Toriel's rush to the other side of the house went by in a panicked blur. She momentarily skidded on the hardwood floors of the living room before finding far steadier ground in the carpeted hallway. In no time at all she was at the door of the skeleton brothers' shared bathroom, trying not to choke on her rising panic.
"Sans! My friend, are you alright?!" She called through the door, paw resting hesitantly on the doorknob.
The only sound that answered her back at first was the sound of the still running water inside. But then a barely audible groan met her ears. Her panic spiked and she gave the doorknob a hard twist.
It was locked, and she cursed the fact he had chosen today to actually ensure that, rather than blow it off in a bid of laziness like he usually did. She gripped the doorknob hard. There was a brief moment where she still felt reluctant to barge in on him, but that thought died as quickly as it had come. The only thing that mattered was ensuring her friend was okay.
If her friend had fallen or been hit by something that fell, his dismally low HP meant it was a much more serious situation than it would be for most monsters. Even minor injuries could prove to be debilitating or even life threatening in his case. She couldn't wait, she had to get to him now.
"Sans, I-I am coming in." She announced quickly, before putting all her strength into twisting the door knob until the locking mechanism within the door shattered with a cracking sound.
She flung the broken door open and the sight that greeted her momentarily stole the breath from her lungs. The shower curtain and the rods that held it up were in a twisted heap on the floor, clearly part of what caused the loud noise she'd heard. The other source was the medicine cabinet that appeared to have been knocked off its place on the wall and fallen to the floor, leaving its contents and shards of broken glass everywhere. Beneath all the mess, she could just make out Sans's small form curled up and shivering on the floor.
"Oh, my friend…" She gasped, before hurriedly but carefully stepping over and beginning to work to free him piece by piece.
As she did so, she performed a frantic CHECK on his stats. The result of it made her soul seize up inside her.
HP: .40/1
That wasn't good, whatever had happened had cost him over half his HP. And as she pulled away the last bit of shower curtain covering him, she quickly found the damage was reflected in his appearance as well. A thin but still noticeable crack ran from his right eye socket to the back of his skull, with smaller hairline cracks flaring out from it. It looked as though something, likely one of the shower rods, had collided with his skull. There were a few abrasions on some of the upper vertebrae of his spine as well. The way he was so tightly curled also seemed to indicate to her that he'd hurt in his ribcage somewhere as well. The dark emptiness of his sockets that met her eyes, tight with pain, only made the sight all the more harrowing.
It took a great deal of willpower for her to force back the panic and let the adrenaline put her in a state of controlled calm. The situation was far too serious for her to be losing her grip, one wrong move could even potentially prove fatal. She needed to push away everything else and focus on her getting her friend out of the hazardous mess safely and then get him stabilized. As she lightly brushed glass shards off of him, she dug deep and got herself to speak.
"Sans, can you hear me?" She asked, surprising herself with how strong her voice was.
He had not reacted at all to her presence before this, but her question did prompt him to turn his head a bit towards her. It was hard to tell if he was looking at her or not without the lights of his eyes there to indicate it, but the movement sparked a bit of relief in her. That relief was furthered as his voice floated up to her, small and terribly hoarse.
"t-tori… i…" was all he managed to get out before he tensed up again, racked with pain.
"Shhh… okay." She soothed, gingerly picking another shard out from where it had been caught between two vertebrae. "Thank you for answering my friend, but you do not need to talk anymore if it hurts. Just stay still and try to relax. I am here. You are going to be okay."
Another low groan was all that met her words, and her soul tightened hard with sympathy. Weak as he was, the pain caused from his wounds seemed to be amplified more than they would be for the average monster. If she had been struck on the head by a shower rod the worst it would cause would be maybe a tender bump and a headache, but in his case, it had been enough to actually crack his skull. It was all a harsh reminder of the true severity of her friend's fragility.
Usually he was far more conscientious of his personal weakness. Even when Sans was at his laziest she could tell there was always some part of him watching everything around him closely, some part that was always a little on edge. Even when he was heavily intoxicated, though he did seem to avoid ever drinking alone. Not to mention, surprising as it was, he had perhaps the best reflexes she had seen of any monster, able to move like a flash when he needed to avoid trouble. So, to find he had been hurt like this under such mundane circumstances was concerning on a whole other level. It likely meant the gravity of their conversation before was affecting him much more intensely than he had been letting on.
It probably only took minutes to get all the glass shards off of him, but it felt to Toriel like it had taken hours. She kept at it until she was sure that she'd removed them all and that there was nothing else in the direct vicinity that could cause him further harm should she move him. It was only then she grabbed a large towel off the rack behind her and gently laid it over him before scooping him from the floor ever so gently into her arms. He remained tightly locked up in his curled position once secured in her grasp, and Toriel could feel the waves of fierce pain and even some fear emanating from his soul. It was almost enough to shatter her built up focus, but she stayed the course.
Only stopping momentarily to shut off the still flowing water from the shower, she left the room in a hurry, leaving the mess behind them. She paused a moment in the hallway, head whipping from side to side as she tried to decide where was the best place to take him for what she had to do next. Eventually she just settled on what was closest, Sans' own room. Her paws carried her the short distance in a matter of seconds.
