So hi! I'm aware I haven't updated in a gazillion years and I'm sorry but here ya go! Better late than never right?

Beep beep beep

It's like a mantra in Chloe's ears, hearing it every now and then when someone had to be up exceptional early for something. And usually-when it wasn't for her at least-she would at least wake up a little and give Beca a kiss and a good morning before settling back down but today that just wasn't happening. Today, she simply nuzzles her face into the brunette's neck from where it was perched on her shoulder and tightens her hold her arm has on Beca's abdomen. She feels the brunette rubbing her back and then she's vaguely aware of her wife leaning away, probably to turn that stupid ass alarm off.

With the incessant beeping gone, the redheads able to relax again, falling asleep slowly but steadily. And she's pretty sure she feels Beca shifting below her-she can't be sure-but she knows something in the room is moving and god she just wants to lay here all day and do nothing but sleep and maybe watch some tv-all in her wife's arms of course, but they can't. Because the fucking alarm starts rambling again, only reminding her that the wife she wants in her bed all day is instead going to be at meetings for pretty much the entire day. Which sucks. For Chloe. For Beca. For their kids-even though they probably wouldn't care that much. For everyone really. It sucks. But she can still feel Beca's presence, and her hand rubbing lazy circles on her back which is enough for now.

Then Beca moves. A move that Chloe had learned meant that she was going to get up-she bent her legs just slightly and gently shook her head from side to side. She always thought it was weird whenever the rare moment occurred that she saw it-she always imagines that Beca's thoughts bounce of the walls of her skull and collide with each other, but a nice collision you know? Like a mashup of music.

"Chlo, I need to get up baby," she hears Beca whisper, just about hearing her. Her lips are on the top of ginger locks, pressing into Chloe which just makes the woman realise that Beca really has to go. She only responds with a light hum, acknowledging but not fully accepting the fact that she had to be on her own for a while. Or for pretty much the whole day. "You okay?" It's the same volume as before, just with a hint of concern this time which makes Chloe pull herself together just a fraction-not a lot but it's something. But another hum floods out of her mouth and then she's questioning whether it was the right decision or not. Because she's not quite sure if she is okay.

And that, that's an odd feeling for her. See Chloe had always had the idea that what's the point in being sad when you have that one happy thing in your life-even if its just one. And Chloe, well, Chloe had 5 of those things-people, to be more precise-living under the same roof as her. So, naturally she had taught all 4 children the same thing, as long as they had each other-their mothers included in that-then they had something happy, some support to fall back on when they needed that extra boost. And, thank the heavens, they had all taken that in stride and her and Beca knew, know, that if any one of them-and each other-were going through something or had any type of problem then they would come and talk to them about it. Or at least tell them something was wrong. But they also knew-as they got older and started to have actual real-life problems that couldn't be fixed with a band aid and a kiss-that there were those days that they don't want to ask for help. And honestly? They had days where some of them didn't want to get out of bed-and they, didn't-but you bet your ass that Chloe and Beca were straight on that problem as soon as it occurred. And yes, yes, they had allowed each and every one of them-the ones that were old enough, anyway-to stay home at some point because of those days, because they understood.

And today is that day for Chloe. But, unlike her children, she had responsibilities-like looking after said children.

She's almost asleep when Beca starts to move her gently down off of her shoulder and then placing the hand, previously on her abdomen, onto the mattress. And Beca's surprised that Chloe's not waking up just a little to say good morning and give her a quick kiss. Not that she ever expected or asked her to, it was just the fact that she had always done that. So, the brunette takes an extra moment to look down at the redhead, just appreciating her because if she can't say it right now at least she knows that she still kinda said good morning psychologically. It makes sense to her, somehow.

Once she's dressed in some nice black jeans and a white long sleeve blouse, Beca finds herself wondering back over to the bed, just to check that Chloe's still out for the count. Which she is. So, gently, she leans down, trying not to shift the mattress too much, and places a kiss on the redhead's forehead. It's a little warmer than usual causing Beca to follow up with her hand, gently stroking her fingers across her forehead and down through her hair. It's not fever warm so Beca decides on texting her, maybe calling, later when she's actually awake and checking in. Chloe lets out a puff of air and moves her head slightly as the brunette tries to escape the mattress causing her to stop every movement and then getting out of the room as quickly and quietly as possible.

