Once the declaration had left Toriel's lips, Sans blinked in response, causing one of the tears that had welled up in his sockets to roll down his face. His confrontational spirit shifted then to weary resoluteness, even if it was still tempered by fear. A swipe of his sleeve across his face took care of any lingering moisture and he nodded gratefully with some semblance of a smile.
"okay... th-thanks tori." He sniffed, eyelights softening again to something far warmer.
She managed a smile back at him, and sat up properly again with a hint of a blush when she realized how close their faces were. Sans didn't seem to notice as much, wasting little time in composing himself and turning to look towards the other drawers. With a flash of his left eyelight and a small movement of his hand, the drawers opened and their contents were levitated out and over to him.
"the next drawer over just has more notes from the doc and his team." Sans said as he let the things he'd brought over settle on his lap. "this is the stuff i think is… more important for you to see."
Toriel slowly looked over the pile, seeing what looked like a small photo album with something sticking out of it and a clip-on badge on top. The badge is what he chose to hand over to her first and she accepted it gently into her paws, tilting it in the light to better see what was on it. A picture of a much younger Sans looked back at her, perhaps in his mid to late teens. He was offering a nervous little smile as though the picture had been taken without him properly preparing himself. He was dressed in an oversized lab coat and had a delightful little gap between his front teeth. His eyelights were much brighter too, not yet displaying the deep despairing exhaustion that they often did now.
The sight stirred her soul with the realization that she had never seen an image of a younger version of him. She had been convinced such a thing wouldn't exist, given the circumstances of his early life. Yet here it was, and she couldn't help let a small smile appear on her face as she looked at it.
She was so caught up in the picture she nearly forgot to look at the rest of it. It displayed his name as "Comic Sans (Sans)" in the middle, though the print there was a bit off center, as though it had been haphazardly added later on. The top marked him as being part of "Core Laboratories Intern Group B" and having "Clearance Level 4." At the bottom was some smaller text, and reading it made her soul churn a bit within her.
"Supervisor: Dr. W.D Gaster."
Her lips twitched with the beginnings of a snarl, imagining what this youthful Sans had to endure because of his truly wretched father. With an image now to tie into all the stories he had told her, it made the picture of the abuse he'd suffered feel all the more real. Her magic boiled inside her for a moment, flames gathering in the back of her throat. But then she forced herself to relax and only let a thin plume of hot smoke escape through her nostrils. Sans didn't seem to notice her anger, perhaps too caught up in whatever dark thoughts haunted him in this place.
"that was my badge from when i worked under gaster with alphys and the others." He said finally, tightening his grip on the photo album still in his lap. "i was still wearing it when… i escaped with pap. so i kept it here too."
Toriel swallowed the last of her anger and softened her expression again, sweeping one of her thumbs slowly over the picture of him.
"I see…" She replied softly, before a sad little smile appeared on her face. "You were… quite cute back then dear."
He gave something of a breathy chuckle at that, quirking a brow ridge at her.
"uh... thanks?" He responded back, a bit uncertainly. "personally, i think i look like a… chubby little dork."
Her smile became a touch more legitimate at that and she gave his head a pat.
"You still are a chubby little dork Sans." She teased lightly, fangs flashing through her grin. "though... perhaps chubby is not the most accurate word to use in your case."
Even with all his stress and anxiety, he managed a little snort of amusement at that and his weary eyelights brightened a little.
"right, good point. how about, big-boned then?" He quipped back with a weak shrug.
They both shared a little laugh at that, and it was encouraging to find they could find some reason to joke even in such heavy circumstances as these. It helped them both relax a little again. But some of his earlier tension returned as she handed the badge back to him and accepted the small photo album into her paws. She could sense this was a good deal more important to all this than the badge was. She handled it with utmost care, letting herself take in the cover for a few moments.
The whole album was clearly handmade, painted blue and bound with slightly uneven leather backings. There was something sticking out of bindings, perhaps a card of some sort, but she left that be for the moment. On the front of the photo album were the words "B-Squad" made from what looked like cut out letters from various sources, and surrounded by a colorful array of cute stickers. Below that was a black and white picture far more impactful than the small one on his badge. This one also displayed a younger Sans in that same lab coat and bearing that almost shy little smile from before. But around him this time were a group of other teenage monsters, also all donning the same matching lab coats.
The picture gave off a feeling that it was spontaneously shot, catching many off guard in a fun little moment. They all seemed quite close, with bright smiles on their faces and some with their arms thrown happily over each other's shoulders. A younger Alphys was standing beside Sans wearing some sort of cat eared headband and making two peace signs. she was also noticeably more bright eyed and joyful looking in it than she was today.
Apart from them, there was a stocky two headed dragon monster posing dramatically behind them, a small mole monster with big round glasses, a bat monster excitedly taking off mid picture, rendering them blurry, a clear jelly like monster with many tentacle arms all holding various things, a small jackalope monster near the back, clearly taken off guard with the photo and about to bite into a sandwich, a tall and lanky frog monster covered in freckles and wearing sunglasses, and a short and stocky zombie ghoul who had one hand on Sans' shoulder and was holding a soda bottle in the other. There was also a younger monster off to the side, one that looked noticeably like her student Kid, except they had only two spikes on their head and wore checkerboard patterned shirt.
She turned to look through a few more pages, seeing pictures of the group hard at work in the labs, posing with blueprints and finalized projects, enjoying group lunches, being generally silly with one another and even an especially cute one of them all asleep on a large couch together. All of the photos had a common thread when it came to Sans though, and that thought escaped her lips unbidden.
"You look happy." She said simply, red eyes heavy with emotion.
He stiffened a bit, clearly recognizing the true weight of the statement. His eyelights became hazy again as he looked at the photo album, then back to her.
"i was…" He replied weakly, seemingly lost for any other words at that point.
His grip on the edge of the work table tightened, and eventually he drew a deep breath and managed to continue on talking.
