Marinette's walk home had been different than the rest of her walk had been. Hearing Cat talk had made her feel bad for how – up to that point – she had only been thinking about what she was giving up, and now felt like the selfish one. Dinner with her parents had distracted her from all she had to think about but she lay awake late into the night trying to process everything.
"Tikki, what am I going to do without you?" she asked honestly. "How am I supposed to get through these late night freak-outs on my own?"
"Maybe you can ask Master Fu to stay in his spare room on nights like that?" Tikki suggested with a smile. "It really won't be goodbye for us you know, and I hope you'll visit a lot."
"You know I will," Marinette reassured her as they rubbed their foreheads together. On the first night Tikki had helped her think through what giving up her miraculous would mean for her – she'd get her nights back, she wouldn't have to run into danger at a moment's notice, she wouldn't have to lie to her friends and family, but yes, she would miss the thrill of flying through the city, the power that came with the suit, and its other benefits like faster healing. Tonight though she had had to reflect on Cat Noir's perspective – she had meant more to him than any of that, and as she talked about it with Tikki she had come to realize that she felt the same about him, even if she didn't share the romantic part.
"Now get some sleep," Tikki chided her, "this may be a significant week for you, but you still need your rest."
….
The school day was a pretty normal one – Marinette was late, she fell over at least three times and froze when Adrien asked her how her weekend was (though this time it wasn't just because it was him, but also because she couldn't honestly tell him and didn't know what to say). The four of them had all been able to go to the same lycée and were in their final year – they didn't have all of the same classes together, but saw each other at least once every day. But today Adrien had only been there for part of the day, his Bodyguard even coming in to the classroom with him now, given all of the extra attention that could come his way.
Since coming to realize the night before that she didn't want to lose her friendship with Cat Noir she had had to think about what it would be like for them to learn each other's true identities, but she couldn't figure out how it might go down. The thought she had kept coming back to was that knowing someone from a distance as a celebrity was very different to knowing them as a person – and people sometimes got disappointed when meeting their idols and finding out what they are really like. What if learning who each other was affected their partnership negatively?
"You know," Tikki suggested after they arrived home that evening, "you could take a leaf out of Cat Noir's book."
"What do you mean?" Marinette asked her, unsure where this was going.
"Well, he chose to talk things through with someone. What's stopping you from doing the same?" It was an interesting suggestion, Marinette thought. She supposed Cat Noir had set a precedent, and in a few days' time there would probably be no Ladybug around anymore anyway, so why not share with someone?
"Who do you think I should talk to? Alya?" Marinette proposed.
"Alya is wonderfully supportive of you both in and out of the mask, but imagine her finding out that Ladybug was leaving – she'd be all the more eager to expose you on the Ladyblog." Tikki had a point, in any other situation Alya would be the go-to-girl, but not for this. "I was thinking of someone who already knows what it's like to have people who know him as a celebrity get to know him as a real person," Tikki clarified. Marinette looked at her with a confused expression as Tikki floated towards her wall – surrounding herself with pictures of a certain young man.
"Adrien?!" Marinette yelped, almost falling off of her chair "I can't talk to him!"
"Maybe not as Marinette," Tikki agreed, "but you normally can as Ladybug…"
It took a little bit of reassuring from the kwami but Marinette had thought it was a nice-sounding idea as soon as she heard it. It didn't take too long before she decided to go. "Tikki," she called, "Spots On!"
…
There was still a bustle of activity around the Agreste Mansion so she was careful in her approach, but she knew where Adrien's room was and positioned herself to see inside from a neighboring property. Spotting him pacing back and forth – talking to himself? – she swung across the street, avoiding the attention of any of those nearby. Her yoyo attached to the roof, she lowered herself into a hanging position in front of his window and knocked. He about fell over backwards when he saw her, but after glancing around his room quickly he hurried over and opened a window.
