Chapter 5 - The Early Climax that Every CatCF Fan Knows About

Author's note: Hey, readers, I'm back with the chapter you've all been waiting for! Updates may be a little slower during this month because of a slew of exciting events coming my way, but I promise I'll try to keep the writing machine well oiled. Now, on with the story! Er, I meant your reviews. Sorry!

Gs33022, that was my intention when I came up with Violette's surname. As for the headphones moment, that was inspired by CinemaSins' video "Everything Wrong with Charlie and the Chocolate Factory." I'm glad you enjoyed it. :)

MysteriousMaker1185, thanks for the review! For some reason, I couldn't help but hear 1971 Veruca's voice in my head when you said Mike was absolutely bonkers!

TheFastFox, obey your master! :D

JOHNHAMMOND1993, thanks for the suggestions!

Linkwonka88, to the best of my recollection, I think that Nora Fries was either on the brink of death or already dead, and Mr. Freeze was trying to figure out how to bring her back to life, which resulted in her becoming Lazara. I could be wrong, though, so forgive me if I am.

Sonny April, Violette's demise will be a little bit different than it was in the original story. This is a parody, after all, so who knows what might happen? ;) Oh, and I'm glad you liked Mike's surname.

Silly Storyteller, I already know what happens when one types "Violet" and "blueberry" into DeviantArt. Thanks for the compliments on Mike as well as the Joker references.

XXCandyLoverXX, that was my plan all along! I'm glad to know you commented on it. Now, on with the story! (I meant it this time, don't worry.)

(Note: credit goes to MysteriousMaker1185 and JOHNHAMMOND1993 for suggesting some of the events in this chapter. And remember, DON'T take this seriously!)

A short time ago in a town not far away...

First, an image of outer space was shown, and the background was littered with thousands of stars. The Star Wars theme song began to play as the giant words "TICKET WARS" slowly retreated into the background before vanishing out of sight. More text appeared, and it gradually scrolled upwards.

CHUCK BASKET, along with the rest of the world, watched as four obnoxiously bratty children won the first four GOLDEN TICKETS: Augushtus Floop, Verruca Salt, Violette Bleuregarde, and Mike Peaesstoo.

After Mike Peaesstoo found his Golden Ticket, the economy crashed, and inflation skyrocketed at a rate that would have made Violette proud. The recession that resulted was so bad that stores began accepting Monopoly money, and the world turned to chaos overnight.

With only one more Golden Ticket left on the entire planet, Chuck must resume his quest to win a prize beyond his wildest imagination...

The camera angle slowly tilted towards Earth, where Chuck longingly stood in front of the factory gates, saying, "Let me in, please, let me in!" Nearly thirty minutes later, when he realized that the plot wasn't going to move itself, he decided to go for a walk to ease his worries. That was when he heard a very faint noise that sounded like the beating of drums.

Thump-thump, thump-thump, thump-thump, thump-thump.

"What's that?" Chuck wondered, trying to locate the source of the sound. The noise intensified once he found a nearby pile of snow, and underneath it was a box containing the Monopoly board game. "Aww, I thought it would have been Jumanji!"

The drumbeats turned into a loud rumble, and from seemingly out of nowhere, a stampede of elephants, zebras, gorillas, rhinos, wildebeest, and pelicans barged down the street like a freight train. One of the gorillas decided to rip off the World's Strongest Man competition by lifting up a car and throwing it into a nearby building. The same guy from Chapter 2 appeared just in time to witness the total destruction of his car. (Please don't ask how he got here from San Francisco, because even the author doesn't know.)

"Oh no!" he cried upon seeing the extent of the damage. "My wife's REALLY gonna kill me now! Please, Geico, help me!"

The Geico gecko suddenly appeared and assessed the situation. "Sorry, Geico can't help you with this one!" he said before fleeing the scene.

As Chuck witnessed the chaos that was unfolding before his eyes, he accidentally dropped the Monopoly box, and several fake bills fell onto the street before being picked up by the wind. A nearby man took out his phone and began to record a video of the Monopoly money swirling through the air.