"my lab group… intern group b, they all made that for me as a gift when me and alphys were chosen to go work with ol g on his machine." He said, as her eyes continued sweeping across the photos. "she got a matching one too but… i don't know if she still has it. it was… a goodbye present essentially."
The double meaning he intended with those words was not lost on her, and she met his gaze again, her soul aching for him. These were his friends, his first real friends by his own admission, who it seemed he was far closer with than she had previously considered. And based on what he had told her about them before…
"They… died... did they not?" She asked quietly, running her paw lightly over one of the pictures as she spoke.
The question caused him to visibly flinch a bit, but he nodded, grimly.
"yah…" He rasped, just above a whisper. "during the same incident that "killed" the doc and his team. a lot of monsters died that day when the core went critical, you could ask alphys or asgore about it and they'd tell you the same, even if they can't remember the whole truth of the event. the area that my group were in… the whole floor above… there was an explosion and it... it c-collapsed on top of them. me and al were the only ones not there at the time, the only members of our group who… survived."
His voice shook ever so slightly as he said that, and Toriel moved to rest a paw on his shoulder again, hoping to offer what meager comfort she could in the face of all this. The photo album she held suddenly felt a hundred pounds heavier with the emotional weight she was now aware it carried. Hearing about tragic events like these that had transpired while she was hidden away in the ruins inevitably stirred guilt in her, thoughts of ways she could have maybe prevented it from happening had she been there. She could only imagine how much similar guilt her dear skeleton was feeling as well.
"Oh Sans… I am so incredibly sorry…" She murmured helplessly, giving his shoulder a squeeze. "I can see that they were all very dear to you…"
He didn't say anything in reply for a bit, eyelights nearly going out until he closed his sockets entirely. The heavy waves of negative emotions she could feel from his soul confirmed her earlier thought. The guilt and grief there was muted but still stung as it met her magic, leaving a lingering sort of ache. He eventually just gave a weary nod in reply. In the continuing silence that followed, Toriel felt another question force itself to the forefront of her mind, but she hesitated speaking it. Remembering his dedication to this though, she gained the will to ask it.
"Did they… also get… shattered? Erased?" She asked, throat suddenly feeling dry.
He re-opened his sockets a little with a blink, they were still dark, but she could still somehow tell he was looking at the album again. A little shake of his head answered her question.
"no, they didn't fall into the unstable magic field like the doc and his cronies did. but they still didn't get the remembrance they deserved…" He said, voice weak. "all their dust was lost in the destruction, so none of them got a proper funeral. And sometimes… especially nowadays, it really does feel like they were just... forgotten. but then again… i've never had the guts to seek out their families or anything, so what do i know?"
The words left the air feeling heavy again, thick with the feelings that came with re-stirring the pains of old grief, feelings she knew all too well.
"I see… I see..." Toriel murmured somewhat absently in response, stroking his shoulder gently as she did so.
She didn't know what to say, and had to gather her thoughts before she could think of any reply. Her eyes continued looking over the faces of Sans' old lab group. So youthful and kind they all seemed. The knowledge she was looking at monsters who were long dead, and from such a truly terrible accident, brought back that sick, sad feeling in her soul. It mixed with his own despairing emotions to the point where she only felt more and more choked up. She knew if she tried to speak again at that point, she'd no doubt start weeping for his sake.
So instead of offering him any words of comfort, she set those painful, precious photos aside and silently offered him a hug. He gladly accepted it, shifting over so she could wrap him snugly in her arms. The light shivers that had been gripping him before slowly ceased then, and his soul's magic evened out a bit. Both of them stayed like that for a little while, enough to settle their emotions again somewhat. But they both knew that he had much more to say and show her, and they couldn't let themselves be distracted from the task at hand for too long. Still, Toriel kept Sans close in that embrace when she asked her next question, seeing no real reason to let go unless he wished it.
"Sans… I do not believe you have told me…. what was the accident that made the core "go critical" as you said? It seems that this incident was at the center of a lot of what you have been telling me." She said, keeping her tone mindfully gentle and cautious.
He remained rather still in her arms for a moment, just pressing a bit closer. But the reaction from his soul told her that he had heard her words, and eventually his response came.
"you're right…" he said simply, voice muffled by her robes.
With that, he took a deep breath and then sat back a bit as to ensure he could speak clearer. As he did, his hazy eyelights briefly met her gaze again, communicating his gratitude before he spoke again.
"okay…" He breathed, then cleared his metaphorical throat. "you know how i told you that my bro was… the perfected version of what i was the prototype of? well... that didn't mean that he didn't make mistakes. he was way more powerful than me, he still is. and back then, he couldn't always control the strength of his magic attacks, even with all the doc's training."
Toriel blinked, the implications making her eyes widen with shock.
"Are you saying… it… it was Papyrus' doing?" She asked, unable to keep her voice from quavering a bit.
"heh, well, at the end of the day… everything that happened that day was the doc's fault, no question." He clarified, expression darkening momentarily. "but yah, pap did set off the initial reaction that led to it all going to hell. but only because ol g pushed him too far. i wasn't there when it happened, so i dunno the exact details but… i remember one the of doc's cronies shouting at him when i got up there. saying he'd fired off one of his blasters straight into the magical energy field. pap looked super tired and was apologizing like crazy. he probably just got startled by something and fired without thinking."
His eyelights grew hazy again at that, and a soft, humorless chuckle escaped him. Toriel felt him tighten his grip on her sleeve.
"heh… kinda funny how that works huh? all that death and destruction, shattering monsters across space and time... just because of one misfired gaster blaster…"
There were a few moments where he seemed to stare off at nothing after he said that, seemingly lost in thought. Toriel couldn't help but shoot a glance towards the stairs, thinking of the blaster who was sitting up above them at the entrance. She always thought of him with such warmth, as he truly was such a friendly and helpful creature, even with his now understandable bouts of leeriness towards Frisk and Flowey. But words from Papyrus himself came back to her then, stirring up her anxiety again.