It's only 5:30 when Beca eventually closes the doors to the master, turning down the hall to poke her head into each child's room before making her way downstairs for some much-needed coffee.

She grabs a sticky note from the centre island where they-more Chloe than herself-has collected little things such as post it notes apparently and scribbles her note before quickly attaching it to the kettle. Chloe will see it there. She's out the garage door and safely in her car, attempting to warm it up, only a minute after.

Beca had always tried to leave her wife something for when she woke up if the brunette herself wasn't there to greet her for the day ahead. But it wasn't that often that she had to be somewhere this early so most of the time she left a cute note-she tried-and then attempted to text the redhead at around 8 which is when she usually woke up. Usually. When it was a school day at least. Because she knew her wife well and that involved the non-morning person she is.

So, as predicted by her wife many a time, Chloe's up at 7:56 that morning-well, awake at least. It always happened the same way pretty much every school morning though. Little feet start lazily, with the occasional run happening, trekking up the straight hallway to the double doors and Chloe always thinks she hears the padding of feet but she's never completely sure. She's usually still half asleep at this point. But then-she's confident about this part-the door smooths across the wood flooring, just barely opening, and then the first visitor appears, climbing on the bed and making themselves known. That one's usually Marley. Just like today. Which of course Chloe actually wakes up then-at the sight of her adorable baby how could she not? She's soon followed by Mallory, the younger twin, who climbs in just as easily. If Beca were here, they'd usually climb up on her side and snuggle into her opposite side that the redhead wasn't occupying or occasionally they'd attempt to wedge themselves in between their legs on top of the duvet. But they know that Beca's a bit more reasonable in the morning. They had learned well.

"Hello, you two." It's raspier and not as enthusiastic as she had hoped for, but this morning just isn't okay and she's absolutely not ready to participate in it. Gosh she feels like she's in college all over again.

"Good morning." They say it pretty much in sync, making Chloe smirk just slightly, even though it comes off kind of overwhelming at this time in the morning. You know, having two 4-year olds talk to your barely awake self with a little too much enthusiasm.

"Why don't you guys go watch some tv downstairs and I'll be right down to make you some yummy breakfast." Its more of an instruction than a question, but they both jump of the bed giggling after the redhead gives them both a little poke in the tummy so Chloe's just thankful that they're old enough to navigate themselves, for now.

She rolls onto her back before letting out a puff of air. She needs to get herself together and she needs to do that soon-preferably before she goes downstairs. Her legs swing over the bed before she loses the courage to do so, and she quickly makes her way to their bathroom to get ready for the day.

She decides on some leggings and a hoodie-Beca's of course-and throwing her hair up into a bun, to just be comfortable for the day. She doesn't bother with her contacts, instead grabbing her glasses from her nightstand to wear for the day. Not that she needed them all day. Okay, well maybe she probably did but Chloe was a stubborn being.

As soon as she enters the hallway, she can hear the music coming from the kitchen-Alex must be down there-which wasn't a hard task she supposes. You see, their house was a very open space, something that they wanted specifically when looking for one-with small children it just made life easier. So, the upstairs was just a long, wide, carpeted hallway with three doors either side of it and grand double doors at the far end, opposite the banister that overlooking the living room and partly into the kitchen. Alex, the oldest, had the room next to the stairs – it was one of the biggest and furthest away from her mother's room – they both agreed it was fair to give her that specific room. Opposite her room was Reagan's, the third biggest bedroom in the house which again, both mothers thought he deserved. And then there was Marley's room, 2 doors over from Alex's and right next to Beca and Chloe's room while Mallory's was right next to Reagan's. Which left the other two rooms as spares for visitors. The only thing the mothers knew wasn't okay was the fact that the master, Alex, Reagan and Mallory all had en-suites – an argument they already saw coming from Marley when she figured out that sharing her twin's bathroom wasn't the same.

But poking her head in each room on her way to the stairs, she found none of her kids so that meant they were all downstairs and she could smell pancakes – gosh she loves Alex.

