(This fan fiction of Total Drama contains details of extreme stunts performed by fictional teens. Do not try any of what you read here at home! Seriously, you can get really messed up.)

A camera looks out into outer space. From its view, an astronaut is shown floating near Earth. The astronaut taps a satellite beside him with his wrench; it flashes green and whirs to life, only to turn back red and fall apart into pieces. The astronaut sighs and facepalms with disappointment.

Chris: We've been to the movies. We've been around the world. And this season, we're going right back to where it all began- at Camp Wawanakwa!

The camera pans to Camp Wawanakwa's Dock of Shame where Chris McLean stood as he began to walk along the wooden dock, which squeaks under his feet.

Chris: I'm Chris McLean, and as you can see, things have changed since we've been away.

An intern shows up at a distance, holding up a platter with a coconut drink on it. As Chris stops next to the intern, the Wawanakwa sign tilts down on one end and crashes through the dock.

Chris: And by "changed", I meant gotten really, really dangerous.

Just as Chris said that, a gigantic octopus leg rises from the water and swings down on the intern, dragging him and a good chunk of the dock with it. Chris chuckles at the sight.

Chris: Good stuff. But the rules of the game remain the same!

The camera pans to the inside of the contestants' cruddy cabins from season one. A cockroach can be seen crawling on the lens of the camera as the camera moves around the cabin.

Chris: A handful of unsuspecting sixteen-year-old teens will bunk with complete strangers...

The camera pans to an outhouse door that has a pair of dirty underwear nailed to the door. The door suddenly opens to reveal the inside of the confessional from season one.

Chris: air their dirty laundry in an outhouse confessional...

The camera pans to the cliff where the contestants dived off of during the first ever Total Drama challenge. The camera zooms in on the sharp rocks below the cliff.

Chris: and compete in life-threatening challenges all over the island...

The camera pans to the bonfire area where the elimination ceremonies from season one were held.

Chris: and risk being voted off. Last one standing wins...

The camera pans to a wheelbarrow overflowing with cash.

Chris: One. Million. Dollars!

The camera zooms in closer towards the money with each Chris speaks. The camera than pans back to Chris.

Chris: Speaking of our cast, here they come now!

The camera pans to a red and white cruise ship that speedily approaches, carrying all of the cast members from season one, two, and three. The camera pans to cast members Gwen, Duncan, Leshawna, Harold, DJ, and Eva. Gwen and Duncan were making out, Harold, DJ, and Leshawna were dancing, and Eva had her arms crossed and back turned, showing her signature intimidating scowl. The camera then pans to Owen, Sierra, Cody, Izzy, and Noah. Owen was dancing while fist pumping in the air, Sierra was hugging Cody by his head while Cody smiled, Noah was looking ahead with his usual emotionless expression, and Izzy was hanging upside down from the boat railing with a life ring on her head and right arm. The camera pans to Lindsay, Tyler, Beth, and Justin. Tyler and Lindsay were making out, and Beth was admiring a shirtless Justin but quickly frowned when a bird pooped on Justin's shoulder. The camera than pans towards the remaining contestants Heather, Courtney, Bridgette, Geoff, Katie and Sadie, Trent, for some unknown reason the Drama machine from season three, and the still feral Ezekiel. Katie and Sadie were smothering Trent in a huge hug, Geoff and Bridgette danced together, Courtney scowled just as she typically does, Heather was held in the arms of the Drama machine while looking very creeped out, and the feral Ezekiel was chained to the boat railing as he hung onto it with the wind blowing the little long strands of hair that he had left and he also had his tongue out like a dog poking its head out of a window of a moving car. The camera pans back to the dock, where Chris waves at the cruise ship as it zips right past the dock.

Owen: NOOOOOooooooooo...!

Chris: (chuckles) Heheh. No, not them. this season we've got all new players fighting for the million! And here they come now- for real!

The camera pans to another cruise ship carrying the nineteen new contestants onboard. The camera then zooms in to show the new contestants more clearly.

Chris: Meet Jo!

A girl in dark sweats and a sweatshirt has her arms crossed. She looks at the red haired stocky guy in a tank top with a scowl.

Jo: Stay out of my way if you value your kiwis!

Chris: Scott!

Scott: Right back at ya.

Scott takes a sniff of his armpit as the camera pans towards a girl with intense red hair tied into pigtails and a boy with spiky brown hair, tanned skin, and very skinny arms.

Chris: Zoey! And Mike!

Zoey: (Nudges Mike's elbow) Can you believe we're here?

Mike: (smiles nervously) Y-Yeah...its...beautiful... (gazes into Zoey's eyes)

Chris: Lightning!

A male jock with shoulders like a football player and dark skin jumps in between Mike and Zoey out of nowhere, causing them both to fall backwards.

Lightning: Hello, Gorgeous! (Starts kissing his huge biceps)

The camera pans towards a black haired punk who Mike landed on when he was pushed backwards by Lightning.

Chris: Jason!

Jason: (rudely pushes Mike off of him) Get off of me, stick arms!

The camera pans towards a built teen with a crew cut and a thick unibrow, who caught Zoey in his arms after she fell.

Chris: Brick!

Brick: (drops Zoey and salutes) Brick McArthur! Reporting for duty!

The camera pans towards a big guy wearing a hoodie and jacket, who also has a calm and quiet expression on his face.