"HE REALLY SHOULD BE MORE CAREFUL. THOSE BLASTERS… THEIR POWERS ARE NOT SOMETHING TO BE TAKEN LIGHTLY…"
It was highly unlikely he had been referring directly to the event in question, given that it had involved gaster, and thus was almost certainly removed from his memories. But the fact those reservations and fears still existed in his mind… His words could be more troubling than she first considered.
Sans gave a small shudder against her before shaking himself out of whatever thoughts or memories had consumed him and continued. She gave him her full attention, pushing her concerns to the back of her mind for now.
"anyway, after that, well… it was all a blur of pure chaos… it was a miracle i survived it at all. i guess i managed to see the first explosion coming, because i grabbed papyrus and somehow forced all my magic into a small shortcut, even though it must have really hurt me because of my inhibitor. i still don't know how i did it exactly… but anyway, then i just remember watching the command center go up in flames from some distance away, seeing ol g fall from the walkway, and pap rushing over to try and save him, the inhibitor on the back of my spine burning hot… then i musta passed out for a while."
Toriel felt her breath catch in her throat a bit, trying to picture what all that must of been like for him. That last part stuck out to her too, making her wonder why Papyrus would leave behind his injured brother, who had just saved his life, to try and save his father. A monster who had been cruel and twisted in his treatment of them both. She knew it was likely related to Papyrus' seemingly endless compassion, but something about it just… it just didn't feel right. For the moment, she filed that away with the other questions for another day.
"by the time i came to… it was all already over. it was real eerie, all quiet and dark, since they had shut down all the power to that section of the core to try and stop it from going totally nuclear or whatever, not even the alarms were going. almost everything was damaged and i could only see because there were still some fires around. i ran around the place when i realized pap was gone until i finally found him… unconscious and buried in a huge pile of rubble."
Sans' eyelights wavered again at that, and he tightened his grip on her again in an involuntary little show of stress. She briefly pulled him a little closer and a ran a comforting paw down his back until he seemed to relax again. As her paw pad drifted over the soft bumps of his spine, she couldn't help but wonder where on it that dreaded inhibitor had been. How much pain had her dear skeleton been in, stumbling around in the dark wreckage of the Core and having to dig his brother out of the rubble? It made her soul churn sickly with mixed emotion and her claws slid out fully without her even realizing it.
Her little display of comfort had again helped him find in it in himself to continue, and when he spoke again it was in a softer, more openly saddened tone.
"pap didn't just lose his memories of gaster that day." He rasped, leaning into her touch a bit. "he was hurt real bad tori… and i dunno if it was the injuries he got, or the magic he was exposed to from the blast, but it gave him some sort of amnesia after that. and he's never gotten those memories back, even all these years later. the only thing he could definitely remember after he woke up a few days later was that i was his brother. oh, and that he was great at puzzles of course… goddamn puzzles…"
Something of a bitter chuckle escaped him then, as though those last words held some deeper meaning she was not aware of. He made no effort to elaborate on it though, so she let it be. His words had far more pressing implications for her to address.
"So you have been lying to him… all this time." She murmured in response. "He knows nothing of where he came from. Of who… what… he really is."
Her words were not accusatory nor even that disapproving, more hollow and resigned than anything. Sans' soul still gave a harsh pulse of guilt though and he nodded, slowly.
"yah… i'm not proud of lying to him so much after that, but it was for the best." He declared, with a surge of sterness. "it still is. he didn't carry any of the damage his life in the lab left on him. he basically got a fresh start. ol g and the others may not have treated him as badly as they treated me, but its still not stuff worth remembering. pap spent his whole childhood wanting nothing more than to please the doc, and he pushed himself to the brink to do it. now he can spend that time focusing on himself and just… being happy."
He met her eyes again then, his eyelights burning brightly and his posture stiff. As was so often the case, it was the his love for his brother that brought out the strongest convictions in him.
"that's all i want tori, i just want my brother to be happy and safe." He said, voice shaking ever so slightly. "he deserves that. that's why he can't know about this stuff, that's why i haven't tried anything to get his old memories back. It took me a while to fully accept that way back when, but he's just better off not knowing… this stuff could... it could destroy him…"
There was a plea for understanding in his expression and tone, as well as from his soul itself. She could feel his nervous, uncertain magic reaching out to her own, carrying with it all the terrible weight of his desperate responsibility. Though she could not deny that she held some reservations regarding his open deceit of his brother, she could not direct any true ire towards him for it. Toriel had no siblings, but she could only imagine that If she were in his situation, she would have likely ended up doing the same. The fact he had to make choices like this at all was so wholly unfair that it made her soul feel like it was being squeezed.
She pulled him a little closer for another brief squeeze, meeting his outreach of magic with her own in a manner that soothed them both. Once she released him again, she found the words to speak her feelings aloud.
"I understand dear…" She assured him, scarlet eyes heavy. "And... I feel I must agree with you, as much I wish it did not have to be this way. "
Sans didn't say anything in response, just nodded, but if it was truly in agreement or just acknowledgement, she couldn't say. His soul had calmed with a feeling of gratitude though, that much was clear, even if it was still buried underneath the stress of everything else. After a minute or so, he shifted back from her a bit more to pick up the photo album again. He slid the badge between the pages and then held the whole thing to his chest, seemingly by instinct. During the whole process, she noticed he refused to look at the picture on the front again.
She could tell he was uncertain what to say next and was likely waiting for another question from her. And when he met her eyes again a few moments later, it was solidified her suspicions. So she shot a slow glance around the room, eyes resting on the covered machine when one finally came to her.
"Why did you go back to the labs for all of this?" She asked, tone rather subdued. "The Core was in shambles, yes? And you had finally been freed from that place at long last. Surely it would have been easier to just leave it all to burn or be forgetten. Was it just to ensure no one else found it… or?"