So, she slowly continues down the staircase and through the arch which attaches the living room to the kitchen, leaning against the curved wall there just to take in the sight of her children. Alex was near the oven, singing into the pancake flipper while 'hit me with your best shot' blasts through the speakers. The teenager has obviously lifted the twins onto the island opposite the oven, both fully into the song too because yes, they know every single word apparently. And then Reagan – Reagan never failed to amuse her – he's trying so goddamn hard to dance, Chloe can see it, and its so adorably cute that she just stands there and wishes she could film the whole thing for Beca.

As the song ends, everyone seems to just go back to what they were doing previously – Alex cooking, Reagan's getting something out of the fridge while the two littlest amuse themselves while chatting to Alex about god knows what. It reminds her far too much of a flash dance.

"Look who decided to join us!" Of course, Alex spots her first, always the caring one.

"Mommy!" soon follows from the people that saw her only minutes before.

"Good morning, mom," Alex says as the redhead makes her way over, kissing her forehead and looking down to the frying pan.

"Good morning sweetheart, thank you for cooking, these look great." The brunette only smiles back, giving most of her attention to cooking. Chloe just looks at her for a moment, tucking a strand of hair that had escaped her messy bun behind her ear. The brunette looked a lot like Beca, face wise, but she had picked up things from both mothers. For example, she had Chloe's very shitty eye sight, something Beca was finally catching up with, and they had been told she acquired a mixture of their personality's. She was very friendly, kind, and comforting – Chloe – and then she was also found to be very guarded, silent and not very pleased to be socialising – Beca. But, something she had most definitely picked up from Beca was her hair, god Chloe loved her hair, so much so that she would constantly offer to wash, dry, style or even just run her fingers through the brunette locks to help her relax. And Alex, she was a nerd. A cute nerd. She had a very mixed style but being cute was effortless for the 17-year-old.

Turning around, Chloe sees the other three have made it to the other side of the island to sit on the breakfast stools there. "Good morning Rae," Chloe can see that he's not the happiest – he was a lot like herself when it came to mornings. "Morning, mom," always polite though.

"Breakfast is served," Alex quickly whips around with a stack on pancakes, letting each person take what they wanted, after whipping 2 of the top for herself.

"Guys, you have 10 minutes until you need to leave, okay?" Chloe says, getting apple juice from the fridge for herself – she would eat later. She receives a nod from the oldest two, Marley and Mallory don't seem all that bothered though meaning she had to take a different approach to this.

"You two all ready for school?" She says in a playful tone, resting her elbows on the marble next to Mallory – and yes, she can clearly see they're not, but she still likes to be playful with them.

She gets a 'yep' from Marley and a simple hum from Mallory so she decides to take what she can get.

"Alex, when do you finish today?" This was a daily occurrence, making sure everyone knows when they're supposed to get picked up.

"Umm, 1:30 today for me." The brunette has courses where she has a lot of independent work, meaning a lot of the time she could come home early and work from home.

"Do you think you could pick these two trouble makers up for me?" She asks, squeezing each twins shoulder as she did. "They finish at 1:15," she adds for good measure.

"Yeah, of course mom. You always ask me like I'm going to say no, it's literally right next door its no problem," she glances at Chloe, smile on her face, as she slips of her stool and puts her plate in the sink before disappearing out of the room.

"What about you, baby?"

"Three, I'll have to get the bus home." He didn't seem to care too much about that but still, Chloe thought that was unfair.

"How about you ask your sister really nicely if she can come pick you up at around 3:15, she should be done with her school work then." Chloe thinks that's a good compromise, right?

"I'll ask," he sends Chloe a smirk and follows his sister's path, putting his plate in the sink and disappearing to probably get his bag.

"Okay you two, you need to get dressed come on," she holds her hands out, inviting them to follow as she heads towards the stairs.

They both jump from the stools and run past her, splitting up in the hallway to go to their respective rooms.

"Have a good day, guys, I love you," she gets two kisses on the cheek as the other two rushes past her, down the stairs and shouting 'love you too' before going out to the garage to Alex's car. Chloe simply smiles.

She manages to get the other two dressed and actually in her range rover on time for once, having a lovely conversation between the three of them about whether God was real which Chloe held her point of 'if you want to believe in him, you believe in him with everything you have, it doesn't matter what other people think.' Her and Beca had always made the point to let every one of them know that if they have different beliefs than either mother, it was perfectly fine. So that was her ride there.