Once there, she had little time to spare any thoughts towards the disaster zone that her friend's room was. But it was still noticeable, especially when it slowed her progress towards his bed. She had to step over strewn about socks, food wrappers, crumpled papers, old books, other various bits of clothing as well as things she couldn't identify on sight. Papyrus had claimed to her once that Sans' old room underground had been even worse, to the point there had been, in his words, a "trash tornado" that seemed ever present in the corner. What he meant by that exactly she did not know, and she had no room in her mind at the moment to ponder it.
She was faintly surprised though to find his bed actually did have the sheets on it this time, even if it was only still covering 3 of the corners. She thanked the stars she had successfully convinced Sans to let her buy him a proper bed with a frame and a better mattress back when they'd first arrived on the surface. If she had to treat his wounds on that filthy old thing he'd brought up from his previous home, it would have surely complicated things. Sans' current bed was nowhere near pristine, but it could pass for a sterile hospital bed in comparison.
She carefully went to her knees beside it and laid him down on the wrinkled sheets. It was just low enough that it made her task easier, allowing her to lean over him and work on him at a better angle. She summoned up a pale green glow around her paws, channeling her practiced healing magic and focusing it to her fingertips. As she did, Sans just laid there, a motionless knot of bones on the bed. His faintly open sockets stared blankly at nothing in particular and the only sign of life from him was the faintest rattle that came with every small breath he drew in.
As distressing as the sight was, Toriel knew not to let it panic her any more than the situation already had. His reactions to his injuries were severe due to his inherit weakness and perhaps other factors… but his condition would surely improve exponentially once she restored his HP. That was her first priority.
But as she started to pull away the towel in order to see the damage to his ribcage, he drew back and curled up tighter, sockets narrowing a bit with some emotion she couldn't quite distinguish. She pulled her paw back, at first thinking she'd hurt him somehow, but quickly realizing that was not the case. She hesitantly laid her paw back on his side and, when he didn't react badly again, lightly stroked him, ensuring her touch was as gentle as possible.
"My friend… please dear, I know it hurts, but I need to see where the damage is to heal the area properly." She said, keeping her tone soft.
Her implorations went unacknowledged as he didn't relax by an inch. His expression remained tight and unreadable, sweat beginning to run down his skull. She worried her lip with her fangs, unsure of what to do. Her mind raced as the green magic enveloping her paws swirled anxiously.
Was this an embarrassment thing? She doubted it. Sans was a skeleton, there wasn't really anything he should feel that shy about her seeing. Even if he did have some hesitations over modesty here, that didn't explain the truly alarming look on his face.
A touch of frustration welled up inside her, but it was too overwhelmed by concern to affect her for long. Reluctantly, she decided to leave him be in regard to the injuries on his ribcage that he seemed so eager to hide. Instead, she moved a paw to rest on his skull, gauging his reaction. He didn't flinch this time and she felt a twinge of relief.
"I am going to heal the cracks on your skull and your spine, okay? I will have to look at your other injuries afterward though." She said, a bit of sternness working its way into her voice.
He made no objections, staying still as she began to focus her healing magic on the largest crack, ghosting her paw over it. The green mana quickly seeped into the split bone and brought the two sides of the crack together. It left a faint scar where the full crack had been, marking itself as a slightly darker discolored line against the white of his skull. The smaller cracks nearly vanished completely with just a little attention, only a few leaving any trace of their existence. All the temporary scars would disappear with time and a few more treatments. They were a bit disconcerting to look at, but what she'd accomplished would have to do for now.
While she had worked, she had kept a careful eye on his HP all the while.
HP: .40/1
HP: .45/1
HP: .50/1
HP: .55/1
That is what is settled on as she finished up with the wounds on his skull. It continued increasing as she shifted her focus to the abrasions on his vertebrae.
HP: .55/1
HP: .60/1
HP: .65/1
HP: .70/1
As the scrapes there dulled to the same faint scars, she found that his HP gain had stalled. Clearly the damage he was keeping hidden from her was to blame for the rest of it. Her paws hovered over him for a moment, as she hesitated on what to do next. He had to get stabilized, there was no way around that. She could try to get him to eat something to make up the difference, but that would do little for the pain or the potentially permanent scarring. No, she had to ensure this was done right.
She paused for a bit though, noticing with a spark of relief how much less tense he had become from what she'd managed to do so far. That relief was furthered as his sockets opened a bit more and his pale, wavering eyelights returned. Now she could definitely tell he'd been looking at her, but his expression was still quite guarded. Despite that, she could still make out gratitude in those little lights as he looked up at her.
"th-a-nks… t…" He croaked, voice catching a bit midway.
She didn't break from her focused state, but did soften her eyes and run a paw lightly over his side again in response.
"Of course dear, no need to thank me." She murmured. "You probably should not talk just yet though. Not at least until I see to it that all of your wounds are attended to."
Her emphasis on that word was not lost on him and he shrank inwards again. This time though, now that his eyelights were back, she recognized the primary motivating emotion behind it was fear. There was a little self-consciousness there as well, but predominately it was fear driving the response. Not fear of her or her intentions, but perhaps of her reaction to the extent of the wound? No doubt, he was hiding something again and it made her own soul feel heavy with trepidation.
"Sans, please… I have to, my friend. There is nothing to worry about. It will only take a minute and then you will feel much better." She attempted to reassure him.
The skeleton remained defiant though, and shuddered before forcing a reply of his own.