Her question trailed off as her eyes came to rest on the photo album and all the smiling faces on the cover. It made her realize she already knew the answer, at least in part. And it was an answer that broke her heart.
"Oh Sans…" She rasped, eyes stinging with the beginnings of tears. "you… you thought that you could go back and save them if you fixed this machine... did you not? You thought you could somehow stop what happened that day... That is why you brought it here with you…"
He remained utterly still after the words left her, as though frozen solid. Then he tightened his grip on the album in his arms and let out a weary, hollow chuckle that sounded just a bit too broken for her liking. His reaction was enough of an answer, but he spoke the words she expected as well.
"heh, welp, you nailed it…" He croaked, forcing up a strained false grin as his eyelights faded away completely.
Those dark empty sockets bore into her until he closed them, looking about as worn and defeated as she'd ever seen him.
"it was always a stupid idea. i knew that deep down. after all, saving them would probably mean that ol g and the others wouldn't get shattered, and that pap would never lose his memories. heck we may have never even escaped at all that day. and yet i still sat down here and slaved away at trying to fix that damn thing, not even thinking about any of that. the more i worked, the more ideas i had too. If i could go back, i could save them, i could save everyone who died, maybe i could even go back far enough to bust my brother out before old g ever got a chance to do anything to him. maybe i could even craft a better future for everyone..."
Bitter self loathing in the form of sarcasm seemed to coat those last few statements, enough that Toriel wanted to comfort him again and tell him he could stop talking if he wished. Yet she found herself staying silent and listening intently instead, perhaps unable to resist hearing what else he had to say.
"you see where that kind of thinking goes though…" He went on, just as wearily. "for every one thing i'd be fixing i'd be undoing another. even just a small thing like ensuring pap didn't accidentally set off the core that day. it was all idiotic dreams of grandeur, seeing as i never got the damn thing working, not even like it used to. hell, even if i had, it could have had consequences that could have reshaped our entire world… but it wasn't that sort of thinking that ended up making me give up in the end."
He seemed to deflate even more at that, seeming so utterly small in that moment in more ways than one. His sockets slid open a bit, revealing the deep darkness there to her again as he forced himself to continue.
"when the resets started… i lost a lot of that... more noble intent." He admitted, curling his phalanges tighter around the album in his arms. "i told myself i wanted to fix the machine and go back to make sure flowey never… came to be the way he did. but i think by the end… i just wanted some sort of hope i could escape it all. that i could find some way of stopping the constant resetting of our world. but the little weed told you how that inevitably turned out in the end."
Toriel soul panged harshly at that, indeed remembering all too well. The flower monster's cruel, mocking voice echoed in her head for a moment, only exacerbating the pain she felt on Sans' behalf. She slid her arm more snugly around him again, allowing him to focus on clutching the photo album like he so clearly wanted, but still holding him close. As before, he shivered and leaned into the side hug. Their souls did most of the communicating there for a bit, hers offering comfort, and his, his honest pain.
"i haven't been down here in a real long time tori..." He admitted in a low voice.
That statement didn't surprise her, the reasons for that being all too clear. She squeezed him a little tighter, with a little hum of acknowledgement in her throat. As she did, she happened to notice that small card sticking out of the photo album again. After a beat, Sans noticed her looking at it and he lowered the album in his lap a bit to get a better look himself. There was another flash of pain in his eyelights as he seemed to realize what it was, but he still gently pulled it out with a somewhat shaky hand. She found it odd that he didn't even bother turning it over to look at it before offering it to her.
Delicately, she accepted the card from him. He continue to avert his gaze from it as she did so, as was becoming a trend with all this. For the moment though, she left him be and took in everything on the card herself. On the thick piece of yellowed card stock was a something that looked like a child's drawing. It appeared to depict three smiling figures, two small and one much taller than the others. It was quite charming, and it reminded her of the drawings that her children, especially Chara, had sometimes made for her. But the words written at the top distracted her from any the potential warmth the drawing could have brought her.
"don't forget."
The handwriting, or should she say the "font", of it as well as the proclivity towards lowercase told her who had written it. Something about that phrase made something click in her mind. She inevitably thought of how similar it was to what she had written in her diary, finding the irony more unsettling than anything. But more than that, his words seemed to make her realize who the figures in the childish drawing were meant to be. Sans, Papyrus… and their father, W.D Gaster, almost like a family photo...
She looked at him with a questioning, concerned expression. It was enough that he met her eyes again and forced himself to give an explanation. And only then did he seem to dare to look at the drawing.
"pap drew that. it was one of the first things he did after he was taken out of the development chamber, to test his motor skills or whatever. clearly he uh… wasn't the best judge of character with his portrayal of the doc there, heh. "
The chuckle he let out then was hardly more than a croak, his usual ability to make light of these kinds of situations thoroughly drained from him at this point. And true to form, it only made her soul ache for both of the skeleton brothers even more, rather than lighten the mood in any way. That ache continued to fester within her as he went on, eyelights dull and hazy as he looked upon his little brother's drawing.
"pap gave it to me, and the doc actually let me keep it. i've... never been able to part with it. later on, after i found it had survived the accident at the core, i wrote that reminder to myself on the top on a whim. i know its vague… but it means a lot of different things… even more now than what it used to."
To her surprise, his eyelights brightened up a bit at that, as though with some faint spark of determination. The emotions driving it did not feel positive though, as sharp guilt, anger and regret radiated out from his soul in clipped waves.
"i guess overall... it's a reminder for me to not forget where we came from, what the doctor did to us, what we were intended to be… so that someone can always hold him and his cronies accountable, even in a world where nobody else can remember but me. i guess it also's about what's at stake with keeping my bro in the dark. the innocence pap had when he made that drawing is the kind of innocence he deserves to keep through the rest of his life. he's the coolest, nicest, most amazing monster ever, and i won't let any of this crap destroy that for him."
