Toriel was falling.
At least, that is what it felt like. But perceiving any sensation she was currently experiencing as real felt far fetched at best. There was nothing to actively see, to hear, to feel, and yet she could somehow tell her mind was still consumed by the visions from before. It was all too much, coming and going so fast that she perceived only darkness and a mix of noises so high in pitch that it registered as nothing but a faint, distant whine.
She did not know how long as she had been in this state. Sometimes it felt like it had only been an hour or so, while other times, she feared it had been days. But even putting forth the energy towards pondering that was too much for her overburdened mind. So for the majority of the time, she just fell. Fell, and remembered.
At one point, she suddenly sensed that she wasn't alone. She couldn't explain it, but she knew there was someone else here in this strange personal hell she was trapped in. It wasn't her children or Sans or anyone she knew… but… it still felt familiar.
The encounter of sorts didn't last long, but provided her with the only break from the endless routine her mind had fallen into. Whatever had invaded her mindspace, it was able to push itself into her direct awareness far more prominently than all the flashes of forgotten memories. For what felt like a few drawn out moments, the chaos that had gripped her stopped.
The silence then had been truly deafening, and the darkness seemed to close in on her from all sides. Then it was though the darkness itself was suddenly given form, shifting, congealing, and bubbling there before her. Out from the rippling mass of pure blackness, a stark white face emerged as though rising up through thick inky tar. It was a skull, with errant cracks jutting out from both empty eye sockets. Oily black liquid poured from the sockets, as though the darkness itself was leaking through them, wishing to swallow the skull back into the nether. All that liquid poured into a mouth set in a wide, chilling smile.
The figure seemed to be regarding her with its empty sockets as its body continued to ungulate and ripple around it. Its twisted mouth moved, causing more black liquid to spill from it as well. As it did, strange, guttural, distorted sounds escaped it, cutting through the chilling silence. It was hard to say… but it seemed as though it were trying to speak to her. Even if she had understood what it was trying to say, Toriel couldn't have offered any sort of reply. From her perception she was still in freefall, and unable to move her body at all.
Then just as quickly as it came, the strange being seemingly lost its fight with the flood of memories still wishing to consume her. It struggled, remaining in her perception as it called out to her. It's skull was being pulled back into the darkness, and two seemingly free floating hands burst out of the black mass in order to reach out and grasp in her direction. It's unnatural alien voice cried out in distress and desperation, but it was being lost to the roar of the returning visions. And even though its words were still utterly incomprehensible… she got the odd sense it was calling her name…
Then it was gone, and all her thoughts were back to being inundated with things long forgotten. A brief pondering over what she'd just witnessed flickered across her mindscape before being drowned out by the chaos.
Somehow… she knew who that mysterious figure had been… and yet she didn't.
As though his appearance had torn down yet another walled out section of memories, visions regarding the monster in question began to pour in along with the others. Flashes of ancient events they'd both bore witness too. She was helplessly swept away by it all again, unable to keep her head above the waves.
The only thing she could do was continue to fall… and remember.
Something was beeping.
That was the first thing Toriel became aware of. There was a slow, steady beep that filled the darkness, its artificial sound rhythmically piercing her mindscape. It was the second interruption since the mysterious figure's appearance. How long had it been since then? She couldn't even begin to think of it. There had been small, occasional moments where she had sensed other, familiar precenses at the edges of her consciousness, but try as them might, none of them could penetrate the chaos gripping her. Whatever was happening now though… it was different.
Something had changed. The flood of images and sounds… had slowed. In fact, as the beeping seemed to grow louder, they only flickered past in small bursts. They continued to dwindle and dwindle in appearance until finally, there was only the unending darkness… and the shrill beeping.
The beeping steadily began to align with another sound, or rather, sensation. It took her a few moments to recognize it as the rhythmic pulsing of a soul, her own soul. With each pulse and accompanying beep, it was as though strength began to seep into her body. She began to gain awareness of her limbs, her head, her tail, more and more with every moment. It became apparent she was lying on her back on something soft but still uncomfortable. The beeping was coming from somewhere near her left ear, each burst of sound stirring her further. Most notable of all, was that there was a slight weight on her chest and shoulder. A weight that came from something… someone she recognized.
Though distant, and still muffled, she could hear as well as feel weak sobs shaking through the small form on top of her. Sobs that reignited her maternal instincts and sped up the process of her waking further. She could feel their soul then as well, brilliant, powerful and brimming with life, even beyond the terrible sorrow that was present there. Her mind was still an unfocused swirl of vaugeities, but those feelings were clear to her.
She inhaled sharply, truly feeling the sensation of air entering her nostrils for the first time in… however long she had been out. The cool air brought with it many scents, the first of her senses to be brought fully out of the fog. The clarity of scent becoming stronger with every breath she took. The air itself smelled harsh with something akin to cleaning products, making her nostrils burn ever so slightly. The scent of the familiar little form curled against her was stronger still, and they were so close that her inhales caused their hair to tickle her nostrils.
Other familiar scents saturated the room too, some old and faint, and some betraying the current presence of the owner of the scent. One that smelled of flowers and tea leaves, and made her nose curl a bit. And another that smelled of uncooked noodles, cheap scale cream and sweat. There were others too, unfamiliar scents all seemingly muddied with the chemical tinged smell of the air, but she focused on what was familiar. Like all the sensations returning to her, what was familiar acted like an anchor for her still wayward mind, holding it down in the here and now.
Her heightened breathing seemed to attract attention of some sort, as the sobbing she heard abruptly halted and she could suddenly hear muffled voices all around her. Their pitches and tones rose in what seemed to be surprise and excitement, encouraging Toriel to try harder to move. She curled her fingers, feeling a deep ache in them as though sore from disuse. The same dull pain was found in her toes and jaw as well, even the top tips of her ears. But even so, she continued to push herself and move what she could, until eventually she could will her eyes to slowly ease open a bit.
They felt uncomfortable, and immediately stung when faced with the sudden light. She squeezed them shut again by reflex, but another hopeful pulse and touch from the one on top of her made her try again. This time she fought to keep them open, managing to at least look through narrowed eyes to reduce the pain from what looked to be harsh, artificial lights.
With her sight, blurry and weak as it currently was, the majority of her clarity of thought returned and she was able to truly and fully awaken from whatever had afflicted her. The lingering shadows of it loomed stubbornly over her soul, but it was no longer in control. And with the start of the clearing of her mind, also began the clearing of her vision. The image of the one who had been weeping against her finally became recognizable.
"Mom…?" Her child croaked out, in the same double voice she remembered.
It drew back all the memories of what had transpired before she'd consumed by the flood of visions. They had to compete with the new ones still clawing about her mindscape, but they remained the focus of her meager attention.
Toriel could only stare for a moment, trying to make sense of what was happening and finding that her vision was still swimming. But even through the haze, she could tell who it was she was looking at. The deep scarlet she could make out in their all too wide eyes made it clear. Some of the last beautiful eyes she'd seen before going under.
"T-take it easy, Chara." A still muffled but familiar nervous voice came from beside Toriel's head, the same direction as that infernal beeping. "Sh-she's probably still in sh-shock. It's great that sh-she's waking up but we don't want to j-jinx it."
Toriel tried to parse the words, initially just trying to sort out what had happened, and where she was. The voice was undoubtedly Alphys, and Toriel was certainly not still on the floor of her children's bedroom. But something particular about what the Alphys had said stuck out and stalled all her other attempts at rationalization.
Alphys… had called her child Chara.
There was little time to try to grasp the implications of just what that meant, before another voice suddenly spoke up from Toriel's other side.
"Come here, young one." It rumbled, and suddenly lifted Chara away from her. "Give her some space for now."
She turned her head towards the voice despite her sore neck protesting. She could make out a huge mass of gold and white, and two distinguishable bi-colored eyes of orange and blue. In her mind's strained state, the full realization of who it was sent a pang of negative emotion through her. Thankfully though, those did soften as the moment passed and her vision focused further.
"Toriel… can you hear us?" Asgore asked, his voice coming through clearer.
His voice grated on her frail nerves, and she flinched and narrowed her eyes up at him in an instinctual expression of annoyance. Oddly, that appeared to result in happy, excited reactions from them all, and even a few weary laughs from the monster currently the target of the look.
"W-well, I'll take that as a yes of sorts." He relented, sounding more joyful than anything. "So long as that means you are doing better, I will take it any day."
That made her blink, and banished that impulsive negativity as quickly as it had come. Questions once again flooded her regarding just what had happened since she had lost consciousness in her children's room. Her jaw moved slightly, but no sound would come out, as though her throat were stuffed with cotton. She felt Asgore's paw rest briefly on her arm, a silent reassurance, before he spoke again.
"I will let the others know what has happened." He said, setting Chara and what she could now see was Flowey in his pot down on a chair next to where she laying. "Help Alphys look after your mother, children, but be gentle and quiet."
Toriel blinked, and he was gone, leaving her in a stupor of confusion in his wake. It took her a moment to realize she had momentarily blacked out again, and did her best to try and shake herself more awake. There was far too much going on for her to possibly slip back into unconsciousness again. Not to mention the fear that that would mean the return of the flood of memories. She wasn't sure she could even bear to think about that.
So she strained further to focus on what was happening in the moment and looked at her children beside her. Thankfully, there was nothing in their expressions to suggest she'd been out again for long. But there was every indication that they were deeply shocked and relieved to see her awake. Even Flowey's eyes seemed to be shining… his… green eyes…
He was still wearing Asriel's face. No… his true face. She could see that far more clearly now, and all the emotions that had been cut off before came rushing back. It was briefly difficult to choose what to address about her current situation first… The immense amount of reclaimed memories that now were surging throughout her mind, the sudden change in her location along with the unknown in regards to what had happened to her, or the fact her long dead children were now once again in front of her, alive.
There was only one real choice she could make when faced with that. Both things were incredibly life changing and even world shattering, but her maternal duties always took priority in the end, even in the dire state she was in.
It hurt, but she gathered all the strength she could and forced herself to shift so that she was better facing them. The movement elicited small gasps from both of them and some nervous exclamations from Alphys, but Toriel paid them no mind. Not even a sharper pain from her chest area that came with the movement was enough to deter her. She'd been without Chara and Asriel for over a century, she'd be damned if a little pain kept her from them any longer.
Speech continued to be an immense struggle, but with effort she managed to finally get her voice to work again. It was only a bit of a rasping wheezy sound at first. But slowly, words did begin to escape her as well.
"Ch-chara…" She croaked, feeling tears blur her vision all over again. "As..riel…"
As she spoke, she lifted a trembling paw towards them. As if by instinct, they both grabbed onto it, allowing her to weakly curl her fingers around Chara's small hand and Asriel's vine. Chara was trying valiantly not to cry, a fight they had clearly lost when she was first waking up. Asriel's expression was more difficult to read. It still carried a level of distance from the situation, but his eyes were shining with great emotion at her awakening all the same.
"Mom…" Both children spoke in tandem, in a tone that all but broke her heart.
A newfound strength surged through her, and it seemed something similar occured for her children. As she moved again to sweep them into as much of a hug as she could manage, they too moved to meet her and hold on to her. It was so frustrating she couldn't cradle them properly as she wished to, but she put her all into what she could manage. She could feel the great outpouring of emotion from hers, Chara's, and Frisk's soul. Asriel's magical response was faint… but not non-existent as he had suggested many times over.
