Fate/first order derivative
Part III.3

⇒ skip to: iteration 29, day 5, afternoon

Okay. Here I am again, in my homeroom, waiting on the red death lightning. My goal this time is to try and stay conscious during the whole mana drain. Got some tips from Shirou and Rin over the weekend. Didn't get much time to practice, but that's fine. That's cool. Gotta run before you can walk... or something.

⇒ really don't think that's how running works

I glance at the clock. Okay, here we go. I close my eyes and brace myself. Just remember, I tell myself. Breathe. Focus on your center. Let the energy naturally flow inwards. Be the rising tide... or something.

Any second now.

Annny second.

...

"Mr. Tomonaga?"

"Eh?" I open my eyes.

Ms. Natsuki looks at me with some concern from the front of the room. "Are you all right?" Someone in the class giggles.

Okay. Mental note, maybe try to take the intensity down a notch. "Oh, yeah. Sorry." I stumble around for an excuse. "Just... uh... focusing. On the problem."

"Well... how about you try to focus with your eyes open from this point on?" That nets her another giggle.

"Oh, sure. Of course."

"Good." She turns back to the chalkboard. I glance outside. Still no red lightning.

Huh.


⇒ skip forward

Okay, seriously, what the hell? I check the chem lab after class. Empty - no sign of Matou being in there at all. Or bloodstains. Lacking any other leads, I head up to the roof.

I find Shirou and Rin up there playing cards. I spread my arms. "What happened?"

"Huh? Oh." Rin glances up at me. "We're not sure. We think Rider might've sensed Archer when she was sneaking in. She got spooked and ran back into the woods."

"... Archer?" I look up. The man in red stands on top of the fence around the roof's edge, a sour expression on his face. As I watch, he pulls out an arrow and launches it towards the forest. I hear a small boom in the distance as the projectile breaks the sound barrier.

"We had Saber waiting downstairs, so she went after her." Rin shrugs. "After I convinced this idiot not to follow her -"

Shirou grumbles something under his breath.

"- we put Archer in position to snipe Rider if she tries to double back towards us. Pay me." Rin tosses down a joker. Shirou sighs and passes her three cards out of his hand. "Guess she has to be inside the building to trigger those sigils of hers."

"... huh." I scratch the back of my head. "Any sign of Caster?"

"Nope."

Well, I guess that part makes a little more sense. Does that mean Caster's actually taking the alliance offer seriously?

⇒ or she just wants you to think she is

That's possible too. Otherwise, though... I don't get it. This all just seems way too easy. What's different this time? Do Rider and Caster normally work together on this attack, and our alliance offer threw all that out the window? - That doesn't make sense either, though. If that's the case, how does Rider end up dead? Unless Caster betrays her in the middle of things for some reason? Buh. C'mon, brain! Work it out already!

⇒ forget about caster for a second
⇒ think less about what's missing
⇒ more on what's been added

... come to think of it... whenever Shirou and Rin have given me the after-action report on the usual mess... they've never once mentioned Archer.

I glance up at the man in the red coat. So... does Rin usually start excluding him from stuff this early in the week? And the simple fact we've got two Servants instead of one this time - is that enough to make Shinji throw in the towel?

Guh, but that still just leads back to the same question! Why the hell would Rin suddenly stop using her Servant?! It makes no sense! And it's not like I can just ask her what she might've been thinking in the other loops, because how the hell is she supposed to know. And... and...

The door clicks open. Archer immediately vanishes into thin air. "You three. Why are you here?"

⇒ who is it

Just one of the teachers. Mr. Kuzuki. I have him for Ethics this semester. He's... eh.. how do I put this...

⇒ not your favorite, huh

Let me put it this way. If this was a Battlestar Galactica situation - with, like, perfect replicants or androids infiltrating humanity in order to destroy us from within and such? I'd probably dismiss the possibility of Mr. Kuzuki being a secret skinjob, on account of it seeming just too damn obvious.

⇒ how about we try that again
⇒ with like sixty percent less nerd
⇒ maybe seventy

He's boring, okay? He's like every Ben Stein character ever, wrapped up and rebranded for the Japanese market. He couldn't be more colorless if he was a white sock soaking in pure bleach.

