III. Bellarke confrontation part 3/3: 'Waited long enough'

Clarke looks at the bed and comtemplates going to sleep. She thinks of Madi, their new commander, and wonders if she'll come to bed soon or if she'll spend the night at the church again with her people.

"Her people", Clarke repeats in her mind.

During the six years they spent alone, the role of a leader washed away from Clarke and the compulsive urge to care for and protect a large number of people was reduced to caring for a single child. Her child.

The same fierceness was still there though. And Clarke's intensity might have been to great to direct towards just one person. Her urge to protect Madi at every cost had overwhelmed even her. Madis safety had made Clarke emotional, it clouded her judgement in a way that was new to her. She knew that now. Before Praimfaya she always had a sense of "the greater good", but with Madi, she had tunnel vision.

And because of it she'd hurt someone she cares a great deal for. Clarke replays the argument with Bellamy from last night in her mind. She'd gotten so angry just by the sight of him. Her trust in him had not wavered one bit in the last six years, until now.

He made her a promise. Clarke was sentenced to death, she was prepared to die and knowing Bellamy had made that promise to her gave her such comfort. Because she knew she could trust him, she knew Madi would be safe. And then he did what she'd spent all this time preventing. It felt like being hit in the gut and then drowned in ice cold water.

The realization had hit her like a sandstorm filled with glass, Bellamy couldn't be trusted anymore. Their friendship, and more importantly their partnerhood had really truly ended.

Killed by something so trivial as the passing of time.

It made her heart ache, her chest hurt with sorrow as she faced this new reality. She was just as alone now as she'd been six years ago.

But then, Bellamy came for her in those woods. Feeling the guilt, the anger combined with her own sadness had been to much to bear.

"I thought you died and.. I changed. My head was all that was left".

Clarke fills her lungs with air, steadying herself as she replays his words over and over.

It had taken all her strength to walk away from him. Feelings that had grown stronger in the absence of him crushed her heart. She couldn't let herself feel it. She'd lost him. He'd lost her. He was with someone else. They could never go back to what they used to be or where they were going. The trust was broken. And what's left without trust?

Focusing her attention to the present. She looks out the window, staring at her own dim reflection. Her gaze falls from the window. The urge for a new start far away hung heavy in her heart. Like when she left Arkadia after Mount Weather. But she could never leave Madi. She removed her jacket and hung it on the chair next to her.

"I guess my days running are over.", she snickered bitterly to herself.

A deep voice challenged her from across the room "Can I get that in writing by any chance?".

Bellamy walked towards Clarke's house in the heart of the valley, gripping the sketchbook tightly in his hand. He didn't know where this would take them, but he was ready for anything. Whether it would be her anger, her resentment, friendship or... In any form, he just needed her.

He walked past the church, which was lighted with candles and filled with voices. The door stood wide open, letting him peer in as he went by it. Madi sat in a circle looking at the faces around her.

"She looks so happy", he contemplated. If there was any doubt in him if he'd made the right choice letting her take the flame, it was quelled by the sight of the young commander in her element.

He swallowed hard, moving closed to Clarkes home.

The walk to her door was long but finally there he stood. As impuls took hold of him, he didn't even knock, he just went in.

Her back was towards him. She must have been deep in thought, because his presence went unnoticed. She removed her jacket and said quietly, clearly to herself, that her days of running was over.

"Can I get that in writing by any chance?", his voice reacted faster than his mind could keep up. She swivereld around to face him. Her chest heaving at the startled realization of not being alone.

The stood there, looking at each other, waiting for the other to speak. Bellamy walked slowly towards her, carefully placing one foot in front of the other. He was close to her when he ended the silence.

"I know we can fix this", he paused, waiting for her to react. Did she remember? Did his words seem familiar.

Her head snapped up, she looked at him curiously. "Yeah, she remembers", he smiled to himself.

"You're not going to cuff me to a chair again are you?", she said jokingly, a little perplexed by his words that once was her own. He ignored her comment, being to busy building the courage to continue.

"I wish.. I wish that I'd listen to you back then. I was so angry at you when I should have just.." he paused again. "I want us to have a chance".

Her chest hurt as hope resurfaced from all those times she'd talked to him on the radio, hoping that he'd hear her, that he'd wait for her.

Suddenly forgiving him didn't feel hard. Trusting him again seemed easy. Letting him into her heart felt necessary. But even with him standing in front of her, trepidation grew in her stomach. Love ultimately leads to loss.

And then reality struck her. He isn't available for the things she want.

"Bellamy.. I.. ", was all she could manage to let out. Not wanting to presume what he meant by "chance". He didn't let her go on anyway. His chest was bursting with the things he wanted to tell her.

"If I knew you survived. If I'd heard your calls. I would have waited for you. Clarke.. I would wait another six years if it meant being with you".

Clarkes breathing stopped. He said it. It was out in the open. She can only stare at him. His face growing increasingly nervous with the length of her silence. Clarke forces herself to breath.

"Clarke..", his voice no louder than a whisper as he moves even closer to her. He takes one of her hand in his own before he speaks again.

"I know you're angry for what I did. Tell me to go to hell if that's what you want. I'll still wait. There is no one else".

They are only inches apart now. Clarke never breaks eye contact. She feels the words she want to say swell in her throat. Neither of them blinks. He feels his skin heat as he looks into her eyes. He shifts his weight onto his other foot, steadying himself for whatever comes next, whether it be her rejection or... Or..

"Maybe we've waited long enough?"

Clarkes voice is soft but trembling. Her lips form a small smile. She knows she'll never let him go it they do this, the thought is almost aggressive.

Bellamy fights back a smile. He carefully places a lock of her hair behind her ear. How many years did it take for them to get here? He is never letting her go again, he thinks as his hands desperately grip her waist, closing the distance between them. Clarke lets her fingers run through the back of his head, into his hair.

Their first kiss tastes of salty tears and it's perfect, because it's them.

The heart and the head.