There is an obnoxiously long author's note at the end... Feel free to ignore, it's mostly rambling, lol.

xxxxx

"Okay, if you want to add glitter to the glue you're sniffing, that's fine, but don't dump your whackadoo all over us. We'd rather not step in it."

Piper's eyes widened, and she smiled tightly as she put a hand on Sam's arm to drag him away. The kind woman they'd been speaking with look shocked. "I'm so sorry," Piper said over her shoulder, "He has a blood sugar disorder. Again, my apologies."

"The only thing you're missing is a couple dozen cats, sister," Sam said loudly, though he did let Piper pull him.

When they were far enough away, she groaned. "Jesus, Sam"

He just looked at her. "What?" At her eye roll, he continued. "What? I'm sorry, but this is all a big joke, right? We're not actually taking this UFO shit seriously, right?"

She sighed. "Of course not. But there are four actual, legitimate disappearances in this town, and that's what we're here for." She rubbed her temples hard and hoped that Dean would be back soon with coffee. Which she wouldn't mind having a healthy shot of whiskey being added to.

"That's not why you're mad."

Piper took another deep breath and met his eyes. "I'm not mad. I'm just… I miss the old you. He would have said something sweet to her, not… Whatever the hell that was."

"The old me had a soul."

She nodded. "Right. And you don't care."

"Look, Pipe," the old nickname made her flinch, but he either didn't notice or, more likely, didn't give a damn. "You obviously care, a lot, and that's great. But I can't care about… I can't care about it, you know? What do you want me to do, fake it?"

She really thought about it for a moment, then shook her head. "No, that was worse. Just… Let Dean and I be your conscience, okay? Because you definitely can't do it yourself."

xxxxx

Later that night, Piper was fighting to keep her cool, but she was about an inch away from strangling her brother-in-law.

"So," he said casually, eyeing a woman who was approaching and eyeing him back. "They're real. UFO's."

Dean had been taken by… Whatever it was that was attacking the town. Anxiety and fear was making Piper tense and snippy, especially when held in contrast to Sam's serene demeanor.

Which was pretty much the sole reason she was about to strangle him.

"Like I said before, the truth is out there," the sanctimonious little prick who was "leader of the UFO hunters" said. He, too, was about to be strangled.

"Look," she snapped. "How do we hunt them? I need to know how to find them."

He chuckled. "You and me both."

Piper inhaled deeply and closed her eyes. Do not assault him, do not assault him, do not-

"This is it?" Sam's skeptical question had her eyes opening again. She looked over at him. He was perusing the few pamphlets the little "UFO hunter" had to offer.

Wayne frowned. "Well, I'd say that thirty years of eyewitness accounts speak for themselves as irrefutable proof-"

Piper's temper snapped. "Look, my husband, his brother, was taken. We're good on proof."

The woman Sam had been eye-fucking gasped on the other side of him. Piper closed her eyes and prayed for patience when Sam turned to her.

"Oh, my God," the girl whispered, "your brother was taken?"

"It's fine," Sam said, sounding remarkably more cheerful than he had before. "I mean, I've had time to adjust."

The girl made a sympathetic sound. "Oh, did it happen when you were kids?"

"No," Piper snarled, completely at the end of her rope. "It was half an hour ago." She turned back to Wayne. "So, you've been doing this for over three decades, and you've got nothing? No proof, no workable leads?"

Wayne sputtered. "Well, I-"

"Have you considered the possibility that you suck at hunting UFO's?" Sam asked, turning back toward Wayne.

"I'd like to help," the girl said softly to Sam, innuendo lacing her tone and making Piper murderous. "If I can."

"Nope," Piper snapped, grabbing Sam's arm and dragging him away. "Thanks, though!"

She was a little surprised Sam let her drag him again, but didn't push her luck. She had a husband to find, she had no time for nonsense.

"Okay, so, I don't get to hook up with the hippie chick?"

She rolled her eyes and stopped. "No, of course not."

"Why not? I mean, there are no more leads for the night. Am I just supposed to sit around and suffer? Even when there's nothing that can be done?"

"Look, I'm not as into the whole 'angst for no reason' thing as Dean and you… Well, the old you, but yeah, pretty much. We're filled with anxiety, Sam."

"And… Okay, I'm just making sure, but can't we do all that and I bang the hippie chick?"

"No!"

He looked at her consideringly. "I mean, you know, if you want to join, I'd be down for that, and she seemed like a pretty laid-back chick. And you've always been hot-"

"No! Oh, my God, Sam," she groaned. "No one's banging anyone!"

"It'd be in the dark."