⇒ pretty sure that'd actually erode the fabric
⇒ but okay whatever

But you get my point. Anyway, Kuzuki's talking. "I will remind you that students are prohibited from accessing the roof outside of lunch periods. Unless you intend on explaining yourself to the principal, I would suggest you move on."

Rin doesn't even look up from her cards. "And I'll remind you, sir, that under paragraph 3 of item 26 in the student handbook, an exception is made for students with eczema, seasonal affective disorder, and/or postpartum depression?" Yeah, of course she'd be prepped to rules-lawyer that shit.

Kuzuki narrows his eyes. "I take it you mean to imply you suffer from one of those conditions, Ms. Tohsaka?"

"I don't not suffer from them."

"I see. I look forward to you submitting the proper medical documentation to the office, then." Kuzuki looks over at me and Shirou. "As for you two, come with me."

"It's okay," Rin whispers to us. "Archer and I got this. I'll let you know if anything changes." Emiya sighs and tosses his cards down. He and I follow Kuzuki downstairs.


⇒ skip forward

The good news is, things not playing out the way I thought they would doesn't seem to have damaged my credibility with the others. (I guess they're satisfied with me predicting when Rider would show up today.) Which is good, 'cause I got a few sidequests to check off in the ol' journal. I knock at the room's doorway and wait a second before I go in.

"Oh, Tom." Saber blinks. She's leaning against the washing machine in Emiya's laundry room as it thuds away, dressed in her full armor. (I guess she would have to do this pretty frequently, wouldn't she? Can't imagine that she'd let Rin loan her more than the one outfit.) "If you're looking for Shirou, I think he's out in the workshop..."

"I know," I say. "Actually, I was kind of hoping we could talk for a second. I mean, if you don't mind?"

She eyes me. "Regarding what, exactly? If you're concerned I'm planning to go confront Gilgamesh on my own, I assure you that I have no intention of doing so."

"Nah, it's not that." I pause. "Though now that you mention it... yeah, don't. Please don't. Really. It's not gonna end well, trust me."

She shrugs. "I can see why I might consider it. Considering his... preoccupation with me, it's possible I could at least gain some valuable intelligence, even if I could not defeat him on my own."

"Maybe," I allow. "But here's the thing - I really didn't get much of a lovey-dovey vibe from him. If anything, he seemed more like a kid who'd just found his favorite toy again."

"What difference does it make?"

"'Cause he also struck me as the type of kid who really likes breaking his toys," I say. "He might not want to kill you, Saber but I don't think that's the same as not hurting you in his world. Kind of the opposite, in fact. Besides, how would you even plan on getting away? He's a teleporter, remember? The only way you're escaping is if he lets you."

Saber considers that, then nods slowly. "You raise some good points. Those do fit with my past experiences."

"And that's what I wanted to talk about." There's nowhere to really sit - it's really more of a laundry nook than anything - so I just try and make myself as comfortable as I can, resting up against the folded ironing board. "I've been thinking about it for the last few days. If I'm being honest with myself, that whole mess last time was partially my fault, too. I kinda leaned pretty hard on you, even though I knew you didn't like talking about your past. That really didn't help the situation."

She narrows her eyes. "I see."

"So this time, I tried to keep some more stuff under my hat." I spread my hands. "I left out a few things on Friday I figured you wouldn't want the others knowing about."

"Such as?"

"Like... the name of your sword?" She just stares at me. I mime holding a blade above my head and mouth the word.

Saber blinks. "I see. I suppose I appreciate the thought, then."

"And I promise I won't dig any deeper into that." I take a deep breath. "That said... it's kinda looking more and more like what you saw during the Fourth War is relevant to our current situation, you know? I think it might really help us if you agreed to give us more details about what happened back then."

⇒ let us not talk falsely now
⇒ the hour's getting late

... okay, hold up. What is that?

⇒ what is what

That thing you keep quoting. You've been doing it for a while now. Spill. What is that? It sounds vaguely familiar, but I can't place it...

