Thank you so much for the support! You guys rock! So sorry for the delay, I have been going through some tough stuff in RL, but it always helps to write to escape reality (especially Star Wars!)...although Ben is at this point in the story dealing with some heavy stuff...but it gets better, I promise...he has to dig deep in order to heal himself...(speaking from personal experience)...

Too bad that Kylo is his therapist...!

I had to split this...very long chapter in four (this is the second part) so hopefully the next part won't be too far behind...


Chapter seventeen - The darkside awakens

"What you do you mean by I can't leave? Never...dad..what does he mean?" Little Ben looked pleadingly at his father by his side, who stared furiously at Luke and his only answer was petting him on the head to calm him down, while the two men were locked in some strange staring contest in the great green vastness bathed in the cold moonlight.

The only thing to break the tension, was it started raining all of a sudden and as the raindrops kept dripping into their eyes, they had to forfeit the competition. His father was to Ben's disappointment, the first to lose as the Jedi master seemed to be able to stare into each of their souls, without blinking an eye.

However, despite being the staring contest champion, his uncle was the first one to speak and he asked kind of mockingly, as if he already had checked out the answer with the force:"Leia doesn't know you are here?"

"Of course she knows." His father scoffed and his uncle narrowed his eyes and asked again, like he was asking a little child:"Let me rephrase that...did she allow you to come here?"

"Why would I need her permission?" His father shrugged, but broke down under the Jedi master's harsh glare and admitted in a small voice, which resembled way too much when Ben had to admit he had done something wrong: "No...in fact she...kind of...forbid it..."

His uncle shook his head sternly. "Then you are in big trouble."

"No...okay maybe..but she want this...honestly..." his father pulled little Ben closer to him, who was getting soaking wet in the rain and hoped it would soon clear out, that the dark clouds would disappear from the sky...and his soul.


Definitely a fake memory, dad would never dare to go behind mom's back...to get me back...wait...why wouldn't mom want me...back?

KR: You know why...

No why...?

KR: Darkside bla bla...you know...

NO, I DON'T KNOW!


"Dad, what does he mean? I can't go home?" asked little Ben again, this time hoping for a verbal answer and his patience was rewarded with another petting on the head, this time dripping wet and an answer. "Of course you can...stop scaring my kid."

His father scowled at his uncle, who only snorted. "Like you are one to talk."

"What are you insinuating? Ben, are you afraid of me?" His father turned startled to Ben.


Afraid?

KR: I would say someone who tried to kill his father with poisonous gas, went hiding and disguised himself and used a fake identity, must be somewhat afraid of his dad...

I was not afraid...just lost...I think...but that makes sense, I had just recently come back to the lightside...but I don't understand, why I would be there...I hadn't done anything wrong...or well...no more wrong than usual...


"No." Ben moved closer to his father and glared at his uncle, as if he wanted to hit him hard over head with his toy saber, which was packed deep in his bag, for even implying it.

His father exhaled relieved, as he had no idea about his son's violent thoughts. "See...he belongs with me...my kid." He pointed at himself and gave Ben more wet petting on the head.


Phew, Luke was just wrong as always...such a bad teacher...

KR: No...

No?

KR: I mean of course he is a bad teacher, that's why I got another...two actually...but I think he meant something else...

What?


His uncle sighed and shook his head tiredly, as if he was dealing with two dunces. "That's not what I meant. Your son thought you hated him!" He pointed at Ben by his father's side, as if his father wouldn't know who he was talking about otherwise, even though he only had one kid and Ben stiffened.

"What, why did you think that?" asked his father in shock.


Yeah...why did I think that?

KR: When didn't you think that?

What do you mean?

KR: Search your feelings, you know it to be true...

Is that your only line?

KR: It's my favorite line by gramps...along with impressive, most impressive...and...

All his other lines?

KR: Yeah...but you have used it as well.

True, it is a good line...but what am I saying, we can't stay here forever! You are just messing with me again!

KR: I was thinking, what if this is fact the past? Just in another world, timeline or something. And we could just kill Luke here and finish the last Jedi! In fact, it's a win, win because then he couldn't keep you here and...

And you would never have awakened, meaning this could never have happened...

Oh...time paradox...

Yeb, and besides, I thought this was a fake memory...or a dream...

I have no idea anymore...we better see what happens next...

I guess...

KR: It's the only way...


I don't want to talk about it...can we not just...go?" pleaded little Ben, as he had no longing to remember those painful feelings, that had been washed away the minute his father came to pick him up. Why was his stupid uncle forcing him to recall it?! And why didn't this stupid rain stop! He was cold, wet and now angry. He hated even more being there, now with every fiber of his being.