Chris: B!

Without saying anything, B just makes a quick point to the camera before the camera pans towards a girl with white-blonde hair, who was also meditating on the rail of the cruise ship.

Chris: Dawn!

Dawn: (places a hand on B's shoulder) Your aura is exceptionally purplish-green. Oh, it suits you though!

The camera pans down towards a couple who both looked very excited. The girl was a Japanese-Canadian and the boy was a muscular dude who also looked as if he was the stereotypical "chill dude".

Chris: Mizuki! And Jordan!

Mizuki: (squeals with joy) This is so exciting! We're going to be on our favorite reality show, Total Drama!

Jordan: I know, babe! (Pulls Mizuki closer towards himself) I'm so glad we're doing this together!

Mizuki: (stares deep into Jordan's eyes) Me too...

Mizuki and Jordan started to make out as the camera pans towards a red headed girl, drawing in her notebook.

Chris: Carly!

Carly: (Continues to draw in her notebook for a moment before she looks up from her notebook, towards the camera) Hm? Oh, hi there! (Waves)

The camera pans towards a pair of fraternal twins. The female twin was hanging upside down from the boat railing much like Izzy did, but without the life rings. The male twin watched his sister in amusement.

Chris: Luna and Luke!

Luna: (cheers) Wooooooooo! This is awesome!

Luke: Just be careful, dude. If you break your neck, you might as well be breaking mine!

The camera pans towards a girl with orange-tinted shades and long sunshine-yellow hair.

Chris: Dakota!

Dakota: Hey there! (Giggles and waves at the camera) Dakota here! And I'm gonna win thi-...

Dakota was cut off when the camera panned away from her and towards a girl with a possibly fake copper colored tan who was spraying hair spray onto her huge hair poof.

Chris: Anne Maria!

Anne Maria: (continues spraying her hair) Ah yes, three more coats oughta do it.

Anne Maria was then pushed away out of camera view by Dakota.

Dakota: Whoa! Who said you could pan away?!

Anne Maria sprays her hair spray at Dakota, causing her to fall to the ground.

Anne Maria: Don't push me, Blondie!

A round girl with short brown hair and a red ribbon in her girl then walked up to Anne Maria.

Chris: Staci!

Staci: My great aunt Millie invented suntans. Yeah, before her people smeared themselves with clay.

Anne Maria then proceeded to spray Staci, causing her to cough and fall to the ground. The camera pans up towards a small dark skinned boy with glasses, who was standing alone near the railing from the second level of the cruise ship.

Chris: Cameron!

Cameron: (takes a deep breath in) Fresh air! A real lake! Birds!

Right on cue, a group of birds start flying towards Cameron causing him to fall onto the lower level of the cruise ship, where a wide guy with curly hair and glasses was playing a video game on a handheld console.

Chris: And Sam!

Sam: Oh yeah! Grenade launcher upgrade! Hehe! Now we're cooking!

The camera pans back towards the dock where Chris stood.

Chris: Yup, it's our roughest, toughest, most explosive season ever!

Chris pulls out a single-button remote from his pocket and presses the red button with his thumb, with an evil grin on his face.

The camera pans to the cruise ship. KABOOOOOMMMM! The cruise ship explodes into light, becoming nonexistent in an instant. Every contestant screams as they free-fall into the water. The camera pans back to Chris.

Chris: (chuckles) Right here on...Total! Drama! Revenge of the Island!

The camera zooms out a little with each of the last words Chris speaks to show a full view of Camp Wawanakwa. The scene then fades to black.

*Theme song plays*

The camera fades into Cameron screaming as he falls onto a rock and groans in pain.

Cameron: (groaning) Is this what pain taste like?!

Cameron slides of the rock and into the water as Anne Maria and Jason swim angrily towards the shore in the background.

Anne Maria: (tries to keep her head above the water) Chris is so getting the beat down for this!

Jason: Music to my ears, Hairspray! I can't wait to wring McLean's (*beep*)ing neck!

The camera pans to Zoey and Staci, who are drifting on a piece of wood until Jo swims between them, causing the wood to break and Staci to flail in the water since she couldn't swim.

Jo: Outta the way! Triathlete coming through!

Jo then pushes Sam's head underwater as she uses him as a steppingstone to launch herself.

Sam: Hey!

The camera pans to Luna and Luke. They were both sitting on a purple surfboard while using their legs to paddle forward.

Luna: (smirks) And you said to leave my surfboard with the rest of our luggage! Now we have a lifeboat! Who brought unnecessary luggage onboard the ship now?

Luke: (raises arms in defense) How was I suppose to know Chris was gonna blow up the boat?!

Mizuki and Jordan swam closer to the twins' surfboard.

Mizuki: Are you surprised he did? That sounds just like something Chris would do!

Luke and Luna looked at each other and shrugged.

Both: True. Got us there.

The camera pans to Cameron who is flailing his arms as he sinks to the bottom.

Cameron: H-Help...!

Scott swims past Cameron, not even stopping to help him or even looking concerned.

Scott: Spazz...

Cameron sinks to the bottom. After a few seconds, he is raised above the water by Lightning.

Lightning: I'll save you, little girl!

Cameron: I'm a boy!

The camera pans to Dakota, who is laying on a life raft as a small boat carrying photographs took her picture.