With that last declaration, she thought she saw the barest hint of his left eyelight flashing. She swallowed hard before wearily nodding her understanding. Truly, trying to fully digest everything he was telling her was beginning to strain her already frazzled mind, making her a bit lost for words. What could she even say at this point? What could anyone say? So she just did what she knew best and hugged him close again, still gently clutching the bittersweet drawing in one paw.
Another period of silence followed, only filled with Sans' somewhat uneven breaths and the high pitched whine of the artificial lights above. But her focus on sharing warmth with his soul made the silence less heavy and more comfortable by the moment as he began to return that warmth. He still couldn't relax though, not yet. Certainly not until they addressed… that.
She turned almost subconsciously then back to the looming machine, eyeing it with a harsh twinge of dread. But before Sans could react to that or break from their little moment of respite, she loosened her grip on him enough to meet his gaze again.
"Sans… I think you should take these back with you." She said, pushing the card back into his hands along with the photo album.
Her suggestion made his eyelights shrink a bit in a momentary expression of shock, that then slowly melted into muted grief and uncertainty. Toriel pressed harder though, both physically and with her words. She laid her paw on the items in question as she continued.
"I believe that... they can still have a place in your new life. Even if we must keep them hidden. As you said, the things this picture represents for you, and especially your friends and the memories you shared with them, they deserved to be remembered, do they not?"
As she had predicted, her words struck him deeply and his eyelights guttered out entirely once again. His empty, dark sockets stared down at the memories in his hands and his body shuddered lightly with a soft rattle. Eventually though, he opened the photo album just enough to slip the card back between its pages like he had with the badge before. When the book shut again, though the sound was small, it seemed to reverberate through them both.
"y-yah… yah... alright." He rasped at last, wrapping one arm tightly around it and squeezing it to his chest.
Toriel managed a small smile at that, and reached over to brush a tear from his face with her thumb. He blinked in response, eyelights returning a bit as he laid his free hand questioningly against his cheekbone. Clearly he'd been unaware he'd been driven to tears again, and she heard him utter some sort of quiet curse before sweeping his sleeve across his face. Seemingly forcing himself to regain composure, his expression hardened and his gaze was drawn to the covered machine just as hers had been before.
Fear and unease swirled in what little he could summon of his eyelights, but when she rested a paw on his shoulder in a silent show of concern, he slowly shrugged it off. There was a spark of something in him that drove him forward then, the source of whatever was fueling his need to share this with her. It was so unlike him that it only made her concerns deepen considerably, worried he might be edging on the brink of some outburst of anger like before due to her words, or even something worse.
Still tightly clutching the photo album to his chest, he hopped off the work table they'd been sitting on and crossed the short distance to the machine. Some of her fears were assuaged when he looked back at her with eyelights that were still soft beneath his sudden resolve.
"come on tori…" He said, in a stronger voice than before. "you should take a look at it. been leaving you in suspense this whole time after all."
She hesitated a moment, still a bit troubled by his odd behavior. But finding nothing proper to say, she got up and walked to his side. Both their eyes locked on the imposing shape of the machine, and the air seemed to get a bit heavier around them. After taking a steadying breath, Sans reached out and pulled away the purple sheet covering the machine with a yank of his free hand. It tumbled to the tiled floor with a resounding whoosh of fabric, revealing the infamous machine in full at last.
Toriel wasn't exactly all that familiar with much technology, so the initial sight of it brought little more than confusion and even a sense of alien-ness. But after a moment or two, she began to see things she recognized about the design, enough to make sense of it. The machine's main body was made up of a rectangular shape with the top portion comprising mostly of a large screen with a noticeable crack in it, stretching from the top left corner down to the center of the bottom. Below that was a control panel that jutted out from the main structure with such a plethora of buttons and dials and switches that she could hardly imagine what individual tasks they could all do.
It was also covered in those "wingdings" for any visible labelling, making it appear only more otherworldly to her. Wiring and various tubes spilled out of the side of the machine through an open panel and into the back wall and ceiling of the room, making the whole thing appear like some spider-like creature. Faint burns and dents scattered about the thing showed the damage it had taken back during the incident with the Core, and only made it more imposing.
Despite her reservations, she stepped closer for a better look. As she did, she noticed the metal body of the machine was oddly mismatched, with some areas looking like they'd been replaced with newer, different pieces. Indeed the whole thing looked like it had been disassembled and reassembled many times, with parts replaced, repositioned and added to all the while. That, along with a crack running along the length of the screen and the surprisingly thin layer of dust on it, gave the sense that the machine was long broken, like an abandoned piece of scrap one could have found in the dumps of Waterfall.
The only thing that countered this was the fact that there were tools and various notes scattered about the floor around it, as though someone had thrown them all down in a fit of frustration. A single sad excuse for a desk chair sat in front of the open panel as well, terribly faded and even lightly stained in some places. The whole scene before her painted a dire, haunting picture in her mind, of her dear skeleton down here alone for hours, days on end, trying against all odds to fix this machine. How desperate had he been? How much must it hurt for him to look upon it now and be reminded of that failure and all the deeper meanings behind it? She could imagine it was akin to how she had felt when she had helped move the caskets of the fallen humans to the surface shortly after the barrier was destroyed, cold and worthless.
"press the green button, the one under the flag and the skull symbols." Sans' voice broke her from her thoughts then.
His voice still carried that odd resolve, almost as though he were impatient, anxious for something. But strangely, it didn't seem directed at her, rather something else, perhaps intangible to all but him. It only perplexed her further, but she listened and stepped up to the control panel, found the button in question, and pressed it delicately with one of her large fingers. The machine came to life with a low hum that lightly vibrated the whole structure as well. Then the screen lit up along with some of the buttons. The crack in the screen caused some distortion in the display, but she could see something like a phone or computer menu covered in the "wingdings" symbols.
"It still works…" She said in vague amazement, honestly not expecting it, given its dire appearance.