It mattered not. They were here with her again. She was able to hold them and feel them and be with them after dreaming of doing so for so long. And unlike last time, even though her mind was still a haze of confusion, no agonizing headache was there to rob her of this moment.
"My children…" She rasped, voice growing stronger along with the joy in her soul. "It a-all was truly r-real then… you really… you r-really have come back to me."
She held them all the tighter and they returned the favor, both affirming the revelation yet again.
"W-we're back Mom…" Chara managed to get out through their own escaping tears. "We're really back… I'm so sorry we d-didn't tell you for so long."
Asriel just made a soft affirming sound in his throat, agreeing but not saying anything beyond that. Toriel didn't worry about that though, she let everything she'd just went through and everything else she could possibly worry about fade away in order to just revel in the moment that had been stolen from her before. They all simply held one another for a while through a mess of tears, long overdue apologies and expressions of love that they'd been deprived of for over a century. At long last, it felt as if their broken family had been brought back together, even if they all knew things would never be the same again.
Though Alphys was clearly anxiously watching over the whole situation, she didn't interrupt. She let Toriel and her children have their critical moment together, and Toriel was deeply thankful for that. Eventually, though she could have stayed that way with her children for the rest of eternity, she knew she had to at least understand what had happened to her.
Her children thankfully seemed to recognize that too and Chara sat back in their chair again. She stared at them and stroked their cheek and hair lightly for another moment, just further marvelling at what a miracle she had been blessed with.
She still didn't fully understand how exactly Chara shared Frisk's body, but there was no more doubt in her mind that it was indeed her Chara's soul in there with Frisk. Asriel's situation too was just as confounding, perhaps even more so, but there was no further room in her for denial. He too tolerated her touch as she ran her thumb down the the side of his fuzzy conjured face, but did no more than that, staying quiet and somewhat morose overall.
If she had been in a better state, she would have done more to try and address that, but there were inevitably other things she had to understand first. Like… where the hell she was right now.
She finally tore her gaze away from Chara and Asriel to look around the room, blinking against the harsh artificial lights above. Her eyes widened as they adjusted and she could take in her surroundings. The first thing that struck her was just how white everything was. The ceiling was white, the walls were white, even the floors were white. Pristine too, and carrying a scent of sterilization that explained the chemical smell she'd picked up on before. The walls were mostly bare save for some small instructional looking posters here and there, as well as one large whiteboard behind her children.
It was covered in scribbled numbers and various bits of data that she couldn't make any sense of, but most obvious was her own name written at the top in rigid font. "Toriel" and a smear next to it that betrayed someone had written her old last name and then erased it. She would have rolled her eyes at that if she weren't so set on investigating her location further.
Her ears picked up the sounds outside the room. The sounds of wheels rolling over linoleum, distant chatter, distant crying, various beeping noises and the sound of elevator doors opening and closing. The most obvious sound, that being the one that had initially been part of rousing her from sleep, drew her attention most of all. She turned to define the source, hoping secretly it was something that could be silenced.
On her other side, behind Alphys on her step stool, she could see a whole host of things that made her inwardly wince. The source of the beeping was obvious enough, a machine with a display monitor showing a green line against a stark black background. With every pulse of her soul, the line would jump up with a high pitch beep and draw an arc. It vaguely reminded Toriel of Sans' machine, the one they destroyed that night at his old home. But it wasn't the only imposing sight that met her, nor the one that unnerved her the most.
A tall IV stand also stood over her like some cold metal tree, supporting a green bag full of lightly glowing green magic. There was a tube carrying the magic that descended down towards her, and Toriel suddenly became all too aware of the IV line feeding directly into her soul through her chest. She went stiff as she realized she could faintly feel the needle itself, and that that's what had been causing her pain when she moved.
Such a thing was so alien to Toriel, who hadn't been subject to any sort of significant medical procedure since she'd had Asriel. And the techniques used on her then were far more on the magical side, rather than relying on machines and IV lines. She still recognized what it all meant of course, but that didn't stop the inevitable question from leaving her.
"Alphys… wh-where…" She croaked out, lifting a shaking paw to rest against where the needle entered her chest. She found it was covered in tape, and was only partially covered further by a thin, pale yellow gown she had apparently been dressed in.
"D-don't try to talk if it's t-too difficult." Alphys said from beside her, resting a comforting hand on her shoulder and trying to ease her towards the pillow behind her again. "And try t-to lay back okay? I kn-know you must be really c-confused b-but, you just need to take it easy f-for now, okay? Try n-not to worry. I'm s-sure you must have… uh... plenty on your mind r-right now anyway."
IV… pillows…
"Alph-phys…" Toriel insisted further in her fragile voice, looking the lizard monster in the eyes with all the intensity she could muster. "Where… am… I?"
Alphys blinked down at her, tapping her stubby claws together before relenting to Toriel's authoritative gaze with a sigh.
"You're in the h-hospital." She said in a surprisingly gentle tone. "The big one th-they just finished building in Newer Home. I p-pulled some strings so th-that I could be the one pr-primarily looking after you. S-since the doctors here wouldn't know how to uh... address what was… going on with you."
Toriel stared up a her, mind rushing to try and grasp all the implications at hand. She felt panic edging in at the edges of her mind, but she fought to keep calm. Chara's small hand rested against her arm, trying to comfort her, but she felt numb to the touch in her dread. Her claws curled tightly over the spot where the needle was inserted into her.
"What… h-happened to m-me?" She croaked, voice shaking more openly.
Alphys gave her shoulder a rub and bit her lip, eyes darting about behind her glasses as she clearly struggled to find the right words. Toriel didn't breathe as she waited, and noticed the beeping machine begin to increase in tempo.
"It's n-not easy to explain." Alphys admitted, curling her thick tail anxiously around her legs. "Basically you… you reg-gained your-"
Before she could finish that statement, the door to the room slammed open and two familiar, boisterous shouts filled the room.
"TORIEL'S AWAKE?!" Cried one, the roughness betraying it to be Undyne.
"TORIEL! OH THANK GOODNESS THANK GOODNESS! I KNEW YOU'D BE OKAY, I JUST KNEW IT!" Cried the other, and Toriel didn't even have the chance to parse the voice before its owner was at her side trying to wrap her in a hug.
Asgore followed after the two, but he hung back near the foot of her bed, wisely not wanting to crowd her any more than Papyrus already was. Luckily for her sake, Alphys was there to block the well meaning skeleton from potentially tackling her in her hospital bed. The lizard monster fired off a single spark of magical electricity with a crack of her tail, startling Papyrus enough to stop him in his tracks.
"Shh! Guys! You need to be quiet!" She demanded, in a hushed and surprisingly steady voice. "And Papyrus, you need to give her space right now!"
Papyrus blinked and then flashed a sheepish grin, rubbing the back of his head with a gloved hand.
"R-RIGHT SORRY!" He sputtered out before his sockets sparkled excitedly. "BUT I AM HAPPY TO SEE YOUR CONFIDENCE TRAINING WITH I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, IS CERTAINLY PAYING OFF!"
Beside him, Undyne gave a hearty chuckle and elbowed Alphys affectionately in agreement. The lizard monster flushed a deep orange color and drew her tail tighter around herself, but didn't argue the compliment. Toriel supposed it was encouraging to see, and was a sign that Alphys did show a growing confidence in relation to her new devotion to medical magic. How much of that was or wasn't a result of Papyrus' apparent training though, she couldn't be sure.
Her still rapidly pulsing soul made it difficult for her to ponder that further anyway, having trouble recovering from being startled so suddenly. But after a few moments of steadying her breathing, the machine's beeping returned to what it had been before and she relaxed by degrees. But stars, just getting worked up like that had drained her so much.
"I am… s-so very happy... to see you all t-too." She rasped up to them between slow, heavy breaths, managing a weak but genuine smile. "I apologize for any… w-worry I have caused y-you all."
All the eyes on her softened at that, no doubt for pity. Toriel didn't exactly care for that, but she knew that it was likely unavoidable in this situation. Had her place been switched with any one of them, she'd probably be doing the same. Okay maybe not Asgore… not yet… but the others certainly. Undyne crossed her arms and offered Toriel a surprisingly soft smile, a rare sight on the fish monster's face.
"Sheesh Toriel, even in your hospital bed you're saying stuff like that." She observed with a light chuckle. "And still with no contractions! I'm surprised Chara hasn't puked from all the mushy sap in this room."
Hearing her child's name from Undyne's mouth made Toriel freeze up again. All at once she remembered that Alphys had done the very same earlier, a fact that had become lost amongst her joyful reunion with her children. She blinked up at Undyne with wide eyes.
"Y-you… you called th-them…" She began to rasp out, but trailed off.
Undyne looked confused for a moment, then her own single eye widened and she shared an uneasy glance with Papyrus and Alphys, who wore similar expressions. Asgore too, from his place across from her, suddenly seemed nervous. Toriel waited anxiously for an answer, but none of the four adults in the room were the ones who gave it. Instead, the touch on her arm became a tap, and she looked over to see Frisk was now the one looking back at her, narrow brown eyes and all. The sudden switch somewhat startled her again, but she forced herself to not overthink it and just pay attention to her child's explanation.
They were signing to her, but holding each hand symbol longer than usual for her to more easily read them.
(Mom… I… we… told them everything.) They signed, and despite their clear nerves the shine of their signature Determination shone in their eyes as they did so. (About the Resets… about Chara and Asriel… all of it.)
Beside them, Asriel just nodded, still ever silent but ever content at maintaining his true face it seemed. The answers left Toriel feeling like the wind had just been knocked out of her, breathless and confused and trying quickly to make sense of what they were saying. Frisk continued though, and she had to force herself to pay close attention to each one.
(And… Sans told his side of it all too…) Frisk went on, a heavier somberness entering their demeanor. (Including the stuff about... Gaster… and... where he and Papyrus came from.)
Toriel's eyes widened again, and she heard the machine starting to beep faster once more. Like so many other things she'd been forced to face as of late, she almost didn't want to believe it. But the proof was right there in the name they spoke. A name she… suddenly felt more familiar with than ever, but she pushed that notion aside for the moment. Sans, who she had worked with slowly to convince to tell her of his past and secrets… had now shared that information with their whole family… while she was unconscious.
She didn't know what to think about that. It didn't seem real. Plus her mind was still in too much of a whirl for her to know if she should be totally shocked, worried, proud of him or even hurt or frustrated.
"He… t-told you?" She croaked out in disbelief.
Frisk and Asriel both answered with a single nod, and just like the adults, the weight in their eyes assured they were telling the truth. Toriel continued to wrestle internally with how to feel, wondering how they took so many of the details Sans had shared with her, if he even shared all of them with the others. She turned to look at all the adults in the room, and the beeping continued to slowly escalate.
"You all know th-then… all of it?" She asked, directing her gaze at each of them in turn and ending by settling it on Papyrus. "Even you…?"
The four of them shared another set of long looks, then they all turned to her and nodded, a variety of solemn and unsettled expressions on their faces. Including the focus of her last question, Papyrus, who wore perhaps the most dejected expression she'd ever seen from him, one no one would ever hope to see from the usually exuberant skeleton. There was a deeper, personal kind of hurt there too, the kind that was born of finding out the person dearest to you has been lying and hiding important things from you all your life. The pain was faded, suggesting it was already on its way to being moved past, but it still hurt terribly to see.