Piper shrieked a little, making him jump, then took a calming breath. "Sam, no, you're not banging anyone. I'm upset, and you would be too, and we can't just turn that off for the night."

She was upset. Not only was she scared for Dean, she wanted him by her side, dealing with his damn brother. Having Sam around was like having a huge, soulless, borderline sociopathic toddler with her. It was too much.

"So," Sam said slowly. "You're saying that having a soul equals suffering."

Piper shook her head. "No, for fuck's sake, that's not what I'm saying. It also gives you happiness and devotion and love."

"But it also means suffering?"

God, grant me patience. "Yes, Sam. it also means suffering. Now shut up."

xxxxx

The case was over, and Dean was damn grateful.

Piper leaned against him until he wrapped his arm around her. They were standing by the car, Dean and Sam drinking, and Piper just there, worried eyes on the younger Winchester.

It had been fairies, of all things, that had taken him. He had microwaved one (which he felt a vicious sort of pleasure about, they had abducted him for fuck's sake), and they had fought the rest off. Piper had been the one who'd dumped the shaker of salt, giving Sam the time to complete the banishment ritual. That's what Dean had been told, anyway. He'd been in jail.

Piper had also told him that the fairy had offered Sam a deal to get his soul back, but Sam had refused and banished him without appearing to have a second thought about it. That troubled Dean, so he tucked his wife close to him and raised his beer to Sam.

"Here's to the tiniest DA. At least he's dropping the charges." Dean had attacked someone who he'd thought was a fairy, due to the man's small stature. Not only had he been a normal, human, little person, he'd also been a DA. It had not been a proud moment for Dean.

Sam smiled. "Little big man."

Dean let a beat pass, then, "I was wondering something."

"Yeah?"

"You think Lucky Charms really could have, you know, soul to sender?"

Sam's eyes slid to Piper, and Dean's arm tightened around her. Sam hadn't been the one to tell him about the offer, Piper had, and Dean felt an urge to get between his brother and his wife again.

"Come on," Sam scoffed. "It's crazy to think. He did talk a good game, though."

"You said no," Dean persisted. "Why?"

Sam shrugged. "It was a deal. When's a deal ever been a good thing?"

"I'm just trying to figure out how it works in there."

"Dude, I do still have all my brain cells. If anything, my brain works better now."

"We're just making sure that's where your head's at," Piper said softly. "That you're not having any second thoughts about getting your soul back."

Sam blinked. "Oh."

"You're… You're not, right?" Dean asked, suddenly worried.

"No."

xxxxx

"You know, Cass, you could help."

They were getting ready to break into the warehouse Crowley was holed up in. Dean was tired of working with Crowley, Sam thought that was their best shot at getting his soul back, and they were working with Meg.

In Piper's not-at-all-sought-after opinion, the situation was fucked.

At least Cass is here, she thought to herself. She smiled at the angel, and was gratified when his face softened a little. For Cass, that was as good as a declaration of familial devotion.

Then he looked back at Dean, and the kindness on his features drained away. "I am ambivalent about what we're attempting."

Dean snorted. "Well, breaking into monster Gitmo isn't exactly a two-for-one in the champagne room."

"I'm not sure retrieving Sam's soul is wise."

Piper frowned. "Why?"

"I want him to survive."

Piper blinked. "What do you mean?" She put a hand on Dean's chest to stop the tirade he was about to go on. She could sense the outrage.

Castiel met her eyes, then Dean's. "Sam's soul has been locked in the cage with Michael and Lucifer for more than a year. And they have nothing to do but take their frustrations out on him. You understand?" Piper's blood ran cold as he continued. "If we try to force that mutilated thing down Sam's gullet, we have no idea what will happen. It could be catastrophic."

"You mean he dies," Dean said tightly.

"I mean, he doesn't. Paralysis. Insanity. Psychic pain so profound that he's locked inside himself for the rest of his life."

Piper felt her stomach turn. "Oh, no," she whispered.

"But you're saying you don't know anything for sure," Dean insisted. "He could be fine."

"Dean," she protested. "Just… Hear him out."

Castiel nodded. "He could be, yes. But I sincerely doubt it."

Piper turned to her husband. "Dean, baby, come on. We have to at least hear Cass out. He… He knows more about this than we do. And I know this situation is terrible, and that we miss Sam, but what if this isn't what's best for him?"

He looked down at her for a moment, and she thought maybe she was getting through to him.

Then he looked back up at Cass. "Well, if he's not fine, then you fix him."

Piper closed her eyes in defeat. God dammit.

Cass's face fell. "Dean, I wouldn't know where to begin."

