After Ladybug had departed the massage parlor, Adrien had detransformed and explained their plan to Master Fu while Wayzz and Plagg spoke together. This had also been the first opportunity for him to process the revelation of Hawkmoths identity with someone, since he couldn't yet discuss the ramifications of that with Ladybug. Master Fu had once again been kind and understanding, encouraging Adrien as Plagg nuzzled at his neck, and eventually, through the tears (there were tears for this), he felt ready to face the situation and returned home.
Home was quiet. In his room at least. As usual. But outside were reporters as well as everyone else who wanted to try and get a glimpse of what was going on. Police had already combed his room but were still checking the house for anything that might be of interest in the case against Gabriel Agreste, having already found the connection with Hawkmoth's lair. Nathalie was no longer around, carted off for processing along with Gabriel once her complicity in his actions was recognized, but the Gorilla was still here. He had been questioned (Adrien wondered how that had gone since he wasn't known for his conversational skills) but ultimately been considered to be unconnected to Hawkmoth's activities (save for the time he was akumatized, but that wasn't held against him). He had been free to leave after giving the authorities all the help he could, but rather than leave he had returned to his post, watching out for Adrien. At least, as far as he was aware that's what he was doing, and Adrien was grateful. But Adrien was about to use the exit through the window, watching for the moment the police guard changed and he could dash away without being seen. It was already Sunday afternoon, the questioning he'd had to sit through and the direction he'd given to the police had taken the rest of Saturday and this long into today, but it was done now and everyone expected him to want to be alone and undisturbed for a while. As usual. He'd taken a little while to figure out the movements of the police presence around the house, during which time he had talked things through with Plagg.
"This is messed up," he had exclaimed, Plagg agreeing immediately. "I wonder what's going to happen to me".
"You're old enough to make your own decisions about that now Adrien," Plagg had reminded him, "even if your dad was still here he wouldn't get to say what you choose to do any more." Plagg, despite his usual whining, had been amazingly supportive of his charge in light of all that had happened. He hadn't once begged for cheese Adrien had noticed, immediately realizing that he hadn't given him any that day. He had opened a whole wheel and left it available to Plagg as an unspoken gesture of gratitude for Plagg's support.
"The thing is," Adrien admitted, staring out at the city, the sun hidden behind some clouds but bright enough for it to be a beautiful day, "what I'm supposed to do with this whole situation isn't what's on my mind."
"I figured," Plagg replied, not even looking up from the cheese.
"Did you now?" Adrien quizzed him, glancing back into the room, "and why is that?"
"As if you'd be thinking about anything other than the possibility of finally learning who Ladybug is," Plagg explained casually, as though it were the most obvious thing in the world, which to Plagg it was.
"Right," Adrien agreed, returning to his observance of the activity around the perimeter of the house. "What do you think she'll decide?"
"I don't know, Adrien, all I know is what you want her to decide."
'Fair enough,' Adrien thought, but the comment made him reflect on his own desires – was he being selfish?
And with that he felt ready to go.
"Plagg," he called, finally drawing the kwami's attention away from his feast and to his charge, "Claws Out!"
…
Bounding along the rooftops felt strangely more freeing than it ever had – and it had always given him a sense of release. But where was he running this time? There was no akuma, and there wasn't really a need for patrols any more. He wasn't sure if he was running from his problems or trying to run to solutions. But running he was, and it felt good. Then the self-doubt that had arisen in him started to return and he found that that was his focus. Was he going to end up pressuring Ladybug into something she didn't want? But if she was against sharing identities they may never see each other again – how was he supposed to resign himself to being ok with that?
As he leapt across the Seine onto the roofs of the Île de la Cité he spotted a familiar face walking along the Boulevard. Stopping to jump into the tree closest to her he announced his presence, "why hello there, Princess."
"Cat Noir!" Marinette exclaimed, nearly dropping the coffee cup in her hand. "What are you doing here?" She wore her normal outfit, that purse she wore everywhere close to her side as usual.
"Getting possibly one of my last looks of Paris from this vantage point," he told her, before realizing that it might not be prudent to give such information out. "Uhh", he cleared his throat. She hadn't seemed surprised by that admission, but confusion eventually came to her face.
"What does that mean?" she asked. He wondered to himself why he had just told her such a significant piece of information as readily as that.
"Well… err…" he started, before deciding whether or not to have this conversation with her. She had always been so supportive of him – when they battled an akuma together, when he poured out his heart about Ladybug – if there was anyone he would be comfortable talking to this about it was her. "Say, what are you doing right now?"