The ride back to the house was slightly different. As soon as she manages to climb back into the car after dropping the two off in the building, she just gets this feeling wash over her. Like something heavy's sitting on her chest and she has to work exceptional hard to stop it from crushing her. She just wants to get home, maybe take a nap and try to sleep off this feeling. It's not a feeling she encourages. Ever. And honestly, she thought this had dissipated, had disappeared and would never return. But here she is.

God, she's thankful that she's ahead with her book, because honestly Chloe's not entirely sure if she could write one word today. Especially when she gets home, collapses on the couch with a blanket to cuddle into, the low murmur of the radio and falls into sleep.

It's a couple of hours later when she comes to, feeling worse than ever. She feels sick to her stomach but not in a flu sense, she knows its nothing like that. Deciding that water would probably be the best thing here, she shakily stands and makes her way to the fridge, getting a bottle of water and uncapping it. As she takes a gulp, the clock catches her eye – its 1:15 already. Which meant that the three girls would be back pretty soon. Crap.

Risking the stairs, she makes her way to their bedroom, needing to do something since she just had a 3-hour nap. Laundry's a good place to start. That was the plan anyway, until she made it to the bathroom, took one look in the mirror and just complete broke. She's not even sure how it happens. Why it happens. But her glasses are off now as she tries, with no success – like at all – to control her tears. But they're coming at full force whether she likes it or not.

She manages to get a puff of air out, its slow and deep and leaves her feeling even sicker than before but she's just glad she got one. Once she stands there for a couple seconds, breath soon forgotten about, Chloe find's herself twirling around, landing on her knees in front of the toilet and gripping to the porcelain as if it was a life line. A few gags and coughs come out first and then she's throwing up – all while crying of course. She feels like she's starting to lose herself now, like she's not really aware of what's happening around her. It feels foggy and heavy all at once. But she doesn't dare move, she doesn't know what'll happen if she was brave enough for that.

Chloe's struggling to breathe when she feels a hand lightly come up her back, starting to rub it in circles, which only makes her sob more – it meant that someone was seeing her like this. And the worst part? She just knows its Alex.

"Shhh, mom you're okay, you're okay," she leans in close to Chloe's ear to say it, and Chloe congratulates her for getting that close to the toilet honestly.

Alex hears an intake of air from behind her, quickly whipping her head round to see two little bodies, clutched together with hands intertwined.

"What's wrong with mommy?" Alex isn't sure who says it, there's too much happening for her to concentrate on them as Chloe's sobs becoming gags and then eventually more vomit but it seems short enough for Alex to look back at them after Chloe's done.

"Mommy's going to be fine, I promise, but I need you to help, can you do that?" She receives nods immediately of course.

"Okay Mallory I want you to go to the towel cupboard and get the comfiest towel you can find and then grab the big comforter from mom's bed okay? Then bring it back here for me, can you do that?" The girl nods and runs off towards the hallway so Alex takes a moment to glance back at her mother. She's rested her head against her upper arm now, resting on the toilet seat, eyes closed, breathing fast and heavy. "Mar, you see those flannels over there?" She points with her free hand, still not letting the other still on Chloe's back. "I need you to get them both damp, not too wet, one warm and one cold okay?" The girl sets off doing as told so the brunette concentrates on her mother again.

"Mom, how you doing? You okay?" She stays calm, she has no idea if she'll get a reply but she's pretty sure Chloe can hear her. "Yeah, you're okay, don't worry, you're safe."

Mallory returns first, placing the folded towel on the floor next to Alex with the screwed-up blanket on top of it and then Marley's making her way over, placing the cloths in her sisters waiting hand. She places the colder one, folded into a rectangle, on Chloe's neck and then places the other beside her for a moment.

"Well done guys, why don't you go down to the couch and watch a movie? You know how to do that, right?" She's looking at them but still, her hand hasn't left Chloe's back and is still tracing light circles there while the other puts a bit of pressure on the flannel.

They both nod but Alex can see that they don't want to leave, like if they do, somethings going to happen. But they didn't need to see Chloe like this. "Mommy's okay." And then they're off.