Dakota: (turns to the paparazzi) Hi fellas! However did you find me?

The paparazzi stops taking pictures for a moment.

Paparazzi guy: Uh, we got your text?

The paparazzi continues to take pictures of Dakota as the camera pans to Chris watching the scene unfold from a monitor.

Chris: (annoyed) For crying out loud! (Turns on the speaker from his headset) Uninvited guests, over.

The camera pans to behind the paparazzi boat where Chef is seen in his scuba diving gear as he emerges from the water and places a detonation device with Chris's face on it onto the boat. The device blinks a green light as the camera pans back to Chris, who is now holding a remote and has a sinister grin on his face as he presses the button with his thumb.

BOOOOMMMMM! The detonation device goes off and blows up the boat, along with the paparazzi who are scattered off in the sky to who knows where.

Dakota is also blasted away by the explosion and ends up landing in Lightning's hand while also pushing Cameron off, causing him to crash into Anne Maria, but didn't knock her down due to her ridiculously hard hairdo. Cameron sinks to the bottom.

Anne Maria: Aye! No touching the hair, four-eyes! (Pulls out her can of hairspray and starts spraying her hair again as she swims away)

Jason sees Cameron sink to the bottom and sighs.

Jason: (rolls his eyes as he swims towards where Cameron sunk) why can't I just let him drown? One less player for me to deal with...

Jason takes a deep breath and dives underwater. A few seconds later, he emerges back up to the surface while holding Cameron, who coughed up water as he tried to thank Jason, though his thanks was incoherent since he was uncontrollably coughing up water.

Jason: (rolls his eyes) Yeah, whatever. (Starts to swim towards the shore) Just remember; you owe me one!

The camera pans to Staci who is flapping her arms around as she tries to not sink underwater.

Staci: I wish my third uncle twice removed was here...(starts sinking down then rises back up) he invented life preservers...!

Staci sinks to the bottom. Zoey and Mike then rush from opposite directions towards Staci to save her.

Mike: Hang on!

Both: I'm coming! Oh!

They both paused as they met up with each other.

Mike: (nervously) oh, no you first. Please...

Zoey: Oh no, please go ahead. I insist!

Mike: (sheepishly) well I mean, if you insist...

Luna and Luke then drifted towards Mike and Zoey on their surfboard raft.

Luke: You guys need some help?

Mike and Zoey: No, we're good. But thanks!

Mike and Zoey looked at each other with a smile and laughed together. Their moment was cut short however when Staci's popped up between them and pulled Mike underwater.

Zoey: (gasps in fear) Hold on!

Zoey dives underwater after the two. After a few seconds, all three of them surface while gasping for air and spitting out water. Mike was hanging onto Staci while Zoey was hanging onto Mike.

Mike: (looking at Zoey) Thanks, I owe you one!

Confessional

Mike rolls the toilet paper in the toilet paper holder before speaking.

Mike: Okay, my first confessional! So...uh...Zoey...nice girl... (pauses for a moment and smiles) okay, super nice! (Looks down) I wonder if she'll go out with a guy like me. (Shifts eyes to the left) See, I have this...um...quirk? I just hope my condition doesn't ruin everything for me again. (Sighs heavily).

Zoey: Wow! I can't believe I'm actually in the Total Drama confessional! It's so exciting! Everyone seems so nice! (Worries) I hope they all like me. I could use a few new friends, or friends period. (Grows more worried) Oh, what if they hate me? Maybe this flower was too big? Am I trying too hard? You like me right?

Staci: This is so amazing! I'm actually here on Total Drama! Did you know that my great great great great great grandmother invented drama? Yeah, before her people's lives weren't very interesting to watch or read about. Anyway I'm definitely going to win Total Drama Revenge of the Island because I come from a long line of people who think outside the box. Like my great grandfather Dave who invented forks! Yeah, before him, people just shoved food in their mouths with strips of bark, yeah. And my great great aunt Lois invented plates! Before her, food just sat around the floor getting stepped on, so sad. And my great great great uncle George, he invented floors. Before him, the only way you could have a carpet is if you let grass grow inside your house. (The low battery warning appears on the camera) Once I tell everyone here about my family, I know they'll be impressed and want to form an alliance with me! Those who form alliances tend to get farther in the game most of the time. And I should know since alliances were invented by my great great great great great...

Staci was cut off when the camera turned off due to the dead battery.

The camera pans to the beach shore where Jo arrives panting and looking around to see if anyone else was there.

Jo: (cheering) Whoo hoo! That's what I'm talking about! First one on the...

Jo suddenly frowns in shock as she notices that she was not alone. The camera pans to show that Dawn was in fact the first one on the beach. Dawn was sitting on a rock, meditating while holding a starfish up high.

Jo: (shocked) How did you-...you're not even wet!

Dawn stops meditating and looks at Jo.

Dawn: Hm? Oh, I used a shortcut.

As the camera pans back to Jo, Brick crawls onto the shore beside her.

Brick: (salutes) Ma'am...(falls face first into the sand)

Confessional

Brick: I may be the strongest player here, but I'm all about the teamwork! Back in cadets, I took the teamwork medal three years running! Also the bed making medal, the "flag folding" medal, and the letters home to Mom medal. I always win that one.