She hadn't noticed it before… but all of them had a new weight to their eyes. Partially in the form of dark shadows under all their eyes and partially in a sort of dullness and severity that hadn't been there before. It struck her, because she realized they were the same looks that she gained after learning the terrible truth about their world and its past timelines, and the same look Sans had always carried since the day she met him face to face for the first time.
It was the look of someone burdened with something immense, something that had in the past shattered their entire worldview. A look she knew she reflected back at them.
Oh Sans… she could hardly imagine how he was-
Sans...
She suddenly became far too aware of his absence in the room. The last thing she remembered happening before she passed out, was him appearing at her side once she'd fallen and hearing him cry out her name. He had sounded so terrified, so agonized. Why he had be just about mad with worry at this point… had no one told him yet that she was awake now?
"Papyrus…" She croaked out, reaching a shaking paw out to lightly grip his arm in supplication. "Wh-where… is he?"
The skeleton was stiff under her touch for a moment, and his expression grew tight with nervous emotion. But after a moment, he gave in with a heavy sigh. A sound that felt so very wrong coming from Papyrus of all monsters. The new weight that seemed to be hanging over him was all the more obvious then, as he visibly deflated from its influence.
"MY BROTHER…" He began, in a far weaker voice than usual. "HASN'T BEEN WELL SINCE YOU FELL UNCONSCIOUS TORIEL."
A shadow passed over the other's expressions, including the children, in a form of silent agreement. Papyrus continued, making a clear but so far successful effort not to let tears form in his sockets.
"HE… EXPECTEDLY BLAMED HIMSELF FOR IT ALL. I'M AFRAID HE HAS SLIPPED BACK INTO HIS OLD HABITS OF BEING DISTANT AND LISTLESS. PERHAPS EVEN MORE SO THAN BEFORE… AFTER HE AND FRISK FINALLY GOT THROUGH TELLING US EVERYTHING, HE JUST… HE..."
The skeleton stopped, setting his jaw against emotions that were clearly still raw. Undyne moved to put a comforting arm around him and he allowed himself to lean into his friend. Asgore was surprisingly the one to finish the hanging statement.
"He seemed to shut down." He explained in a quiet, somber tone. "The poor fellow has certainly not been himself."
Papyrus sniffed once and nodded, fiddling his gloved hands together anxiously.
"HONESTLY… MOST OF THE TIME… EVEN I DON'T KNOW WHERE HE IS. HE JUST DISAPPEARS FOR WHOLE DAYS AT A TIME. AND EVEN WHEN HE IS AROUND, HE HARDLY SAYS OR DOES ANYTHING… NO MATTER WHAT WE DO."
The words hit Toriel hard, especially in her weakened state. Some part of her had been expecting this, had known that something this severe happening to her would cause Sans to relapse in regards to his recent improvement. Especially since the situation offered every opportunity for Sans to blame himself for it a hundred times over. But to hear the full extent of how badly he was handling this...
Her soul ached, deeply enough that it seemed to make the needle poking inside it hurt all the more as well. She wouldn't allow tears now though, not in full view of the others who already were so keen on pitying her. No… she had to be strong right now, even if she felt mentally and physically fragile enough to blow away in the wind. The beeping of that irritating machine seemed to slow somewhat, the sound coming through sluggish.
But whilst she had been struggling against despair, Papyrus had been pulling himself out of it, working up some of his usual pep and positivity. Perhaps it was in response to seeing how much his words had caused her pain. But even then, it was still a far cry from the Papyrus they knew. He stepped over and rested a gloved hand on her arm, smiling weakly down at her despite it all.
"BUT EVERY NIGHT… WITHOUT FAIL... HE HAS BEEN STAYING HERE AT THE HOSPITAL AT YOUR SIDE. EVEN WHEN THE STAFF HAVE TRIED TO THROW HIM OUT, HE JUST POPS RIGHT BACK IN. HE IS THE ONE WHO HAS KEPT YOUR ROOM SO TIDY, ALWAYS BRINGING THINGS IN FOR YOU FROM HOME TO TRY AND MAKE YOU COMFORTABLE, AND I'VE EVEN CAUGHT HIM TRYING TO STRAIGHTEN UP YOUR FUR FOR YOU SO IT WOULDN'T GET TOO MESSY WHILE YOU WERE UNABLE TO MAINTAIN IT."
Toriel blinked up at him, feeling some of the painful tightness surrounding her soul fade. Through her hazy thoughts, she tried to picture Sans doing all that, and felt her face heat up a bit despite herself. She moved a shaky paw to touch one of her long ears, and indeed felt that the fur there was smooth and soft. If he had it in him to do these things, even in the face of what must have felt like his world being torn down all over again, perhaps the situation was not as dire as her instincts had suggested.
There was something else that stuck out to her about what Papyrus had said, something implied that concerned her… but she didn't have a chance to speak it before the skeleton continued.
"HE'S BEEN IN A VERY BAD PLACE THROUGHOUT ALL OF THIS…" Papyrus admitted, a small shine returning to his tired looking sockets. "BUT HE'S NEVER ALLOWED HIS SADNESS TO STEAL HIS LOVE FOR YOU, OR ANY OF US. EVEN THOUGH IT HAS CLEARLY BEEN VERY HARD FOR HIM TO DEAL WITH WHAT HAPPENED… WITH YOU AND WITH ALL OF US… AND HE HAS SLIPPED PRETTY FAR BACK IN TERMS OF HOW HE WAS DOING BEFORE…. HE HASN'T GIVEN UP, NOT LIKE HE... DID BACK UNDERGROUND."
His attempt at riding the small wave of positivity he'd been building faltered somewhat at that, and he gained a faraway look for a moment. A look that Toriel realized now carried a far deeper understanding of exactly what was meant by Sans' "giving up" back then. But then he shook himself and forced his smile back into place.
"BUT NOW YOU'RE AWAKE! SO I'M SURE THAT WILL HELP HIM GET BACK TO HIS USUAL SANS-Y SELF IN NO TIME!" He exclaimed with a dramatic pose. "AS SOON AS HE GETS THE MESSAGE I SENT ON MY WAY HERE, I AM CERTAIN HE WILL BE HERE IN A JIFFY! AND THEN EVERYTHING WILL BE FINE!"
Once again, Toriel's sluggish mind had to catch up to everything being said, but as it did, she got the feeling his enthusiasm was more than a little forced. She smiled anyway, thankful for his attempts at reassuring her. It had at least convinced her that Sans had not simply crumbled in the face of telling everyone his most terrible secrets. Though she got the feeling he had only told what was necessary for comprehension, and that there were certainly some details that she'd been told that he'd left out when telling the others. Some things that, in all likelihood, would probably stay between them for a long time.
That smile she had managed faded some though as she caught sight of something behind Papyrus she hadn't noticed before. On that opposite wall there was a huge window, offering a view of Newer Home's sprawling cityscape below. Below that was what looked to be a bench made up into a makeshift cot, and the scattering of ketchup bottles, books and a few dirty socks across its surface betrayed who had been using it. That was enough to make her emotions swell, but even that wasn't the most striking thing to see.
All along the windowsill were dozens and dozens of get well cards in a rainbow of colors, clearly crafted by her students. Even from the distance, she could make out some of the children's distinct artistic styles. Among them were other heartfelt gifts, like plush goats and snails, and a few brightly colored flowers in vases. Including, she noticed, a very familiar little pot of forget-me-nots. At the ends, two sets of colorful get well soon balloons floated lazily, dipping towards the floor but still cheerfully displaying their thoughtful message.
The sight was a truly impactful one, and nearly broke her resolve not to give into tears. But as much joy as it summoned up in her, it also brought back that other question that had crossed her mind before, and this time it came back burning for an answer. Beside her, the machine's beeping picked up its pace again.
"Papyrus…" She rasped, dread flooding through her once more. "H-How long h-have I been unconscious…?"
The skeleton flinched at the question, and the nervousness that appeared on his face was nearly answer enough, but when he clearly couldn't find the words, Alphys took over for him. She looked at Toriel as though afraid her words could shatter her.
"Toriel… y-you've been in that comatose state for n-nearly a month now." She admitted gravely. "It would have been four weeks exactly tomorrow."
The next short span of time passed in a sluggish crawl, where every moment either hurt… or was threatening to be lost to her foggy mind. After she'd been told just how long she'd been out, Alphys insisted she needed to just rest for a while, rest and be with her children. And she tried, she certainly was happy that they had been properly set in the bed with her so she could better hold them close, but she couldn't rest.
Her mind was too busy, just like all those sleepless nights of insomnia she'd faced before. There were a million and one questions to be asked and answered. A month's worth of questions. But she did concede to just being looked after a while once they all had helped her sit up properly, letting Alphys run some tests and confirm she was stable. She had just woken up from… well… a coma, after all. So while her children steadily dozed off in her arms, no doubt weary from such an emotional experience, Toriel stayed quite wide awake.
All the while, everyone stayed in the room with her, pulling up chairs and offering her company and attempts at light hearted conversation. She was made aware that the news of her awakening had been posted on her UnderNet account by Alphys, and was being met with much celebration and many "likes." Toriel did her best to seem appreciative, but couldn't help but imagine how monsters were going to react to her once she was out of the hospital.
Pity was not how she'd wanted to fix her public image with her former subjects… but there was little to be done about that now. At least her students and coworkers would get the news as well. She was sure she must have worried them terribly… and that there would be a mountain of make up work waiting for her when she could return to her duties at the school.
Though she didn't exactly enjoy being fussed over like this, not like she enjoyed fussing over others at least, it was… nice to be reminded that she was so cared for. She just wished it was under better circumstances. She'd lost a whole month of her life to whatever it was that had happened. Just trying to understand the weight of that alone was difficult enough. But what she had endured while unconscious… that chaotic stream of memories… that strange figure that she'd encountered… it all made a lost month feel like a mere drop in the ocean.
After making it clear Toriel wasn't going to sleep, she and the others finally convinced Alphys to start explaining exactly what had happened to her. And as she began, Toriel found that it was as she'd feared since she'd first started regaining her memories in her sleep… What she had experienced was the full multitude of memories she'd lost to the Resets… being regained all in a rush. But there was a twist to it she hadn't anticipated.
"It was because y-you lived through all the Resets, Toriel." Alphys explained, gesturing with her hands as she spoke. "Every s-single one from every single h-human that ever fell. Me and the others o-only endured the ones from Fl-Flowey and Frisk. But you and Asgore… y-you went through all of them. That's m-more memories to regain th-than I can even imagine. Not to the m-mention the ones surrounding D-Dr. Gaster too…"
The lizard monster seem to grow a bit pale at that name in particular and her tail thumped nervously against her chair, but she maintained her composure and sober tone.
"It was only natural that your m-mind wouldn't handle that well. Our minds naturally block out the memories not of the c-current timeline, or of things or monsters that were… well… r-removed from our reality... as an understandable defense mechanism. But they c-can be triggered again with the right circumstances, often o-only in vague feelings of deja vu… unless of course you suddenly find yourself learning the f-full truth about the Resets themselves… and believe them."
Alphys glanced at the makeshift cot behind her for a moment and swallowed hard before turning back to Toriel and continuing.
"Once you truly b-believed Sans' words as fact, the sort of "lock" on your m-memories was undone. Your mind c-couldn't maintain its natural block on them and you started to r-remember things from the other timelines. First important snippets i-in the form of vivid dreams when your mind was at its l-least occupied, but finally culminating e-enough that it all sort of… rushed back at once."