She removes the flannel from the redhead's neck, placing it with the other and then uses her free hand to take Chloe's hand, trying to get her mother's attention. But she knew that most likely wasn't going to happen.

"Okay, we're just going to lay down over here for a while," Alex whispers to her, making sure to keep it calm and quiet, she knows that Chloe needs to be told everything happening, even if she acts like she can't hear her. So gently, she lifts Chloe's arm, making her sit up. Her eyes are open now but she's shaking, and tears are still flooding down, even if the sobs have stopped. She moves Chloe to sit on her bottom instead of her knees, where the redhead curls as her knees come to her chest and one hand clutching to her daughter's. Alex quickly pulls the blanket towards her, pushing it to her side, and then helps Chloe lay with her head resting on the towel. It takes slow movements to get the redhead to cooperate and get comfortable. But somehow, Alex manages to get her onto her side, facing the toilet and daughter, and away from the door, blanket over her legs. She leans to put the warmer flannel in between her mother's hands and then places the colder one on her neck again. Chloe's breaths are still fast and heavy – like she has to try so hard just to breathe.

Alex shifts herself to lean against the cabinet next to her mother, stretching and crossing her legs so they end up in between the toilet and Chloe. The redhead's face ends up an inch away from Alex's thigh, but Alex let's her be, slowly smoothing and running her fingers through her mother's hair. Glancing down, checking Chloe was okay, the brunette takes a deep breath and lets her head rest back on the cabinet. She knows that the redhead will come out of it soon, she just had to be patient - she knows that. Beca had taught her that.

Making sure to glance down every couple of minutes to check on her mother, she lets herself relax just slightly. That's until she feels Chloe's thigh softly bump into her own lower leg. If she's moving, that means she's coming out of it-that's what her mom had told her.

So, Alex simply sits and watches her mother, still using her fingers to lightly massage the older woman's scalp, and she can tell that Chloe's almost confused. Her shoulders raise and tense – almost as if she was waking up – and then a few moments later she's resting on her elbow and trying to sit up fully.

Alex quickly helps her, resting a light hand on Chloe's back and helping her up, whispering "I got you," almost subconsciously. And she doesn't move far when Chloe manages to sit cross legged and face her daughter. Tears are still running down her face, but she seems at least partly aware that they're there now. But the worst part for the brunette is that it's so obviously her mother wants to say something but then its also clear that she's struggling and can't.

"Why don't we get you into bed and put some Netflix on?" She makes sure to whisper it and slowly, so Chloe knows she's approaching, settles her hand on the redhead's knee. And that's when tearful eyes meet hers for the first time and Alex thinks it kills her just slightly. Because she can see – and relate – to what her mother feels. And god, she wouldn't wish that on her worst enemy. But she manages to keep a light, comforting smile until Chloe nods and lets Alex help her up and lead her to the bed.

A few minutes later and Chloe's settled against the headboard of their king bed, cuddled into Beca's hoodie and the duvet, with Fuller House on the flat screen above the fireplaces opposite the bed. She can feel herself beginning to get slightly more with it now, if even a little. But she knows that she won't be back to her usual herself for a while yet, probably tomorrow. Panic attacks like that hit her hard, not that she had had one recently. But she's tired and drowsy so honestly? She's just glad Alex is there because there's no way she could look after two 4-year olds right now. She couldn't even take care of herself right now.

So, she lets herself relax a little and shuffles down the bed slightly to lay down a bit more and turns to face Beca's usual side, near the door, letting her eyes close and make her even drowsier than she already seems to be. A few minutes later – at least she thinks it is – the redhead's vaguely aware of the door opening and someone climbing on the bed. She knows it's the oldest of her children, but something convinces her to open her eyes and check, just to make sure. Alex has her phone now, so she can only guess that Beca's been or is going to be notified of this whole ordeal. Slowly, she reaches her hand out of where it was bundled under the duvet and attaches it to her daughters, gently whispering, "don't text mom, I'm fine." And she doesn't know why she does it because she wants Beca more than anything right now but she's also aware that her wife only has these meetings once a month and she couldn't just call her out of them when it wasn't an emergency. So, with that, she keeps her hand clasped around the brunette's and lets herself fall into sleep.

