but that's not it. I wanted to know, me being your second…." I stopped him, "Whoa, you're my first." He looked at me. "Edward, he doesn't count. All this time, I've still thought of myself as a virgin. Emotionally, I've never been with a man, until now."
He smiled at me, "Renesmee was right though. I should have been there." I sighed, "Edward, I've put it behind me. Especially since I watched his body burn, I got over it." I looked down, "What is it?" he was concerned. I bit my lip, "Well, there's another reason why I was able to put it behind me, but I'm afraid to say." He stroked my cheek with his fingers, "You can tell me anything." I sighed, "I was really able to get over it because of you. Having you close by, I was able to heal. And now, I feel better than I have in a long time. Edward," I sighed, "Having you close is making me stronger." He held my face, "Bella," he looked into my eyes, "I am sorry. I never should have left you. You were right about me taking the decision out of your hands. I shouldn't have done that. I was so wrong." I exhaled, "Edward, please, let's not."
He brushed the back of his hand against my cheek, "Then when?" I smiled, "Just, not now." He smiled, "Soon. I want you to know the truth." He held me closer to him, "I want to be with you. But before that, I need you to know everything." I sighed, "Alright, then tell me. And once it's said, we do not speak of it again." He nodded, "Alright."