"Ladybug! What are you doing here?" Adrien nearly yelled, clearly surprised at her appearance, before remembering that his house was under closer scrutiny than normal and clamped a hand over his mouth.
"Well, I… err…" she started, before chastising herself internally to stay focused and talk normally, "may I come in?"
"Of course!" he said, more quietly, "please, make yourself at home".
She dropped in through the open space and walked passed him. He gestured towards the couch and sat at one end of it, and, assessing the space, she took a seat at the other end. "I should have tried to see you earlier," she started to tell him, "it can't have been easy finding out about your dad." She had considered before coming that turning up with her own needs would have been incredibly thoughtless given what Adrien was going through. She would rather be able to offer a shoulder to him as Marinette, but this gave her a seemingly realistic reason for seeing him.
"Right," Adrien agreed, surprised but moved that she had thought to check in on him like this. "Yeah, err, Cat Noir was here to check in on me yesterday," he said, the only thing he could think of in response. Not the entire truth, but not exactly a lie either.
"Oh, that's so good of him," Ladybug exclaimed, surprised to learn that her partner would have thought to make a house call, but then reprimanding herself for not thinking that Cat would do such a thing. She had learned a lot about how tender-hearted he was and that did fit. "Were you guys able to talk about things?" she enquired.
"Sort of," Adrien answered, trapped in his own mistruth but hoping that answer would come across as the bravado and ambiguity men typically displayed when faced with intense emotional moments. "It's still a lot to process, and obviously my future is way up in the air right now," he offered.
"I'd say I can imagine, but I probably can't," she explained, honestly. "I'm glad you had Cat to talk about it with."
"Yeah," Adrien said, a slightly nervous laugh escaping him. Ladybug shifted awkwardly in her seat, uncomfortable at apparently making him nervous.
"Was it helpful to talk to him?" she tried, not really sure how she would lead this conversation if he did need to open up about it, hoping that he had already been able to talk it through with Cat.
"It was." Adrien confirmed. He was aware that his side of the conversation was very stunted and wished he could come up with more to say. Ladybug seemed to feel awkward and he wanted to stop her feeling so, but he was being asked to recall details of a conversation that hadn't quite happened.
"Do you, um, need to talk about it any more?" she asked him, but the hesitancy only added to the uneasy atmosphere. Adrien was kicking himself for things to say but didn't want to make it worse.
"I don't think so right now," he shared, but fearing that she would leave (and she did look somewhat relieved to hear that) he quickly added, "but I'd appreciate the company for a while longer," and that managed to release the tension in the room.
"Ok," she agreed, seeming to relax a little.
"Great," he said, "can I get you anything?" Eager to make her comfortable he was already thinking of a list of food and drinks he could offer.
"No, that's ok," she declined, "but thank you." He was half way up already and was left wondering whether to sit back down or stand up and sensed the tension about to return. Thankfully, she spoke up again before that could happen. "I was actually wondering if I could ask you about something else?"
Taking his seat again he looked over at her, wondering what request he could oblige. "Of course," he told her.
"It's a bit weird, and I'll explain," she started, shifting in her seat a little again, "but I wanted to ask about how you switch between being a celebrity and being a… well… a normal person?" The request caught Adrien off-guard, he was expecting a physical request of some sort, not a deep question like that. Sensing his being off-balance, she tried to retract her enquiry. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't ask about your personal life, especially now, with everything that's happening," and she stood up as though ready to leave.
"No, no," Adrien interjected, "it's fine really." He had raised his hands to gesture for her to stop and motioned towards the couch again. "Please stay, it's just a complicated question is all." When she sat back down he was able to breathe again, having worried that he had nearly scared her away. "What exactly are you trying to figure out?"
Ladybug hadn't been sure what she would reveal to him, being always vigilant to protect her identity, even now, but ruminating on how Cat had opened up to her civilian self she decided that she could safely open up somewhat too. "Well," she started, "now that Haw… um… your dad, has been… well… you know…" she looked at him, worried she was crossing a line. He looked back and nodded, signaling for her to carry on. "There's not really the same need for me and Cat Noir to carry on."