The camera pans back to the beach shore where several other contestants have arrived on shore. Jason arrived while carrying Cameron and immediately dropped him onto the sand as soon as he stepped foot on land. Cameron groaned as he continued to cough up water. Then B emerged from underwater as he walked onto the beach without saying a single word or sound. Following B, Jordan and Mizuki arrived on the shore.

Confessional

Cameron: (rubs hand sanitizer on his hands) I am what's known as a "bubble boy". Growing up, my mom was reaaallllllyyyyyyy overprotective! So I've never gone swimming before, up until six hours ago. I've never done anything before, except read and sigh a lot...(sighs heavily, then looks back at the camera with confidence) But that doesn't mean I'm not a force to be reckoned with! (A butterfly flies into the confessional) No way! Danaus plexippus! The monarch butterfly! (Butterfly lands on Cameron's head, causing him to wince in pain as he struggled to support the added weight) Ah! I-It's so heavy! (Cameron falls backwards)

Jason: (looks at the butterfly that is still flying around the confessional, then he sighs while rolling his eyes) Kid was overpowered by a butterfly?! That's just sad...(slowly shakes his head in disapproval) I give it an hour before four-eyes is either eaten by the island's wildlife or flow out of here in an air ambulance. Oh, and just so we're clear on one thing: I'm not some big softie or anything! I didn't let the kid drown because I pity the weak! But if I have to choose between saving him or the million dollars later, I'm definitely going for the million! And Cameron can drown in a puddle for all I care! In my neighborhood, being weak will get you killed! Cameron wouldn't last a full minute back home! Which is why I plan to play this season solo! No alliances, no carrying my teammates! If my team can't keep up, they're on their own! I need to win this more than anyone else on this island! I won't make any enemies and I definitely won't be making any friends! Oh and Chris, I want to thank you personally for blowing up the boat and making me swim to shore with a little gift...(raises middle finger) (*beep*) you, McLean! (Punches the camera, causing the lens to crack)

Mizuki: (looks at the cracked camera lens) Oh C'mon, who broke the camera lens?! (Sighs heavily) Not how I wanted to start my first confessional, but what can you do? Reality TV, huh? Anyway...(clears throat) ITS SO FREAKING AWESOME TO BE HERE! I'm actually in the Total Drama confessional from Season one! I'm at the birthplace of my all time favorite reality show! This is going to be soooooo COOL! (Pauses for a moment to compose herself) Sorry, I just had to let my excitement out. I'm a huge fan of Total Drama! Well, not the stalker crazy huge fan like the girl from last season, but still a fan! Don't get used to my outburst of excitement. I'm actually pretty calm and patient most of the time. It's one of the many virtues that I have learned while learning martial arts from my grandmother. Speaking of which, (waves at camera) Oba-chan! Mama! Papa! Akiko! Shin'ichi! Kenji! I'll be thinking about all you guys while I win! Make sure you guys watch me! Love you all!

Jordan: What the heck happened to the camera lens? (Shrugs) Oh well. Anyway, I'm so glad to be on this show with my girl, Mizuki! I just hope I don't get sent home too early, that would seriously suck. As for Mizuki, I'm not too worried about her. She's got the three B's that make her totally awesome: Beauty, Brains, and a heck of a lot of Brawn! I want to tell her that she's my beautiful cherry blossom tree, but she's not a fan of Asian themed nicknames. (Shows a look of true terror) Especially the name Chopsticks! If you value your life, do not call her Chopsticks! Her martial arts teacher was her grandmother! Trust me, you do not want to make her angry for the love of god! (Takes a deep breath in and out to calm himself down) Sorry, Mizuki's just terrifying when she gets angry enough. I love her like crazy, but even I won't deny that she can be just as terrifying as her grandmother. Don't let sweet old granny fool you, I've met her! That old lady is horrifying when she's angry!

The rest of the contestants minus two, has arrived on the beach. As everyone was sitting or standing around the beach as they dried off, they listened to the nonstop chatter from Staci. Staci sat on a rock next to Mike and Zoey as she rambled on about her family.

Staci: Yeah, and my great great great uncle Bart invented swimming. Before him (flails her arms around) people just swung their arms around like this and sank to the bottom. And my great great great great great-...

Mike: (staring at Zoey while obviously not listening) Yeah, that's great...

Suddenly, the camera pans to the shore where Sam slides out of the water holding his game console high and coughing up a fish.

Confessional

Sam: (chuckles and pulls out his GameGuy) hehe...I knew I should've played that Swii Fitness workout game. (Chuckles) I just hope I don't get cut first, that would lame. But if I stick it out long enough to get cut sixth or even seventh, how cool would that be, huh? (Chuckles as he continues to play his game).

The camera pans to Zoey, Mike, Dawn, Jordan, and Mizuki.

Zoey: I'm sooo stoked to be here. I've been watching Total Drama forever! Who knows? Maybe I'll make some new friends.

Dawn: Yes, that would be good. Considering that you were an only child and all.

Zoey and Mike looked freaked out at Dawn's comment about Zoey's past.

Zoey: (shocked) Huh? Who told you that?

Dawn leans in closer to Zoey.

Dawn: Your soul reads like an open book! You had such a lonely childhood. (Holds Zoey's hand with both hands) it must have been difficult.

