A/N: apologies for the overly long wait! hope y'all enjoy!


A week after her evaluations, Katie still had no idea whether she'd passed them or not. No one could tell her anything and she wanted to scream.

The rest of the family had gone home, back to their lives and their jobs; the rest of the galaxy kept on moving and she was still stuck in limbo, at the mercy of the Alliance Powers that Be. It was fucking infuriating.

Still, she wasn't alone.

As he had nearly every day since Akuze, Zaeed had stuck around. Katie had worried after they'd slept together that things would change between them, but they hadn't. Not in a bad way, anyway, unless developing feelings counted as a bad thing.

She didn't think it had started just then, that night in San Diego, but weeks before. She was pretty sure she'd fallen head over heels for him the first time he'd come to visit her in the hospital.

And now she was fucked–and not in a good way–because she couldn't tell him. They'd said no strings attached, just sex, no dating.

"You have to tell him," Sarah had insisted over lunch after Katie had returned from San Diego. She hadn't actually said a damn word, about Zaeed or her feelings or anything, but Sarah was like a fucking bloodhound–Katie thought she'd have outshined Ryan if she'd decided to go to C-Sec instead of becoming a doctor.

"I can't. It'll ruin our friendship, I just know it."

"Ryan and I were friends for years before he finally asked me out on a date. Nothing ruined."

"That's different."

"How?"

Katie hadn't had an answer, so she'd just shrugged and gone back to eating her tacos, doing her best to ignore Sarah's smug grin.

Was she right? Maybe.

Katie still thought it was too soon to mention feelings. Maybe in a couple of months. Or a year.

Or never.

She'd just go on doing nothing, pretending nothing was wrong, pretending she hadn't written his name in hearts in her diary like a schoolgirl crush.

Eventually, he'd find somebody else, someone he wanted a romantic relationship with and she'd just…

Katie shook her head. No. Fuck no. She was not going to turn into Marcus. No goddamn fucking way.

Fuck. Sarah was right.

She had to tell him.

Mention of her name interrupted her torturous thoughts.

"So how's Katie doing?" her father asked from Zaeed's living room, a familiar guilty tone in his voice.

She assumed he was only on vid-comm; otherwise, Zaeed probably would have told her.

"She's about ready to climb the goddamn walls, Steven." Zaeed sounded… worried? Annoyed? Katie couldn't tell. "She needs answers."

"I'm sure she is, and of course she does, but there's nothing I can do to make this go any faster." A pause. "But you… you know exactly what she's going through."

"'Course I do but I don't see how that's going to help. If she can't get answers, she needs a bloody distraction."

"Then give her one."

Listening from the kitchen, Katie inhaled her coffee and started coughing violently, which was not lost on her father or Zaeed.

"Fuck. Gotta go." Zaeed appeared in the kitchen seconds later, skidding slightly on the tile as he stopped beside her. "You all right, kitten?"

Tears streaming down her face as she finally took a full breath without coughing, Katie nodded. "Yeah, just… it was just bad timing, my sip of coffee and Dad's last comment."

Zaeed snorted a laugh. "It was going to be bloody hard to keep a straight face after that, so thanks for the distraction, and an excuse to hang up."

Katie brushed the tears from her face and mocked a curtsey as she got up to put her coffee mug in the sink. "You're very welcome." She hesitated a moment, unsure whether she should ask what was on her mind. "So…"

"So what?"

"Feel free to tell me to fuck off if you don't want to answer but…" She blew out a long breath as she leaned back against the counter and crossed her arms, and asked a completely different question than she'd originally intended. "What'd Dad mean by 'you know exactly what she's going through'?"

"He ever tell you how we met?" Zaeed shook his head. "No, 'course he wouldn't."

"Even without his whole 'your job is stupid so you don't exist except when I need your skills' bullshit, it wouldn't have mattered. He never talked about the war, any part of it. Neither of them did." She shrugged. "I just figured you were in the same unit."

"We were, eventually."

Katie frowned but didn't say anything, only waited to see if he'd continue.

He pulled out a chair from the kitchen table, flipped it around and sat, leaning forward with his arms folded over the back. "The war started about two weeks before I finished boot camp, so the second the ceremony was over, we were all corralled onto transports and shipped off. We didn't even have the traditional ceremony with family and all that shit anyway. That's how desperate they were to get us into the fight.

"My original unit was mostly recruits, a couple of DIs, and a couple of soldiers who'd already been in the fight from the beginning. Never heard how they got separated from their own squads." Zaeed nodded his thanks when Katie slid a mug of coffee across the table to him, finishing the whole thing in one gulp. "Few weeks in, we were in some jungle, making our way toward a turian camp. The plan was to ambush them while they slept. They had the same idea and got to us first." He shook his head. "Never stood a bloody chance."