Alex watches as her mother's breath evens out and her hand goes limp around her own, but she keeps her hand around Chloe's. With her right hand she uses her phone to text her brother and tell him to get the bus home – it was 2:53 now – just in time, but she hesitates when looking at her mom's picture on her imessages menu. She wanted to text her, wanted her to come home and help Chloe, comfort her more than anything, just so she can be okay again. But the redhead told her not to and even though she didn't actually reply Chloe knew her answer. So, she sits and waits for something to happen – preferably for Beca to come home early for once – but she knew that was highly unlikely. She knows that the twins are okay – they have the tv and she quickly gave them a snack while getting her phone and they were sensible enough to come get her if they wanted anything – so she lets herself relax just a little.

Brown eyes dart to the door, away from the tv which yes, still had Fuller House playing, to see the only male in the house, giving her a confused and scared expression. The poor guy was only 12, 5 years younger than her own shit scared self, but then again, he didn't witness the state the redhead was in only an hour before. At least she was calm and asleep now.

"What happened? Marley said that mom was crying and sick…" he starts of in his normal voice, but Alex quickly shuts that down with a quick finger to her lips. But she doesn't really know what exactly to tell him, she doesn't know how far she should take this.

"She had a panic attack, but she's okay now, it's over. She's just tired and a bit out of it, I promise." It still doesn't rid the expression from his face, but he takes a few steps towards her, just to check, to look at her face from where it's buried in the duvet and make sure she truly was okay. Alex watches him for a second, she sees the acceptance in his face as he looks at her – he believes she's okay for now – and then he's turning to face his sister, asking, "is there anything I can do?"

She knows she has to responsible now. She has to play the mom until Beca gets home. "Yeah, go downstairs and check on the twins okay? They'll probably be thirsty by now, so can you help them out with that?..." she waits for the nod, "Okay, and then I need you to sit down there and do your homework," and that's when the nodding stops, and the glare comes out. "Reagan I'm serious you need to do your homework or it's just going to stress mom and mama out when they have to help you catch up," he seems to accept it and mumbles an "okay," before walking away and pulling the door until it's open just a crack.

It's at least an hour and a half later, Alex guesses it's about 5, when the door opens again and god Alex thanks the upper power for who appears. Beca looks concerned before she even catches sight of her wife, but the brunette can tell that its not just her wife she's concerned about.

"Hey, what happened? You okay?" Beca knows to whisper, unlike her son, and approaches Alex's – or Beca's – side of the bed.

"I don't know I came home and she was throwing up and crying…I guessed it was a panic attack. I did what you told me to and she seemed to calm down eventually." Beca could see the glassy eyes of her oldest as she takes the brunettes hand in hers and squeezes, all while pressing a light kiss to her forehead.

"It's okay, don't worry mom's gonna be fine I promise. I know it's scary to see her like that, are you okay?"

"Yeah I umm I think so."

"Okay, why don't you go to your room and relax a little? Everyone else is taken care of, you need to take care of you now, okay?" Beca guides her daughter off the bed and walks her down the hall to her own room.

"Okay mama, love you," Alex whispers before making her way into her own room.

"Love you too, it's pasta for dinner alright?" Receiving a nod, Beca peers over the balcony quickly into the living room, just to make sure, but of course, the girls are curled up on the sofa watching frozen and Raegan, bless his soul, was keeping a watchful eye from the kitchen island – Beca could just about see his book on the marble counter.

God, she had amazing kids.

But right now, right now she needed to turn her attention towards her wife. Because Chloe hadn't had a panic attack like the one Alex described since said child was about 10 – 7 years ago. So, Beca's ultimate question wasn't what had caused it – she knows that Chloe can't answer that – but why now? And sure, Chloe probably can't answer that either but maybe the brunette herself can. Her wife hadn't been anymore stressed than usual recently so that was out of the question, and she hadn't informed Beca on feeling anxious lately. And she would have told Beca. That was after Beca saw the signs 5 minutes before hand. So, as Beca crawls under the duvet next to her wife, door left open just a crack, she decides to just try to prevent it from happening again. Especially when she wasn't around.