Zoey pulls her hand away. Dawn then looks at Mike, who looks at her nervously. In less than three seconds, Mike bolted towards the area Luke and Luna were sitting at before Dawn could say anything about him.

Mizuki: (giggling) I guess Mike's not a fan of soul reading.

Dawn: Most people aren't. I suppose it is only natural for others to become uncomfortable around me since I can learn a lot about them through their auras. I can learn about their past, their personality, their emotions, their relationships, and many other aspects of that person that makes them who they are.

Mizuki, Zoey, and Jordan just blinked, too amazed to say anything. The camera pans to Cameron, who was looking around the beach, counting the people who were on the beach.

Cameron: Hey, weren't there nineteen of us on that boat? There's only eighteen of us here.

Everyone looked around the beach and saw that Cameron was right; someone was missing.

Anne Maria: I think the pasty red haired girl with the notebook is the one we're missing.

Brink: I recommend we send out a search party!

Staci: (claps) Yeah, that's a great idea! It will be just like the first search party that was organized by my great great great great great-...

Staci was cut off by the sound of something emerging from the water. Everyone turned their attention towards the water as what appeared to be a human sized seaweed creature that was also muttering incoherent words. Everyone screamed in panic at the site of the creature. Suddenly, the creature started to cough repeatedly until it coughed up some water. Afterwards, the creature vigorously shook its body, launching all of the seaweed off of its body and revealing the creature to actually be the red haired missing competitor.

Carly: (clears throat and holds up a pink bedazzled hearing aid) I found it! Finally!

Confessional

Carly: (wrings her wet hair) Last to arrive on the island, not how I wanted to make a first impression. (Puts her hearing aid back into her ear and turns it on) But when the boat blew up, my hearing aid fell out of my ear and I couldn't just leave it underwater. Those things are expensive, especially the waterproof hearing aids! When I first signed up for this show, my family and friends were worried since Total Drama is dangerous enough as it is without having someone like me who can't hear without a hearing aid. But I'm not gonna let that get in my way! I'm going to show the world that a disability can never stop you from achieving your goals and succeeding! You can count on me winning Total Drama!

The camera pans back to the beach. Just then, Chris's voice booms out of a loudspeaker tied to a nearby tree.

Chris: ATTENTION, FRESH MEAT! SEE THE TRAIL LEADING INTO THE FOREST?

The camera pans to the trail that. Chris had mentioned. The competitors turned their attention towards the trail as the camera pans.

Chris: RACE TO THE END OF THE TRAIL, AND DO NOT DISTURB THE WILDLIFE! THAT WOULD BE BAD!

Lightning: (snickers and nudges Sam) Yeah. We wouldn't want to upset the bunnies!

Chris: THE TINIEST SOUND CAN SET THEM OFF. LIKE, THIS!

A loud airhorn blares through the loudspeaker, making the competitors clap their hands over their ears. Creature roars rise up from the distant forest, and trees start to topple. The campers start screaming in terror and running toward the path for their lives.

Confessional

Mike: (eyes widened with fear) What...

Jo: the heck...

Zoey: (terrified) was...

Jason: that (*beep*)ing...

Luke: (eyes widened) THING!

Staci: (shivers in fear) Oh my god! That was so terrifying! What kind of animal could've made that sound?! Oh I really wish my first cousin once removed was here! He once took down a ten foot tall bear! And also my great great great great uncle Travis! He invented hunting! Before him, people had to either garden or fish if they wanted to eat. (Finches as she hears the roar of the creature again. She then runs out of the confessional, screaming.

The camera pans to the finish line as Jo and Lightning arrive, with Jo being the first one to have arrived.

Jo: (cheers) Yes! Sorry you had to lose to a girl.

Lightning: (looks around confused) What girl? Lightning didn't lose, bro! Lightning never loses!

Lightning walks two steps ahead of Jo as Chris pulls over his red ATV several inches away from Lightning.

Chris: Captain Modesty, two steps left; you're on Team A! Yo, Jo! Move right, you're Team B!

Jo crosses her arms and frowns as she moves over to the right. Scott then arrived at the finish line.

Chris: Pitt-sniffer, you're Team A!

Brick arrives not much later, panting from exhaustion.

Chris: (salutes) Corporal Brickhouse! Team B!

Brick: (still panting but salutes) Sir! Yes sir!

Brick is then knocked down to the ground as B bumps into him as he skids to a halt.

Chris: Silent Treatment, Team A!

B silently points out his index finger as he turns around, showing Cameron hanging from the back, clinging onto B's hoodie.

Chris: Bubble Boy, Team B!

Cameron: (releases B's hoodie from his grip and runs towards Team B) Okie Dokie!

Carly skids to a halt at the finish line, slightly panting.

Chris: Hear No-Thing! You're on Team A!

Carly scowls at Chris's "nickname" as she walks towards Team A. Mizuki immediately arrives at the finish line afterwards.

Mizuki: (catching her breath) I-I...I think I finally got away...

Scott: From that thing in the forest?

Mizuki: (darts her eyes to the left) Yeah, that's it...from the thing...