"I'm, uh, not really doing anything," she revealed. "I was just taking a walk to try and think through some things." She looked down as she spoke, as though she didn't want that to be the center of the conversation. Cat Noir had no intention of prying, and he really wanted to be able to talk about his own internal struggles.
"How do you feel about going for a walk with me?" Cat Noir offered. "And when I say a walk I mean 'can I pick you up and take you somewhere more private but more interesting?'" Marinette looked at him with curiosity in her eyes and took a drink from her coffee cup, proving that it was pretty much empty. He wondered how long that meant she had been out thinking about things too.
"How private?" she asked. Fair question, though Cat hoped that didn't mean she was uncomfortable around him.
"Well when I say private I mean somewhere most people can't get to, not somewhere where no-one can see us." Still cryptic. "You'll like it I think, and it's not far." If it had been the idea of being with him that had made Marinette uncomfortable then this probably wouldn't have been enough to change her mind.
"Ok," she agreed, and walked over to drop her cup into the nearest trash can as he grinned. No sooner had she turned back around to him than he picked her up and leapt back up to the rooftops. Although he had carried her like this before he still expected her to show some trepidation at hurling through the air, but she seemed unfazed by it (though what he couldn't know was that while she was secretly nervous at being high up without her own powers this was cancelled out by her absolute trust in her partner).
He had been honest, they didn't have far to go – a hop, a skip and a jump away and he placed her down next to him atop the northern tower of the front of Notre-Dame. Private, since no one else was up here, but definitely not unseen. The crowd lined up to see the cathedral and everyone else in the square had spotted them as they approached and many were pointing up at them. You could tell the tourists from the Parisians in this way – those who lived here no longer found it a novelty to see one of their superheroes on top of one of the city's famous landmarks. However, this time the stares and pointing were probably enhanced by the fact that Cat Noir had taken an unknown girl up there with him.
Having taken a moment to appreciate the view (Cat Noir would expect a "civilian" to be dazzled by such a location after all) and assessed the people staring up at them, Marinette turned to talk to him. "So what's going on, Kitty?" she asked, the nickname being thankfully generic enough that it shouldn't give her away.
"Well," he began, looking out over the Seine as he spoke, "I'm sure you've heard the news that we finally got Hawkmoth". She didn't need to have had a hand in that directly to know it, the news was all over France, let alone Paris. He managed to suppress any negative emotions associated with the details of that situation for fear of giving away how much it affected him personally, and thereby jeopardizing his identity.
"Yes, thanks to you and Ladybug," she said gratefully. The thankfulness in her voice helped him feel the good in what they had achieved – and she always elevated him up to an equal with Ladybug, even though he held his partner in much higher regard than he did himself. He smiled at her before carrying on.
"Well, it kind of means Paris doesn't need us any more…" he didn't try as hard to suppress the negative emotions of that statement, since they tied in to what he wanted to talk about, and he sighed.
"That can't be right," she reasoned, "Paris always needs heroes." The reassurance she could offer him reminded him why he had decided she would be good to talk with about this.
"You're right of course, but now that its resident supervillain has been caught it doesn't need superheroes." The clarification he offered was sound in its logic, but the emotion was still there. "We'll both try to still be heroes, I'm sure, but we need to hang up the capes, so to speak." He was looking out over the surrounding rooftops again as he spoke. "Who knows, maybe we'll need to put them on again in the future, but I can't say I wish another supervillain on Paris." Marinette stayed quiet, allowing him the space to get out everything he wanted to without interruption. When he didn't carry on, she spoke.
"So you're struggling with the idea of leaving this behind?" she queried, trying to see what he was leading to with his explanation so far.
"Funnily enough, no," he answered, confusing her, which he picked up on from the expression on her face. "Well, yes, that is one of the struggles, I will miss this, and I don't really want to give it up, but I know it's the right thing to do. In that sense, it isn't a struggle because I've already made up my mind about it." Marinette was surprised by that. Although she couldn't say anything to him about it that was the aspect of it that had been most on her mind so far – saying goodbye to a significant part of her identity.
"So what is it you're struggling with?" she stared at him as he looked out over the crowd, still not having turned back to face her. He sighed again.