When he fell silent, Katie sat opposite him at the table but said nothing. She absolutely hated "comforting" of any kind when she was trying to recall details she'd rather left in the past, and knew he felt much the same.

"The goddamn turians were more organized than we were. They'd probably have wiped us out even if the script had been flipped. It wasn't even just one wave either. By the time reinforcements showed up, it was just me. I should have died with the rest of 'em, but your old man came swooping in with a squad, wiped out the remaining turians." Zaeed made a sweeping motion at his cheek. "That's where he got the scar. He got too close to one of the bastards and they took a swipe at him and…" He shook his head. "It was ugly. That's all I'll say. Didn't faze him, though, just pissed him off."

"Yeah, that sounds like Dad."

"I continued on with his unit 'til the end of the war. Everybody got psych evals, of course, but, like yours, they kept putting me off." Zaeed shrugged dismissively. "Probably didn't take as long as it seemed, but sure as fuck didn't do much for my confidence, in myself or the Alliance."

Katie nodded. "I know what you mean."

She'd lived and breathed the Alliance her whole life–-a charmed life with a rose-colored view of the brass until she was at their mercy herself. Then again, maybe it wasn't the brass that was holding things up, but her perpetual nemesis, the shrink.

Whatever the case, if she didn't get answers soon, she was going to lose her goddamn mind.

"You all right, kitten?" She jumped when Zaeed's hand brushed against hers and he quickly pulled it back. "Shit. Sorry."

She shook her head and reached for his hand. "No, it's not you. Just got lost in my thoughts again." She gave him a weak smile. "Thanks for telling me though. It sucks, but at least I know I'm not alone. Not that I thought I was the only person to ever lose their entire unit in one fell swoop, just…"

He squeezed her hand. "I know. When you're in it, it's hard to see past it. To not be…"

"Paranoid."

"Exactly. It's been a week though, and they said 72 hours, right?"

She nodded. "It can't be that much longer, can it?" A thread of panic shot through her. "But what if… what do I do if…" She didn't want to think the words, much less say them out loud. "Zaeed, I don't know what to do."

"Katie, look at me." He squeezed her hand again, more firmly, until she turned wide eyes toward him. "Breathe."

She tried, but her chest felt tight like she was being sat on by a krogan, or Ryan. The pressure on her hand increased ever so slightly and her focus shifted to it just enough to suck in a shaky breath before a sob escaped and tears pricked at the corners of her eyes. She grabbed for Zaeed's other hand, attempting to ground herself, but it didn't help. Closing her eyes, she tried to focus on breathing, on the feeling of his thumbs rubbing circles on the backs of her hands. But the more she tried to focus on the mundane, the more out of control she felt.

"Fuck!" She shot up out of the chair and ran from the room. She had to get out, go somewhere, anywhere that wasn't Zaeed's kitchen.

As she reached the front door, Katie heard the scrape of wood on tile as Zaeed got up, but he didn't follow her.

She hesitated, a hand hovering over the lock panel. She needed air, but she didn't really relish the thought of going out on her own.

She turned away from the front door, toward the balcony off the living room, and saw Zaeed leaning against the kitchen door jamb.

"I need air." She helps out a hand to him. "Will you come with me?"

He nodded but called her back as she headed for the balcony door.

She frowned. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing. I just thought you might want to change before you go out." He failed to hide a smirk as he continued. "While I think you look goddamn gorgeous wearing nothing but my shirt, I assume you'd want to cover up a bit in case of nosy neighbors, or reporters?"

Katie felt her face burning as she tried to hide in the collar of his shirt. "I'll just… I'll be right back."

She stumbled quickly through the hall to Zaeed's bedroom and dug around in her duffel until she found a pair of shorts. She nearly tripped over the shorts and her own two feet in her haste to get them on and get outside. Zaeed might have provided a suitable distraction, but it was only temporary. She thought she might suffocate if she didn't see sky soon.

Zaeed was waiting at the balcony door when Katie returned to the living room. He held up a cigar and lighter. "You mind if I smoke?"

She shook her head. "It's probably not healthy, for either of us, but," she shrugged, "I find it comforting. Besides, you look…" She hummed in appreciation as she passed by him to sit on a double-wide chaise lounge.

He raised an eyebrow. "You planning to finish that thought?"

She leaned back, closed her eyes, and breathed in deeply, the mere lack of a ceiling over her head calming her. Instead of answering his question, she blindly held out a hand. "Come sit with me?"

A few moments later, her omni-tool chimed with a vid-com hail and she groaned at the interruption but made no move to answer it.

"You might want to look at that, kitten," Zaeed said as he sat next to her. "Looks like it's the one you've been waiting for."

