Chapter 1

Keeping secrets was a part of Sam's life, had been for as long as he could remember. He had been forced to keep secrets from the kids and teachers at school, forced to keep them from Jessica, to keep secrets from pretty much everyone he knew. Something felt wrong for keeping a secret from the rest of the hunter community though. It ate at Sam, knowing his body was the one to end so many good lives, especially Pastor Jim.

While they hadn't been as close to Pastor Jim as they were to Bobby, he was someone Sam had confided in, someone as a young boy, he had let take his confession and listened when he spoke. Pastor Jim had been a good man, one of the very best; and to have him killed because Sam couldn't keep a damn pendant on? It was horrifying.

At least Meg hadn't been able to get the jump on Bobby. It was the only thing keeping Sam together; that Bobby had seen through her act and knew something was wrong. Now if only the older hunter knew how to fix what was left of Sam's mind. The hunter understood Dean was worried, the man hadn't forced the issue yet, but the younger brother knew Dean like the back of his hand. It was the trivial things, the small gestures which made his older brother's worry clear.

Sitting in their motel room, alone for the first time in what seemed like forever Sam closed his eyes. Maybe Dean's way of booze and girls wasn't the healthiest, but it seemed to work for him. When the shit hit the fan, Dean would shrug it off and have a drink or a girl, most times both. Rubbing his forehead, Sam groaned at the thought. If only it were as easy for him as it seemed to be for his brother; he could show up at a bar, smile at a pretty girl and then find a place for the night.

It used to be. While he was at Stanford, Sam had gone to the parties and hooked up with whatever pretty person wanted to be his for the night. Until he met Jessica. She hadn't stood for his pick-up lines. Instead, she had made him work for her attention. By the time he finally did get her into bed he never wanted her to leave, the thought of her being with someone else nearly tore him apart. Sam had believed after they got together the sex would get boring, predictable. It couldn't have been farther from the truth. The more he fell in love with Jess the better sex became. It was the connection he needed, not the physical act and while he could see Dean's point in relaxing with a good orgasm and a willing partner, it wasn't what Sam wanted, or needed.

With the way they lived, Sam wasn't sure he could have what he desired again. What girl would be willing to let her boyfriend travel with his brother for weeks on end with little to no explanation? Sam shrugged off his melancholy thoughts before doing something he hadn't done since they came across a spirit who thought he was an angel. Kneeling at the side of the bed, Sam clasped his hands and bowed his head just like Pastor Jim had taught him when he was little. Taking a deep breath, the hunter closed his eyes again before he spoke, no need to keep his voice low like he typically would if Dean was around.

"Dear Lord, I ah… I know that it's been a while since I last prayed. It's no excuse, but there was a spirit of a priest who thought he was an angel and sent civilians to kill sinners. I know he wasn't an angel, I know that but… it shook me for a while; I guess," pausing for a moment, Sam sighed. "I… I was possessed not too long ago by a demon. Dean and I, we got some tattoos now to stop any demon from being able to pull the same stunt… but I guess you already knew that. When I was possessed… Meg, that's the demon, used my body to kill people, good people. They were hunters, and they trusted me, one was even a pastor… and I can't… I can't get their faces out of my head when they realized they had let their killer into their home."

With his eyes closed, it didn't take much for Sam to see what he was describing, the horror on the faces of those he had known since his childhood right before they died. It didn't matter if it was his choice or not; those people were killed with their blood running down his hands. "I know I don't deserve it, Lord," Sam's voice changed to a whisper, cracking slightly. "I know… I know it's my fault for not wearing that damn charm… but I can't sleep, I can hardly eat, and it's not just wearing me down it's taking its toll on Dean as well. I just… I could use your help Lord if you can find it in your mercy to forgive me."

Wasn't that was the sum of it all, could he be forgiven?

"Please Lord, I… I need a sign… something, anything, please. Amen." Pausing for a moment knelt beside his bed, Sam hoped he would get the sign of forgiveness he was searching for. More importantly, he wondered what he would do if he didn't.

Originally, Gabriel had planned to show the hunters an entertaining time. He had a few tricks scheduled; one for the frat-boy who didn't know when enough was enough, and another for the local animal tester. Gabriel had even thought of a couple of ways to mess with the hunters themselves, make them so frustrated with each other they wouldn't be able to tolerate being in the same room together let alone hunt him down.

It wasn't until he met the boys that Gabriel knew exactly who took the case. These were the Winchesters, the two brothers destined to destroy the world. It wasn't what the archangel had been planning. From the beginning, he had known this day would come, had heard the chatter when one of his younger siblings were around.