Confessional

Mizuki: Honestly, I wasn't really worried about the creature. Oba-chan didn't train no weakling the martial arts! The thing I was trying to get away from was that chatty girl, Staci! (Claps hands onto her head) I was going to lose my mind if I had to listen to her talk about how her great great great whatever invented this and that for any longer! I don't like to say mean things about people behind their backs, but Jordan's parrots squawk less than she does! And believe me, Jordan's got a lot of parrots! I hope I don't have her on my team, I will seriously throw myself off the dock if we end up on the same team! (Sighs heavily) I'm just glad I was able to get away from her by pawning her off on Jordan. Though I do feel guilty about leaving him alone with her. I hope he's doing okay.

Jordan: (smiles big at the camera while his right eye twitches rapidly. His hair was frazzled and his eyes were wide) W-Why...M-...Mizuki?! (Starts laughing crazily)

Staci: Jordan has been super nice to me! He seems to be very interested in my family since he listens to me so well! The whole time we were talking, he smiled, nodded, and didn't interrupt me once! Most people find me a bit annoying because they say I talk too much. But I think it's better to talk more than less, at least that's what my great great great great great-...

Chris: Glad you could join us, Chopsticks! You're Team B!

Mizuki's left eye twitches rapidly at the nickname "Chopsticks".

Chris: Got something in your eye, bra?

Mizuki: (through her teeth) Yes, that's it...

Mizuki walks towards Team B, while still suppressing her hidden anger towards Chris. At that moment, Luke and Luna arrived with Luna crossing the finish line first and Luke crossing the finish line second. Luke was panting but Luna didn't seem to have broken a sweat.

Chris: Surfer Twins! Congrats, you're still alive!

Luke: (panting) B-Barely...

Luna: Aw, c'mon Luke! It was only an intense run for our lives! It was actually kinda thrilling! Like being in a horror movie!

Confessional

Luke: Luna and I may be twins, but we're very different! And I not just talking about our genders. While I am the more cautious and observant one, Luna is the thrill seeker! She loves anything exciting, extreme, and last but not least, dangerous! That's why I'm glad she'll be on my team this season! I'll be the brains, she'll be the brawn, and together we'll make it to the finale and win that million dollars together!

Luna: Luke may not enjoy the exciting thrills in life as much as I do, but with his strategic thinking and high intelligence combined with my athletic abilities and fearlessness, we'll be winning the million for sure! And as always, we'll do it as a team!

Chris: Luke, you're on Team A! Luna, you're on Team B!

Luna and Luke: (eyes widened in shock) WHAT?!

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Luke: (cradling his head) T-This...isn't happening! It can't be happening! Luna and I have always been together! If we were any closer, we'd be Siamese twins! I-I...can't d-do...this without her! (Slaps self across his face) Okay! Luke, you can do this! You can't lose focus! I'll just have to stick it out long enough to make it to the merge, then Luna and I can be a team again! (Takes a deep breath) Besides, it's not like we're on separate islands, we're just on separate teams. If Luna can stay strong, then so can you!

Luna: (cries) NNNOOOOOOOOOOOO! WWWHHHHHYYYYYYY?! We might as well be on separate islands!

Luke: C'mon Chris, you can't do this to us! Luna and I have always been together! We can't be separated, otherwise we'll die!

Chris: Aw, that's adorable! I really don't care, but still adorable!

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Luke: Okay, the part about us "dying" might've been a bit of an overreaction, but still, I don't know if Luna and I can survive without each other to watch our backs. We've been on the same team for everything for years! Honestly I think the longest time we've ever spent apart was the ten minutes before I was born.

Luna: (scowls) This is so not cool!

Chris: Sorry, but arriving together doesn't mean you'll be on the same team together. Luke, you're on Team A! Luna, you're on Team B! Final decision! End of discussion! Either deal with it or ride back home on your surfboard raft!

The twins sigh heavily as they both begin to walk gloomily over to their teams. Not much later, both Zoey and Mike arrive at the finish line, both completely out of breath.

Chris: Zoey the Lonely, Team B!

Zoey: (walks over Chris while nervously rubbing her arm) Only as a child...seriously!

Chris nods his head sarcastically at Zoey as she walks over to her team. The camera pans back to Mike, who continues regaining his breath as Dawn levitates next to him.

Chris: The aura whisperer, Team A!

Mike notices Dawn standing beside him and jumps back in surprise, clinging onto B's shoulder.

Chris: Saved by a girl, Team B!

Mike scowls at Chris's nickname and runs over to his team. Dakota is the next to arrive with Anne Maria following her.

Chris: Princess Wannabe, Team A! Tan in a Can, Team B!

Dakota and Anne Maria walk over to their teams as Jordan arrives at the finish line next, panting heavily and looking frazzled.

Lightning: Yeesh, what happened to you, bro?

Jordan: (still panting) S-Staci...s-she just wouldn't stop talking! K...Kept talking about her relatives! Did you know her great great uncle Jason invented the letter E? B-Before him...everybody just had to use A's instead! (Chuckles unnervingly then stops) Why Mizuki?! Why did you leave me with her?!

Mizuki: (nervously) I'm so sorry, Jordan. I just couldn't take her squawking anymore!

Chris: Getting back to me now! Jordan, go stand next to Team A!

Jordan walks over to Team A and then gasps as he sees Mizuki on the other team, looking equally disappointed.

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Jordan: (hands clamped onto his head) I listened to Staci go on and on about her made up relatives for this! (Sighs) This completely sucks! I have to compete against my own girlfriend! And I think we all know how opposite team relationships turn out on Total Drama! I watched season two; a relationship between a certain goth girl and a number nine crazed musician went straight to Splitsville as soon as they were forced onto different teams! I think we all know who I'm talking about.