"Shit!" Katie's eyes flew open and she stared down at her omni-tool. "Admiral J. M. Winter" flashed back at her.

Still, she didn't answer it.

It had been practically all she'd thought about for the last week, but now that she'd finally have her answers, she wasn't sure she was prepared to hear them.

"Kitten?" Zaeed took her hand again, squeezing gently.

"Shit."

"You'll be all right. I'm right here, okay?"

"Okay." Katie blew out a shaky breath and nodded as she answered the hail. "Good morning, Admiral," she said as the image of a middle-aged woman came into focus on her omni-tool.

"Good morning, Lt. Shepard." Admiral Winter's tone was somehow both brisque and warm at the same time. "How are you doing?"

"Itching for answers, ma'am," Katie said honestly.

The admiral nodded. "We're sorry to have kept you waiting for so long, but we had a rather important decision to make regarding your future."

"I understand."

"You've certainly been patient, so I won't keep you in suspense any longer, Shepard. First, you should know you passed every test and are hereby reinstated to active duty."

Katie blew out a breath, wilting in relief. "Thank you, ma'am."

"Secondly, in the face of all you've endured and the strength with which you did so, we feel you're the ideal candidate for the ICT program. You report to Vila Militar one week from today."

"I'm… I'm sorry, ma'am." She blinked at the screen. "Did you say I was going to Rio?"

Admiral Winter laughed softly. "Yes, Shepard. You're going to N-School. Congratulations!"

Katie nodded slowly. "Thank you, ma'am. I… thank you."

"We'll send the official invitation on datapad as well that includes further instructions. Normally, we'd send it to the permanent residence listed in your records, but as your father indicated you never made it back to Arcturus, sending it there would be a waste of energy and resources."

"I'm still on Earth, in Solana Beach, if it could be sent here." She glanced at Zaeed, who nodded, before she gave the admiral his address.

"Very good," Admiral Winter said. "You should have your official invitation within the next 24 hours." She smiled again. "Again, congratulations, Shepard. Very much deserved."

"Thank you, ma'am."

"Winter out."

"I… I can't believe… Rio?" Katie let her head fall back against the chair as the screen went dark. "Fuck. Me."

Zaeed draped an arm across her shoulders and pressed a kiss to her temple. "I can't think of anyone who deserves it more."

"Not sure how I should feel about that," she gave him a mocking glare, "given how few Alliance people you'll even acknowledge exist, much less talk to."

"Even if I knew every last soldier currently in the Alliance, I'd still say the same goddamn thing."

"I know, I know." She curled up against him. "I'm gonna miss this… miss you."

"Me too." He wrapped his arms tighter around her. "It's been a bloody long time since I've wanted to be around someone so long. Gonna be goddamn strange being on my own again."

Katie tilted her head up to look at him. "Can I ask you something?"

"Anything, kitten."

. "What… um… what are we?"

"What do you mean?"

"When we started this… us… we said just sex, no strings attached." She swallowed around a lump in her throat. "But…"

"But what?"

"Lately, I've realized that I… I have feelings for you." She rushed on before he could say anything. "I just needed to get that out before I left, even if you don't feel the same way."

He shook his head slightly and smiled. "I feel the same way, kitten. Have for awhile now, just didn't want to scare you off."

She blinked up at him. "Really?"

He brushed his thumb along her jaw as he tilted her head up further, leaning in at the same time until their lips met briefly. "Really."

"Fuck." Her head fell against his chest and she giggled. "For two people who crave communication in relationships, we're shit at doing it ourselves."

"That's been well established, kitten."

"We also have shitty timing."

"Mhm."

"So…" She sat up enough to see his face. "You're not sorry I told you?"

"Never." He kissed her again and stood up, pulling her up with him. "Are you?"

She shook her head. "No, just nervous, I guess, but relieved to have it out, even if you'd shot me down. "It's the conversation I'd meant to have earlier, in the kitchen. But my brain and my mouth don't really get along, so…"

Zaeed snorted. "I know the feeling."

"So, what should we do now?"

"I think we should celebrate the admiralty finally pulling their collective heads out of their singular ass." He glanced at his omni-tool. "Too bad it's too bloody early to drink."

Katie chewed her lip a moment in thought. "I know exactly how we should celebrate."

"That so?"

She shrugged her shirt off one shoulder as she took a step back, intending to lead him back inside before stripping entirely. Instead, she let out an indignant squeak as he picked her up and tossed her over his shoulder. "What the hell, Massani?"

"Didn't want you breaking something when you've only just been declared back in one fit piece." She squeaked again when he gently bit her thigh as he walked back inside. "But I like where your head's at."

She giggled and reached down to squeeze his ass. "So do I!"