Sans gave a humorless little chuckle that was almost a scoff, then seemed to force himself to step over and stand beside her. He was clearly hesitant to touch the machine, but nonetheless got himself to hurriedly type something into the wingdings keyboard. After another button press, the screen changed and she felt something like a powerful pulse emit from the machine that was enough to make her flinch a bit. But after it passed, Sans gave no reaction and she wondered if she had only imagined it.
On the screen was something like a chart or timetable of some sort. A dozen or so yellow lines crossed a black background marked with more numbers and wingdings than she could even try and parse through. What she could take from it was that one of the lines was vastly longer than any of the others and had the number 407 next to it. She narrowed her eyes at the sight, trying to make some sense of it when Sans spoke again from beside her.
"this… is as far as i ever got it working." He said, voice somewhat strained, before lifting his free hand to point at the long line on the chart. "that's our current timeline, and you can see some of the past ones there too. it used to show a lot more of em, and could print out full data reports, but i could never figure out the doc's blueprints and notes enough to get those parts up and running again. much less the stuff regarding opening portals between timelines. heh, the guy was a genius as much as he was a bastard."
She blinked slowly, understanding clicking in her mind. That line representing their current timeline was as long as it was because of how long it had been since the last reset. The number said it all, 407, certainly indicating days. Just over a year. None of the other timelines displayed came anywhere remotely close, usually averaging only a week or two and hardly peaking beyond that. It was as Sans had said, a timeline had never gone on this long before.
"I see…" She said, tapping a claw against her chin as her mind continued to race. "What you told me before, it makes more sense now. Seeing it visually like this… does make it a bit easier to comprehend."
He gave another wheezy, bitter little chuckle at that, enough to snap her attention back to him in concern.
"well, that's about all this hunk of garbage is good for." He muttered, darkly.
He turned around to face her and shrugged his shoulders, eyelights burning bright with all the wrong emotions. It wasn't quite at the same level as when his anger had overwhelmed him that first day, but it still made her grow ever more nervous.
"but hey, who knows right?, lets try and get the locked features to activate, maybe the millionth times the charm." He went on, with a heavy, biting sarcasm.
Then he turned back to the machine, pressed a few more buttons, and typed something into the keyboard again. All the while a truly unsettling forced grin spread on his face, making his actions appear somewhat manic. Eventually, he pressed one last button with a bit more force than necessary and Toriel didn't dare to breathe as she watched the screen. For a moment, nothing happened, then the machine made a harsh grating sound from somewhere inside it that grew to a high pitched whine. Then the screen went totally black and the whole machine went still with a final sort of shuddering groan.
Toriel swallowed nervously in the following silence, eyes drifting back down to Sans. He just let out another aggrieved little laugh, running his free hand down his face and squeezing the photo album a little tighter against his chest with the other. He was still grinning when he met her gaze again with another shrug.
"welp, what a shocker. can't blame a guy for trying though." He said with a wink.
His voice kept that same embittered sarcasm, but it was already fading from his expression. Toriel worried her lip with her fangs, unsure how to respond for a moment. Then she slowly knelt down to be closer to his eye level and laid a paw on the skeleton's shoulder. It steadied him somewhat, but she could still feel the tension held tightly in his small frame. She willed her tone to remain steady as she spoke.
"Sans… I am so sorry dear… I know this must be so terribly frustrating for you, to have worked so hard for so long… Is there truly nothing more that can be accomplished with it? Could we not-"
"no." He interrupted her then, voice harsh.
When she flinched a bit at that, his eyelights softened with a look of guilt and some of the fierce drive faded from him. He kept talking though, not to be swayed from it entirely.
"this is the happiest outcome we're ever going to manage." He continued in a quieter voice. "one where everyone is happy, at least while we wait and pray another reset never comes."
His eyelights flickered, nearly going out again as despair seemed to creep back into his expression and into the magic flowing from his soul.
"no one can fix the machine. not me, not al, and certainly not the doc or his goons. there's no way to end the game for good. it's taken me far too long to accept that... there's no going back."
Her soul panged harshly at that, enough to summon a small sting of tears to her eyes again. She couldn't stand to hear him sound so… hopeless. Not again. She opened her mouth to speak, but then he stepped a little closer and laid his hand over hers, more so to get her attention than anything else.
"tori... i… i didn't come here just to show you all these things..." He admitted, the words coming slowly.
"Oh?" She questioned back, softly, feeling the tension gripping him intensifying under her paw.
He nodded, and drew in a shaky attempt at a steadying breath and let it whistle out through his teeth before meeting her gaze again with more strength.
"i came here because, i think i'm finally ready to... be rid of this place. for good."
Toriel blinked at that, raising a brow and frowning further with confusion and concern.
"What… do you mean?" She asked, nervously.
His smile widened again in response, but for what emotion she could not be sure. It did not reach his eyelights though, which remained heavy and dull.
"a long time ago, i set up small detonators in the walls of this place that can be set off if they come in contact with a blast from gb." He explained. "the explosions will be small and controlled, and the walls are thick enough that there will be no risk of damaging the house. once we walk out of here, i'm gonna have gb light this place up... and destroy it all for good."
The shock she felt at that made her eyes widen and she swept her gaze around the room as her mind began to race. He wanted to destroy all of this? That certainly explained the odd way he'd been acting since they got there. Part of her could somewhat guess what might be driving that desire but it just didn't seem like something the usually rational and scientifically minded skeleton would do. She looked at him again helplessly, unable to mask her continually worsening concern.
"A-Are you... sure dear?" She asked. "Could you not just… lock it up as you did before? I think I understand your intention but… what if you ever find the need for the information here? And it would be a true shame if all your hard work was simply put to waste, would it not?"
His eyelights dimmed again as those words left her and he promptly, firmly shook his head. There was not even any pause for consideration this time.
"no, stuff like this has no place in a peaceful world tori." He declared with the same somber confidence.