Gently, she moves the redhead until she's half on Beca, head on her shoulder and arm resting around her waist while the brunette traces patterns on her back and smirks when her wife curls into her a little more. She knows she can't stay long, their children need food and to actually get to bed at a reasonable time – even if it was a Friday. It's already 5:30 – the time dinner's usually just getting served up and they're getting ready to sit at the table together. But not today. So, yeah Beca knows she had to go do that soon but she tells herself she'll go at the end of this episode – because, yes Fuller House is still playing on that tv.

"Becs," gets whispered minutes later, and Beca slowly looks down to meet Chloe's drowsy eyes.

"Hey, babe."

"How was your day?" Beca actually almost laughs at that. Here her wife is, half asleep and basically out of it and she's asking about her day.

"My day was fine, don't worry about that right now, okay? How are you doing?"

There's silence for a minute, and Chloe's just nuzzling her head into Beca to get closer and whispering, "I don't know," because she really, truly, didn't.

"That's okay, Chlo, I'm here," Beca just pulls Chloe into her body and hugs her tight for a minute.

They lay there for a couple minutes, Beca's pretty sure her wife's asleep again until she's whispering, "can you ask my mom to look after the kids tonight?" And it takes Beca off guard. Simply because she hadn't realised it was that bad – bad enough for Chloe to need her without distraction. Her wife wouldn't have asked unless she felt it was needed, and then some, so Beca nods, tells Chloe to go to sleep, gives her a kiss and leaves the room.

After clicking the door shut with as little sound as possible, Beca makes her way downstairs, seeing the girls still concentrated on their movie, and Reagan had now joined them. She sticks to the plan of pasta, knowing it's a family favourite and she's gonna have a hard-enough time getting Chloe to eat as it is.

As she's putting the meatballs in the pan, she dials Cindy, Chloe's mom, to do the very thing her wife had asked her. Of course, it only rings twice before she hears the overly happy, "hello."

"Hi Cindy, it's Beca," she says as she adds the pasta to the pan, trying to balance the phone in-between her shoulder and ear.

"Hi honey, how is everyone?"

"The kids are okay yeah, I was just ringing to ask if you could have Marley, Mallory and Reagan tonight?" For what, she didn't want to mention but of course, the woman's going to ask – its not that often that they ask Cindy to spontaneously have the kids.

"Yes of course I can, everything alright?"

"Umm kinda, Chloe had a panic attack while I was at work – a pretty bad one – and she was crying and throwing up, so I think she needs my attention right now. She actually asked me to call you," she tries to keep her voice low, she knows that Reagan could probably hear if he paid enough attention.

"Oh god, okay sweetheart, I'll be right over okay?" Beca can tell that the older woman knows she's shaken up, the way she says it so calmly and comforting says that loud and clear. But Chloe did the exact same and honestly? It was nice to hear that comfort every now and then when you needed it most.

"Okay, thank you Cindy."

The next ten minutes are a rush of wrestling the twins – and Raegan – into the kitchen, all while trying to plate dinner up and get them to actually eat. Usually, they were all good eaters, always had been, but tonight wasn't usually. And of course, she puts the pan in the slightly heated oven for the oldest three residents of the house – because no she herself wasn't eating yet either.

"Guys, finish eating while I go pack a bag for grandmas okay?...Buddy, can you pack your own bag, or do you want me to do it?" She aims the last question at the oldest of the three, hoping he would say she could do it – her son had a tendency to take a while.

"You, please," its said with a mouth full of food and a wave of a fork in her direction but she nods anyway and hurries up the stairs. She decides to leave her daughter and wife to rest for a minute – she could tell Alex was exhausted – and quickly goes about room to room, making sure to get all three bags. But, gosh, was packing a kids bag hard, not for the clothes part – Beca has that down pat – but for the other things like their favourite teddy or Raegan's iPad; if one thing was forgotten it could cause chaos.

But somehow, she manages it in record time and places all 3 back packs at the front door just as the bell dings. Opening it, she sees a flash of red hair before being engulfed by long arms and feeling the all too familiar sooth of a hand on her back.

"You okay?" gets whispered as Cindy pulls back, holding Beca at arm's length. And the brunette nods because no they weren't great, but they could handle it. They were okay.

"Where's my beautiful grandchildren?"