Around her, the others all nodded, expressions betraying various levels of unease. An unease they perhaps felt less worried to express now that the children were asleep. Toriel's gaze wandered between them all, taking in the exhaustion evident in their faces, of both the physical and mental sort. Asgore was the one to speak up next, perhaps looking to be the weariest of them aside from Toriel herself.
"Frisk told us something similar happened when Asriel had taken all of our souls… on a far smaller scale of course… and without the more negative side effects." He explained, before blinking in realization. "Ah, yes… you do remember that now, right Toriel?"
Toriel stared at him in confusion for a moment, about to shake her head no, but then she stopped to really think about it. As she did, she suddenly realized that she did know what Asgore was talking about. It worked up through her hazy mind slowly, in pieces, and it was like she was viewing the memory through stirred up water. But it steadily settled and calmed, and then promptly became clear.
She could recall being in the swirling tempest of souls, all crying out and losing themselves in the utter chaos. She remembered being reduced to a shell of herself and pitted against her child, only able to feel emotions of great pain and heartache. She remembered summoning her flames against Frisk, only able to see them through a veil of distortion. And of course… she remembered how Frisk had brought her back to herself… how they had hugged her tight even in the face of her mindless aggression, and promised her that they'd see her again.
Just like back then, the memories were rushing back. Or rather, had already been returned. She remembered all of it, where before she surely only recalled waking up terribly disoriented after witnessing a blinding white flash. It felt so… disconcerting to suddenly be able to recall that event and the emotions associated with it. The impact of that nearly made her head swim all over again. She blinked her wide eyes a few times before meeting Asgore's gaze again.
"Yes…" She croaked out, tone low with shock. "I… I do remember…."
Alphys nodded solemnly, and the others all gave Toriel sympathetic looks that indicated they understood exactly what she was feeling. The lizard monster didn't give her much time to try and rationalize that fact though. Seeming keen on continuing with her explanation.
"Once Sans sh-shared his notes with me, I was able to f-figure out what was going on with you. His mistake w-was focusing more on the mathematical a-angle than on the inner workings of the soul itself and h-how they process memories."
She paused briefly, offering a weak smile and waving a hand appeasingly, likely out of an effort not to discredit Sans with what was being said.
"H-he got close though, don't get me wrong. Kn-knowing him, he would of had it if you had given him a f-few more days ehehe..."
Toriel didn't laugh, but she did appreciate that Alphys was at least trying to lighten the mood. Toriel's mind was simply far too occupied for her to spare much thought towards a joke. Her thoughts were surging, gears were turning, memories being picked over and dredged up. She was unaware that she had left everyone in a somewhat awkward silence, and had been holding her children closer to her. It wasn't until something about what Alphys had said suddenly occurred to her through her moments of processing that she became present again. She returned her gaze to Asgore, giving him an appraising look.
"What happened to me… it will happen to you too then… will it not?" She asked, hesitantly.
Alphys had made it clear that Toriel and Asgore were the outliers here, and would suffer far worse side effects upon learning the truth because of their many centuries of life and just how many memories they were set to regain. As complicated as her feelings towards Asgore continued to be… stirred up anew by some of the things she had grasped in that torrent of memories… she wouldn't wish what had happened to her on anyone.
Asgore just smiled softly at her concern and shook his head.
"No, thankfully not. Thanks to Alphys." He confirmed, nodding towards her.
Toriel looked back at Alphys with an openly confused expression, but to her relief, the lizard monster was quick to clarify.
"From wh-what I found and came to understand a-about the phenomena myself, I was able t-to come up with a way to induce e-everyone else's memory regain in a far less… e-extreme way than what happened to you." She explained with a somewhat apologetic smile. "Including Asgore. It w-was actually a rather simple machine to craft in the end once I had the idea nailed down."
From beside Alphys, Undyne snorted and offered up an uneasy smile.
"Yah, it might have been better than what Toriel went through, but it still wasn't exactly pleasant." She commented, crossing her arms in front of her. "Having a weird computer-y helmet thing knock you out for an hour and then waking up with a million new memories in your head is… pretty intense. Especially when some involve…"
She paused, casting a heavy look at the sleeping children nestled up against Toriel's shoulders. A few beads of sweat formed on her brow, and Toriel could see a vast array of emotions flashing through her eye. But after a moment, she drew herself up again and regained her smile, though it remained a bit weaker than usual.
"Well anyway, that's all in the past now, heh." She dismissed, even as her facial fins drooped. "But I think we're all still trying to sort it all out for ourselves. That first week was really difficult, even for me."
All three of them nodded in agreement with that, the exhaustion in all their eyes becoming quite apparent again. It was only then in the resulting lull left by that heavy statement that Toriel could begin to fully understand what had happened to her, to all of them.
The memories, her memories, all of those stolen by the Resets or by relation to Gaster. They were all there in her mind now. It wasn't as though she could think of them all at once, or even focus on one in particular for more than a few moments, but they were there. If she directed what little mental energy she possessed towards a particular memory, she'd find it. Just like she had with the memory of what happened with Asriel and the human souls. But otherwise, they did not overwhelm her like they had while she was unconscious.
They had all simply become part of her memories again, finding their place among all the others. Though due to the sheer volume of memories at hand… it felt like several lifetimes had been added to her already many centuries of life. Even for a being who had lived as long as she had, she suddenly felt far older than ever before.
A silent agreement seemed to settle over everyone for a bit after that, and they let Toriel have some time to just… process. Process and continue to cherish her children's presence. She had no hope of comprehending the full scope of what had happened. Hell, sorting through the mountain of new memories could take a lifetime. But it was important for her to at least start the process. It was all she could do for now. So that is what she did, all the while absently stroking her sleeping children's backs.
In the meantime, she had been vaguely aware of the others quietly talking to one another or messaging others on their phones, almost certainly about her. But she paid their activities little mind as she continued to try and begin making sense of her new mindscape. She wasn't sure how much time had passed when she noticed Papyrus anxiously pacing next to her bed. He was muttering to himself as he stared at his phone and even biting at one of his gloved knuckles.
The sight was enough to trigger her nurturing instincts and to pull her from her reverie. She turned towards Papyrus when he circled back near her.
"My friend…" She rasped quietly, voice rough again from disuse. "What is tr-troubling you so?"
He stopped in his tracks, blinking down at her for a moment. He looked to be internally warring with himself on whether or not to put up a smile for her, but he eventually decided against that, deflating a bit with a sigh.
"ITS SANS…" He admitted, looking down at his phone in vexation. "H-HE HASN'T ANSWERED… BUT IF HE HAD SEEN THIS MESSAGE… SURELY HE WOULD BE HERE…"
He continued to fidget anxiously for a few moments, but then something seemed to occur to him and he did quickly try and work up a smile after all. As he did, he gave her shoulder a reassuring pat, though the conviction behind it was questionable.
"BUT D-DON'T WORRY TORIEL!" He attempted to reassure her. "I'M SURE THERE IS AN EXPLANATION. PERHAPS THAT LAZYBONES IS SIMPLY NAPPING AS HE ALWAYS DOES, OR MAYBE HE IRRESPONSIBLY LEFT HIS PHONE CHARGER BEHIND OR-"
His quickly derailing rambling was cut off when Toriel moved her paw to touch his arm, gaining his attention. She offered him a sad, but understanding smile.
"It is okay, my friend." She rasped, voice weak but steady. "I… think I understand what sort of terrible thoughts may be going through that skull of his right now. I know he will come back, but he may need time before he feels ready to... face me again after what happened. I am sure he has become caught up in coming up with all sorts of horrible imagined scenarios due to his guilt. That silly bonehead…"
She looked down for a moment, eyes still heavy, but carrying the warmth of fondness as well. Her own emotions concerning the whole situation curled about her soul, as if searching for a weakness through which to invade and overwhelm her. But her statement held true, and so did her desire to comfort her friend, who she knew was taking this harder than he was letting on.
"I am sorry Papyrus, I know seeing him struggle and shut you out like this again must be hurting you terribly too." She reasoned, hoarse voice attempting gentleness. "And… I am sure the things he has told you about what he has been through… and about your father… could not have been easy to deal with."
Papyrus seemed surprised by her words, blinking at her with wide sockets as though her head had suddenly caught fire. When he snapped out of that initial reaction, he made a frustrated sound and brought his gloves up to his face.
"OH BLAST IT! TORIEL, YOU SHOULD NOT BE TRYING TO SHOWER YOUR ADMITTEDLY GREATLY APPRECIATED SYMPATHIES ON TO ME WHILE YOU ARE THE ONE IN A HOSPITAL BED!" He chastised her, before dropping his gloves with a huff and putting them on his hips. "MY BROTHER HAS BEEN WILLING TO ANSWER MY QUESTIONS TO THE BEST OF HIS ABILITY GIVEN HIS POOR MENTAL STATE, AND THE CHILDREN HAVE FILLED IN MANY HOLES FROM THERE. PLUS, MY FRIENDS, INCLUDING MY NEW FRIEND AND MY OLD FRIEND WHO ACTUALLY TURNED OUT TO BE A PRINCE FRIEND!, HAVE ALL BEEN HERE FOR ME AS WELL, AND WE HAVE BEEN WEATHERING THESE NEW REVELATIONS AND TURMOILS TOGETHER."
With those words, he seemed to gain more confidence, puffing up and placing a hand against his chest.
"THAT IS WHY I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, WILL BE JUST FINE. AND I FULLY BELIEVE ALL OF YOU WILL BE ALSO, INCLUDING YOU AND SANS!" He declared, gesturing dramatically as he did so, whilst his scarf seemed to catch some phantom wind. "SO WHILE WE WAIT FOR MY BROTHER'S RETURN, LET US ALL FOCUS ON HELPING TORIEL GET WELL AGAIN! I WILL FETCH SOME NUTRITIOUS LUNCH FOR US ALL AND RETURN HERE SO WE MAY EAT TOGETHER, WHO'S WITH ME?!"
His sudden dramatic speech had certainly gained everyone's attention, and was starting to rouse the children from their napping. While they certainly didn't appreciate the sudden loud voices, Undyne seemed to be all too fired up from the skeleton's words.
"HELL YEAH! YOU BET I AM PAP!" She voice her quite loud agreement before she rushed over to tug on one of Asgore's arms. "COME ON ASGORE, WE'LL NEED YOUR BIG BEEFY MARSHMALLOW ARMS TO CARRY EVERYTHING!"
The large boss monster seemed rather flummoxed at the sudden order, but carefully got to his feet.
"O-oh! Alright then… um…" He paused, casting a look back at Toriel and the now grumbling children nestled against her.
His expression softened with a mixture of fondness and amusement, and then somewhat hesitantly met Toriel's eyes.
"I suppose the children should just stay here, yes?" He suggested, clearly fishing for her reaction.
Toriel smiled weakly back at him, but it was somewhat snarky. She quirked an eyebrow at him.
"What is that look for?" She asked, tone sarcastic. "Do you doubt my ability to look after my own children?"
Asgore actually chuckled at that, though it wasn't completely without awkwardness.
"Haha… no, certainly not." He assured, waving his free paw in a placating gesture before his eyes suddenly became heavy with emotion. "I am sure you are… just as overcome with joy at their return as I was… still am."