That confidence quickly faded though and that same plea for understanding flashed in his eyelights again. He tightened his grip on her paw, and the next statement escaped him along with a involuntary shudder.
"and... so long as all this is down here… especially that damn machine… i don't think i can ever truly move on."
The words hit her hard, and finally broke through some barrier of her mind to allow full understanding to flood in. It was understanding that continued to claw and tear at her soul as he went on in a more shaky, rapid tone, trembling just enough for his bones to rattle softly.
"and yah, i know, it's pointless in the long run. whe-... if … frisk resets again it'll all just come right back. but…but i want to believe in this tori, i really do, i want to believe that there's a future for me that won't lead to me ending up right back here… i… i need to do this."
His words ended with him falling silent again, breathing heavily and curling his arm tighter around the photo album he cradled there. The small act made her realize that if she had not convinced him to keep it before, he very well may have intended to burn it and all the dear memories it contained along with everything else in this place. The emotions that thought among all the others stirred in her nearly forced the still lingering tears from her eyes, but she kept her composure, feeling it was necessary for her in this situation.
"Very well then... That is... your decision to make, of course." She said, voice warm beneath the sadness there. "Is there… anything I can do?"
Her question seemed to surprise him, and he blinked before his smile returned with some level of genuineness, along with a soft chuckle that sounded just the same. Though he still shivered, the lack of any negative reaction from her seemed to help calm a good deal of his nerves.
"you've done more than enough just by listening and putting up with my crap all this time. i could never ask more of you, heh…"
Though he said that, the way he stepped a bit closer did seem to be asking something of her. And she obliged without hesitation, wrapping him in a hug again. She swept a paw down his back and hushed him, trying to ignore the sudden blaze that seemed to be flare to life within in her soul.
"Please, do not say that, dear." She implored. "You are not a burden on me, you never were and never will be."
Though she could feel the relief and warmth from his soul as he pressed closer in response, the fire in her own soul raged on then, not satisfied with her words. They weren't the three little words she wanted to tell him then more than ever. And truthfully, in the heat of that moment, she almost did. She practically felt them singe the tip of her tongue as they rested there, begging to be voiced. But she remembered herself and resisted, forcing herself to quell that blaze back to its usual controlled warmth. She mostly succeeded, though a few hot embers remained.
Even though she felt some twinge of embarrassment for it, the momentary lapse did restore some of her strength that the whole experience of being here had drained from her. It helped her settle on an idea of how to move forward with the situation, still not content in just giving meager spoken support.
"Perhaps… I could play a part in helping you end this place, add my magic to the attack you plan to use. Even if it would only be a metaphorical assistance… Oh dear... it sounds rather silly when I put it that way, does it not?"
She had started off confidently there, but as she spoke the words aloud she realized it had sounded much better in her head than it did in practice. But Sans seemed to actually consider the idea, and another warm pulse of gratitude came from his soul.
"no, it doesn't…" He said, oddly serious. "i-i'd like that... you're... only ever silly in all the right ways tori."
Her soul swelled with warmth again at that, and even more as he gave her a tight squeeze.
"thank you…" He croaked out against her, voice small and trembling a bit.
As experience told her, the words were a thanks for everything, not just for her offer. And all she could do was return the strength of his hug and hold him for as long as he wished her to. She knew now what would come next, and she imagined he would need some time to summon up the strength to do it. As she waited for him to pull away on his own terms, her eyes rested on the machine once more. What once seemed so imposing now just made her feel sadness and frustration on her dear skeleton's behalf. Her feelings were mixed on the idea of it being destroyed, but in the end she found she more or less came to see it his way. He didn't need this anymore, Frisk wouldn't reset again, they'd live out the rest of their lives without that fear. She had to believe that.
Perhaps this would be one of the definitive steps needed to finally diminish his father's looming influence over his life. She wasn't foolish enough to think it could ever truly be gone completely, for it would always remain somewhat through the curse he'd inflicted on him, but she was sure he could heal enough to be in a much better place then he was now. That would be enough.
"Take all the pain you have caused him with you to hell." She thought darkly, narrowing her eyes at the machine and directing the statement at all of the things stored in that place that carried the doctor's filthy stain.
It, of course, did not reply back.
Eventually, Sans decided he was ready to leave. Once she'd grabbed her purse and ensured he had everything he wished to take with him, they made for the stairs in relative silence. He only paused once, right before they left the room, to look back at the machine they'd left uncovered. It sat there just as it had for stars knows how long, broken, silent and incapable of knowing the fate that would soon befall it. He had had his back to her in that moment, but she didn't truly need to see his face to know the kind of emotions that would be there.
Once he made himself turn away, she laid a supportive paw on his back as they climbed the stairs, both feeling the weight of the fact that they would be the last monsters ever to do so. Then the only thing left to do on their way out was to shut off the light for the final time. Once they emerged back into the darkness of Snowdin, GB was there to eagerly greet them, jaws still aflame. When he saw their somber expressions however, his excitement faded and he tilted his head with a questioning grumble. Sans reached out and patted the blaster with a small, forced smile.
"hey bud, thanks for keeping watch for me, you did a great job." He rasped, voice betraying his true unease. "do you think… you could do me one more favor?"
GB yipped and nodded with enthusiasm. He then gave Sans a light nuzzle before floating over to the skeleton's side. They both then went to stand in prime position in front of the cellar opening. Toriel knew not how their connection worked, but once Sans' left eyelight blazed to life, the blaster's own eyelights sharpened and turned his expression into something fierce and almost feral. He floated there with a low growl, ready and waiting as he focused all his attention at the entrance of the cellar. It struck Toriel as some kind of dark irony, that Sans would be using the very method that caused the event that marked the start of so much of his past misery, to now sever his connection to much of that past for good.
Sans' flashing eyelight focused on her and she could see how nervous he was, especially with how sweat dripped down his skull even in the frigid temperature. Still, she could tell he wasn't backing down from the task.