KR: Nice, you're really embracing the darkside there!

It very easy when you are freezing cold in a rain...far away from home...from mom's warm embrace...and...

KR: Actually, I like rain, it's so dramatic and cool! And symbolic and it washes away the blood of your enemies so easily that you don't even need to wash your clothes or helmet...I hate washing you know!

I don't need more of your commentary...

KR: You are no fun...


"Ben, you need to let it out," said his uncle, who instantly picked up on his negative emotions and added in a softer voice: "This is one of the reasons you nearly went to the darkside, remember...?"


What? I don't understand...

KR: Be quiet and listen then...

Are you shutting me up...?!

KR: Sush!


"Ben...is this true?" asked his father in a hollow voice, as if he was seeing his true self for the first time.

Ben sighed, as he knew there was no way around this, since his stupid uncle had to bring it up, but he had to do something about the cold, so he picked up his hand painted black robe from the wet grass, winded it and put it on.

"Fine...you didn't talk to me...I thought you had given up on me..." Ben suddenly had great trouble continuing, as contrary to his plan of putting on an overcoat to get warm in the rain, he grew even colder and not just his body but his soul as well.

He shivered and his lower lip started to tremble.

He took a deep breath, though it felt painful to breathe as his chest felt so constricted, when all the hurt from back then was brought back "...and then you just went away...without even saying goodbye...and then you send me away...I was sure you hated..." His eyes filled with unstoppable tears and just his luck, it stopped raining so he had no way to conceal them or could lie that it was just raining on his face.

He hated himself for appearing so weak in front of them, the mighty heroes of the rebellion, but mostly Luke for forcing him to go through with it.

The two heroes had so far only watched him with pained looks, even allowing him to dress into a soaking wet clothing instead of finding something warm for him or better yet just take him inside for shelter, as they waited for him to finish, but when he couldn't continue because of his crying and cold, his father wrapped his big arms around his black shaking frame and rubbed his small back soothingly. "Sush, my boy, no need to cry. You are stronger than this. Take a deep breath and start over. You can do it. I'm here with you..."


KR: Crybaby...

You're just a Vader copycat..and I'm just a kid there...why so evil?

KR: Duh, I'm evil...most of the time...and you made fun of my commentary!

I did not make fun of it. I just told you to stop!

KR: Oh...wait I don't like that either! That's why I told you to stop!

Stop ruining the mood! I think we are getting some important information here...

KR: You are learning about yourself...? I thought you hated schoolwork...?

I need to know this stuff...in order to continue...

KR: Being stupid?

Being me...

KR: That's a bad idea...why not be me instead? I am much cooler...

IF you ever want to get out of here...please just shut up!

KR: Okay...we should have brought popcorn...

Why?

KR: It's not like we can interfere. The only thing we can do is just watch right?

True...so how about doing that!

KR: But this kid is so boring...

This kid is...was you and me...

KR: Mostly you...hey is he doing what I think he is doing...?!

Oh...no...


His father's consolation had the total opposite effect on him, as he grew furious and in his anger he force pushed him far away, shocking both him and his uncle with his mighty powers beyond his age, even though his uncle was still standing and looked between him and his father, unsure how to act.


KR: Nice force push! I give it...ten out of ten! Now choke him!

No.

KR: Why not?

First of all, it's wrong and second of all, I can't control this and third and I don't want to.

KR: I wasn't talking to you! I was talking to mini you...or well me! He's actually doing some pretty cool stuff! And better yet darkside related! I like him! I mean mini me!

Now you like him? I seriously hope mini me..or us...won't do anything worse than this...and I thought force push was lightside too?

KR: Details, details...


"Yeah, I'm stronger. Far stronger than any of you! Why did you send me away...? No...how could you?! Do you have any idea how it made me feel? You ignored me completely and then you just got rid of me! Like you didn't care!" yelled mini Ben and pointed accusingly at his father who clambered to his feet and stared stunned at the little frame, who had become so powerful in his absence.

Ben snatched his toy saber from the bag, a red one with a cross and pointed it threateningly at his father. "Like I was just some...garbage!"


KR: Bit emo...but I guess that helps the darkside...sometimes...this is so your kid not mine!

You are such an idiot...


"Ben, control your emotions," rebuked his uncle him in the same manner as if he was talking to a trained animal who had become wild again, despite being the one who had made him open himself up like that and seemed to be regretting that decision tremendously, as he carefully made his way over to him, even though he was only armed with a toy saber not a real one.


KR: See, your uncle agrees with me. You are too emo.

Shut up.


"I will handle this," said his father, as he managed to rise to his feet and stopped his uncle from reaching his boy by putting his hand in front of him.