"Then you figure it out, Cass!" Dean shouted, anger tightening his face. "Come on, I mean, the guy's a fucking replicant. He needs his soul. Look, we get it back, and if there are complications, then we'll figure out a way to deal with those, too."

"Of course," Castiel said simply. Dean had turned away to finish packing for the hunt when the angel spoke again. "Or we fail, and Sam suffers horrifically."

xxxxx

The raid was done, and Piper felt very tired.

Samuel had betrayed him, and Piper had no doubt in her heart that Dean would put a bullet in his grandfather the next time they saw him. Dean didn't threaten family unless he really, really meant it.

Crowley had captured them, imprisoned them, and then had almost outsmarted them. He would have, had it not been for Castiel saving their asses with the bag of Crowley's bones. Castiel had gotten the information in just a few moments that they'd been trying all night to get. It reminded Piper that her sweet, awkward friend was, in fact, a warrior of heaven.

They were standing next to Baby, getting ready to leave. Apparently, Dean had been reminded that Castiel wasn't just their friend, too. "Thanks, Cass. If it hadn't been for you-"

"Crowley was right," Castiel said with a frown. "It's not going well for me upstairs."

Dean frowned, too. "If there's anything we can do-"

"There isn't." The angel seemed to think for a moment. "I wish circumstances were different. Much of the time I'd rather be here."

It tugged at Piper's heart. She stepped forward and wrapped her arms around him. "Cass, if you need anything, you tell us. You don't need to apologize to us, we're your family."

He sighed and hugged her back hard, making her smile a little into his chest. Since he had gotten the gist of hugging, he was getting very good at it. Comfort washed through her, and she leaned against him for a moment.

When she stepped back, they smiled at one another, then he let his slip from his face when he looked up at Sam. "Listen, Sam. We'll find another way."

Sam sounded cold when he responded. "You really wanna help? Prison full of monsters. Can't just leave 'em, can't let 'em go."

Castiel nodded. "I understand." He disappeared with the flutter of wings.

Piper turned and tried to look reassuring. "He's right, Sam."

He just looked at her again. "About what?"

Dean glared. "About your soul. We'll figure something else out."

Sam shook his head. "No, we won't."

"Why?" Piper asked. "Just because Crowley said-"

"You heard what Crowley said. And I heard what Cass said. Putting that thing back in would fuck me six ways to Sunday."

Piper winced, feeling like they'd been caught red-handed. "I'm-" she began to apologize.

"We don't know that for sure!" Dean snapped.

Sam scoffed. "You know what? When angels and demons agree on something, call me nuts, I pay attention."

"You say this now?!" Dean yelped. "After we practically died trying to-"

"Exactly! We almost got ourselves killed. I mean, how many times do we risk our asses for this? Enough's enough."

Dean opened his mouth to argue again, but Piper put a hand on his arm. "Let's table the discussion for now, guys," she said softly. "It's been a long day and tempers are high. Let's just go home."

Sam, however, apparently had other plans. "I think I'm better off without it."

xxxxx

Hi, beautiful readers! Here are my notes:
I own only Piper Finley, the original character. I don't own Supernatural or any of the characters. (heartbroken).
Reviews, comments, and kudos give me life and keep me going.
And, as always, thank you for reading, you beautiful, beautiful people.
**I'm so sorry for the delay in this chapter, guys. A week ago, I decided to take a break from writing and read a few new stories, to refresh myself, and as an exercise to improve my own work... And I promptly got sucked right into at least 15 new stories, which I read and loved. Promptly after *that,* I went into kind of a downward spiral of, "These are so good. I can't write like this. Why would anyone want to read what I write when these stories are available?" So I avoided writing my stories and reading the stories I usually keep up with by just freaking devouring other fanfiction, to procrastinate. That was a fun week, let me tell YOU. Luckily, my husband (who is known in my family as the Patron Saint of Husbands), saw this and suggested I go through and read some comments/reviews of my stories. He thought I should revisit what the people who actually read my stories think of them. And, because he is a stone cold genius, it worked like a charm. So here I am, again, thanking you guys for being here. The fanfiction community has become a huge part of my life in a very short time, and I can't tell you how beautiful it is to me. You guys are amazing.
**Special shoutout to infinity_dreamchaser, peddlergirl, Samsgirlfriend, beckini, and Happygoddess2003. You guys have been with me from the beginning of my journey here, and it's beautiful, and I freaking love you people. 3
**I honestly have such a soft spot for those of you who follow Dean and Piper's story. It's by far my least popular fic (market saturation, I suspect), and doesn't have any extra elements of the supernatural, but you guys stick with me anyway. I just love you guys.