Ten minutes later and there's only 3 of them left in the house, so Beca plates up 3 portions of food on 2 plates, makes 3 cups of tea, puts everything on a tray, and heads upstairs. She just about manages a knock-on Alex's door without dropping everything, hearing a quiet "yeah" and then turning the handle with her little finger that she had left free – which, yes, hurt like a bitch.

"Hey, I brought you some food," the brunette places the tray on her daughter's desk, taking one plate and the cup of tea, in Alex's mug of course, over to the girl curled up in the corner of her couch, blanket draped over her and an open book dropped to her lap. "You don't have to eat it all but as much as you can please," Beca adds at the face she gets from the thought of food.

"Thank you…how's mom?"

"Mom's okay right now, don't worry. The other three are at grandma's – I figured you wouldn't want to go – so as long as you're okay I'm gonna go look after her, okay?" Beca gets a nod so she moves to get up from where she had plopped herself next to Alex on the couch. "But if you need anything, and I mean anything, then you know where we are." And with that, she leaves her daughter in peace, grabbing the tray and making her way to her wife.

The redhead's fast asleep when she enters, curled into the middle, surrounded by pillows like always. Beca thinks it's the cutest thing ever, obviously, and can't help but smile at her wife as the tray lands on the bedside table.

"Chloe," the brunette whispers, a hand placed on her wife's back, when she's made it halfway into Chloe's cocoon, choosing to sit up against the headboard. She only watches as the redhead's nose twitches and her hand lets go of the duvet to search for Beca's, the one that wasn't soothing her back of course. And eventually, after several – okay, probably more than several – hand squeezes and kisses later, blue eyes appear and are gladly welcomed by a comforting smile.

Chloe just looks up at her wife, not really sure what she ever did to deserve Beca, but she can see the slight worry behind the eyes and how Beca's smile doesn't quite sit right. And Chloe knows its because of her – she's fully aware of that. And she still feels out of it, like she's here but in a fog or daze. And she's not sure what to do about that either.

"You okay to sit up?" She nods. Because yes, she's okay to do it but ask if she wants to and that's a completely different story for you. But she's also aware that Beca's worried and she should probably put as much effort as possible into stopping that whole situation. That starts when she spots the tray of food and smiles because of course Beca's brought food with her, what else could she expect from her?

"For you, my dear," Beca brings the plate over onto her own lap, looking at Chloe expectantly and knowing full well that her wife had no interest whatsoever in it. But Chloe knows she knows. Which makes the whole refusing to eat thing hard and…eug she just doesn't want to take part but God Beca's looking at her like that, like she needs Chloe to do this and eug!

So, when Beca holds out a fork for her a second later, she takes it. And when Beca gently moves the plate towards her, she eats a little. Twenty minutes later, it's somehow all gone, admittedly mostly consumed by Beca but whatever, Chloe ate and that's an achievement so…

Chloe's kind of slowly slid down the bed when Alex cracks the door open a couple hours later, making eye contact with Chloe from where she's sunken into Beca. "Hi honey." Chloe looks up after saying it, seeing her wife half asleep against the headboard. "You okay?"

"Yeah, I just wanted to come and say goodnight."

"Well goodnight sweetheart, you know where we are if you need us," she hears her daughter, and wife at that, mutter a goodnight before starting to close the door again, "wait, Alex come back…thank you for helping me today, I know it probably wasn't easy for you and I'm sorry."

At that, Alex was straight into the bedroom, heading for the bottom of the bed to crawl up it. "Mom it's not your fault, trust me I get it. Yeah it was hard and not nice for anyone, especially you, but everyone's okay and I think that's the overall goal with things like this."

Gosh. Okay, Chloe may be an emotional mess and everything but that…oh man that hit her hard. "I'm so proud of you, you know that? You're truly amazing Alex and don't let anyone tell you different okay?" She receives a quick nod, a kiss to the cheek and a "goodnight mom," before Alex shuts the door and heads to her own bed. All Chloe can do is take a deep breath and think about how awesome her kids are.

She eventually realises it's 11 already and Beca's really not in a suitable sleeping position god damn it but she's comfy and eug! But she loves her wife and everything so once she's rolled off of Beca and convinced the brunette to move, admittedly very reluctantly, she snuggles back in to her wife's arms and prepares herself for tomorrow.