"He could be dangerous," said his uncle, like he was thinking of turning on his saber just in case.

"I don't care." said his father.

"He's my padawan," said his uncle as if that meant he was his responsibility and his father retorted with:"He's my son."

He took a handkerchief from his pocket and sauntered over to his still fuming son. "Listen, good. First of all. I did not send you away. I was away at that time, remember?"


That can't be right...mom said...

KR: Did your mom lie...? No way, your perfect mom...that just so happened to have also lied about Darth Vader!

I don't care about Darth Vader...

KR: Take that back! And besides, how can you be so sure he's the one telling the truth...? Is any of this even true?

I don't know...I hope so...that would be nice...

KR: Which means, that is most likely isn't...

Shut up...


"But mom said..." His father stopped him by putting a handkerchief on his nose and making him blow it.

Your mother did it, without consulting me," said his father and put the used handkerchief back into his pocket.

"Mom?" asked Ben stunned and his father nodded.

"Yes, she and your uncle conspired behind my back," growled his father, in a similar way to Chewie and asked for his saber with his hand. "Here, let me keep it for you. You could hurt yourself. I have a new toy for you, remind me to give it to you later."

He took away the toy saber and put it safely back in the bag.

"A new toy?" asked Ben breathlessly and his father nodded, disrobed him and threw the black, wet robe on the ground with disgust.

"Let's get you out of these clothes and into something warmer. There must be something in here...I don't believe your mom wouldn't pack outdoor clothes...I would have..." His father found a towel in the bag and threw it to Ben, who started toweling his head with a sad expression as he wanted his father to do it, but his father was busy trying to find better clothes for him.

Luke crossed over to them, now that Ben was considerably calmer and helped him drying his hair.

"She couldn't contact you, something had to be done and quick...and it was your fault anyway," said his uncle defensively.

His father turned to him sharply and his firm jaw and fierce expression were enough to make the Jedi master back in fear. "My fault? I don't talk to my kid in a week, and suddenly everyone thinks I disowned him!"

His uncle stopped toweling Ben's head. "It was a month...which feels like a year to a ten year old, right Ben?" He took the used towel away from Ben, who nodded sadly to confirm that.

His father sighed, as he kept looking for some warmer clothes deep in the bag. "I'm so sorry son...the mission took much longer time to complete than I thought...but I intended to talk to you the moment, when I returned, I didn't not expect to see you gone!" He threw the bag away in frustration when he didn't find what he was looking for.

"Then why did you do it? Why did you ignore me...? Do you hate me...?" asked Ben and a single stray of a tear ran down his chin, as he was so afraid of knowing the truth. This was the question that had tormented him for months.

His father wiped away the tear. "I would never ever hate you. Don't ever think that..." He took off his jacket and put it over his shoulder. "I love you kid." He kissed him on the top of his head.

"Then why...?" asked Ben, as the warmth of these words, the kiss and the warm jacket helped him ward off the cold that had clung so long to his body, mind and soul.


KR: Nooo! Go back to the darkside!

I went there...eventually...and what could I even have done as a darkside child? They...my family would have stopped me...

KR: Don't underestimate the power of darkside children...they are little hellions...I think Snoke wanted me as a kid...

That's so creepy...!

KR: Why? You have a sick, twisted and a dirty mind! No wonder your mind is such a mess...seriously dude...how dare you even think like that?!

It's still way too creepy...I mean I didn't even want to live with my uncle...I would never have wanted to live with some...strange...creepy old man...

KR: No one asked you! Not everything is about you! And he is not creepy! He's very nice...for a darkside teacher...

You're the reason that my mind is the way it is! How about helping me clean it?

KR: I hate cleaning...I already told you that...

Well, hate is good for the darkside...

KR: Can't argue with that...though I hate hating things...


"It was to teach you an important lesson kid...and to be honest, I had no idea how to address your latest stunt...you really scared me. So I decided to scare you straight...but, you were never meant to suffer this way, never. From here on, you will only get clear consequences and boundaries. I will not play any more games with you, understood? No more guessing games," said his father and cupped his cheek gently.


Let me get this straight...dad did not send me away...he didn't even punish me for stealing the Falcon...or well, clearly with some icy silence and temporary abandonment that nearly send me to the darkside...since I thought he had given up on me...and hated me...so mom was forced to send me away in training against the darkside...?

KR: Remember this will all be on the test tomorrow...

What test?

KR: The only test that matters, the darkside test. But be careful...your own mind can deceive you...not everything is as it seems...

You make no sense as usual...

KR: No listen, the mind is a fickle thing...it can create stuff to fill in the blanks...in the gaps of what you need to know...or will never ever find out...