⇒ all along the watchtower
⇒ the princes kept the view

... the Jimi Hendrix song?

⇒ the bob motherfucking dylan song you mean
⇒ (fucking philistine)

Whatever. How is that relevant to anything?

⇒ good question

Feh. Fine. Be that way.

Anyway, Saber doesn't look happy, but she sighs and nods. "Under the circumstances, I am forced to agree. Very well. Ask your questions. I will tell you what I can."

"Awesomesauce." I rub my eyes. "Okay - so. First question. During the fight, Gilgamesh said something about Rin's dad. Any idea what that was about?"

Saber nods. "Gilgamesh's Master during the Fourth War was Tokiomi Tohsaka."

Suddenly it all makes sense. "Oh God. You killed him, didn't you?"

"What? No! Of course not!" Saber glares at me. "I only met him once during a truce negotiation! I didn't even know he was dead until Rin mentioned it the other night."

Or maybe not. "... oh."

"Which is another thing that doesn't make sense." Saber looks away. "If Tokiomi did die during the war, why didn't that end Gilgamesh as well? He shouldn't have been able to last long without a Master, Independent Action or no..."

Hmm. I scratch the back of my head. "Second question. You also mentioned last time that you worked for the von Einzberns during the Fourth War?"

Saber shifts her jaw. "... yes?"

Okay. So that's clearly a sore spot, for whatever reason. "Um... is there anything you can tell us about them, and what they might be up to in all this?"

She relaxes a little. "Not a great deal that's useful, I'm afraid. They're based in Germania, within a fortress they call Jubastacheit. I was initially summoned there a few months before the war began. They spent that time training me in the ways of the modern world, filling in the gaps in the information I received from the Grail."

"Is that where you learned to ride motorcycles?"

Saber shakes her head. "That's actually from the Riding skill innate to my class. The Grail empowers me to commune with and pilot nearly any form of mount or vehicle. I must admit, I tend to be most comfortable with horses or with machines that resemble them, but that's..."

She notices me staring at her. "What?"

"Um..." I gesture helplessly in the direction of her face. "You've got a..."

"A... oh." She sniffs her nose and finally notices the tear drifting down her cheek. Saber catches it on the end of a gauntleted finger and studies the droplet, as if she's examining some kind of strange alien artifact. "But why... who are you for? I promised I would not...

"Ah." She lets the teardrop slide into her palm, then closes her hand around it. "Of course. Irisviel."

⇒ oof

I am in no way prepared to handle any of this. "Um... huh?"

"A dear friend from that time." Saber blinks her eyes repeatedly. "I... suppose I really haven't had the chance to think on it before. She must be dead by now. In fact, I'm certain of it..."

Something occurs to me. "Saber, how long has it been since the Fourth War? For you, I mean."

"That is a difficult question for me to answer." She raises her eyebrows. "My perception of time as a Servant is not quite as... linear as it once was. I know that I have had other experiences between then and now... perhaps two to three months total, at most?"

I raise my eyebrows. "Wow. So this is all still pretty fresh for you, huh?"

"I... suppose it is, yes." She considers that for a second. "I had not really thought of it that way before."

"So where were you during those two or three months?"

"I was in... London, yes? That's what you call Londinium in this era?" Saber cocks her head, as if she's trying to listen to a far-away sound. "They were being bombed from the air by the Saxons, who had also taken France, I think... I'm not entirely sure of the details. There was no Grail there to provide information, or to translate for me. I only had a vague sense of what was going on. I spent my time there helping civilians, getting them to safety underground..."

It takes me a second to assemble all the clues in my head. "You were in the London Blitz?! As in, during World War II?"

"That sounds about right, yes."

"Shit..." I run my hands through my hair. "How did you wind up there? Did someone summon you, or... ?"

She shrugs. "I was needed, so I went."

I blink. "It can work that way?"

"It can. At least for me. I'm something of a special case, from what I've been told."

"Huh." Wonder what that means? "Still... that must have been rough. Going straight from one war to another..."