"n-no… i…" He drew in a strained breath before he could continue. "m' g-good now… j-just go… i c-can handle thi-is…"
She blinked, scarlet eyes saddening at his words. It was hard not to feel a sting at his sudden rejection of her help, after he'd been so open with her recently. She mirrored his tenacity though, shaking her head firmly.
"I cannot do that. You are in no condition to be trying to heal yourself. Plus, you have told me before that healing magic is not your strong suit. You said, and I quote, "my healing magic is the worst, it's all just bare bones."
For that last part, she, a touch comically, recounted his words imitating his usual lazy monotone. Her attempt at levity didn't seem to have any effect on him though, his expression and posture remaining just as closed off as before. She could tell that he knew she was right, but that didn't mean he was going to acknowledge it. A worried sigh escaped her and her eyes became pleading and a touch pained.
"My friend… I… I cannot leave you like this, surely you understand. Please dear, just let me help you… You know you have nothing to fear from me."
At that, Sans seem to recognize she was not going to back down from this. Though he may have known it all along. The defiance in his expression died, giving way to empty acceptance. It reminded her too much of when she'd said those terrible words to him beneath the willow tree. The hopelessness there was the same.
"whatever… f-fine… s'not l-like it matters a-at this point anyway…" He muttered, small form finally uncurling and going limp under the large towel.
The defeat in his tone cut her deeply and it certainly wasn't the way she wanted him to accept her help. Still, it was the go ahead she needed. Before she acted on it though, she instinctively reached over to cup his skull gently in her paw. When he didn't pull away, she ran her thumb down the side of his cheekbone, passing over the faint scar of the freshly healed crack. He didn't meet her eyes, but leaned a bit into her touch.
"I am sorry that this is so hard for you…" She soothed, taking a deep breath before continuing. "There is something there you do not want me to see, is there not?"
His sockets nearly fell totally shut again, and she felt him shiver from more than just the nagging pain.
"you kn-know bout it all now… s-so i guess it shouldn' phase ya much…" He rasped, curling his phalanges into the bedsheets below him. "b-but… its bad… d-don't say i didn' warn ya…"
The trepidation building in her soul swelled to become intense dread. Oh stars above, she wasn't sure how many more devastating revelations she could handle today. On top of Sans getting hurt like this as well, hadn't they both been through enough? But from the way her friend spoke about it, it sounded like if she wished to heal him, she'd have to confront whatever it was he was hiding. She did her best to hang on to the strength brought forth by her nurturing instinct, no longer able to rely on adrenaline. If what she had to endure was for the sake of helping her friend, she could do it. She had to.
"I understand." She replied quietly, before gently pulling her paw back and summoning up her healing magic again.
"Could you roll on your back for me dear? This should only take a minute or so."
He sluggishly heeded her request, wincing just a bit as the tender vertebrae on his spine settled against the sheets. Decidedly, he turned his head away from her, facing the wall the bed was set against. That certainly didn't help her nerves, but she let him be, taking a moment to attempt to mentally prepare herself for what she was about to see. She no longer had the confidence that she'd be ready for anything after what had transpired earlier, but she still tried to steel herself as best she could. Carefully, and with a slight tremble in her paws, she pulled back the towel that was covering him enough to expose his ribcage.
Even with her efforts at preparing herself, the sight that met her still caused her soul to seize up violently with shock. It wasn't enough to tear at her psyche like the things he had revealed to her before. But still, she could only stare, frozen for a while as she took in what she was seeing.
She quickly spotted the wounds that he'd kept hidden from her. Two of his ribs had small lacerations in them that were rather raw looking, likely from falling on or rolling over into glass shards. But they weren't the reason the sight of his ribcage was so shocking. No, that distinction belonged to the horrible, massive scar running across it.
It stretched from the edge of his right shoulder blade all the way down to the top of the left side of his pelvis in a harsh dark line. The gash was fairly deep and bones it cut through were highly discolored in the places where they'd healed over. It truly looked as though someone had tried to slice him in half. Unlike the small cuts, this scar was clearly old. She could only imagine how horrific the wound had looked when he'd first been afflicted with it.
That thought pushed through her shock enough to get her mind moving again, raising a question to the forefront. How could he have survived this? It just… wasn't possible given his low HP. An attack that would leave a scar this bad would kill most monsters. The question burned on her tongue, but she swallowed hard and forced it back as she willed herself to breathe. Before she addressed that, she needed to take care of the matter at hand.
Refocusing the flow of healing magic, she leaned over and gingerly laid her paws over the fresh wounds. Just like with the others, the cuts re-fused into faint, temporary scars as she worked the green mana through them. His HP responded in turn, finally climbing back up to full. She ensured this with a final CHECK.
HP 1/1
She let out a relieved sigh, coming out far shakier than she expected. She wanted to move to cover him back up now that the task of healing his wounds was complete, but her paws felt rooted in place, hovering just over his ribcage and that truly awful scar. Sans' voice broke the silence then, far stronger now with his HP restored. Any lingering unevenness was the result of his nerves rather than pain.
"what, nothing?" He asked, a touch of bitter sarcasm in his tone. "damn, i must have really scarred ya then with everything else for that to not warrant any reaction…"
He sounded vaguely detached again, and Toriel began to get the sense he was retreating back into his usual state of distant apathy. She could hardly blame him, given the weight of it all, but it still managed to hurt a little as before. The green glow about her paws dissipated as she worked up the strength to reply.