That actually makes sense...

KR: Right?

I still don't understand what I am supposed to learn from all this?

KR: You will see...you will see...

Why did you say that twice?

KR: For a dramatic purpose...the supreme leader sometimes does that...as if being a hologram that sits on a throne in a dark room is not dramatic enough...oh, no he can never find out that I made fun of him! It would kill him!

Really? Better give mom that information then...

KR: You wouldn't dare! And I didn't mean it literally...just that it would hurt him...it's not nice to bully him...

Your secret is safe with me...

KR: Thanks...

As long as you can keep your mouth shut to the end of this flashback...

KR: I don't like that extortion...but fine deal...


"What lesson?" asked Ben innocently, making his uncle raising an eyebrow in disbelief while his own father gaped at him and asked: "You don't know what you did wrong?"

Ben shrugged. "You said it was okay to steal..."

"I did not say that," his father quickly stopped him, before Luke had more time to judge his parenting skills, except glare at him in a Leia-like manner.

"Okay...but that I owned the ship...so technically I wasn't stealing it..." said Ben carelessly, Luke facepalmed while his father nodded seriously and lectured him while he dressed him in his jacket, even though it was way too big on him: "Yeah...but the lesson was, don't run away and don't try to start a vehicle when you don't even know how to drive or fly...I will teach you properly how to fly...but that still means no running away." He zipped up the jacket and Ben felt trapped inside of it, but warm.

"But I wasn't running away...I planned on taking the ship, leave it on some remote planet, so you couldn't find it and leave us and then I was going to hitchhike home...so you see I wasn't running away," Ben grinned victoriously, as if he had won a big legal argument, but his grin vanished when he saw the shocked look on his father and uncle, as they didn't seem to even have an imagination for his stupid plan.


KR: Kind of like how you did everything in your power to make sure your father would have a hard time finding the Falcon again...

I thought we had a deal...

KR: Sorry! Forgot!

And I did not do that...I may have had moved it around a bit...payed some pirates to steal it...occasionally...when I heard dad was getting close to it...but that was a long time ago!

KR: You haven't matured at all since that time...

Well, it pissed me off that he was looking for the ship instead of just...you know...bringing me home...but this memory confuses me...he never came to pick me up...from Luke...right?

KR: He probably had his reason for not doing it...and this memory is to make up for why he didn't do it...

You think?

KR: It's a good guess as anything...


His father shut his eyes and shook his head as if he had a hard time coming back to reality after hearing that ludicrous plan. "That's way, way, way worse."

"Why?" asked Ben and gulped when he his father glowered at him.

"Why?! You could've been kidnapped, lost in space. I had no idea...I should ground you for a week for this!" His father made a grab for him, but thanks to his force reflexes Ben quickly hid behind his uncle, a temporary ally and his long sleeves made it look like he had wings, as he waved his hands frantically.

"I was grounded...am grounded..." muttered Ben the last bit into his chest and felt like he looked a little bit foolish, like an oversized bird in his father's jacket.

"This is not a grounding.." said his uncle hugely offended. "This is a training...against the darkside. A very important one." He moved Ben in front of him, as he had no wish to come between father and son, not after having had to deal with his own father-son drama. "Stop hiding and face what you have done." He pushed him roughly forward.

Ben glared at his uncle. "Mom and Chewie already took care of it..."


Chewie?

KR: I didn't know he had it in him...or well, it was the Falcon, makes sense...

True...I better not do anything to anger the Wookie...

KR: Sound wise...which means you will do the opposite...

I hope not...


"I know. You were not punished by me...not technically...but it's not fair to punish you for something that happened a month ago. You are not in trouble. Just don't do this again," said his father in a much softer voice and Ben breathed a little lighter that he was no longer in hot water.

"However you did plan on doing something similar tonight, trying to run away, probably planning on stealing a ship, become a stowaway or hitchhike...You are forbidden to put yourself in danger. I really should punish you for this..." said his father, deep in thought. "To make up for me not punishing you last time...I think...I don't want to confuse you again." He looked to his uncle for help, who wisely turned in another direction as he didn't want to get involved in this debate.

"No need. The only danger was getting caught..." Ben covered his mouth in fright and quickly corrected himself when he saw the furious expression on his father and stunned on his uncle. "I mean, I'm sorry...very sorry..."

"You better be, no back talk," said his father sternly. "But I will let it go...this time...I mean the running away. Just stop doing it."


KR: Hehe, a good one...what are you doing right now?

I did not run away...

KR: You just escaped into your head.

That's not the same!