"In all honesty? Believe it or not, I actually found it somewhat refreshing." Saber gives me a small smile. "I knew my purpose there as soon as I arrived. A straightforward, honorable mission, saving good people... in many respects, it was exactly what I needed."

I scratch my head. "So from that, I'm guessing the Fourth War wasn't so straightforward and honorable."

"It was, as you might term it, a 'shitshow.'" Saber makes air quotes.

"How so?"

She starts to say something, then hesitates and looks away.

I sigh. "Okay. I get it. I know there's something about the Fourth War you don't want Shirou finding out about. It's fine if you don't want to tell me about it, but... I dunno... is there any way for you to give me, like, a general sense of what I'm supposed to avoid here? Just so I can try and keep away from it? Is it something you did, or something relating to your identity, or... ?"

The washing machine timer goes off. Saber turns away from me and starts to take her clothes out. I avert my eyes in case of frilly bits.

⇒ not even one little peek huh
⇒ i'm impressed

Look, peeking on someone who's right in front of me doesn't strike me as the wisest idea in the world to start with. Said someone having a longsword and super-strength? That goes straight out of unwise's window and into the back yard of suicidal, thanks.

Saber examines the cuff of her uniform's sleeve. "... do you know that Masters and Servants can sometimes view each other's memories?"

I blink. "Uh... no. No, I did not. That's a thing?"

"Mmh." She wrinkles her nose and scratches at a stubborn bit of dirt on one corner. "It's a side effect of the link that supplies us with mana. Sometimes, the energy brings memories with it, too. Especially when the Master's asleep."

"Huh. Sounds pretty similar to my memory-hack thing, I guess." I hesitate. "So are you going somewhere with this, or..."

"The first night I was here, I saw into Shirou's heart." Saber pushes the shirt into the dryer. "He's... a good man. Very good. Much, much better than I would have expected, given the circumstances..."

I nod. "All right, sure. Guess I can buy that."

"So the question is this." Saber turns and looks me in the eye. "Let's say you knew something - some truth - that might needlessly cause a good man pain. Something that has absolutely no relevance to your current situation.

"Would you tell him? Or would you hold your tongue?"

I finally get it. "So it's not something you did..."

"... it's something I know," Saber confirms. "Something that I expect would cause him great pain. Perhaps crush his ideals. Make words like 'heroism' taste like ashes in his mouth."

She turns away. "It is... not something I would wish to see happen. Even were he not my Master."

Not that I have any idea what we're talking about here, but that does sound pretty bad.

⇒ still
⇒ if you were the one being held out on
⇒ what would you prefer
⇒ blissful ignorance or knowing the truth

Yeah, I know. How do I put that to her, though? I lick my lips. "I get where you're coming from, Saber... but I dunno. Is it possible you're maybe underestimating Shirou a little here?"

"It is a Servant's duty to protect their Master from harm." Saber pauses, her eyes on the dryer controls. "Remind me - how do I...?"

I point at the buttons. "Just hit the cycle you want, then -"

"Right, right..." She selects PERMANENT PRESS. "The source of the potential harm matters little."

"It's just - Shirou's pretty strong. He's probably the strongest guy I know." It occurs to me that, from her point of view, Saber only met him a few days ago. Not a whole lot of time to get to know someone, even with a mystical telepathic soul-bond or whatever. "Maybe he'd take it better than you think."

"Perhaps..." Saber hesitates, then starts the dryer. "I still don't see it as worth the risk. Some things will warp the heart of any man. And if he does find out... to be honest, I worry about what he might beco..."

She suddenly freezes. Something in her expression reminds me of a hunting dog perking up their ears. "What?" I ask. "What is it?"

There's a blur of motion, and then Saber's gone from the room. Straight through one of the traditional paper walls, judging by the hole.

⇒ kool_aid_man dot gif

I rush out of the laundry room - through the actual door, thank you - and dodge through the hallways. I catch up to her in the kitchen/den, her sword in hand.

"I know you're here." Saber glances around the room. "Show yourself!"

"Calm down, Saber. It's just me."

Archer appears out of thin air. He leans on Emiya's television, an apple in his hand.