"That's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen," he said as he continued recording.

An older man walked up to the person recording the video. "Nice job ripping off American Beauty," he said sarcastically before he left.

Meanwhile, Chuck was running and jumping all over the freaking place, trying to catch as many bills as he could while training for the Olympic Games at the same time. Once he finally caught all the bills and put them back into the box, there was only one thing he could possibly do.

"Time to go to the casino and gamble it all away!" Chuck said before dashing into the nearest casino (which was packed, of course). He put half of the Monopoly money into one of the slot machines, hoping to win big, but instead, all he got was a message saying that the machine didn't accept counterfeit currency.

"Well, there goes my chance," Chuck grumbled with a loud sigh, taking a $10 Monopoly bill out of the box and putting it in his pocket. "This time, I'll spend the money on something worthwhile." He left the casino so that this time, he would spend the money on something worthwhile. "Hey! Did someone copy what I had just said in writing? That's plagiarism!"

The author decided to ignore Chuck, who promptly walked into a convenience store.

"One Whipple-Scrumptious Fudgemallow Delight, please," Chuck told the shopkeeper, placing the $10 bill onto the counter.

"Sure," the shopkeeper replied. He handed the chocolate bar to Chuck, who got several Monopoly bills and a few coins in return. "Keep the change, please. They're chocolate coins. We don't carry real coins anymore due to how crappy the economy is. Can I help who's next?" A lady in her late fifties walked up to the counter.

"I would like a Nutty Crunch Surprise, please," she said, and the shopkeeper gave her one.

"How would you like to pay, ma'am?" he asked.

"Credit, please," she said, and the shopkeeper handed the credit card machine to her. She took out her credit card and swiped it on the side of the machine, only to receive an error message. "ARE YOU KIDDING ME?" she screamed in pure anger. "MY CARD WAS DENIED AGAIN?! I'M GETTING TO THE BOTTOM OF THIS RIGHT NOW!" She pulled out her phone and called the USA Prime Credit customer service hotline.

"USA Prime Credit," a male voice on the other end said. "My name's Peggy. Have any problems?"

"Yes, Peggy, I have a serious problem on my hands!" the lady hollered into the phone. "I was going to buy a Bonga Bar, but my credit card was denied, and I'm pissed off!"

"Hang on," Peggy said. "Transferring you to my supervisor. Transfer!" The lady could hear the phone being passed to someone else.

"Transfer!" the new person said, passing the phone to yet another person.

"Transfer!" The phone was passed around again.

"Transfer!" The phone was passed around one more time.

"Hello, my name's Peggy. Have any problems?"

The lady in the store was so fed up with Peggy that she threw the phone like a football halfway across the shop, and it landed on the floor with a loud clatter. Chuck quickly ran towards her phone and gave it back to her.

"Thanks, young man," the lady said, her voice still filled with anger. She stormed out of the shop empty-handed, and she slammed the door so hard that every object in the vicinity trembled for a few seconds.

"Well, that was...unexpected," the shopkeeper said as Chuck walked up to the counter once again. The bar he had bought didn't have a Golden Ticket in it, but the chocolate was delicious.

"I would like to have one more, please," Chuck said, handing two more Monopoly bills to the shopkeeper. "I forgot to say that I'd like it in exchange for the Monopoly box I'm carrying." He passed the box to the shopkeeper.

"Well, I prefer Jumanji," he said, shrugging his shoulders, "but it seems that someone else is already playing it, hence the reason there was a stampede earlier. But I'll gladly accept your offer." The shopkeeper took the Monopoly box, grabbed another Whipple-Scrumptious Fudgemallow Delight from the shelf, and handed the candy bar to Chuck.

Chuck tore the wrapper open, and suddenly, there was a flash of gold. The shopkeeper stood still, along with seven customers who had just entered the store, and they were as dumbfounded as Chuck was.