At this point the children had both woken up enough to catch on to the nature of the conversation being had. They both remained silent as the words hung, but she could feel they were anticipating what she would say in response just as much as Asgore was.
As their beautiful pairs of red and green eyes looked up at her, she felt her weary soul tremble and her eyes stung with the start of tears. She couldn't keep herself from nuzzling them both before looking back at her ex-husband.
"Yes… indeed." She answered, wiping at her eyes with a trembling paw. "I suspect we will need to have talks of visiting and living arrangements once I am… less bedridden, will we not?"
Asgore blinked in surprise at that, and for a moment it seemed as though he would say something to express his shock at her offer and its implications. She had previously agreed to allow Frisk and Flowey to stay a week with Asgore as well as Undyne and Alphys every month when they could manage it. But this… changed things.
That original agreement came from Frisk's request, and took some prodding and convincing for her to finally agree. But in this case, despite what her lingering irrational fears and insecurities might say, she had no right to keep her children from their father. He had likely been the one primarily caring for them in her absence anyway. No matter their broken past, she and Asgore would always be Chara and Asriel's parents. Nothing would change that.
And Asgore seem to understand this. Rather than making a show of being shocked and thanking her for what she'd agreed to, he simply smiled a true smile and nodded with a newfound confidence.
"Of course, but do not worry about any of that for now." He insisted, expression warm. "Just focus on resting and getting well again."
Toriel didn't reply other than to offer a nod in return, suddenly hit with a wave of sleepiness as though his words had willed it into existence. She heard Undyne and Asgore say something else, but it was lost in her momentary lapse. Thankfully it didn't seem directed at her, judging from the one who replied.
"I n-need to stay here as well to monitor her." Alphys chimed in, taking up her spot from before next to Toriel's bed. "I'll k-keep an eye on them too."
Asgore managed to get out a thanks before Undyne dragged him into the hallway, but not before the fish monster leaned in and dramatically blew her girlfriend a kiss goodbye. A gesture that had Alphys quite orange in the face again. She and Chara giggled lightly at her expense, though for Toriel it was more sleepily so.
Despite the sudden feeling that she could sleep should she allow it, she was struck with the need to stay awake. To talk to her children, to spend every moment possible with them. She asked them simple things about how they had been getting by without her, if their substitute at the school had been up to standard, and how they were adjusting to their identities being revealed to everyone.
All the while, Alphys and a nurse, a pearlescent octopus monster, did another series of simple tests and checks on her. They also had her drink some mango flavored water of all things, just to see how her soul would react to gaining magic naturally through food and drink again.
It all went well, though unfortunately Alphys insisted they keep the IV inserted for the time being, just to ensure she stayed stable. That didn't calm Toriel's anxieties and discomfort in regards to it being there, but she conceded that Alphys knew best in this situation. It was ironic in a way, that the monster she had fired from being royal scientist was now the one tending to her as part of her new career direction.
Despite Alphys clear growing confidence in that regard, Toriel could tell something was bothering the lizard monster. But unlike with Papyrus it wasn't as obvious, nor did Alphys pause in her work enough to allow Toriel a chance to ask her what was wrong. And during every lull, Alphys kept acting like she was going to stop and say something, but then giving up and busying herself with something else.
Eventually though, she and her children all seemed to catch on to the fact Alphys wanted to say something, and purposefully ceased their own discussion in order to give the lizard monster the chance to speak up. Alphys noticed this and flashed an uneasy smile, one paired with a surprising amount of heaviness in her reptilian eyes. She hesitated a long moment, and Toriel thought she may find some excuse to redirect their attention again. But after anxiously tapping her claws together for a bit, she did finally break her silence.
"S-so… u-uh… oh g-geez…" Alphys stuttered before forcing out all the words burning inside her upon her next breath. "About what h-happened with Flo-Asri-y-your son… I-I… I..."
She couldn't go further, already becoming pale from what was said already. She covered her face with her hands and curled her tail around herself.
"I'm so… s-sorry…"
The words hung heavily in the air, rendering Toriel and her children silent. She searched her new memories for more clarification regarding what Alphys was talking about, as well as the one regarding what Flowey had told her of his origin before she had lost consciousness. Toriel was already exhausted, and when she shut her eyes briefly as she quietly sighed they nearly stayed shut. But the seriousness of the subject at hand demanded her attention and she eased them open again before facing the lizard monster.
"Alphys…It is alright... it is in the past now." She murmured, managing a weak, but still deeply sad smile. "And though we both know your experiments with Determination were wrong and led to some horrible things… you were only trying to do what you could for monsterkind under the orders you were given. Perhaps if I had not abandoned my throne like I had, I could have been there to ensure you were never given those orders in the first place."
Toriel turned then to look at Asriel, in the floral form he now was in. He still wore the face of his old self, including those brilliant green eyes that seemed to look into her very soul.
"And… despite everything that happened... it would be remiss of me to not thank you in some way… for bringing my son back to me, for giving him another chance in this world." Toriel murmured, feeling tears gather in her weary eyes again.
Alphys blinked at her, looking stunned from what Toriel could see of her out of the corner of her eye. The color returned to her face and she looked as though she were trying to figure out what to say in return, when the subject of discussion piped up for himself.
"Yeah well, honestly, I wish I had stayed dead." He snapped, baring his small fangs and looking away from all of them. "It would have been better for everyone, don't even try to deny it!"
His harsh outburst seemed to carry some venom for Alphys in particular, and it caused all of them to flinch some. His words were so full of self hatred, and a kind of exhausted frustration that reminded her vaguely of her dear skeleton. No matter her own condition, she couldn't stand for that kind of talk. She carefully moved a paw to cup his small head, cradling it as though it were the most delicate thing in the world. With the same great care, she tilted his head up to face her. And to her relief, he allowed it.
"My child, I… I know of your sins, and how grievous they truly are." She said, voice heavy. "But I also know now that… you lack your full soul, and thus are unable to feel emotion and love like you used to. Like Frisk eventually did… you got caught up in a cycle of apathy and curiosity that spiraled out of control, even more so with how long you were in control of the timeline… and with how little of your morality you were able to hold on to. But just as I am able to forgive them, I can forgive you too."
Her eyes hardened a bit, but not unkindly. They were burning with Determination, something that demanded the attention of all present.
"I do not believe you are soulless as you claim." She declared, forcing more strength into her voice. "You clearly feel some level of emotion, you clearly are capable of caring for others, even if it is far more difficult for you. You would not have just stated that you wished you had not be revived for the sake of everyone else if that were the case, would you not?"
Asriel blinked up at her, processing what she was implying. Beside him, her human child nodded, and the lack of crimson in their eyes and their haste to speak using their hands told her who was currently present.
(She's right) Frisk signed, directing the gestures towards Asriel. (I think something changed in you, when I SAVED you that day. Ever since that day… you've been different in small, but important ways, even as a flower. I think it left some sort of impact that you can grow from, even if you denied it or didn't notice it right away.)
Despite Frisk's compelling arguments, Asriel glowered at them incredulously. But a sweep across his fuzzy cheek from Toriel's soft thumb directed his gaze back to her. She let her eyes communicate most of her emotions then, along with what must of been a great wave of them from her soul. After another moment though, she did go on verbally as well, keeping her voice gentle even when it threatened to shake.
"I believe with the right guidance… and l-love, you can leave the horrors you once wrought on others behind, and become a better monster. A happier, kinder, monster surrounded by love… the good kind this time. So long as you hold true to your vow to put forth the effort to try."
Asriel still didn't look convinced, but the anger that had been there before had also dulled considerably. He gave her a long look, one full of various emotions he probably would deny having. Then he released it all in a great sigh.
"Fine… I guess I can do that." He relented with a grumble before looking between all three sets of watching eyes with a darker expression. "Just don't expect for me to ever be… like him again. It's not going to happen."
There was another pause, then all three of them slowly nodded and Toriel swept her thumb over his cheek again in what she hoped was a comforting gesture. She was about to thank him for his willingness to continue on with the process of change, but the last thing he'd said had stuck out to her and was dominating her thoughts. She pondered it briefly, before feeling a twinge of painful guilt suddenly emerge.
"Asri-..." She stopped, catching herself and making a correction. "My son, I must ask… what… what do you wish to be called now? I know that choice must mean something to you."
It was something she hadn't considered. After the flower monster had revealed and proven himself to be Asriel, she had assumed he would have dropped his other persona and resorted back to his old name, what she understandably saw as his true name. But with the way he'd said those last few words… something told her she may be doing wrong by him for that.
Indeed, her son did seem conflicted. He let out another sigh after a period of brief reflection and staring out towards the large window to her left. It wasn't until he faced her again did he give his answer, as well as look well and truly haggard. The sight clawed at her soul all over again, but she didn't interrupt him as he began to present his thoughts on the subject.
"I don't know…" He admitted, voice dull. "I don't think I'm ready to go by my old name again… It just doesn't feel right when i'm like… this. When I'm so… messed up. So… I guess I don't mind if you slip up and call me Asriel sometimes, or want to talk about who I used to be... but I think I should just stay Flowey for now..."
He looked nervous as he spoke those words, as if expecting to be faced with a flurry of dissension from all sides. The sentiments expressed were surprisingly genuine, rather than buried under layers of hostility and sarcasm, and perhaps that was still a frightening prospect for him.
But none of the backlash he apparently feared came to pass. Frisk just offered a sad sort of smile, but one that was of support more than anything. And if Chara had any objections, they didn't take control again in order to voice them. Toriel though just leaned down to gently nuzzle her child, an action he initially stiffened against, but then silently allowed, even leaning into it a bit after a few moments.
"Very well, sweetheart." She agreed warmly. "No matter what you call yourself, or what form you take, you will always be my son."
The assurance seemed to drain a great deal of tension from Flowey, relieved enough so that when she lightly stroked his cheek again, he fully relaxed into the action. When she met his beloved green eyes again, they had just the tiniest spark of warmth to them. It would be quite trivial to see from any other monster, but from him it was truly cause for joy.
"Okay… Thanks Mom…" He said, using the soft, sweet voice of his former self. "I'll... try to believe I can get better…"
Toriel smiled a watery smile, shifting so she could pull Flowey close against her in a gentle hug. He still didn't respond with the returned affection one might expect, but he didn't argue against it either, and that was more than enough for now.
"That is all I can ask for." She murmured, pouring her love into the words. "Thank you, my child."
There was a brief silence then as she just held her child and allowed the joy of the moment settle over her. Only the sound of the monitor's rhythmic beeping filled the room. It would certainly take some time to not accidentally call the flower monster by his old name, especially since it was so directly tied to her joy at his return, but she'd do it for his sake without question. So long as he and Chara were here with her again, she'd weather all the struggles their new lives brought with them, big and small.
"I'm guessing uh… that forgiveness goes for me too then?"
The voice broke the silence hesitantly, but nonetheless drew all eyes in the speaker's direction. From where they sat on the bed beside her, she could see Frisk had once again given up control to Chara. It was the first fallen human's scarlet eyes that stared back at her, reflecting a poorly restrained anxiety. Toriel responded first by pulling them close into their own one armed hug on her free side, letting one of her long ears fall over their head.
"Yes, of course Chara." She said gently, as though it were without question.
Chara remained stiff though, biting their lip and clearly holding words back. After a moment though they settled against her and hid their face against her neck, a gesture they had done often after they'd first fallen into their lives.