"Archer." Saber relaxes. Slightly. "What are you doing here?"

"Rin sent me." Archer takes a bite from the apple. "She got worried about Rider sneaking in past the crap bounded field you have here. So she told me to check up on things."

"... I see." Saber sheaths the blade. "What was that surge in power I felt earlier?"

"What surge?" Archer tilts his head. "I didn't sense anything."

Saber eyes the other Servant. "... I see. Perhaps I was mistaken, then."

Archer shrugs. "Hey, you say you felt something, you felt something. If you want, I can make another sweep of the neighborhood. Just to be sure."

Saber narrows her eyes. "You're being uncharacteristically helpful right now."

He lets out a short laugh. "Screw that! I don't want to be the guy who says the serial killer outside is just the wind or whatever. Might as well sign my own death warrant while I'm at it."

Huh. So I guess the Grail told him about slasher movies? Unless he's talking about some kind of old-timey equivalent, like... I dunno. Some kind of ultra-gory puppet show, maybe.

⇒ always a crowd pleaser

Anyway, Saber looks lost. I cough loudly. "Don't tell anyone, Saber," I stage-whisper to her. "But I think Archer might actually like us."

"Yeah, don't flatter yourself." Archer takes one last bite out of the apple, then tosses the core into my face with a contemptuous flick of his wrist. It bounces off my glasses and onto my foot. Oh, so that's how it's gonna be, huh? "If you don't want my help, then I'll be returning to my Master for new orders."

"That should be fine." Saber stands at attention. "Please tell her that her concern, while unnecessary, is appreciated. We will contact you if there is any sign of the enemy."

"Works for me." Archer shrugs. "Don't let the comic relief character here talk your ear off."

⇒ ouch
⇒ harsh but accurate

Shhh! That's not helping. How do I play this? Oh, I got it - "Really?" I say brightly. "Sweet! A promotion! Thought for sure I was gonna be stuck as the annoying mascot."

"I take it back," Archer says. "I always had you figured for a Gungan."

My smile vanishes. "Now that is just uncalled for."

"It was a little unnecessary. Much like you."

⇒ ooooooh
⇒ gonna need a cure spell for that one

Shut it! What do I - fuck. Before I can say anything or mount any kind of comeback, Archer nods to Saber and evaporates. Son of a...

Eh. Oh, well. Can't win 'em all. I look over at Saber. "I'm wearing him down. You'll see."

Saber doesn't answer. She just stares at the spot where Archer vanished with her eyes narrowed. "Tom," she finally says.

"Yeah?"

"May we continue this conversation later? There's a few things I'd like to check into."

"Oh. Yeah. Sure." Guess that's it for tonight. Still, that's not bad, is it? Learned one or two new things. Definitely feel like I might've gained a trust point or two with her. What do you think?

⇒ i'll admit
⇒ you handled all of that really well

Thank ye. Anyway, guess it's back to meditation practice with Shirou, then. I walk out of the kitchen. I glance over my shoulder as I leave. Saber hasn't moved. She just stands there with her eyes closed, staring off into things I can't even begin to imagine.


AUTHOR'S NOTES

So at this point, I imagine it's likely pretty clear what information Saber's trying to hold back, her identity aside. It's the only reason I can see she might have for being so reluctant to tell Shirou about the Fourth War. Even when she's pressed on it during Heaven's Feel, she sends Shirou to Kotomine of all people. Why? Probably because she knows he's an asshole, and if all else fails, she can tell Shirou to disregard anything he said on account of his assholishness. She gets nommed before that can happen, of course, but points for effort, I guess.

Otherwise, I know that conversation with Saber's pretty drawn out. There were a number of emotional beats I wanted to hit. Hope they were worth the time it took for me to get there.

I figure Saber was in London between September and November of 1940, when bombing of the city was heaviest. The people there probably thought she only spoke Welsh, or maybe they just assumed she'd taken neurological damage at some point. Wonder if she'll later get sent to any of the other cities the Luftwaffe targeted - Hull or Coventry, for instance. Anyone else wanting to write a fic about her experiences during these periods has my full and enthusiastic approval to do so.