"Of course it is terribly sh-shocking my friend… I do not know h-how-" She cut herself off, before impressing herself by continually more confidently a few moments later.
"W-we can discuss that in a minute… Right now, we need to talk about what happened to you. How are you feeling? Does anything still hurt?"
The skeleton gave a low chuckle in reply, finally rolling back over to meet her gaze. He made no effort to fully cover himself with the towel again though, meaning she was still left facing part of that dreadful scar.
"nah, you fixed me up good. still a bit sore and all, but hey that's what i get for being a damn idiot amiright?" He replied, false smile stretching across his face. "least you were around to keep me from dying from a goddamn shower rod. what a way that would have been to go, heh."
Toriel did not laugh of course, only felt concern for him gripping her soul more and more. She reached out a paw and laid it over his hand, giving it a tender squeeze.
"My friend, please, be serious now. Just tell me what happened." She implored, scarlet eyes weary.
His smile stiffened and his faint eyelights darted away from her once again. But he composed himself quickly, his voice still carrying that forcibly laid-back quality.
"eh… i guess i was just getting too lost in thought in there. couldn't think straight. kept worrying about how the kiddo's gonna react when they figure out that you know now. and they'll find out for sure, that kid is perceptive as hell. i started feeling real light-headed, so i got out. but then i saw… something… in the mirror.
His eyelights became fuzzy momentarily, and some tension returned to his body.
"What… did you see?" She asked, voice trembling slightly.
"heh heh…" He wheezed out a chuckle. "my mind likes to play tricks on me when i let myself get all worked up… basically, i thought i saw the kid behind me. they weren't, obviously. but that didn't matter much in the moment. i guess i blacked out or something… because next thing i knew you were digging me out of all that mess in there."
Toriel felt her soul pang harshly for him, realizing that the two of them had been plagued by similar worries, even if their reactions to it had differed. The way it had affected him was rather extreme, but she knew from experience what it meant.
"You had a panic attack…" She murmured softly, more to herself than anything.
Sans didn't reply, but gave his shoulders a little shrug.
"eh, guess so, maybe. musta fell and brought the shower curtain and everything else down with me. or my magic reacted weird. whatever the case, sure didn't end well for me huh? a real di-glass-ster."
As before, the pun didn't bring her any amusement, it somehow just made her sadder. Hearing him acting so flippant about such a distressing situation felt so wrong after he'd made such progress being honest with her. She wished to say something on the matter, but felt that that could wait until she got some answers regarding the primary focus of her thoughts at the moment, that utterly terrible scar. She settled for letting her pointed silence serve as her response to his attempted humor.
"I see… I am truly sorry my friend…" She began again softly, eyes glancing briefly at the visible portion of the scar. "Would you… also be willing to tell me how that happened to you…?"
The touch of sternness in her response was not lost on him and his grin momentarily faltered. It was only then that he pulled the large towel over himself fully again, before sluggishly sitting up on the bed to face her. His recognition of her exasperation did not deter him from keeping up his apathetic attitude.
"what, this ol thing?" He quipped, squeezing the towel over the spot that was now covering the grisly mark. "let's just say, once upon a time, I got into a scuffle with someone who wasn't very knife."
She felt a terrible chill run through her at that. A knife? Someone had done that to him with a knife?! It looked severe enough to be from a wicked set of claws or even a sword. But a knife? The person behind it would have had to strike him with an inconceivable amount of force for it to slice through the bones the way it had. Or perhaps his natural weakness was to blame. Either way, the idea made her feel ill.
And beyond that, his words had summoned up an image in her mind, a flash of a memory… a human child she had cared for long ago and loved dearly, clutching a kitchen knife in their hands, red eyes burning. It took a lot of strength for her to push the image away in order to ask another question she'd be putting off.
"Sans… H-How… How did you survive that?" She stammered, voice heavy.
Her question was enough to chip away at his mask of composure again, leaving his expression more clearly unnerved. A long, disquieting silence followed, with the skeleton's eyelights once again avoiding her gaze. When he did manage to reply, his voice was low and gravelly.
"i didn't…" He muttered, just barely audible.
"Wha-" She started to reply, but he repeated himself, louder this time.
"i didn't survive it tori..."
He punctuated the statement by looking up at her again, eyelights guttering out once more. His dark sockets bore into her as her mind reeled, and it took a moment for the implications of his words to truly set in.
"Th-then… this happened… in another timeline…?" She asked, gripping the side of the bed tightly with her free paw.
He nodded listlessly, and confusion worked its way into her soul along with the other chaotic emotions.
"But… if that is the case… why is it still there? Do your wounds not get "reset" as well?"
Sans dropped his gaze again with a heavy sigh, pulling the towel a little tighter around him.
"they usually do… but stuff like this… stuff that's fatal… it uh, tends to stick around for a few runs before fading away… though if the kid keeps their word… i might be stuck with it for good."
Toriel gulped, scarlet eyes shining with sympathy. Hesitantly, she reached out a paw and laid it gently over Sans' hand, over the spot she knew the scar lied beneath it. Sans blinked in surprise but did not seem to mind, even appeared to relax a bit more under her touch.
"Does it… hurt?" She asked, finding it hard to speak past the sudden lump in her throat.
Sans shook his head, sockets remaining utterly dark.
"nah… bad as it looks, i don't feel it at all. it's easy to forget it's even there sometimes. It's just a scar, don't worry bout it."