"I should… I should apologize though… about… about the plan." They said, the words muffled some by her fur. "My stupid plan to try and save you all back then. It was a terrible idea from the start. I wanted to be a martyr hero and see monsterkind freed. I thought it… w-would make me live up to what Dad always called me. But it all blew up in our faces and caused all the misery that happened after for you and Dad and everyone else. I was so stupid and selfish and-"
"Shhh…" Toriel stopped their ranting apologies before they could spiral further, nuzzling the side of their head and running a paw gently down their back.
"My child, it was not your fault." She insisted, though her voice was becoming strained. "You… o-only wanted to see your family finally be fr-"
She had to pause, turning her head a bit to cough a few times. They were painful coughs too, and it wasn't until they ceased did she realized how much her throat was hurting. She had been so caught up in speaking with her children about all these incredibly important things, things she never expected she'd ever get to actually settle, that she hadn't paid any mind to how much she was pushing herself. Her body and mind had already been through hell whilst she was lost in those returning memories, and here she was trying to bounce back to her usual self mere hours after finally awakening.
A water bottle was pressed into her paw, and she took it gratefully and downed a few sips. She hadn't thought much of the mango flavored water at first, but it was a blessing on her sore throat. While she drank her children eyed her anxiously, Chara and Frisk's worry palpable in the pulses from what she know understood was their shared soul.
"G-guys… let her rest, okay?" Alphys insisted while Toriel was occupied. "I know there is a l-lot to talk ab-about. But right now is n-not the best time for it."
But Toriel shook her head once she had finished with the water and had taken a few steadying breaths to ensure her voice would be even again.
"No no, it is okay… I will be okay… J-just give me a second…" She said in a quieter tone, handing the water bottle back to Alphys. "Thank you"
Her head was swimming a bit, but after leaning back into the pillow behind her the sensation seemed to level off. Next to her, Chara sat up with Flowey in tow. She was surprised then, when her human child reached over to kindly stroke the fur on her head. It was clearly meant to be a sincere sympathetic gesture, but Toriel couldn't help but find it a little amusing too. She let them do it though, for it did feel nice regardless.
"It's alright Mom… Alphys is right, you need to rest." Chara said, managing a weak smile of their own. "We can talk about it we you are feeling better."
Toriel let out an exaggerated sigh at that, feigning dramatic defeat. She let her tired eyes become half lidded, and shot both her children a warm smile.
"Alright then sweetheart." She conceded, laying back against the pillows again. "Though If I am being truthful… I am not sure I could rest easily until I see Sans again…"
The mention of Sans brought unease back to her children's faces, and the two shared a meaningful look. She could see both were dealing with an inner conflict on the subject of her dear skeleton, and the fact that she was so tired was clearly not helping that fact. But after she tilted her head a bit at the two of them questioningly, they seemed unable to hold back.
Before either spoke though, she witnessed Chara and Frisk once again switch places. Every other time this had happened, she hadn't been looking to see it. It wasn't as mystifying or extreme as one might expect. Truly all that really displayed the change were the child's eyes. Chara's somewhat unnaturally wide eyes that stretched Frisk's narrow eye shape softened to their usual relaxed state, and the bright crimson color of their iris faded back to the usual soft brown.
There were other minor tells between the two as well, such as slight posture differences and the way the two smiled, but overall the process was quick enough that one could easily miss it. It was still somewhat unnerving for her to witness, and her mind already was stockpiling anxious thoughts regarding how exactly things worked between the two of them, but given that it meant Chara was once again part of her life, she wouldn't voice any complaint for the moment.
Once Frisk was fully back in control, they raised their hands to sign to her, still carrying a worry of their own in their expression. Though it was a worry not directed towards their own situation.
(Mom… I don't think Sans is… okay.) They signed, guilt and sadness passing over their eyes. (When we both told everyone about everything after you were taken to the hospital… After he didn't have an answer for what was happening to you… He was so… so…)
"Creepy?" Flowey supplied dryly, leaning his head on a leaf.
Frisk shook their head, looking ever sadder by the second.
(No… more like… empty.) They clarified, and the choice of words made Toriel inwardly wince.
She couldn't help but be taken back to when Sans had used that very word to describe himself after he had his breakdown. He had been so hollow then, so withdrawn and unsure how to face his own turbulent emotions without his usual walls. It was little surprise that sharing his secrets with all the others would put him in such a state again… if not worse. Her soul ached terribly, but she forced herself to pay attention as Frisk continued to sign.
(He talked with hardly any emotion in his voice… even about the things that happened to him personally.) They went on. (It was like he was just a robot going through the motions. He didn't even seem as sad as he should have been about the situation. And the weirdest part was… I never saw him eat, drink or even nap since he started spilling the truth.)
Flowey nodded from his place in Frisk's arms, eyes narrowing a bit in thought.
"Judging from how he looks when he does decide to make an appearance, I wouldn't be surprised if he hasn't done any of those things since that day. Skeletons can probably survive that somehow." He noted before wrinkling his muzzle. "He certainly doesn't smell like he's bathed, I can tell you that much."
Flowey said the words with a touch of his usual harsh tone, but he caught himself and shot Toriel an at least somewhat apologetic glance before looking down. Her soul certainly wasn't at all soothed from what she was hearing. She looked over at Alphys for confirmation, part of her hoping the lizard monster would counter the claims or at least give some input that would soften the seriousness of what was being implied. But Alphys could only nod with another sorrowful look that emphasized the new weight in her eyes.
Toriel's soul felt like it was being squeezed inside her as she pictured Sans, who had been doing so much better, in such dire straits. Mixed with all the new memories of him that she now had, flirting in and out of the edges of her mind, she found it harder than ever to keep her composure. In the end, perhaps it was only her great exhaustion that kept her from weeping for her beloved's sake. The claws of one of her paws once again curled just above where the needle entered her soul.
"I see…" She finally rasped out, closing her weary eyes briefly against the sting of tears before opening them again. "Well, I am certain seeing this happen to me was a tremendous blow to him. And then to have to again tell everyone the secrets he has carried that he struggled to even tell me... He is likely falling back on old habits in order to cope with such an inordinate level of stress… Perhaps even backsliding further…"
Imagining what that could mean for him only made her soul hurt more, and she had to take a steadying breath to settle her emotions as best she could. Then she looked to her children again, subconsciously searching their eyes for what was stirring in their own souls.
"Did you two… Chara and Flowey I mean, did you ever make an effort to apologize to him, for what transpired in the past between you?" She asked, curling her claws a little tighter to her chest against a new wave of pain.
The children again shared an uneasy look, sweat visibly forming on their brows. Though it seemed to be a more reluctant act this time, Chara returned to control Frisk's body and looked over at Toriel nervously with their bright crimson eyes.
"Well…" They began softly in their layered voice, rubbing one of Flowey's petals between their fingers. "Not personally to him exactly but... "
They trailed off, growing a little pale with a conflicted expression. Even with her newly returned memories, Toriel could only imagine what they were recalling to cause that. She hardened her deeply eyes some in her usual maternal fashion. The same way she would when she had to lecture them for far lesser misdoings over a century ago.
"I think you should make an effort to do that." She rasped before directing her gaze at Flowey in particular. "Especially you, my son. I believe it is necessary for both of you to begin properly healing in that regard. He may very well not truly forgive you for what you did to torment him personally, but I would encourage you to offer that apology regardless. I know you all have much to work through in light of this, but that would be a good place to start."
With that, her eyes drifted towards the makeshift cot beneath the large window adorned with get well gifts. She couldn't help but imagine him curled up there at night, across from her unconscious form, despising himself for what he had unintentionally done to her. Her imaginings also drifted into thoughts of all he had told her to bring about this unseen misfortune. All the terrible things he never thought she'd believe. Now most of them were part of her own memories as well, giving her more understanding of the full gravity of the events of timelines past than she ever could have imagined. Including the timelines where...
A flash of terribly violent images surged through her weary mind briefly, flaring up phantom pains along her cheek and stomach. It also summoned up the image in her mind of that horrific scar that ran across Sans' ribcage. She knew not if that had been among the things he had shared with the others, though she personally doubted it. Nonetheless, it was an image that forced out more words she knew needed to be said.
"I too have… a lot I need to think about." She declared quietly, without looking away from the window. "I must reconcile the fact that… all this time… my children have been the ones responsible for his suffering. The pain that I saw in him… the pain that I so deeply wanted to help free him from… was a pain I was more deeply connected to than I could have ever imagined. And yet… he still trusted me with it all in the end, the very mother of his tormentors. He still… fell in love with me."
Despite everything, that sentiment brought a light blush back to her face, and a small bit of warmth to her weary soul. Though it clearly weighed heavily on her children, who she knew certainly did not need to be further reminded of their sins at this point. The words had been far more for herself, to settle how she would approach things going forward.
"Tch, that's some twisted kind of luck or… fate or whatever there, Mom." Flowey commented with a weak attempt at levity, breaking the brief silence. "Though it sounds the all the pieces of this puzzle are aligning a bit too conveniently for my taste."
Flowey looked up at Chara, likely expecting his sibling to play off his sarcasm like usual. But Chara's was staring off into the middle distance, as though they hadn't heard anything that was said. Rather than return their brother's banter, they looked at Toriel with eyes that reflected their own exhaustion and guilt.
"Do you… really think things can ever be okay?" They asked, seeming to carry both cynicism and a spark of hope all at once in their tone.
Though the action hurt some through everything else weighing down her, she was able to tap into the small amount of warmth in her soul and work up a smile.
"I do, my child." She assured them, with a deep sincerity. "For it is like Flowey said… everything is falling into place now… some pieces are still broken, and won't fit like they used to, but that does not mean they cannot be mended with time."
Chara blinked at that, even quirking an eyebrow at her odd metaphor, but slowly they were able to return her smile, softening up their whole expression. Flowey smiled too, but his was more of an amused smirk. He rolled his eyes and lightly booped the end of her muzzle with a vine.
"You're loopy Mom." He said, and she dared to think she heard some true fondness in his voice. "Go back to sleep already, at least until the others get back."
It was an order she had no real ability to oppose, as it summoned back the full weight of her exhaustion. There was still so much more to discuss, so much more to do, more than she could even hope to properly fret over. But her soul and body's ability to stay awake was long burnt out, enough so that not even her usual insomnia could hope to keep her up much longer.
There was a part of her at that moment that truly feared falling asleep again, worried it would mean being thrown back into that nightmarish torrent of memories. But there was no stopping it, so she'd just have to trust Alphys and her own gut instincts.
She allowed her heavy eyelids to sink until only a small sliver of her scarlet eyes were visible, peering out at Chara and Flowey with a sleepy fondness.
"Very well… but please do think about what I said, my children." She insisted, trying to work some authority into her fragile voice.
A huge yawn escaped her as she settled more comfortably against the pillows, displaying her fangs prominently for a few moments. As her mouth shut again, she found her eyes doing the same, and she couldn't find the strength to open them again. She could tell Alphys was also lowering the bed angle a bit to better allow her to fully lay down again. Still, there was no way she was going to allow herself to drift off before saying the words she'd always wished she'd been able to tell them the night before they had left her world. No way she was going to ignore just how blessed she truly was.
"I love you all… so very much." She crooned, just above a whisper.
The last thing she heard were the voices of her three children returning those words to her, even Flowey. That allowed her to let sleep overtake her again with a smile. Her last conscious thought though... was that of Sans, hoping he would be there when she woke again.