Mizuki: (Sighs heavily) I knew there was a possibility that Jordan and I wouldn't be on the same team. That's the sucky part of going on Total Drama with your boyfriend. But I know that we'll be alright!Jordan and I have been together for two years! We're not going to let the competition get between us like it did with Trent and Gwen in season two! Our relationship will survive!

Anne Maria: I give it about three episodes before they start tearing each other apart!

Jo: Having Mizuki on my team and Jordan on the other team can be a problem. Did you see them on the boat? They were acting all lovey dovey with each other the whole way to the island when they were not talking about how excited they were! Obviously Mizuki will let her feelings for Jordan get in the way of the game, just like every couple on that has ever been on this show! And we'll also have to deal with Luna's separation anxiety as well! (Sighs heavily) This won't be easy, but I'll need to make sure Mizuki understands her place! Otherwise if she messes us up during a challenge, we'll have an excuse to vote her out. As for Luna, she's just gotta learn to deal with it! If not, then we can just vote her off as well. Question is, who would go first?

A few moments later, Jason arrives at the finish line.

Chris: (scowls) Foul-Mouthed Finger Flipper, Team B!

Jason raises two middle fingers at Chris and walks over to his team, while receiving angry glares from Chris. The next one to arrive is Sam, who is crawling slowly towards the finish line while trying to catch his breath.

Chris: Yo, Game Junkie! Team A!

Sam collapses as he crosses the finish line. Finally, Staci arrives last, still chattering it up as usual, but looked exhausted nevertheless.

Staci: (breathing heavily) My uncle Bill...(gasps for air)...won the New York marathon four times...(gasps for air)...because marathons were...(gasps for air)...first proposed by my great...(gasps for air)...great...(collapses on top of Sam)

Scott: (smirks) That's one way to get her to shut up.

Jordan: (whispers) I just hope she's not on our team...

Chris: And Chatty Staci, Team A!

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Jordan: (screaming) NOOOOOOOOOOO!

Staci: It's too bad I couldn't keep up with Jordan. I had so much fun talking to him about my relatives! And I just know that he was very impressed since he kept listening to me! But now we're on the same team, so I get to talk to him all the time now! I bet he's just as excited to be on the same team with me as I am!

Jordan: (bangs head against the wall repeatedly) Why Chris?! WHY?!

The camera pans back to Chris as Scott runs up to him.

Scott: What the heck was that thing in the forest?!

Cameron: (nervously) I'm pretty sure that cry does not belong to any known animal species!

Jordan: I can confirm that as well! Take it from someone whose an expert on animals; that cry was not normal!

Chris: Relax, it'll all make sense eventually...(starts to laugh maniacally)

The camera pans to the nervous contestants as they watch Chris laugh maniacally. The camera pans back to Chris, who is wiping away a tear of laughter away from his eye with his finger.

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Cameron: (terrified) Maybe coming here wasn't such a good idea after all...(gulps)

Jason: Screw you, McLean! Bring on whatever sinisterly evils your (*beep*)ing twisted mind has come up with! You'll never break me! I can take whatever you throw at me!

Luke: On one hand, I'm very curious to know what has in stored for us. On the other hand, I'm also very scared and fear for my life!

The camera pans back to Chris.

Chris: Now, this season of Total Drama will be a little bit different. For example, in every episode, someone will be eliminated!

Everyone gasps in shock at Chris's explanation.

Zoey: It's never been that hard before!

Mizuki: (rolls her eyes) Typical. New cast, new rules to make this game even harder for us.

Chris: I know, I'm good! But since you're all first-timers, I'm going to cut you a break and hide this bad boy somewhere in the campground. (Holds up a wooden statue of Chris's head)

The camera pans to the wooden Chris statue where heavenly music plays in the background as four chefs in angel costumes come out from all four corners of the screen and fly closer towards the statue.

Chris: A genuine McLean brand Chris head! Your free ticket back into the game, even if your teammates vote you off. Whoever finds it will become THE most powerful player in Total Drama history!

The camera pans back to Chris. He squints his eyes at the wooden statue in his hand.

Chris: Is the cleft on my chin really that big?

Scott: (smirks) Yup. And it looks like a butt.

The rest of the contestants snicker at Scott's remark, while Chris scowls at Scott.

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Jo: Okay, the statue of McLean's head is very creepy looking, but I'm still gonna find it!

Lightning: Ain't nobody gonna find that statue but the Lightning! (Flexes muscles) Sha-Bam!

Sam: Cool! An extra life to keep the game going for the person that finds it! It would be so awesome if I found it! That statue would definitely be a major power-up for me! (Chuckles)

The camera back pans to Chris as he is putting away the statue, while still scowling at Scott.

Chris: Moving on! Time for the team names!

The camera pans to Lightning, Scott, and B.

Lightning: Team Lightning! (throws his arms up and points at the sky) No wait, Lightning SQUAD!

Chris: Great suggestions, Lightning. But, names have already been chosen by moi. Team A, you shall henceforth be known as...the Toxic Rats!

The camera pans to a logo of a green, four armed, fierce looking rat, then pans to Team A, who now has the team logo above their heads. Not many of the team members were thrilled about their team name. The only person on the team who seemed satisfied with the name was Sam.