She wasn't sure she could honor that request. She was an inherently worrisome monster, and there was no way something as upsetting as this could be left ignored. Her soul ached deeply as she realized the cruel, almost poetic nature of it all. That Sans was left so terribly scarred by his past, both mentally and physically.
She pulled back her paw then, resting both of them on the edge of the bed as another terrible thought rose up in her mind. This one was not a realization per se, as she had already come to terms with the fact that it had happened, but it was still a terrible connecting of dots that she wanted so badly to deny. Denial would get neither of them anywhere at this point though, she had to know.
"Frisk did this to you… did they not?"
Her voice came as a broken murmur, laced with the pain of a mother forced to face the true extent of her child's sins. Even without looking at him, she could feel her words cause him to flinch. She couldn't bear to face him in that moment, so she was forced to wait for a verbal reply. It took quite some time before it came.
"y-yah…" Was all he could manage to say, nearly mirroring her own despair.
There was an inflection to his voice that indicated there was more to it than that, but for whatever reason he held it back. In the inevitable silence that followed, no tears came to her eyes, not this time. She had cried herself out before, leaving her only feeling hollow and like her soul was being drained of all vitality. The image in her mind of Chara with the knife came back to her, only this time their face blurred between Frisk's and their own. It was even more difficult than before to banish it again. Her head hung low and her claws curled into the sheets of the bed.
"Do they know you still…?"
She trailed off, but he understood her intention and answered again in turn.
"n-no they don't…" He said softly, voice still strained. "and there's no need for them to find out. them knowing it's still there would just… complicate things more…"
Toriel nodded subconsciously, shoulders sagging further. After another few moments, she willed herself to speak again.
"I am so sorry…" She croaked, feeling terribly foolish for her endless repetition of that phrase, but finding no other words to convey the vicious guilt that gripped her.
"it's not your fault tori, there's nothing you need to apologize for." Came his quiet reply, and she could hear the faint rattle that came with a particular hard shudder.
"Yes there is…" She replied miserably. "I… I begged you to watch over Frisk in my place back then… and they were doing things like this to you… And I said so many other things in my ignorance that hurt you… Like what happened yesterday. I know I could not have known… But I still must apologize my friend. It does not change the fact my actions have caused you pain. I pray you can forgive me…"
There was another bit of silence after that, before a soft creaking sound met her ears as Sans shifted forward on the lumpy mattress towards her. She then felt his hand rest on her shoulder, before, perhaps in a moment of bravery, he moved to lay it against her cheek instead.
"tori… you know i don't blame you for any of that. and like i said before, frisk is not a bad kid. in the end, i'm glad you convinced me to give them a chance. but… if you need to hear me say it. i forgive you, okay?"
Her soul stirred with some warmer emotion, giving her the will to meet his gaze again. She was faintly glad to see his eyelights had returned, if only a bit. No words she could come up with seemed like they'd match his sentiment, so she settled for wrapping him in a gentle hug, ensuring she was mindful of his sore spots. Her actions seemed to communicate her gratitude well enough.
Though part of her wished to just stay like that for a while, there were still too many concerns buzzing around in her head that she needed to do something about. So, reluctantly, she let him go shortly after and shot him a vain attempt at a smile before beginning to get to her feet. Sans looked up at her with momentary confusion, but relaxed again quickly, seemingly reassured by something in her gaze. Once up, she turned and crossed the room to his absolute mess of a closet.
It took some digging to find everything, as there was, not surprisingly, no organization to be found. The only things hung up properly were the things she herself had put in there the day before. But eventually, she gathered up a full set of clothes for him. It was very much like his more usual outfit, seeing as he didn't have much in the way of variation when it came to his wardrobe. The only real difference being the hoodie she'd grabbed was one with a light blue to white gradient. She wasn't entirely sure, but she thought it had been a gift from Frisk at one point. She tried not to let that idea make her shudder as she returned to him, clothes in hand.
"thanks t…" He murmured softly, as she laid them on the bed beside him.
She gave him a weary nod in response and then sat with her back against the bed, giving him some privacy to change while trying to work through her turbulent thoughts. It was all just too much to process right now. While he may have forgiven her, she still felt the guilt weighing down on her soul, along with the enormous weight of everything else she'd been faced with today. She wondered how she would bear facing everyone, especially Frisk, when they she saw them again come Monday.
She was no master of appearing relaxed at all times like Sans was, surely the stress would be written all over her face. And there was no way she'd be able to hide all the damage to the bathroom. She'd have to make up some lie to use as an excuse and she hated lying, especially to her family. But a promise was a promise, and Toriel was a monster who kept her promises if nothing else. She would just have to deal with it and find some way to move on past this, like she always had with every great devastation that entered her life. If his earlier panic attack was any indication, Sans was likely not going to be in a very stable state of mind for a while now as he recovered from all this. He'd need her to be strong for him, and she was determined to do just that.
"you… alright?" Sans' voice broke her out of her musing, and prompted her to look back at him.
He looked much more comfortable now fully clothed and snug in one of his hoodies. Still, the heaviness in the lights of his eyes signified the falsehood of the small grin on his face. He looked so utterly exhausted…
"More or less…" She replied with a sigh, moving then to get up and sit on the bed beside him.