"Sorry...okay...since it was all just a horrible misunderstanding...can we please go home now?" asked Ben, who had enough of his uncle dictating everything, who watched each of their interactions as if Ben was facing his trials and probably failing, judging from his stern expression, instead of just being reunited with his dad after a very long time.

His father nodded who shared his same feelings. "Of course, kid. Come here. You must be tired, it's way past your bedtime." He opened his arms for him and even though Ben often despised being treated like toddler, because of his small size, which seemed even smaller than usual in the overgrown jacket, he didn't mind being carried now as he was suddenly too tired..and heavy to even stand.

He allowed his father to pick him up, who picked his bag up from the ground and made their way to the Falcon.


KR: Lazyhead...

So you have resorted to name calling again.

KR: I'm too lazy...erm tired to say anything...constructive...

When have you ever said anything constructive?

KR: Hey, I'm always giving you constructive feedback...not my problem that you don't listen...

You were supposed to shut up...

KR: Oops!


"No, don't you understand. The damage is already done!" shouted Luke dramatically after them.

"I know how sleep is important for his growing and he probably won't be able to make up for all his lost sleep, but he must at least try," said his father tiredly, as he was in no mood for any lecture and didn't turn back. "I have heard enough of that lecture from Leia...not my fault that my kid hates bedtimes..."

The kid in question, was trying hard to fall asleep on his father's shoulder and zone out everything, but Luke had to ruin it by continuing to shout. "That's not what I meant. You can't just take him away!"

"Dad!" shouted Ben, like it was his father's job to fix this as he was too tired to do anything.

"Luke." said his father warningly.

"Fear leads to anger..." began Luke, but his father huffed.

"Not that mumbo jumbo."

"Your son is a part of this mumbo jumbo," said Luke sternly.

"No, I'm not a Jedi...I just have the force..." said Ben and hoped that would shut up his uncle for now, as he had no energy to get into an argument with him.

"His future is clouded..." said Luke with his best Yoda impression, but Ben had seen old holos of him and could say that Luke did a pretty good job, except that the grammar order was right, but somehow Luke managed to keep his same seriousness despite that.

"Everyone is..." said his father, who had long since had enough of this Jedi nonsense.

"In darkness. If he continues on this path, he will become another Vader.." said Luke with his Yoda-like voice, whether it was on purpose or just something he did unconsciously since he was his last student.

However, his father couldn't care less if Luke was doing an excellent Yoda impression, as he had used a name he hated with passion, no matter that he turned out to be his father in law...after his death.

"Stop calling my kid...my son a Vader! He will not turn into one, not on my watch." thundered his father at his uncle.

"I won't. It's only an innocent play. I don't even want to be a Jedi," said Ben tiredly and stuck his tongue out at his uncle, as if he had tasted something weird.


KR: Oh o...

What?

KR: You did turn into another Vader...right? Or well I did...or tried...

Yeah...so?

KR: Your father can't be too happy with that...

Understatement of the year...

KR: And especially not now, when he has heard that you still use darkside powers...even though you are light...

Don't remind me...and please shut up...


His uncle just smiled at his childish antics. "Oh, come on we just haven't started on the fun part yet. You still want your lightsaber, right?" He blinked him, knowing full well what his stubborn nephew thought of lightsabers or well any kid he knew.

"A lightsaber!" Ben's eyes sparkled with joy, like he had been offered some candy and suddenly he didn't think the academy sucked that much.

"Don't tempt him! And it's way, way too dangerous," said his father, who had trouble holding onto his son as he was so excited and heavy thanks to the jacket, as he tried to get away from him, like his uncle was hiding his dream lightsaber under his robe.

"I'm the only padawan who still hasn't got a lightsaber...even the younglings have one..." Ben stopped struggling, crossed his arms with his long sleeves and pouted over the injustice.

"Your mom forbade me to give you one...right away...I mean ever..." said his uncle and evaded his father's stern gaze, who said sternly:"I forbid it too. It's too dangerous, he could hurt himself or others."

Ben gasped in outrage and thrashed in his father's hold, who had to give up on holding him and put him down on the ground. "That's what lightsabers are for! I mean not to hurt others...just to defend oneself and everyone else...of course..."


KR: Unless you are darkside...

If I had a real lightsaber back then, I might have tried to chop uncle down a few times...and sigh you really can't shut up?

KR: I'm trying my hardest here! You are the one making it so difficult!

Fair enough...

KR: I like your taste in lightsabers...just saying...

I knew you would say that...wait...I haven't picked one yet...

KR: I'm talking about your toy saber...it's just like mine...

I have no idea how to answer that...

KR: It just means you can't escape your destiny...

Shut up...


Next up: The custody battle of light...and dark...