"So you're leaving?" Adrien asked, feigning ignorance about the matter and trying to sound shocked.
"Not leaving Paris, no," she clarified, "I'll still be here but as my other self – Ladybug won't be around anymore".
"Oh!" He let out, faking surprise again. "So you've got to transition to being a normal person now? That's what you're asking me about?"
"No, not exactly," she answered. "I already live as a normal person when I don't have the mask on, so it's not that I've got to figure that out." He looked at her with an expression that conveyed an ongoing lack of understanding. "It's how to help someone move from seeing you as a celebrity on a pedestal to coming to terms with what you are like as a normal person..." Adrien looked at her as he took in the question.
"So you're going to be telling everyone who you are?" he asked, knowing full well that that would be an incredibly out of character thing for her to do, but wanting to maintain his cover.
"No," she countered, "no, no, no. I don't want the world to know, quite the opposite. You never know, there may be a need for us again in the future, so we still need our identities to stay secret."
"So who would you be telling then?" He asked, already knowing who she would say.
"Just Cat Noir."
He took a moment to process it, because although he knew she was talking about him, he wasn't sure why she was asking Adrien about it, or even what the need for the question was. "I'm sorry Ladybug, but I'm still confused as to what you're asking me. Why would you need to help Cat Noir to learn who you are? And why are you asking me?"
She breathed in, steadying herself. This was the longest, and definitely the most personal, conversation they had had together. "You're a model – I imagine people idolize you and put you on a pedestal?" Adrien nodded. "But who they treat you as doesn't reflect who you really are?"
Yes, that was a pretty good description of his experience with fame. "No, not who I am entirely at least. I have to maintain a public image so I don't get to be myself much," he explained to her.
"Exactly. Well," and she paused to gather her thoughts into the question she wanted to ask, "are you afraid to let people know the real you, in case they don't like it?"
It was a tough question and he had to sit back and think for a while on how to answer it. He also started to understand why she was asking the question. "With some people, yes. With others it's easier. I have some great friends at school, and I'm able to be mostly myself around them. But with people on photo shoots, and crowds who want autographs I know I have to put on a show." His explanation came together as he thought about how to describe it, but he knew he had to give her a truthful answer. "Yes, I guess if I'm honest with myself I am afraid to open up to those people about who I am. And to be really honest, even my closest friends at school don't know everything about me." With that he stopped. He wasn't sure he should have gone that far. If she asked any more he couldn't tell her that he only felt fully himself when he was Cat Noir, and so he tried to remedy the situation. "That's actually more honest than I've probably ever been with anyone about myself. I'm sorry to have dropped that on you. Please forget I said it."
"No, Adrien, I'm sorry if I pushed you," Ladybug tried to say.
"You didn't, I'm glad to be able to say it to someone actually, I just didn't mean to make this about me," he stated. "But you, you don't have anything to worry about."
"What do you mean?" she asked.
"You're worried Cat Noir won't like who you are outside of your 'celebrity' persona. Well it's clear to everyone how much he values you, so I think he's one of the ones who you'll find it easy to be yourself around." Ladybug found that reassurance uplifting, in spite of the significance of what Adrien had shared before it. She wasn't entirely convinced yet, but with that simple observation Adrien had managed to reduce her fears.
"Thank you, Adrien."
"Any time," he said, with a tone that communicated she really would be welcome to talk to him again.
"I should get going," Ladybug said, rising from her place, though this time not quite as awkwardly. "But Adrien," she added, "you should be yourself more – you are a wonderful person and I'm sure your friends would value knowing all of you". He smiled at her and followed her as she walked back to the window, jumping up to crouch on the open window frame. "Goodnight", she said, jumping into the air as she extended her yo-yo.
"Goodnight," he called back, into the night.