To her faint surprise, he pressed close to her, as if needing to lean on her to keep himself upright. She did not hesitate to wrap a supporting arm around him and she felt the subtle grateful reaction from his soul. But it was hindered by a growing swirl of other emotions she could feel there, slowly becoming ever more noticeable as his efforts to keep them muted seemed to fail. Her own woes were largely forgotten in that moment, as all of her attention was drawn back to the skeleton beside her.
"Though… I feel that question is one I should be asking you right now, my friend." She went on quietly, running a paw gently down his arm.
He offered no reply to that, and she felt some tension return to him. That false smile stayed in place though, only going tight at the edges.
"Are… these panic attacks normal for you?" She asked when met with his continued silence.
He seemed to consider the question for a moment, eyelights wavering as he stared downwards at the messy floor. Then he shook his head, stuffing his hands into his pockets in a vain attempt to keep up a casual appearance.
"not really… way back when this all started, yah, but not… recently."
His jaw clenched a bit and the next part came out far more reluctantly.
"i usually can keep it under control at least… it hasn't gotten that out of hand in ages…"
Toriel hummed thoughtfully at that, worrying her lip with her fangs slightly.
"Well it is more than understandable, my friend. You have gone through something terribly difficult in telling me everything like you did. You and I both are likely going to be struggling more than usual until we can adjust to all this. But it is nothing to be ashamed of…"
She trailed off briefly, tightening her grip on him by degrees. Silently, she hoped he would take what she intended to say next to heart.
"Though, I think it would help if you try to be more honest with me on how you are feeling. I know that is asking much of you considering all you have already told me. But it seems to me that the way you repress your emotions all the time makes it so when they do overwhelm you, your reaction to it is far worse because of it. I know how very difficult it is to be open about such things. I think we all struggle with that in some way, but if you can at least try and be truthful regarding them with me as a start, I think it will help keep things from getting that bad again."
As her imploring words ended, he, like before, did not respond to her right away. His grin tightened further, looking more strained by the second. On top of that, she could still detect that odd churning in his soul, driving him to tense up all the more. His eyelights drifted up to her, weak and shaky.
"the hell you want me to say, huh?" He muttered, curling his hands into fists within his pockets. "course i'm screwed up over this, this went about as horribly as it could have. i totally lost it, i hurt you, i broke all that shit and nearly got myself killed in the most idiotic goddamn way, pap is gonna see this mark on my skull and totally freak out and on top of that now there's no way the kid isn't going to notice something's up and they'll…"
He paused, eyelights flickering, and briefly displaying the true level of his internal distress before he turned away again.
"they… they might n-not take it well tori… it m-might not be what they want for their ideal ending… god i mean…they might… r-reset… i may of d-doomed us all again… and all of this would be for n-nothing…"
There was another dip into silence, and she could feel him trembling once more. As much as she wanted to reassure him, she felt she needed to be quiet for the moment and encourage him to keep talking. It took him a while to do so, struggling to keep his forced smile in place all the while.
"i…i j-just…" His voice came out as a croak as he abruptly pulled his hands out of his pockets and covered his face with them, shaky grin still partially visible as he curled in on himself a bit. The feeling she sensed before coming from his soul continued to build on itself.
"i d-don't want to lose all this…" He admitted in a broken voice, trembling harder. "i-its never lasted so long before… and i… i'm too used to it now tori… i… i… care a-about all of you too much, i c-can't just…"
He was cut off as he stiffened further with a choked sound and soon after tears began leaking through his phalanges, spilling down over his exposed teeth and dripping off the bottom of his skull. Like before, he was clearly fighting to keep it from progressing beyond that, not allowing any sound to escape him but the rattle of his bones as he shook. But something was different this time. Something was… breaking inside him.
It was what she'd been feeling all this time, what some part of her had begun to suspect since she found him lying in that mess of glass and debris on the bathroom floor. Everything that had happened recently had been pushing him near the tipping point, but it seemed that this latest incident and all it entailed had simply been too much. Now everything he'd been trying to suppress for so, so very long seemed to sense the cracks in his resilience and was coming back for revenge. It wanted to rip him apart, shatter his soul to pieces rather than be repressed again.
Despite all that, he somehow managed to keep his twisted, false grin in place. He choked out a sound that was probably meant to be a dismissive laugh, but it only came out sounding unhinged and brought with it another wave of tears. Toriel couldn't maintain her silence a moment more, but she knew she needed to be incredibly careful with her words going forward. The situation could hardly be more delicate.
"Sans…" She spoke his name as gently as she ever had, turning a bit on the bed to face him better and easing him closer to her.
His trembling only seemed to worsen at the sound of her voice, but she could tell she had his attention, even over the internal fervor of his soul.
"It is okay, my friend…" She assured him, voice warm. "it is okay to cry."
Clearly though, Sans did not agree with her, wordlessly caving in on himself all the more and only fighting it harder. His phalanges dug into his skull and his pitiful grin finally withered. There was a moment where his magic spiked and she thought he might shortcut away, perhaps as a last-ditch effort to save face. But some part of him seemed unable to resist the comfort she was offering him. After a few moments, it prompted him to shakily close the short distance between them.
She didn't hesitate then to carefully pull him into her lap and wrap her arms securely around his shuddering form, holding him tight against her. The tension in his body stayed desperately intact, but he allowed the embrace without question. She tucked his skull beneath her chin and gave him a gentle squeeze before carefully shifting back a bit to lean against the headboard of the bed.