Sam: (chuckles) Hehehe...Killer!

Carly: (shrugs) Eh, could've been worse...at least it's not anything like that one team name from last season.

Chris: Yeah, Team Victory was a bit of a dud. Nice name, but it didn't really suit the team that well.

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Carly: I was talking about Team Chris is Really Really Really Really Hot. But I wasn't going to insult the guy who could make my stay here even more of a living nightmare than it already would be.

Chris: Anywho, Team B, you are hereby dubbed, the Mutant Maggots!

The camera pans to a logo of a red fierce looking mutated maggot, then pans to Team B, who also had the team logo above their heads. Everyone on the team looked a bit confused about their team name.

Mike: Uh, what's with all the references to chemical waste?

Cameron: Yeah, I've been wondering the same th-...

Cameron was cut off by the sound of the terrible loud roar that everyone heard earlier. The roar made everyone jump and flinch in fear.

Cameron: (lowers his head and claps his hands on top of his head in terror) It's the monster!

The camera pans to the forest where trees come tumbling down as the roads get louder and closer. The contestants watched in horror and suspense as the creature appeared to be coming closer and closer towards them. Then finally, a hairless yellow eyed squirrel appeared out of the bushes. Everyone was confused by this revelation.

Jo: Hey, it's just a stupid squirrel!

Dakota: Awwwwwwww!

Jason: (facepalms) Your telling me that all this time we have been running for our lives from a (*beep*)ing squirrel?!

Brick: Little Guy looks a little off...

Jordan: (squints) yeah...this squirrel does look different.

The camera pans back to the squirrel, who the blinks vertically instead of horizontally. Dakota lets out a scream.

Dawn: (gasps) Oh my gosh! What's wrong with it?

Chris: While we were gone, I rented the island out to a nice family oriented bio-hazardous waste disposal company. (The camera pans to several barrels of toxic waste) Sweet people! (The camera pans back to Chris) But the waste is having a teensy bit of an impact on the flora and fauna.

Right on cue, a butterfly flies next to the hairless squirrel and the squirrel then proceeds to stick out its long frog-like tongue to grab the butterfly and eat it, while continuing to blink vertically.

Sam: (chuckles) Hehehe...cool!

Luke: Yeah, that little dude does look pretty cool!

Dakota walks over to the mutant squirrel and kneels down next to it.

Dakota: Weird...I want one! (Holds out her hand)

The mutant squirrel roars a very loud and powerful roar at Dakota. It then fires lasers from its eyes at Dakota's feet, causing her to jump up and run away screaming. The squirrel blows a raspberry at Dakota and scurries off. The camera pans to Dakota, who is now in the arms of Sam. Chris's laughter can be heard from the background before the camera pans to him.

Chris: Most. Danger. EEVVVEERRR!

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Dakota: (cries into her hands) Chris the meanest ever! (Continues crying into her hands but then stops) Hang on. (Pulls out a compact makeup mirror) Not too blotchy? Okay, take two! (Puts away the mirror and clears her throat. Then proceeds to cry again)

Dawn: That poor little soul! How could Chris allow something so cruel to happen to Mother Earth's blessings?! This is probably one of the most evil deeds Chris has done!

(Chris over loudspeaker): Not even close, Dawn! Trust me. (Chuckles)

Dawn: (rolls her eyes and scowls) What an evil man Chris is!

(Chris over loudspeaker): Awww, thanks Dawn! (Chuckles)

Luke: (eyes wide) That squirrel shoots lasers from its eyes?! While studying the island's mutated flora and fauna would be totally awesome, I am also a little scared to see how the toxic waste has affected the other animals if it can do that to a squirrel!

Jordan: (arms crossed and frowns) What Chris has done to the island is completely immoral and reprehensible! And though I am appalled by the environmental disaster that Chris has created, I am looking forward to observing the island's wildlife and plant life as well. The effects of the waste has given the wildlife on the island fascinating abilities, and watching how these mutated creatures' behavior and survival skills in this toxic waste habitat would make an interesting read for environment protection activists like myself! Maybe I can get an article about this island published in a magazine? That outta spread the word on why we should protect our environment!

Luna: (wide eyed) I am on an island that is populated by mutants?! (Pumps fist into the air and cheers) Yes! This is so awesome!

The camera pans back to Chris.

Chris: Now, before we start our very first challenge of the season, let's give out some rewards. Jo, because you made it up here before anyone else, your team gets a trampoline!

The camera pans to a trampoline and then pans up to Chef jumping on the trampoline while holding a hacksaw.

Chris: And the Rats get a hacksaw!

Chef falls off of the trampoline as he bounces up. Lightning laughs at Chef until Chef throws the hacksaw at Lightning's head. Jo laughs at Lightning's pain until Chef throws the trampoline at her from the back, causing her to fall forward in pain. The camera pans back to Chris.

Chris: What do these items have to do with this bomb? (Pulls out the same kind of bomb he used to blow up the paparazzi boat)

Mike: (nervously) Ummm...he won't really blow us up again, will he?

Chris pops up between Zoey and Mike, still holding the bomb and grinning mischievously, making Mike and Zoey even more nervous.

Chris: (smug grin) Won't I? Find out when we come back!

The scene fades to black...