"It's a Golden Ticket," the man whispered in disbelief. "You found Bonga's last Golden Ticket! In my shop, too!"

One of the customers walked up to Chuck. "Listen, man, I'll buy that ticket from you, and I'll give you fifty dollars!"

"Are you crazy?!" a woman chimed in. "I'll give him five-hundred dollars, and a brand-new bicycle!"

"That's enough of that!" the shopkeeper shouted. "How about this...I challenge you all to a game of Monopoly!"

"I'm in," the woman said, and six other people joined in, along with the shopkeeper. They all sat down at a table and began to play the game, and Chuck exited the store with his Golden Ticket in hand. One of the players quickly grew frustrated, and he sent the Monopoly board flying out the door like a football. It whizzed just above Chuck's head.

Chuck sprinted towards home at top speed, and the music from Green Hill Zone began playing as an anthropomorphic blue hedgehog raced past him faster than the speed of sound. Suddenly, the hedgehog turned around and raced back towards Chuck, skidding to a halt in front of him with a look of excitement on his face.

"Whoa!" the mysterious hedgehog said as he glanced at Chuck's Golden Ticket. "It's a Chaos Emerald—wait, no it's not. Time to resume my quest so that I can defeat Dr. Eggman once and for all! See ya!" He ran off, but then he stopped beside a young woman. "Hey, nice ring you have there! Only one more left and then I'll gain an extra life!" He stole her wedding ring (and her phone) and ran away, laughing.

"Help!" the lady cried. "Police! Murder! Someone, please call the cops!"

A cop just so happened to be nearby, and after a short conversation with the lady, he said, "Sorry, but we'll need to send the military after this blue hedgehog creature you're talking about, if he's really that fast." As if on cue, the deafening sound of a fighter jet flying overhead caught their attention. "It doesn't look like we need to do anything at all, then."

Meanwhile, Chuck barged into the Baskets' house, which caused the door to fall down (again), and he began running in circles around the bed which his four grandparents occupied.

"Mom! Dad! Look, everyone! I found the last Golden Ticket! It's mine!" Chuck said as he continued to run in circles. Eventually, he became dizzy, and he fell down onto the floor.

While Mr. Basket was busy securing the door onto its hinges (again), Chuck got back onto his feet and showed the Golden Ticket to Grandpa Schmoe. Despite the fact that the man was OBVIOUSLY wearing glasses, it still took five minutes for the ticket to come into focus. But once it did...

"Yippeeeeeee!" Grandpa Schmoe cried in excitement, and he practically launched himself out of the bed, only to fall back down when he bonked his head on the ceiling. "I knew I shouldn't have had two bottles of dark beer in a row..." he groaned. He quickly stood up before doing a TOTALLY RANDOM drunken dance routine, and he handed the Golden Ticket to Mr. Basket. "Read it out loud! Let's hear exactly what it says!"

"Greetings to you, the lucky finder of this Golden Ticket, from Mr. Billy Bonga," Mr. Basket said as he read the words on the back of the Golden Ticket. "I shake you warmly by the hand, for now, I do invite you to come to my factory, and be my guest for one whole day!"

After Mr. Basket read through all the pointless, boring details about how to prepare for the tour, Grandpa Schmoe shouted, "Yippeeeeeee!" once again before running to the sink and...well, you know what happens when people get drunk.

Suddenly, the door was blown off its hinges again (wow, what a surprise) as a horde of reporters barged into the house. The next few hours were an absolute nightmare for the Basket family, and once the paparazzi finally left, everything became eerily quiet.

"Well, isn't this boring or what?" Grandpa Gorge complained. "What's going to happen next?" He then learned that he and most of the Basket family (aside from Chuck and Grandpa Schmoe) were not going to be seen for the next several chapters of this fic. "AW, COME ON!" he yelled.

Author's note: I hope you enjoyed reading this chapter! Feel free to tell me what your favorite parts were in your review, and get ready for the tour, where more jokes and puns will come spewing out like a chocolate geyser! Stay tuned for the next one! :)