The others did not wake her for some time, even after they had come back with the food. All the while she slept, she had not one dream. Her mind and body were so exhausted... as if she had not gotten any sleep at all those weeks she spent caught up in the tempest of her memories. And now, she lacked the energy to conjure up even the vaugest dreamscape.
When she was awoken, the sun was sinking low in the sky, marking itself as a sliver of brilliant orange against the horizon. But her wish from before had not been granted… her dear skeleton was still nowhere to be found. Even if that fact cut her, she didn't despair. Papyrus had indicated that despite his daily disappearing acts, he had always returned here to her side once night fell, had he not?
She had eaten the meal they'd fetched her, a simple turkey and cheese sandwich and a small cup of yogurt. The food was nothing special, likely just the usual fare from the hospital kitchen, but to her depleted soul, it tasted delectable. Her soul seemed to realize it was it the first food she'd eaten in weeks, and savored every bit of the magic gained from it.
All the while everyone sat with her and continued to do their bests to keep her spirits up by offering blessedly distracting conversation. Most of it she wasn't even a part of, she simply watched her group of friends turned family engage in their usual banter along with her children. It was all she had needed then after facing something so harrowing, just a small reminder that, despite the millions of questions and implications still left unaddressed, everything would be alright.
But eventually, visiting hours at the hospital came to an end and they all had no choice but to leave her. Even Alphys was convinced to go home and rest, assured by that same octopus nurse from before that Toriel would be in good hands. Her children though had been the most difficult to be convinced to leave. Chara protested openly, and the more open emotion to their voice told her that it was likely a prospect Frisk agreed with and was fueling with their own upset. With Flowey it was more subtle, simply listing off morbid what ifs in an effort to convince her and the others that she couldn't be left alone. And all the while, one of his vines had curled tightly around her wrist in a perhaps subconscious effort to hold on to her.
Even their opposition was quashed in the end though, with Asgore and the others giving them plenty of reassurances until they finally allowed him to pick them both up. Toriel had assured them she would be fine as well… but she would be lying to say she was taking their leaving well. She had only just got them back after so long... she would be lying if there wasn't some irrational side of her that wanted to beg Asgore and the others to not take them from her. Some side of her that screamed that if they walked out that door, they'd disappear from her life again. But her mindfulness won out, and though it made her soul ache, she stayed quiet and watched them go. Though not before squeezing them both tight and kissing their foreheads in farewell.
Then just like that, after another short check up from the octopus nurse, Toriel found herself utterly alone in her hospital room. Yet the unease that idea brought along with the lingering ache from her children's departure were lessened by the fact that had given her hope earlier. It was also one of the ideas that the adult monsters had used to convince the children to go with them.
They all had a feeling that leaving Toriel alone was the only way a certain someone would finally show up.
Though for a while after everyone had gone, there continued to be no sight of him. It went on that way long enough that she began to lose hope. Long enough that world outside became utterly dark, leaving her room much the same aside the from the somewhat eerie glow of the hospital machines. But then, her powerful ears caught a noise in the far corner of the room, near the gift adorned window and cot. It sounded like a faint crackle of electricity mixed with a faint whoosh of wind. If one wasn't listening for it, or lacked her sensitive hearing, they very well could have missed it.
It was a sound she recognized, and it made her soul swell within her as she looked over in that direction. She couldn't see him well at all, but she could tell he was there from the dull lights of his eyelights cutting through the darkness.
"I thought you might wait to come here until I was alone." She said, carefully easing her sore body into a sitting position on the bed.
Sans didn't move, and the eyelights vanished as his sockets no doubt went dark. There was a long few seconds where her statement hung, searching for a response, but found none from the skeleton in the shadows.
"Please my dear… do come out." She implored softly, feeling tears sting her eyes. I have you missed you so terribly."
The dark shape that was Sans shifted anxiously, clearly unsure of what to do and still startled by being spotted so quickly. She could hear the ever so faint sound of his bones rattling as he trembled. Toriel's watery eyes softened in sympathy and she sat up a little more to better address him.
"I know you must be feeling deeply conflicted about what happened." She said hesitantly. "I can scarcely imagine how stressful and painful these last few weeks have been for you whilst I was unconscious."
She used a shaky paw to rub at her eyes, feeling the enormity of all that had happened weighing down on her yet again. She still managed a smile in his direction though, even as her soul ached with yearning to hold him in her arms again.
"We have much to talk about in light of all this… that much is true. But it can wait." She insisted, the beseeching tone entering her voice once more. "For now… all I truly want is to see you again love."
Another long silence apart from the quiet rattling of bones passed, and Toriel was about to try again to convince him to come out. But then, slowly, the dark shape in the corner moved forward. He stepped into the moonlight from the window, and she could finally see him in more clarity. It was a sight that tore at her soul.
He looked far too much like he had during that timeline he'd come to live with her in the Ruins. Utterly defeated and near lifeless, showing only dull hints of outward emotion. His sockets still displayed nothing but blackness, darker than the night sky outside, and the heavy shadows under them only furthered how very beaten down by everything he was. He looked like he had been through his own personal hell all over again, all whilst she had been laying in this bed unable to do anything to help him. The thought made her feel sick with worry.
And yet, beyond all that, she could tell there was still a hesitant, almost fearful joy within him too. A joy he almost couldn't bear to let manifest further, too terrified of having it ripped away again. She imagined that he must be feeling something akin to how she felt when she realized the truth of Asriel and Chara's return. An overwhelming happiness, but one he feared was only a dream.
He finally forced himself to teleport the rest of the short distance to her bedside. Toriel's soul lept as he did, and she couldn't stop herself from moving to meet him. She wanted to hug him immediately, layering on a million words of comfort. But instead, she found all she could do for that moment was reach forward and lightly cup his cheekbone with a paw as her eyes wandered his haggard face. He didn't protest, but he continued to lightly tremble and didn't seem sure whether to believe what was in front of him or not.
Amongst all the mixtures of sorrow and warmth that the sight of him brought her, she also happened to notice that his scar from before was completely gone. It was silly, inconsequential thing to take note of in such a circumstance, yet it remained to be another detail that further spurred her burning emotions.
"Oh Sans…" She croaked, feeling the first few tears break free and slide into her fur. "Come here love, come here."
She brought him into her arms and pulled him up onto the bed, holding his small frame tight to her chest. Her claws even itched to extend just to ensure he didn't get swallowed back up into the shadows again, but she managed to keep such instincts at bay. The action didn't appear to surprise him at all, and also seemed to flip a switch inside him. He returned the hug with a sudden strength that didn't match at all the broken skeleton she'd seen just a few moments ago. He must be putting his all into it, fueled by desperation to prove she was truly there.
She adjusted to hold him better and paid no attention to the dull pain from the IV all the shifting caused. She just cradled him close and wept silently for anything and everything, pressing the side of her face into his hoodie. His soul reached out to hers, clinging to her magic just as fiercely as he was clinging to her body. Her own magic responded in turn, soothing and reassuring and enveloping with warmth. For a while that was all either of them could manage, and they just held each other whilst the machine continued its rhythmic beep beside them.
It was some time before he broke the silence, but only loud enough for her ears alone. At first it was only with a weak sob, a further sign of his apathy cracking, but then the words came as well.
"i'm so sorry…" He croaked out, tone wholly saturated with guilt and other tormented emotions.
Toriel squeezed him tighter and shook her head, running a paw in a circle over his back.
"Shhh… please. None of that. Not now." She pleaded, able to keep her voice level despite her own tears. "You are forgiven love, for all of it. You could not have known this would happen, and you certainly did not ask to be afflicted with this unimaginable burden that you have had to carry alone for so long. I would do it all again in a moment, even now."
He heeded her and quieted at that, but did not lessen his grip or stop softly weeping into her neck and shoulder. His soul felt so very agonized and weary as its waves of magic met her own, she briefly wondered if he had lost the small amount of HP gain he'd managed before along with his other progress. The idea was nearly too painful to consider, so she just simply focused on soothing him in the moment, pushing the other million concerns away for now. No matter what had happened with him while she was out, she was here now and she would not let him slip any further.
"And as for everything else, I understand love. I know you have been suffering." She assured him. "Just please, please do not hide away anymore. Stay here so that we may all heal from this together. I know that facing everyone now that they all have been burdened with the truth is greatly daunting, but we all love you so dearly Sans... everyone worries for you, especially your brother…"
His breath hitched a bit at that, bringing on another wave of tears. But that small spark of further emotion from him only pushed her to pressing the issue further.
"He needs you right now to help him learn to cope with all this, we all do, you know that." She reminded him, though still in a voice as gentle as could be, as though she were talking to a small child.
She could tell he didn't want to discuss this, all he wanted to do was cling to her and shut out everything else in order to focus on the fact that she was awake at long last. But it all had to be said, along with countless other things all begging to be voiced and addressed. This was at least a start though, and a very important one. Once he'd calmed himself some again, he spoke once more while pressing his face harder against her.
"i know…" He rasped out sorrowfully. "i just… i can't st-stand the way he…" He paused as a violent shudder passed through him.. "tori… his eyes… everyone's… they all look so broken…"
The skeleton drew in a shuddering breath at that, curling up tighter in her embrace as though that would somehow make him disappear. Thankfully, he didn't utilize his actual ability for such an act, just held on to her all the tighter as his harsh emotions continued to bubble to the surface.
"i never wanted anyone else to deal with any of this… especially not him. and you… tori i… i could h-have killed you." He said through another weak sob, voice rising a bit with those last two words. "i… really thought y-you were going to die t… or were going to be st-stuck in some damn eternal coma."
A strained, humorless laugh escaped him through a few tearful wheezes. He began to shiver violently enough to bring back the rattle of his bones even in her embrace.
"i-it was the first time i… actually feared that frisk wouldn't reset." He admitted. "that you'd d-die because of my stupidity and that would never be undone. y-you'd be gone, forever."
Toriel's soul gave a harsh pang at that, enough to nearly make her wince. It wasn't at all a surprise that he'd think such things in light of all this… but it still hurt. It was yet another new way the Resets could torment him, as if he needed anything further for that. She steadied herself quickly as best she could. Weak as she was, she still needed to ensure she was there for him through this. He obviously hadn't spoken freely about the emotions he'd been dealing with since she'd fallen unconscious based on what the others had said, and they were all things that needed to be expressed.
"I understand dear." She assured him, feeling more tears of her own escape her eyes as she did so. "I understand… But what is done is done, my love. I do not regret a thing, just as I said."
He didn't reply to that right away, just took a few moments to try and calm himself. Until his shivering lessened some and his breathing began to even out. Only then did he let out another hoarse chuckle against her neck, far softer than the last.
"heh... it's all such a damn mess." He croaked, coughing once before going on. "i spent so long hating and fearing the resets more than anything, b-but suddenly i couldn't stand the idea of them not b-being an option any more."
A particularly severe shiver shook through him then with a hollow rattling sound, and he deflated a bit in her arms.
"i'm really am h-hopeless, huh?"
The words were more rhetorical or to himself than something he expected a reply to. But she gave one regardless, determined not to let such thoughts consume him.
"Certainly not." She said, with just enough firmness to be effective. "It is only natural you would find everything that has happened terribly hard to deal with, especially in light of how it all unfolded. This would have shaken anyone's progress in healing. I assure you dear, you are not hopeless, and you are far from beyond help. And neither are the others."