"I might lose Ladybug." He turned his head away from her this time as the emotions were unhindered now, and after a moment Marinette thought she could hear a sniff. A different day, a different rooftop with Cat Noir in her civilian form, but another revelation about the depths of his feelings for Ladybug. His arm moved up as he wiped briefly at his eyes and he took in and let out a deep breath.
"Why do you say that?" she asked softly, breaking the silence, desperate to comfort and reassure him but aware that displaying too much eagerness to do so could give her away. She took a step towards him, the crowd lost to her mind, and placed a hand gently on his back.
"I'm sorry," he finally said, turning back towards her. "This must be making you uncomfortable." His own mind back on her seeming initial hesitancy to be alone with him.
"No, Cat, don't be sorry. And it's not – I'm here if you want to talk about it." Once again she disarmed his concerns and he felt ok to keep sharing.
"It's just that, because we can't say for certain that Ladybug & I will never be needed again, she still seems hesitant to reveal our identities to each other, to keep them safe like we always have. And I get that, I really do, and I will always respect her wishes." Marinette was touched to know that it wasn't just something he said to her as Ladybug – that he would say it to someone else when he didn't really need to showed how genuine he was about it. "But the thing is, if we don't reveal them now then we won't see each other again until a time that might never happen." They'd talked about this back at Master Fu's place (not that Cat realized that), but the way he described it now made it suddenly clearer to her. "We might never see each other again," he summarized, swallowing as a way of keeping his emotions more in check this time, "and I don't know how to deal with that."
Marinette was silent. She couldn't really offer any insight into the situation because she had yet to properly spend time thinking over it for herself. Eventually, although it seemed silly, being who she was and knowing the answer already, she said the only thing she could think to say: "have you talked to her about this?" As she asked, she looked away for fear of giving something away in her expression or in her eyes. Cat Noir had really reframed what she was supposed to be thinking about this week.
"Not really," he told her. "We've arranged to take this week to think it over then talk about it later on." That was the crux of it. He had shared with her the part he was having the most trouble with, but he had a little more to get off of his chest. "But the other thing is, I'm really worried that I'm just being selfish in all of this. Not seeing her again would be really hard to accept, but the last thing I want to do is pressure Ladybug into something that she doesn't really want."
Cat Noir's sincerity left Marinette in awe once more of who she had for a partner – that he would think he was being selfish in the midst of one of the most selfless things she had ever heard. "You're not being selfish Cat," she assured him, "it's ok to fear losing something like that." She had a lot more to think about now too. "And I don't believe for a second that you would pressure Ladybug into something, you're one of the most selfless people I know."
"Thank you, Princess," Cat responded. "That really means a lot."
"Cat," she then asked, "why are you talking about this all with me?"
"The truth is, Marinette, you are probably the person I'm closest to after Ladybug, inside the mask at least." Another thing he had said that had completely floored her today. The last phrase she took to mean 'there are people I'm closer to when I'm not Cat Noir', and he knew she'd probably understand it that way, but he had really meant 'I'm not this close to you when I'm Adrien'. For Marinette, to learn her standing in his eyes (as a civilian and not as a superhero) put everything she knew about him into a new perspective. His honesty, his loyalty, his kindness, all of his qualities seemed to shine even brighter because of this. "You've helped me fight villains, you've encouraged me in my heart troubles over Ladybug, you're the person who seems to most understand me." Marinette stood there, embarrassed in a positive way by learning how he thought of her, not finding any words to form a response. "Thank you, Princess," he finished. She finally turned back to look at him and caught him smiling an innocent, friendly smile at her. "Shall I let you get back to your walk?"
For a moment she wasn't sure what he was talking about, until she remembered back to the beginning of this encounter. "Err… y-yes… sure," she finally managed. "And Cat," she said as he approached her to pick her back up, "thank you for sharing with me. I'm sorry I couldn't offer much help."
"Thank you for listening, Princess," he said, taking her into his arms again, "this has been the most helpful time." He jumped down to the lower section of the cathedral and back over to the rooftops they had come from, retracing their steps in reverse to drop Marinette off where he had found her.
"I hope you can talk with Ladybug soon," she told him, a half-truth of sorts, as they had already talked without him knowing. She was grateful for that, even if he was left thinking that he wouldn't get to share with her until later in the week.
"Me too," Cat admitted, "and Marinette?" he added.
"Yes?" she asked.
"I'd always be willing to listen if you ever needed someone to talk to about the things you've been taking a walk for today." As she smiled at him in response he jumped into the same tree from before and then out of sight.