Nothing would have prepared him for seeing the vessels; especially Lucifer's.

The man wasn't anything like Gabriel had been expecting. He wasn't arrogant or proud, he didn't seem to have any of the cocky attitude his brother did, and it threw Gabriel off his game. It wasn't until after he started to follow the brothers that Gabriel noticed something else. Sam had Faith. It wasn't in the plan. As far as Gabriel understood, Luci would have had demons keeping track of the man, making sure Sam never had anything worth being thankful for. Gabriel could guess what Sam's life had been like, how the demons would have ripped everyone but Michael's vessel away. Still, the man trekked on, believing in a God who had seemingly abandoned him.

It was damn-well inspiring.

What was worse was the way it made his grace react. Gabriel had spent a millennium keeping his grace under lock and key, pushing down his very essence so he could play his role as a pagan. Now it seemed to all be for naught. Watching as Sam knelt by his bedside, Dean having left to 'scope out the bar,' Gabriel couldn't help it as his grace rose to the surface.

"Dear Lord, it's me again. I wanted to say thank you for giving Dean the distraction he needed. I guess I didn't realize how badly he was taking Pastor Jim's death. Almost managed my four hours of sleep last night, right before I was thrown into a memory of what Meg did while in control of my body. I woke up to Steve Wandell screaming. I think the worst thing wasn't even the killing, I mean it was horrible but when she did it? When she ripped into those people, she in some twisted way relished it. It felt like I was the one enjoying it like it was me loving the feel of their life being smothered out."

Gabriel watched as Sam paused, wetting his lips with his head bowed over his clasped hands on the side of the bed. He shouldn't be here, listening as the kid poured his heart out into his confession. This wasn't his gig anymore, Gabriel was all about virgins and blood sacrifices now; about giving assholes their just deserts.

"Please Lord, if I can be forgiven please give me a sign. I don't want this blood on my hands, Lord. Please, Amen."

Gabriel didn't have even a moment to think before his grace reacted. It had happened before, his grace wishing to fulfill a prayer, wanting to help someone who was hurting. Typically, it was the people he was tricking, trying to look for God in a desperate attempt to stop what was happening. Sometimes it worked, his grace would search the soul in front of him and if they genuinely meant to no longer do any harm Gabriel would stop. Sometimes it was beyond his control if he wished to keep his cover, soft prayers spoken around him praying for support or guidance. Nothing like this. Sam wasn't just begging for help, but for redemption, for the forgiveness of a sin that was not his own. Sam was asking for mercy, and Gabriel's grace was going to answer the plea.

In a split-second, Gabriel felt his grace swiftly encase the human. The archangel could hear Sam's gasp as the warmth spread throughout his body, erasing the stain the demon had left behind. Keeping his eyes locked on his grace, Gabriel watched as it washed away every bit of taint in Sam's system. This was going to change things. Still, Gabriel didn't call his grace back even as Sam slumped forward groaning into the mattress. Too much grace was dangerous. Sam should have been rejecting it, should have been trying to push it away; instead, the man was squirming and gasping as if in the throes of passion.

By the time his grace had completed its task, Gabriel could see the moment it all came together for the human. The trail of grace returned to the archangel, its soft glow joining back with his vessel while Sam remained slumped on the bed, panting harshly. Stepping forward, taking care to stay invisible, Gabriel looked at the prone form on the mattress. Sam had managed to mostly catch his breath, a broad smile on his face while he remained bent over panting harshly. The blond could see the shimmer of the man's soul, how the previously stained spots were cleansed. It wasn't anything anyone but an angel would have been able to see; the taint had been so minuscule it wouldn't have shown up on another creature's radar.

The darkness was gone now.

"Thank you," whispered Sam, his eyes closed while he sluggishly held himself at the side of the bed. Gabriel waited for more, for the taller man to continue his prayer when a selfish thought hit him. He didn't want anyone else to have this thanks. It wasn't Father who had purged the evil from Sam Winchester; it wasn't God who washed away his sin. It was Gabriel, and while he hadn't been in the angel game for a long time, the youngest archangel was never one to shy away from the limelight. Things were different now though; it wasn't like before when he could make an entrance of lightning and have the villagers believe his words. Sam was a hunter, and while he had faith, it would surely be tested if Gabriel came to him in human form.

Reaching behind himself, Gabriel winced slightly as he plucked a single golden feather from his primary left wing. The plume shimmered in the dull light of the room, glowing slightly with a touch of his grace. Holding the feather out with his palm, Gabriel blew until it gently floated down beside Sam, landing next to his knee. With the flutter of wings, the archangel left the human in the motel room.

He had a lot to think about.