Though her soul still ached and her eyes still stung from offending tears, she managed a small smile then and felt her soul's magic drift into a more positive direction.
"We all have more to be hopeful for now than ever before, my dear." She reminded him quietly. "Our worlds have changed by this revelation, yes. But I believe having this deception gone will be for the best in the end, and eventually lead to a far brighter future for us all."
Once more, Sans had no quick response to offer, clearly picking over every word that had been offered him carefully. But it was not the point she had brought up that he addressed then, rather, it seemed to suddenly bring more awareness to the miserable skeleton in her arms. He calmed a little further, and when he let out another hoarse wheeze of laughter, it sounded just a bit more real.
"sheesh... even bedridden in hospital you still have a w-way with words, heh." He noted, sniffling as he finally lessened his grip some, just enough to sit back a little and see her. "here i am blubbering on about all this when i should be taking care of you. i mean stars, you basically just woke up from a coma."
She hummed thoughtfully at that, looking over his face now that she could see it better. He still didn't look like the happier, more vibrant skeleton Sans had been on his way to becoming, but certainly better than before. He met her eyes and wiped his own before casting a guilt laden look at her bandaged chest in particular, where the needle was inserted. What it represented cut him deep and she wondered for a moment if he would shut down again. But instead he seemed compelled to reach forward and rest his bony hand on her cheek, his returned eyelights fuzzy with concern and stress most prominently.
"are you feeling alright? sh-should i get you anything?" He asked, clearly all but desperate to be of any sort of help at this point.
Toriel's weak smile warmed at that, but she shook her head. She ghosted a paw forward and cradled his cheekbone in return, sweeping at a fresh tear track with her thumb.
"I am fine, my dear." She assured him, eyes gaining a few tears again. "All I truly want right now is to be with you."
He blinked at that, then he allowed himself to lean into her touch and the edges of his mouth softened into the closest thing to a real smile she'd seen from him for... a while. The response from his soul was just as promising, giving off its first lighter pulse to pair with his smile.
"y-yah… same here." He admitted before quickly throwing his arms back around her neck and hugging her tight.
She accepted the action, shifting him some so she could cradle him more easily and just savor the feeling of holding her dear skeleton. Even with how clearly lost and tormented he was, his presence alone was enough to calm some of the terrible fear and confusion that had been plaguing her since she first awoke. She had felt like she had been drowning in all these new memories that suddenly occupied her mind, along with having to come to terms with the fact that she had lost an entire month of her life. And things that had transpired during that time were nearly too weighty to grasp.
But having him here, feeling his soul's familiar magic share with her own, it soothed her, just as he always seemed to have a knack for doing. And judging from what she could feel from his soul, she knew it must be the same for him, if not even more so.
They sat like that for a long time, the beeping of the heart monitor being the only significant sound in the room aside from an occasional audible shiver from Sans. Their souls did the talking then, sharing in their usual silent communication. Eventually though, the insurmountable number of thoughts and questions came bubbling back up to the surface like the rising magma within Mt. Ebott. It spilled over into words, things she'd been dying to discuss with him more than any other.
"I… remember now… all of those timelines we shared and lost." She croaked out hesitantly, breaking the silence. "It is difficult for me to grasp it all… or to sort it out with any sort of certainty within my mind… but it is there. I can recall now our true first meeting… the timelines where you joined me in the Ruins… those rare ones in which we were allowed to taste freedom before being brought back… seemingly endless snippets of of shared jokes through the door… It... It is all there"
She met his gaze, the weight of all of that, and more, clear in her exhausted ruby red eyes.
"And… I now remember Gaster…"
Those words had to be all but forced out, her fear at further upsetting him wanting her to keep her mouth shut. But he had to know. If she focused, she could now pick through her first encounters with the ancient skeleton, through the time he served them as the royal scientist and even the last interaction she had had with him before the death of her children, and her subsequent leaving of the throne. All memories that turned the magic in her soul at how… normal he'd seemed, far more a victim than the cruel monster he eventually became.
To her surprise though, Sans didn't react to that fact as much as she had expected. His eyelights had momentarily shrunken a bit, but they returned to form a pensive expression as he pondered what to say in return. Oddly, he settled on offering her a weary grin, though his eyelights and the tear tracks on his face betrayed the full gravity of the situation.
"makes you feel pretty old, huh?" He asked simply, in a surprisingly level voice. "and tired…"
She blinked at that, then softened her own expression a bit. She couldn't quite smile, but she was grateful for the levity he tried to offer regardless. It soothed her as it always did, and gave her just a little bit more assurance that even after all this, he would be okay in time. They both would, even if everything seemed so very gripped by chaos at the moment. In all honesty, they should be discussing the cavalcade of new memories she now had regarding Sans' father, regarding everything and how they would change things between them and all the others going forward. But for now, she was content to accept his effort to gently sweep it aside.
She brushed her muzzle against the top of his skull before letting it settle there, allowing her to breathe in his familiar scent.
"Perhaps." She admitted, feeling her eyelids droop a bit. "But more so… it helps me to understand you better. It makes me feel terribly guilty for all my cluenesses in regards to what you were going through, no matter how unavoidable it was… But most of all, it makes me feel closer to you, and reminds me of just how much I love you. How lucky I truly am to have been able to meet you with all the chaos that secretly governed our world."
With that, the emotion swelling from her soul increased and she was struck with the compulsion to express her affections more directly. Thankfully Sans too seemed to share in such feelings, shifting in the aftermath of her clumsy rush of words to cup her cheek in his hand again. He kept it there as he turned to meet her eyes again, searching hers for a confirmation they were on the same wavelength.
He found it quickly, and the two of them shared in one of their unique kisses for a few moments. It was something that clearly meant even more to Sans than to her, seeing as he hadn't been partaking in such things the weeks she'd spent unconscious. It help reignite his magic in a way, making his soul's pulses far more bright and vibrant as both their souls reacted to the closing of the distance between them. For her it was a sensation that brought a twinge of pain from the needle, and it made the machine beside her momentarily grow a bit more erratic in its beeping, but she disregarded that for the moment.
Their souls felt even more in sync than before, as though their shared knowledge of the timelines past was somehow reflected in their souls. They lingered in that kiss for some time, holding each other close. It was long enough that her lungs were what drove her to finally pull away and meet his gaze again, red eyes shining. She had to draw some air back into her lungs before she could speak again.
"Sorry if that was a bit sudden love…" She said shakily, managing a small smile. "I… just felt I would be rekiss to pass up such an ideal opportunity."
Sans seemed to become frozen at that, his heart shaped eyelights giving another sparkle before he blinked and returned them to normal. The dusting of blue on his face didn't fade as her pun sank in, and he covered his face whilst beginning to tremble again. Though this time, with laughter. It was such a joy to hear that from him, hoarse and weak as it was. She joined him in a light giggle of her own too, unable to keep herself from following his lead. They both rode the wave of shared hilarity until their could regain composure, and when they looked back to one another, both of them had tears blurring their vision again, despite the smiles that remained.
"heh... n-nah, i was h-hoping you would want to…" Sans said with a sniffle, wiping his sockets with the heel of his hand. "geez… i m-missed you so much tori. i don't think i've actually made a pun since the... incident."
She hummed thoughtfully at that, rubbing at her own eyes. Once she could see clearly again, she made a bit of a show of placing a paw on her chest as though shocked by his words.
"Well, we certainly cannot have that, can we not?" She asked in an attempt at a playful tone. "Come now my love, give me your best shot. I believe it will help you feel a little better."
His grin tightened a bit at that, and his gaze drifted down and away as he fiddled indecisively with one of his hoodie's drawstrings. After taking a steadying breath though, he looked up at her again.
"alright tori, i'll try." He conceded with a nervous chuckle. "just go easy on me, i'm pretty rusty."
He narrowed his sockets a bit in thought, then widened them again as inspiration seemed to hit. With a hint of mischievous in his weary eyelights raised a hand to gently tap twice against her muzzle.
"knock knock." He said, though not with his usual confidence.
She smiled wider regardless and wrinkled her nose a bit at him before answering.
"Who is there?" She asked, returning his gesture by giving him a sort of soft headbutt.
The act seemed to momentarily send his thoughts off track, but he managed to keep going after another wonderful wheezy chuckle and renewed blush.
"nobel" He said through a chuckle.
"Nobel who?" She replied back, scarlet eyes shining with amusement and affection.
"nobel, that's why i knocked." He delivered the punchline with a shrug of his shoulders and another nervous smile as he waited for her reaction.
It was a simple one, but it nonetheless caused some warm giggles to escape her. That seemed enough to summon up a stronger grin from him.
"pretty sure i've used that one before…" He said, fiddling with his hoodie string again. "i kinda stink at my usual routine now."
Once the humor of the wonderfully bad pun released her, she gave him a reassuring nuzzle.
"Well regardless, I quite like it. It was very nostalgic for me." She said without hesitation. "And you do not "stink", my dear."
She was going to say more on that fact, but the repeat of his words in her usual formal way of speaking made him chuckle right back.
"heh, now that's a joke tori." He insisted, shifting inward self consciously. "to be honest, i've not exactly been… keeping up with stuff like that like i should have. i probably smell like a sweaty corpse right about now… if that's a thing."
His choice of words was amusing certainly, but the hidden weight behind them was not lost on her. It was a mere hint of the true enormity of his lack of self care in her absence. She was again faced with a choice of discussing that further, or trying to preserve the genuineness of the smile on his face. Seeing what a rare treasure that true smile must be in light of all that had happened though, she chose the latter.
"Mmm… I suppose it could be a thing in the correct circumstance." She mused, tapping a claw against her chin. "But perhaps that smell is still better than a shaggy old goat who possibly has not showered in nearly a month."
The comeback brought about the reaction she was looking for. He let out another tired, wheezy chuckle and affectionately pressed his face against her neck. He made a show of inhaling deeper than before, pulling in air through his nasal cavity. The sensation tickled a bit, and made her flinch some with a light giggle. She felt about as far from her old royal self as she could be in that moment
"nah, even if it was, i think i'm immune at this point. though that may just be me being scent-i-mental." He quipped.
The pun was improvement from his last, a sign he was already beginning to claw his way back up from the low he'd fallen into in the wake of all this. He seemed to know this too, and in their usual fashion, the very way they had first grown close to one another, they both began to laugh at his joke even more so than before. They leaned into each other, held each other tight and just gave into their shared love for terrible jokes, and their shared love for one another. A love that had not faded at all it seemed even in the most despairing of circumstances. Circumstances that would inevitably all need to be addressed and dealt with in time.
She had said before that they both had a lot of healing to do, but now that statement applied to their whole family. But nonetheless, in that moment, laughing with him once again over their beloved cheesy puns as though nothing had changed… she had hope that such healing truly was attainable for everyone. Maybe not soon, maybe not even for a long time... But the possibility was there, and so long as that was the case, she was sure they'd all reach it in their own time. All of their worlds had now been shaken to their cores, but they had all stayed determined.
Despite everything, they were all still themselves. This hadn't and wouldn't destroy them. And going forward, they could all face this great struggle, together. Working towards a new and perhaps unrecognizable future, but one they now could truly depend on.
She and Sans slipped into a peaceful sleep that night in her hospital bed, perhaps the first they'd both shared in weeks, and waited for the new day to come.