"Please Sans, do not keep doing this to yourself… do not fight it like this…" She implored, slowly sweeping a paw down his back. "You do not have to pretend for me, my friend… not anymore. Just... let it out… Let it all out… You will be okay. I promise dear."
Her words hung over the two of them like a heavy shroud and she could feel the effect they had on him steadily taking effect. It all came to a head when a violent surge of pain wracked through him and with it, the frail control he had on the emotions ravaging his soul failed him completely, letting them all flood into his magic and through both of them like a tidal wave. The impact was almost utterly overwhelming and she had to summon up the will deep inside her to remain calm.
There were so many, too many different emotions to parse through. Guilt, paranoia, hopelessness, exhaustion, fear, stress, despair... All of it was now free to tear its way through him and there was no stopping it. He just couldn't fight it back. In that moment, she felt something within Sans' soul finally snap and give way.
A desperate terror took hold of him then. Seemingly unable to stop himself, he buried his face against Toriel's neck and freed his arms to cling to her, tightly curling his phalanges into the fabric of her robe as if he were holding on to her for dear life. A horrible, strangled sob escaped him as his façade fractured completely, sending violent tremors throughout his body.
The sound sounded so awful and alien coming from him, and it all but shattered Toriel's heart. Another tore through him moments after, only increasing in violence, then another and another until he was crying so hard that his small body heaved with every racking sob. Like with most things, he wasn't loud about it, but it was so very violent that she felt as though the sobs could very well shake him apart.
She understood then, this was undoubtedly the first time he'd allowed himself to break like this in a long, long time. He'd done everything he could to prevent this from happening. He had always kept that smile on his face, distanced himself, repressed it all mercilessly, kept it together for his brother's sake. Hell, with all that in mind, he may have very well never let himself fall apart to this extent.
But now, he simply couldn't fight it any longer, no matter hard he tried. He had reached his breaking point and she could only thank the stars he didn't have to endure it alone. Still, she could feel his shame and self-hatred at his failure in that regard mixed in with every other terrible emotion flooding from his soul and it only seemed to make him cry even harder.
The last person she'd heard cry like this, with such inordinate despair behind it… had been… well… herself. After she'd first arrived in the Ruins more than a century ago. She remembered it well, how she had collapsed and just cried for hours and hours, clutching her beloved human child's body until she could finally force herself to do what had to be done and bury them. To hear Sans succumb to that same brokenness was far more painful than she ever could of imagined.
Every one of her nurturing instincts screamed for her to try and comfort him, soothe him with gentle words like she did whenever one of her children would succumb to tears. But she didn't, she just let him cry, only doing enough to ensure he knew she was there. It was painfully obvious just how badly he needed this, and if she shushed him or said the wrong thing, he may only perceive it as some condemnation of his breakdown, and that was absolutely the last thing he needed right now. No, she would give him all the time he needed, content to wait however long it took. Only a few, carefully chosen words escaped her.
"I know, my friend… I know… I know…" She murmured, just loud enough so that he could hear.
And that wasn't just comforting babble, she did know. She didn't before but she did now. She knew, and she felt it then right along with him.
How long it took for her friend to begin to calm down was uncertain, but it was definitely not something that passed quickly by any means. It seemed to her that every time he began to regain some control over his emotions, another awful memory or thought would bubble up in his mind and he'd break down again with renewed hysterics, utterly helpless against the pain. All he could seem to do during the worst of it was cling to Toriel with all his strength and cry.
Eventually though, exhaustion took its toll on him and the violent sobs began to give way to mere shuddering breaths and soft weeping. At this point, she decided she could help a little in helping him calm down. He was utterly spent, and any lingering sobs that shook through him only served to be physically painful. She readjusted her grip on the small skeleton in her arms to hopefully get his attention, before a soft humming began to escape her, summoned up from some deep part of her soul.
The tune was an ancient one, something her father would hum to her the same way whenever she'd get upset as a child, and especially after one of her many fights with her mother. She had carried on the tradition by sharing the song with her own children. It had no name as far as she could remember, but every time it's comforting melody met her ears, it sounded like… Home.
She hummed that old lullaby and rubbed small circles into his back, even well after Sans went mostly quiet again, aside from the occasional watery sniffle and shaky intake of breath. All the while she kept her tone as gentle as possible, as if her voice alone could somehow shatter him. Even after his soul's fervor had calmed, he still clung to her as tight as his exhaustion would allow and tears continued soaking the fur on her neck. She was more than happy to be patient though, and waited for him to pull away or speak again on his own terms.
It was the latter that he finally chose, prompting her to trail off her quiet humming as his terribly hoarse, muffled voice floated up to her.
"i… i-i'm s-sorry…" He wheezed, as another shudder ran through him. "g-god-damn it… i'm s-so sorr- "
But Toriel interrupted him, leaning down to gently nuzzle his cheekbone as she did so.
"Shhh… Hush… do not even start all that." She murmured, voice also a bit thick from disuse. "You have nothing to apologize for, my friend. You have done nothing wrong."
He probably didn't agree, but had no energy whatsoever to argue with her. He slipped back into relative silence for a minute or so before attempting to speak again, this time with just a little more strength to his voice.
"t-tori… i… i d-don't… i don't know if i c-can take this anymore…" He moaned, tightening his grip on her further. "it's a-all… all of this is g-going to…"
This time, he cut himself off, likely to keep from slipping back into crying again. She gave him a gentle squeeze, soul seizing up at the open despair behind his words. In a way, all of this had been what she knew he needed, but that didn't stop it from hurting terribly in the moment. She returned to tenderly rubbing his back, tracing the shape of his spine beneath his jacket while mindful of the sore areas.