"you ready?" He asked her, voice low.
"Just one moment." She replied, going to stand at his side. "I need to make sure I hit the mark with this."
It had been a while since she last used her fire magic in such a deliberate attack, and she had to ensure her unsettled emotions would not cause her it to go awry in any way. She focused inward, drawing in a deep breath and feeling her magic flood through her towards her paws. With a sharp exhale, pale purple flames roared to life, enveloping her paws as her claws slid out by instinct.
The sensation brought a twinge of exhilaration to her, the rare feeling of giving her all in regards to her magic. Experiencing this with him in particular only heightened the feeling. Had the situation been a less somber one, she may have even smiled for it. She concentrated the swirl of flames into a single paw, making it glow brightly with condensed, focused magic. Only then did she look back to Sans with a look of resolution.
"Ready when you are, dear."
He nodded, and though it was hard to tell with the dizzying nature of his flashing eyelight, she thought she saw him eye her display of magic with a rather impressed look. But then his focus was back on the cellar door, and she saw his own magic beginning to light up his free hand. There was a beat, perhaps one last little spark of hesitation, then he gave the signal.
"now."
The moment that both their magical attacks were fired, mixed, and struck true passed in what felt like slow motion. Toriel swore she saw the flame and the white hot magical beam coalesce into one great singular entity, shining with a light that was nearly blinding. Then it was down the hole and the explosion was shaking the ground beneath her. Multi colored flames burst up from the open cellar entrance as more rang out. Then the tunnel just past the doors collapsed with a deep, resonating boom and a great blast of smoke. More blasts could be heard, diminishing in noise and intensity but still enough to make her flinch each time. Sans did not flinch, only stared at the scene with that fervid eyelight of his, utterly still as though he were frozen.
Eventually, relative quiet settled over the area again. Only the dull roar and crackling of the colorful flames along with the occasional falling of debris from within the tunnel could be heard. Both of them just watched the flames dance in silence for a few moments, their heavy breaths visible as they escaped them into the chilled air. GB too watched the sight with somberness, all his aggression from before having vanished with the explosion, it seemed.
Just like that, it was over. Everything that cellar contained, and all it represented to Sans. It was gone, lost to the fire.
She had only just been introduced to this place today, and even she could feel the enormous weight of that on her soul. To try and imagine how it felt for her dear skeleton, she feared it wasn't possible. Sans moved in that moment, drawing her out of her trance, but it was only to lay a hand on his blaster and say something to him she could not hear. Then the blaster vanished in a bright blue flash, leaving only the flames of the cellar's destruction to light the area. Instinctively, she summoned a few more flame attacks and sent them out in a kind of circle around them, whether it was an act brought out of her desire to ensure their safety or guard against her own fears, she knew not.
She could not be troubled with such thoughts then, nothing could hope to penetrate the focus she had on Sans in that moment. His eyelight had gone out, leaving his sockets empty and dark as he kept his gaze locked onto the fiery display before him. He had also wrapped both his arms firmly around the photo album, holding it tight to his chest as though it were a lifeline of some kind. The effect all this was having on him was something she could see as well as hear, for his body shook with soft, audible rattles that only seemed to be worsening by the moment.
Soul tight with pain for him, she cautiously moved over to stand behind him. He didn't react immediately to her presence, too lost in things she could never fully understand. When she leaned down and slipped her arms around him from behind though, he stiffened, but only as he was pulled somewhat out of his dissociative state. Once she had fully closed the embrace and held him against her stomach, he leaned into her touch, allowing her to bear some of his weight... in many different respects. In front of them, the fire raged on and they watched it together in silence.
It was only then that he truly wept, but it wasn't with the heartbreaking, violent sobs that had consumed him days ago. He just shuddered in her arms with notably harsh rattles and choked quietly on the emotions tearing through him. All the while, streams of tears poured down his cheekbones, tears tinged with magic that glowed with a hint of cyan in the darkness as they fell to disappear into the snow below.
Just like all those broken pieces of the past burning up in the blaze before them, some part of him was being consumed and destroyed by this step he was taking. It was the death of what once had been one of his only sources of hope, of escaping or stopping the resets, or going back to undo the tragedies that haunted his past, rather than accept it all and face the uncertain future.
It hurt, she could feel that much from the emotions flooding from his soul into her own, and it was a pain that was as confusing as it was harsh. But it was a pain that would pass, and leave him with a stronger capacity for hope than before he'd endured it. Like any choice to let go though, it would take time for him to truly accept this and adjust. As she had many times, she made a silent vow to be there by his side to help ensure that he did.
Eventually his legs began to weaken and wobble beneath him, and Toriel silently brought him with her to the ground. She held him close in her arms, cradling him there in the snow as he finally tore his gaze away from the flames and hid his face against her shoulder, curling the phalanges of one hand into her robes and continuing to hold the photo album tight against his chest with the other.
She recognized his act of turning away from the blazing spectacle as both a literal and metaphorical one. He was tearing himself away from these pieces of his past as they burned, and choosing instead to hold on to her, someone she knew he likely saw as a symbol of his new present… and the future he was perhaps now daring to hope for.
They sat there like that for a long time. Until the flames died down into nothing but thin plumes of smoke curling up from the ruins of the cellar, carrying with them the faint acrid stench of scorched metal. Until all that was left of the lab were the ashes and debris left in the burnt husk of a room below them. Until his tears stopped, and the great agonized fervor of his soul was warmed into calmness again. Only then did Toriel press a kiss to the top of his skull, not bothering to give that nagging voice of doubt in her head any mind as she did so.
"Let's go home." She said, simply, allowing a rare contraction to leave her lips.
It was all that was needed. Sans squeezed her and the bittersweet memories in his arms tight and then executed the shortcut. They disappeared from the snowy clearing, returning it, the ruined lab, and his former home to the empty, dark silence they had found them in.