"I know, I know you are scared my friend…" She soothed, voice weak. "But you told me that Frisk promised you they would not reset again, did you not? I know it is difficult, but we must try to have faith in them… that they will keep that promise."
Despite it all, a strained chuckle escaped him at that, though it sounded so hopeless it may have just been another weary sob.
"i… i just d-don't think i c-can make myself b-believe that…" He rasped, and she could feel a few more tears fall into her fur. "it… it always r-resets at some point… It d-doesn't… it c-can't just…end…"
Those words brought to light a new aspect to all this that she hadn't given much thought before. They'd spent all this time focusing on his past and finally letting him be rid of the burdens that came with it. But there had been no talk on how he would adjust to the world going forward, if they truly were to believe that this timeline was indeed their last.
Even from what basic knowledge she'd been able to surmise from what he told her, she understood that while the resets were no doubt the most scarring thing Sans had and likely would ever have to endure, they were also a part of him. He had been trapped in these loops for an unknowable amount of time, and likely could barely remember a life without them. To have to now face a world where time moved forward, things changed, consequences were permanent… it would be traumatizing for him in its own right.
Everything he'd surely learned to do to cope with his unimaginable situation wouldn't work for him anymore. He couldn't distance himself from everyone or retreat into apathy, not without hurting those he loved… and hurting them for good. If Frisk kept their word, it meant her friend would have to learn to accept and live in a world where so many things were, for the first time, new.
This realization settled among all the others in Toriel's soul, not quite as painful, but just as heavy. It also summoned up words to her mouth, a statement she knew she had no real right to make, no power to ensure. But still, she felt he needed to hear it… from someone other than the child he secretly feared.
"Sans… It is not going to reset." She declared, surprising herself at the strength in her voice.
The skeleton's breathing stalled at that, and he fell silent, seeming to be listening intently.
"If my child promised it to you, then I implore you to try and believe them. You told me it has never gone on this long, yes? We have been free for a year now, and Frisk has been so very happy… they have so many friends and such a large, loving extended family. Surely if they had any intention of resetting again, they would have done so by now. Even if they find out about me knowing, I am sure they will accept it… if they were truly as gripped by regret as you said… and love us as much as they do… then I am confident you have nothing to fear in that regard."
He didn't reply immediately and she could feel the lingering flickers of conflicting emotion in his soul weakly war against one another in response. Clearly, he didn't know how to feel about her words. Just as there was some small spark of gratitude, there was still the unyielding blaze of fear. She went on speaking when she was sure he would keep to his silence.
"I would not expect you to be able to accept all this today, my friend." She assured him. "I understand that, like my issues with Asgore, these things are not in any way easy to overcome. Healing takes time, and it seems we both have a great deal of healing to do. I promise you though, I will be here for you through it all. You will not endure this alone."
As her words trailed off, Sans remained still and almost worryingly quiet in her embrace. But then he drew in a shaky breath and slowly, finally relaxed his iron grip on her. The rest of his body followed suit and went somewhat limp in her arms as well, and she felt a small pang of relief. No verbal reply from him met her words, but the subtle reemergence of warmth from his soul was enough of an expression of thanks in its own way.
Beyond the gratitude there though, and barest flicker of hope, the warmth carried with it something else, for the first time strong enough to clearly detect. It prompted her own soul quickly return the feeling, before she could even fully process what it was.
Perhaps she was only being caught up in selfish sentiments again… But in that moment, she could honestly feel… that feeling coming from his soul.
There was a brief period where they just silently shared in that small bit of warmth. Both seemed to recognize what it was and neither knew quite what to do about it, but reveled in it nonetheless. But even that feeling couldn't overpower the crushing weight of everything else for too long. As it all came back to him, he finally spoke again.
"i'm… s-so tired, tori... i-i'm so… tired…"
In his voice was an inordinately time-worn exhaustion, a kind of exhaustion that only she and a select few other beings could ever hope to understand.
"I know… I know you are." She soothed, tone communicating her full understanding. "Go on, sleep now my friend, I promise that I will still be here when you wake. Everything will."
Sans took little time to heed her words, shifting only a bit to a more comfortable position in her embrace before sleep claimed him. Before he drifted off though, she felt it again for a moment, that small spark of…
She banished the thought as best she could, as it was not at all the primary thing she should be focusing on at the moment. But try as she might, it kept lingering at the edges of her mind, driving her to distraction. For a while after the skeleton had fallen asleep, she just sat there trying and failing to fully take in the gravity of all that had just happened. She was sure at this point, she had reached her own limit in a way.
Two days ago, she could have never imagined how much her life would suddenly change due to her decision to find out what caused Sans' great despair. Now, she almost felt like a totally different monster. And there was surely still so much more to learn as well, for both of them. Going through all this was proving to be one of the more formidable challenges she'd faced in some time, and given all she'd been through in her centuries of life, that was no small statement.
Still, she would do it all and more… for her friend's sake…
Her… friend…
Oh, who was she kidding anymore…?
With that thought fully realized and accepted within her soul, she carefully got up from the messy bed and carried the monster she loved back to her own room to rest more comfortably.
She had a lot to think about.
